Chapter 31
The next day, Ella got up extra early to get some work in before racing to Little Rock for their session.
Much to her complete embarrassment after berating Ben for missing their first counseling session, she was forced to cancel not one, but two, sessions herself—the first time because she had a Zoom with Mr. Waters, the state soil people, and Blesson.
Ella felt two feet tall calling Ben and telling him she was going to have to reschedule.
The second time was because she was having bouts of dizziness and nausea and not up to driving to Little Rock.
It was not as severe as when she was in the first trimester, but it was bad enough she had to postpone a second time.
Ben, being the sweetheart he was, never gave her grief for canceling.
He just said he understood and let it go. Somehow that made Ella feel even worse.
Today, as Ella drove, she admitted that it was the worst day for her to leave work, but after rescheduling the past two sessions, Ella was pretty sure Ben would call the whole thing off if she did.
Blesson, who was doing better, had flown in unexpectedly.
He and Waters wanted to meet. Ella texted that she had an appointment in Little Rock and would be back as soon as she could.
Ella rolled into the therapy office with three minutes to spare and immediately spotted Ben as she walked into the door.
The second he saw her, his whole face lit up.
Jumping up from the couch, Ben gave her a quick peck on the lips.
What he really wanted to do was grab her and kiss the sense out of her.
He was so excited to see her that he had arranged to be off the rest of the afternoon to be with her after their session.
She was only there a moment when they were ushered into Jeff’s office without much fanfare.
Much to Ben’s surprise, he was excited about the session to share his new perspective on their relationship with Ella.
Several times over the past two weeks, he had wanted to talk about his responses, but Jeff had suggested they wait and do it in a neutral space.
Ben thought that was a little over the top.
Anywhere they were together should have been a safe place for both of them.
If that weren’t the case, Ben feared they had bigger problems than Jeff could help them with.
“Good morning, come in,” said Jeff, who was attired in his customary khaki pants and buttoned-down with his man bun high and tight on the top of his head. Jeff gestured to the chairs in front of his desk and asked, “How has your week been going?”
Ben shrugged, “Busy. But, good, I guess.”
“You guess?” asked Jeff.
“Well, it is better now that Ella is here.” Ben smiled at Ella, who returned the smile.
“Well, good. I am glad you like being together. That is a great place to start couples therapy. How about you, Ella? How has your week been?”
Shrugging, Ella touched her ever-expanding belly. “Okay. Work is crazy, and I am dealing with all of the pregnancy stuff.”
Giving her a blank look, Jeff asked, “Pregnancy stuff?”
“Yeah, you know. Not sleeping, heartburn, swollen everything. Just normal stuff.”
“Just normal stuff? You will have to forgive me. My wife and I have only been married a year and don’t have any kids yet. I haven’t really gone through all of it.”
If Ella needed a reminder that they had gotten their relationship completely out of order, it was having her thirty-something therapist explain that he was so new to marriage, only a year in, he had no idea about what pregnant women faced.
Considering he had been married longer than she and Ben and was a professional, she felt like a kid playing house, only it wasn’t make-believe.
After a moment, Jeff added, “But I must say, you are glowing.”
Ella blushed, and Ben laughed and said, “I totally agree. You are glowing.” Taking her hand, he gave it a soft kiss.
“So, this is our first visit as a couple. As you know, I typically do this one first, but as we have gotten things a little out of order, let’s back up and make sure we are all on the same page since it has been a hot minute since I met with each of you.
” Glancing at his notes, Jeff continued.
“Ella, when we met, you said you wanted to learn strategies that would help you better manage your marriage on a daily basis and to be able to work together more to make major life decisions. Is that right?” Jeff looked at Ella, who just nodded her head, almost self-consciously.
Turning to Ben, Jeff said, “And you, Ben, you said your goal was to make Ella happy and be able to see and understand your partner’s perspective more clearly. Would you agree?”
