25. Kamryn
The next night I’m out to dinner with Jax, Sarah, and Emily when I tell them about Mason being back in my life.
“But is it moving too fast? Am I moving too fast?” I sit back in my chair with my drink in my hand. I’ve kept Sarah and Emily in the loop because our schedules clash even when we’re all not on deadlines. We made it our mission to schedule monthly dinners. And this dinner is packed with all the goings of our personal lives.
My sister looks at me like I’m an idiot. “Kamryn, when have you ever gone slow with guys? You and Mason were great together. I know I questioned it, but it’s obvious that he adores you and he’s doing everything that he can to make things right with you. Plus, it really is time that you move on. I’ll admit that Brett was not the right choice for you.”
I look at Sarah and Emily and they’re both nodding their heads in agreement at what Jax said.
“What if I’m scared?” I begin. “He chose football over me before and that crushed me. And after losing Liam, I don’t think I could ever put my heart through that again. I have a reason for burying myself in my work these past couple years. Because what if he does it again?” I explain to them.
“It wouldn’t be love if it didn’t scare you.” Emily said with a knowing look.
“You’re right, Em. I’m sorry.” Sometimes I forget that I’m not the only person that experienced a life changing moment. It’s moments when your past comes back in your life that you realize you were being selfish.
Losing James and Liam the same day and the same way, made our shared grief bearable. We may have initially leaned on each other in our shared grief, but I eventually pulled away from her. Seeing the picture’s of Liam’s crash made it harder to be around her. And I couldn’t help but feel responsible for the accident. No matter the reassurances from my parents, Liam’s parents, and Emily; it didn’t stop the guilt from overtaking my life.
But with therapy I’ve still been coming to terms with knowing the accident wasn’t my fault. Emily and I slowly built our friendship back up. And what we have now is more sister than friend.
“Don’t be sorry Kam. You and I both know what it’s like to have the worst of the worst happen. It’s time you finally started living again.” Emily explains to me.
To say I’m in awe of Emily is an understatement. The pause in our friendship was beneficial for her as well. Emily was able to open her heart up earlier and allowed herself to get back into dating last year. She was terrified to move on, we all knew it. But now she’s found a really good guy that owns his own restaurant. He’s a single dad to a five year old and they’ve been together for just about six months. No one can replicate what she had with James but Adam has made it easy for her. While her happiness isn’t overflowing, she is getting to that place again.
“So, to love and friendship and to new beginnings.” Jax said as she lifts her drink to the center of the table for a toast. We all giggle and clink our glasses together.
I take a deep breath and say, “I think I’m gonna do it. I think I’m gonna go to the game, and you three are coming with me.”
The rest of the dinner passes us by way too quickly. We all talk about anything and nothing. Sarah tells me about a guy at her job that has been giving her no-go signals for the past month. Emily says that she’s in talks to get bumped up to teaching third grade which is a huge step up from kindergarten. And Jax and I talk about the expectations for my new line. Jax helps me with the marketing along with her thriving YouTube channel.
My attention is pulled as I read a couple of pages and then look at my phone. I repeat the cycle while reading the same pages over and over and over. Not retaining anything that’s happening in the story. When I annoy myself to the point of frustration, I pick up my phone to text Mason.
Me: So you said it’s a home game Sunday?
Mason: Yes, ma’am
Me: And how would you react if I told you my answer was ‘yes’?
Mason: What?! You’re really coming?
Me: I sure am. And the girls are more than excited to see you play as well
Mason: Kam, you have no idea how happy you just made me
Me: I think I have an idea. And when do you get back in town?
Mason: Thursday evening. We have practice late Saturday morning, then team dinner at 5.
Me: So…no chance for us to see each other before your game?
Mason: I think we can squeeze in a Friday date.
Me: Okay. Well just let me know when
Mason: Oh I intend to
Me: Bye, Mason
Mason: Bye, Kamryn