Chapter 11 #3
Falling back on the couch as if this conversation was too much for her, Ella again covered her eyes and said, “I honestly have thought of nothing but this for the past twenty-four hours. All I have come up with is that no matter what we do, our lives are going to radically change. Life as we know it is over.”
Ben could not disagree with that. He nodded his agreement and asked, “Okay, I get that, but come on, you have a day’s head start on me processing this.
What are you leaning toward? Keeping it and raising it, keeping it and giving it away, or…
” he hesitated, almost unable to say the words, “Or getting rid of it?”
For a moment, Ella said nothing. Keeping her arm over her eyes, she quietly answered, “Keeping it and raising it.”
“Oh, thank God!” replied Ben. “I am pro-choice, but today, the only choice I want is the one that keeps our baby safe.”
Ella smiled to herself. Ben had not let her down. He was proving to be the man she believed him to be. So far in this painful conversation, they had already crossed a mighty hurdle by agreeing to keep the baby.
Clapping his hands together, Ben stood and said, “Well, okay then that is settled. I know we have many more important decisions to make about our future, but right now, I am starving.”
Lifting her arm from her eyes, Ella looked up at Ben and laughed. “You are always starving.” How she could find anything funny at a time like this was unbelievable. But there it was. Ben, just being Ben, had made her laugh. And with just one laugh, she already felt better.
Hearing Ella laugh, Ben smiled. “Yes, I am always hungry. I am a growing boy. Check. Make that a growing Daddy. I need food. What do you say if I run out and get us something to eat? We should not make life-changing decisions on an empty stomach.” He grabbed his wallet and keys, which he had dropped on the entryway table, then turned back to Ella.
“I am not sure what pregnant women can eat. Does food even appeal to you? I don’t want to make your sickness worse.
I am flying solo in the dark here. What do you think?
I need food. Do you want me to go and pick you up something too when I get myself something or not? ”
Thinking about it, Ella shrugged and said, “I could eat.”
Ben could not imagine how someone who had been as sick as she had been could eat anything, but he was willing to get anything that might make her feel better. “Great! What would you like?”
Ella thought for a minute, then shrugged. “I know this is going to sound crazy, but could we get some tater tots with cheese and a hot dog with the works?”
Ben was stunned. The last few months all he had seen Ella eat was healthy foods.
Usually she stuck to a diet of super healthy meals made from fresh ingredients.
He had expected her to ask for a bland soup.
But, no, she wanted tater tots and a loaded dog.
But who was he to judge? She was growing a human.
If she wanted junk food, junk food she would have.
Ben gave Ella his signature salute and said, “Okay, hotdogs with the works and tater tots. Anything else?”
“Don’t forget the cheese. I would also love a lemon-lime soda if they have one. Get me a really big one. I can sip on it all day.”
Ben nodded. He had never known Ella to drink soda either. “Got it,” he said as he headed for the door. “You stay here and rest. I will be right back.”
Ella nodded, closed her eyes, and drifted off for a quick catnap.
It took Ben only about a half hour to get the food and return to the apartment.
Ella was still lying down. Hearing Ben come in, she got up and went to the small dining room table that he had in his kitchen.
Ben put out the food, and Ella gobbled hers up at lightning speed.
After they ate, Ella said she was really tired from riding on the bus all night and asked if she could take a shower followed by a real nap.
Ben readily agreed, saying he had some studying to do.
Ella showered quickly and put on her pajamas.
She all but dove head first into his bed and was sound asleep the second her head hit the pillow.
It was strange. In the past, they would have been flirty.
Ben might even have suggested he join her in the shower.
Today, it was as if they were unsure of the rules of the road any longer.
Were they lovers? Friends? Strangers? Both Ben and Ella were keeping their emotions close to their chests, and neither was doing much to close the distance that had somehow crept between them with the news of a baby coming.
Around 4:00, Ben checked on Ella. Seeing her still sleeping, he considered running to the store to get some dinner.
However, once again, he was not sure what she would be able to eat.
He would never have guessed hot dogs for lunch.
So rather than getting something wrong, he decided just to wait until she woke up.
