Chapter 16
Deliverance
After what happened I am trembling so hard I can barely--speak! Let alone think if what I did was right.
I am sure some would say what I did was an affront against God. After all, is it not true that wives should obey their husbands? But—
Is it truly a sin to disobey such vile wickedness?
It took me several days before I was able to make it downstairs after my fall, and when I did Gideon was beside me, his arm around my waist, helping me to the couch where he tucked blankets around me to guard against the chill.
There had been a subtle--shift in the atmosphere downstairs that I could not understand. Ada hovered on the outskirts of the room, her eyes hidden.
Had Gideon been angry with her?
And then it dawned on me.
I was in Ada’s room. Not my own.
"The baby?" Gideon asked, his voice low in my ear. “Is our baby still well?” His hand was hard and tight around my neck.
Oh yes, the reason he was being so solicitous was only for his heir.
Bastard.
"I don't know," I lied, but he spanned my waist with his hard hands, fingers carefully examining where my belly still swelled.
Gideon's eyes burned with triumph at what he saw. The unmistakable evidence that I was with his child.
"You must take extra care," he instructed me, his hands weighing me down. "I think I feel movement. Do no unnecessary work. Ada will wait upon you."
She made a quick, choked noise, and Gideon frowned.
"Silence."
As I watched in surprise, he forced Ada to bring in a hot potato for my feet, then a shawl, then a book from his library, and finally my embroidery.
She did this all with a bitter, venomous look in her eyes that made me instinctively shrink from her touch.
"And when you do, you must say 'here you go, my lady,'" Gideon said. "After all, Deliverance is a lady and you are a whore."
Ada's lips tightened.
"Well?" he prompted.
"Here you go, my lady."
Her enforced obeisances were almost as unsettling as her previous cruelty had been, and I did not think she would be content in this role.
Dinners were uncomfortable affairs, and afterwards Gideon would leave the room with Ada, forcing me to listen to the hard, fleshy slaps of their bodies connecting as he took her outside in the hall.
Then he would come to my new rooms, not sharing my bed, but sitting in a chair, talking to me of strange things like herbs and colors and animals and things he planned to do with the Grayspires lands.
Why he did this, I did not know, I only waited anxiously until he was done, keeping my responses brief and minimal.
We had nothing in common. This wasn’t a normal marriage. I’d been a penniless orphan tricked into being a breeding mare for a cruel man. So why was he asking me about my day and telling me about his?
“I know you are a poisoner,” I said to him one afternoon as we sat together, me in the bed and him in a chair beside.
He raised an eyebrow at me over the newspaper.
“I haven’t poisoned you yet, have I?”
“No, but you could,” I replied.
He only shrugged.
“If I wanted you to die, I would have murdered you already. Be a good girl and I see no reason to poison you.”
“I wouldn’t give a farthing for your word!” I shot heatedly at him, but he only laughed at me.
One morning it was only Ada and I, and she took the opportunity to abuse me for the change in her fortunes.
"You better hope that baby comes out with dark eyes," she hissed. "If they’re blue Gideon will be so enraged he kills you."
"I have never committed adultery," I said indignantly. “He accuses me of a sin he engages in every day.”
"If your baby even survives," she went on maliciously. "It's a dangerous world out there."
She set down a cup of tea in front of me with a hard little clatter, and I stared at it apprehensively.
Was it my overwrought imagination or was there a filmy coating on the surface?
"I'm not thirsty," I said.
"Drink it," Ada insisted, her eyes gleaming at me.
Wasn’t that an almost maniacal gleam in them, like she was on the edge of sanity, and only the slightest push would send her over it?
But perhaps it was only my imagination.
"Gideon," Ada said sweetly, "Deliverance isn't drinking her morning tea."
"Drink your tea," my husband ordered without turning around from his correspondence.
The dark walls seemed to crowd in, every thick, oppressive inch of Grayspires Manor pressing down on me with sinister portent.
Should I be obedient?
No. Never!