Ben nodded. He wasn’t sure he had actually said that, but he did agree he wanted that so he went with it. “Great. Last time, I asked each of you to do some reflection homework. Were you able to complete that? And if so, would you be comfortable sharing your responses with each other?”
Ben immediately reached for his journal and opened it.
He was surprised to see that Ella only had a single sheet of paper.
He had expected her to show up with a PowerPoint presentation and make his notes look weak.
In fact, he had worried that what he had done might not be enough.
To see that he had written much more than her was shocking.
He was dying to know what all she had written and wondered how she had been able to answer all of it on a single piece of paper, when it had taken him, a super brief guy, several pages.
Seeing Ben looking over, trying to read Ella’s paper, Jeff said, “Ben, it looks like you are anxious to get started. Why don’t I go over what all I asked you to do. Once Ella understands what your assignment was, she will be ready to listen to your responses.”
“Did we not have the same homework?” asked Ben. No wonder Ella only had one page. He had gotten the lion’s share of the work. Ben wondered what that said about him. Evidently, Jeff thought Ben had more issues to deal with than Ella.
“No. I tried to tailor the assignment to what each of you said in our meeting.”
Ben nodded, resisting the urge to declare the whole thing not fair like a two-year-old.
It only seemed right that because Ella had insisted they do this that she should have to do as much work as him.
But, nope. Oh well. Shrugging it off, Ben looked down at his notebook and waited for Jeff to read the overview of the assignment.
“Ella, I asked Ben to work through several assignments. His first was to think back to the early days of your relationship. What attracted him to you? What helped your relationship grow and develop, and what were the best parts of those days? What were the more challenging parts?
“For the second assignment, I asked him to outline both his and your individual goals for the futures, beginning from when you first met and to make notes about how and why those goals changed. I also asked him to determine if the goals were joint or separate. In regards to the changes in goals, I asked him to reflect on whether one person’s agenda hijacked the relationship.
Lastly, I asked him to write down all the best things about being married to you and the most challenging part of being married to you.
” Looking up at Ella, Daniels asked, “Ella before Ben shares his responses, do you understand what he was asked to do?”
Ella nodded. She gave Ben a soft smile. Hearing Jeff read all of that, she was really glad her homework was so much less and felt bad for Ben.
He had been working so hard to finish his final grad project, do his job, and now complete all of this.
Looking at the pages of answers he was ready to share and then up at Ben, she said, “Wow. That was a lot. I am really impressed you have worked so hard on this. It means a lot to me.”
At her words, Ben shrugged. “Of course, I would work hard on this. I would do anything for you.”
Ella returned his smile, thinking, Yea, everything but walk away from the life you were born to lead. Trying to stop her mind from running away from her, Ella swallowed and promised herself to listen with an open mind.
“Before you begin, Ella, I ask you not to interrupt with questions or comments until Ben is done.”
Ben cleared his throat and began to read his answers.
By the time he finished, Ella was quietly crying.
Tears streamed down her face. His words told Ella just how much he loved her.
She also realized that while he was the one who had hijacked the relationship and changed everything, he still seemed to see their problems as her trying to leave him.
Ben reached over and wrapped Ella in a hug. It killed him to see her cry. Jeff handed her a box of tissues as Ben tried to soothe her. “Shush. Please don’t cry. I hate it when you cry.”
Wiping her tears, Ella said, “I am sorry, but your words were just so moving. I can tell you have taken this very seriously.”
“I have,” replied Ben. “You and John mean everything to me.”
“I know,” cried Ella. “But this is all so hard. Why is everything with us always so hard?”
Shaking his head as his rubbed circles on her back, Ben said, “I don’t know. But it is.”
Jeff gave them a minute, then asked, “Ella, do you have any questions for Ben?”
Ella was too far gone in her tears for questions, so she shook her head no.
“Okay, well are you ready to read your response for Ben?” Ella nodded. Jeff turned to Ben and said, “Ella’s assignment was to reflect on all the things she loves about you. Do you understand what she was tasked with? Do you have any questions before she begins?”