Ben wondered if maybe Ella would be up for going out.
They had been cooped up in the small apartment all day.
Watching her sleep, he had been moved by how small and young she looked.
It was mind boggling that in a few months, he and Ella could have a family of their own.
She looked entirely too young for that. He had a moment of guilt that he had changed the trajectory of her life.
He also hated seeing her so sick. He hoped that did not last long.
He did not remember his mom being so sick with his little sisters.
Of course, he was very busy being a teenaged boy with school and sports, so he might have just missed it.
Truthfully, he had tried to block out most of his mom’s pregnancies.
He loved those little turds dearly, but they had come out of nowhere.
He had been an only child for fourteen years, and that had been working for him pretty well.
Little sisters were the last thing on Ben’s radar as he entered high school.
To make matters worse, his mom was gorgeous, and his buddies had teased him mercilessly when they found out his mom was going to have a baby his freshman year.
It wasn’t any better when she did it all over again.
Ben loved those girls, but wow, it had been a lot at that time.
Now thinking about having his own child, Ben was filled with equal parts fear and excitement. Before Lizzy and Lola were born, he had no idea how funny little kids were. His dad often said no one who had kids needed cable because they provided the entertainment. Ben had experienced that firsthand.
He wondered if Ella was at all excited about a baby.
So far he hadn’t really been able to get a good read on where her mind was.
In the past, she had made comments about having helped raise her six siblings.
He worried that all that responsibility placed on her at such an early age might have soured her on kids.
Giving Ella a soft kiss on the top of her head, he returned to the kitchen and continued studying.
It was just after 6:00 when Ella finally emerged from the bedroom. Her hair was all over her head, and she had sleep still in her eyes. “What time is it?” she asked, yawning.
“A little after six,” replied Ben, extending a hand to her, trying to draw her closer.
“Six? Why did you let me sleep so late?”
“Why not?” asked Ben. “You have had a hard few days. Thought you could use the sleep. Feeling better?”
Nodding, but not moving closer to him, Ella replied, “Actually, I am. I think I will freshen up, and maybe we can talk about getting some food. I am hungry.”
Giving her a thumbs-up, Ben replied, “A-okay. Want to order in or go out?”
Without missing a beat, Ella said, “If it is okay with you, I would really rather we stay here.”
“Okay. How about pizza? Or is that too greasy?” Ben asked.
Ella seemed to contemplate that for a moment, then smiled. “Actually, that sounds divine. Can we get Italian sausage, green peppers, and extra cheese? Oh, and some cheesy bread?”
Ben could not remember Ella eating such greasy food before, but if that’s what she wanted, that was what she would get. “Sure, I will call D’Amores and have it delivered.”
Reaching over and giving Ben a quick peck on the lips, Ella said, “Great! I will be back in a minute.”
That was the first time since Ella had stepped off that bus that Ben felt a connection to her—the real her, the her he was madly, deeply in love with.
It was as if the walls Ella had erected upon hearing about the baby were down, at least for a minute.
If extra cheesy pizza and bread helped him feel closer to her, he would keep her in greasy fast food forever.
Ben prayed that she kept those walls down long enough for them to have some serious conversations that they were going to have to have very soon.
He wasn’t afraid of the conversations. He was afraid of Ella ducking behind those concrete walls she put up whenever she felt threatened.
He needed her to know that he would never do anything to hurt her or their baby. She just needed to trust him.
The food came, and Ella dived into the pizza like she had not eaten in weeks. She ate more than her share, but Ben did not care. He was happy to see her eating and not sick. After dinner, as they snuggled on the couch, Ben decided it was time to bring up the elephant in the room.
Ella was seated next to Ben, and he had his arm around her. He liked the air-conditioning freezing, a holdover from living in Arkansas. Ella had not grown up with air-conditioning and was always cold. So Ben had thrown a blanket over her legs to keep her warm.
Clearing his throat and giving Ella a loving look, Ben asked, “How are you feeling? Better now that you have your belly full? No nausea?”
Shaking her head no and giving him a smile, Ella replied, “Nope. Feeling pretty good at the moment. But I must tell you that it can change on a dime. So be prepared.”