My hand twitched and I knocked the cup over, the milky liquid soaking into the fine damask tablecloth, and I thought I detected a sulfuric odor as it did so.
"You little strumpet!" Ada cried, raising her hand to strike me.
But Gideon intervened, striding over on his long legs and gripping her wrist so hard she was forced to yelp in pain.
"If you raise a hand to her again, it will be the last thing you do in this house," he said in a chilled, bleak voice.
“There was something wrong with that tea,” I cried. “I won’t be drinking a thing from her hand.”
"Go to your room," Gideon ordered me. "We do not waste food here."
He treated me like a child. I loathed and despised him.
When I got to my new quarters, I fell to my knees and wept.
How could I escape this wicked house?
Ada would try and try and try again until she killed me. And Gideon would not stop her.
He enjoyed the pleasures of her cunny too much for that.
My eyes were so filled with tears that the grounds of Grayspires Manor, the aching emptiness of the moors, were blurred in front of me.
Bartholomew had said to look to the Rock, but I felt any semblance of proper spiritual devotion seeping out of me. Bartholomew was a good man, but me? There was a devil inside me that did not want to turn the other cheek.
I wanted Ada to suffer.
Over the dense trees, a mere speck in the distance, I could see the high, rocky outcropping that could help me navigate across the moors to St. Mary’s.
And suddenly, I had a wild, unbidden thought.
Had Bartholomew meant--look to this rock? Was this The Rock he had meant? People did flee to the safety of a church and claim sanctuary, didn't they? But why would he be trying to draw attention to it unless he thought it could help me escape in some way?
But could I even make it to the Rock?
Gideon was so jealous of my time and attention now that he barely let me out of his sight even at night.
And if I made it to the Rock, I didn’t even know what to look for.
Could I go on such a small hope, that he had something for me there?
Even if I could find my way over the rough ground and around the hidden bogs, it was a long way to St. Mary’s.
That was a lot of opportunity for Gideon to hunt me down when he noticed I was missing.
It was surely--impossible! But what was my other option?
To wait here until my baby was born so my husband had an excuse to kill me?
Gideon was excited for the baby’s arrival. I didn’t think he would kill me until then. So my first concern would be protecting myself and the baby from Ada.
But how could I do that? She was bigger, stronger, and had the loyalty of the servants.
If I had not imagined the madness in her eyes. . . I might be able to. . . prod her into doing something that would force Gideon to punish her.
To guide her descent into total madness--but such an idea must be madness itself!
And dangerous.
But I needed her gone.
The next day, I decided to bring up Mariam's passing and see what effect it had on Ada, and thus decide what angle to approach her with.
"The servants are saying Mariam was poisoned," I said after Gideon had gone to the study to answer a few letters.
"You should not listen to gossip," she retorted, her lip curled up.
Had I been wrong?
I said nothing for a moment, then.
"The servants say the only one who could have access to poison is either my husband or someone very close to him. I supposed that could not be you. After all, Gideon would never let you know anything about his business."
My gambit worked all too well, veins standing out in Ada's forehead as she took my hand and began to pull me out of the room.
"Who is closer to the Nightshade than I? I even have a key to his workshop."
I began to get seriously afraid as she dragged me across the gardens.
"Let me go!" I tried to yank my arm from her grasp but it was too late.
Ada brought out a heavy brass key from somewhere in her skirts and inserted it into the keyhole.
“We aren’t supposed to be in here–” I protested, but the door swung open noiselessly and my husband’s mistress shoved me inside.
Stepping inside was like moving into a demonic wonderland.
The walls of his workspace were dark wood, and they were lined with rows upon rows of different-colored vials. There must have been over a hundred of them. Some were vivid yellows and greens, others subdued and dark. A few even bubbled, the pops bursting against the glass with oily smears.
"Hello, my pretties," she crooned, running her hands down the front row. "Did you miss me?"
"You're quite mad, you know!" I said, a sharp, pungent anger replacing my irritation. "You killed Mariam but you meant to kill me."