Ben shook his head no and resisted the urge to yell, “Not fair!” again. Ella got off so much easier!
Picking up the paper laying on her lap, Ella wiped away the last of her tears and began to read her response.
Answers for Couples Therapy
Things I love about Ben: His intelligence, his wit, his sense of humor, his work ethic, his kindness, his sweet spirit, how his loves me, how much fun we always have together, how he is with his sisters, how he is with parents, how loyal he is, how I can count on him to always have my back, how much he already loves John
After Ella finished reading her list, she added, “And he is pretty easy on the eyes too!”
Ben, who had tears in his eyes, gave her a funny look when she added the last part. “I think you are pretty spectacular yourself.” Turning to look at Jeff, Ben said, “You’d think for a couple who says such great things about each other, we would not need couples therapy.”
Jeff laughed and said, “Well, I think the fact that you are both so open to praising and honestly complimenting each other means that most of the work is already done. Ben, this is where I would ask if you had any questions about what Ella wrote, but since our time is up, that will need to wait until next time.”
Nodding, Ella and Ben stood as Jeff said, “No homework this week. I am going to be gone next week to a conference, so we can’t meet again until the last week of May. The baby is due mid-June. If he comes early, we can reschedule.”
Ella laughed and said, “Oh, I don’t expect that to happen. My mom says first babies are always late. I have been trying to finish my soil study and have done nothing to set up the nursery. I plan to spend the first two weeks of June doing that.”
“Okay, sounds good.”
With that, Ella and Ben left Jeff’s office holding hands. As they approached their cars, Ben asked, “Want to run over to Samantha’s for lunch? I took the whole afternoon off to be with you.”
Ella winced. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. I can’t stay. Blesson is in town. He flew in this morning. I have to go back and go over the final prep with him. You are welcome to come back to Des Arc with me, but I will be working late tonight and most of tomorrow.”
At Ella’s words, Ben’s face fell. They were coming off such a high as a couple just moments before. Once again, she was running away from him. Rationally, he knew that was not true, but it felt like it.
“No. I guess, I will go back to the office as well if you aren’t staying.”
“Can you come tomorrow night?” asked Ella. Rubbing her belly, she added, “We’ve missed you.”
Smiling, Ben said, “I miss you both too. But, no. Remember, the Annual Crawfish Golf Tournament is tomorrow. Dad and I are playing in it. There is a dinner and dance afterward. I really wish you would join me.”
Ella, who was always tired now, thought the sound of spending her Saturday night at the Searcy Country Club watching Ben talk to people whom she did not know sounded awful.
She considered saying that she needed to stay in Des Arc for the study, but that would be a lie.
Blesson was flying out tomorrow afternoon.
There was no reason she could not join him.
She had never lied to him, and she wasn’t about to start now.
Shaking her head, Ella could not keep the irritation out of her voice when she said, “I will come to Searcy when Blesson leaves. I don’t have a lot that still fits. How dressy is this thing?”
Smiling a smile that told Ella how happy he was that she was going to be joining him, Ben replied, “Not at all. You could wear jeans, and it would be fine.”
“Like I have jeans that fit,” quipped Ella.
“Don’t worry, I’ll figure something out.
” In the few months Ella had been married to Ben, she had learned that what he thought was “not dressy” often was.
Deciding to run by Dillard’s on the way out of town to pick up a tent, aka dress, Ella gave Ben a kiss and promised to call him later that night.
Her last thought as she drove away was she had to do more shopping.
With all she had on her plate, she could not believe she was going shopping.
Every day, she came closer and closer to becoming the woman her mother feared she would.
With nothing else to do, Ben considered heading back to the office but at the last minute changed his mind.
He had a free afternoon. He decided he would run by the condo, pack his bag, and head to Searcy.
He could squeeze in a quick round of golf, something he had not been able to do in weeks.
Then he would drive over to Des Arc and surprise Ella with a late dinner.
Just the thought that he would get to sleep next to her later that night put a spring in his step that had not been there in weeks.