"I'll get you, though," Ada said, and to anyone's ears her voice sounded sane. Usual. But I caught a glimpse of her in the panes of the window and her expression was sly, like a cornered rat.
“Gideon’s already gotten what he wants from you. There’s no need to keep you around anymore.”
“What did he want from me?” I asked quickly.
But she only looked at me with that sly smile, her pupils unfocused, red-veins pulsating with blood.
“Do you know how many times we’ve planned out how best to kill you? How he wondered if it was better to poison you or maybe throw you off a precipice?”
My heart almost pounded out of my chest.
Confirmation! I wanted to scream. This is confirmation. But there were still mysteries I wanted to figure out, needed to figure out. And I was so close to figuring them out. . .
“It’s been you killing those animals, isn’t it?” I asked, trying to edge away from her.
“Of course,” Ada said unblinkingly. “So funny how much they distressed you. Because you’re weak. That’s what I told Gideon. But he just won’t listen.”
"You're a fool," I said coldly. "Gideon wants this baby."
"He wants me!" Ada suddenly screeched. "Not you! You were only supposed to be good for one thing. When did he start caring that you were warm? That you had the best room in the house? I can give him a baby, if only he wouldn't pull out! I can, I can, I can!”
And then I felt the true danger, knew I couldn't avoid it, that my plan had succeeded, but at great risk to myself—
I darted for the door, but she ripped at the back of my gown, shoving me onto a nearby couch.
"You've a silly slut’s face, Deliverance. I'd like to see it burn."
Clutching at my belly, I tried to get away, but it was too late.
Ada grabbed one of the vials and ripped open the stopper. Then she flung its diabolical contents directly at me!
The vivid green droplets hung, suspended in the air, as I stared in horror at my own destruction. They began to fall on my skirt with angry hisses, burning through the fabric with a sulfuric smell.
I screamed, the sound echoing in my ears as the smell of burned cloth filled my nose.
She went to fling the rest of the contents into my face, but suddenly Gideon was there, twisting her wrist back so the poison fell into her face instead of mine.
Ada screamed as the acidic drops landed, burning her flesh with a sickening sizzle. Under my horrified eyes, the flesh began to slowly melt from her bones.
"You whore from the bowels of hell!" he roared. "You dare try to kill my wife and my child! I have been blind to your machinations, but from this day forth, you will be driven out of this house, and you must pray to whatever foul demon you suckle the teat of that I will never see your face again!"
He seized a horsewhip hanging on the wall and began to thrash her with it, landing harsh licks all up and down her back.
She was wailing in agony, the flesh pouring from her body. What she had hoped to unleash upon me had been unleashed upon her, and I knew in Christian charity I should feel pity for the figure she made as my husband chased her from the home.
But I am afraid I have to confess I ran to the window to watch as they left, and for once was glad for the unflagging strength of Gideon's punishing arm.
When her wails had faded into the distance, he strode back to me.
"Are you all right?" he asked, looking more serious and concerned than I had ever seen him. "I shouldn’t have allowed Ada to stay here after I got married. To have one’s wife and one’s mistress under the same roof was a damn idiotic thing to do.
There is nothing to fear from this workshop now.
I am very careful with my recipes, of that you may be sure.
Let me help you back to the house so you may rest."
I said nothing, watching the property line as we walked back to the house.
Was that a flicker behind the tree?
“There is no need to worry I will bring another woman here,” Gideon said sternly, tightening his hold on my thickening waist. "I am a dishonorable man, but I will do better as a husband."
“It’s too late to get into heaven now,” I said.
He snorted.
“Don’t care about heaven, brat. I’m just fine dragging you down to hell with me.”
Damn smooth-talking bastard.
"I must change my skirt, it is still smoking," I said, and as we walked in I could feel the spires of St. Mary pulling at me.
If I could somehow make it that far? I could throw myself on their mercy and beg for sanctuary.
Gideon could say what he liked, but now that I had a taste of disobedience, I wanted more.
I had to flee.