Chapter 7 I Might Have To Say Fuck The Rules
I Might Have To Say Fuck The Rules
CAN I BE HIM BY JAMES ARTHUR
Mateo
I can’t blame anyone who can’t take their eyes off Daisy, because neither can I.
She’s stunning. Breathtakingly so. She always is, but tonight?
Tonight, it’s even more evident. It’s not only the outfit she’s wearing that was made for her body, but her tanned cheeks are making her almond-shaped, dark green eyes look glossy. Beautiful. So beautiful.
We had dinner, and it went without a hiccup.
Being with Daisy has never been hard, so that was not the surprise.
The surprise for me has been how easily we’ve fallen into this fake couple thing.
My hand reaches for her often, or her knees seek mine under the table; even if nobody can see, she lets me, and I play pretend with my heart that this is real.
Right now, though, she’s laughing at something Livie and my cousin, Tere, are saying.
She’s folded over, drink in hand, laughing.
Her laugh carries over, above all the other noise, drowning everything into the background.
There’s not enough money in the world to buy something as perfect and as precious as her laugh.
“That feeling never gets old,” Alex, my brother-in-law, says, low enough for only me to hear.
“What feeling?” I could be talking to the entire bar, and I wouldn’t know, considering that my eyes are glued to Daisy and not paying attention to anything else.
“Like your heart will leap out of your chest at any given moment, or that it will stop if she stops laughing.” That does it. That disrupts my staring, and I turn, raising an eyebrow at him.
“It’s the way I feel about your sister. How long have you known you wanted to be more than friends?”
I don’t know if Livie told him about our fake dating deal or what, but it wouldn’t change my answer, so I play along and answer.
“Honestly? Since she was a sophomore in high school and cried in my lap over a boy who wouldn’t love her back.
She kept rambling on and on about how the guy picked a girl because she was prettier and slimmer.
I was more upset about her not understanding that nobody was more beautiful than her than anything. I knew then.”
She was so upset and kept crying, using all these self-deprecating words, words she had heard from other kids for years.
I was so tired of hearing them. I just held her and reminded her of everything she is, including beautiful.
Eventually, she just laughed it off and told me I was a good friend.
No matter how many hints I left, she always laughed it off as if I was joking.
Friend zoned from day one. I got it and have never tried to cross that line again.
Here, though? This is not only tempting but also scary, because I can see us doing this all the time.
If she’d let me, I could show her how well I could love her.
If she’d let me, I could be everything she needs and more.
“Can I ask why it took you so long to take the step?” I ponder his question, letting it ping pong in my brain. Another thing we didn’t talk about. We’re flying blind here, and I don’t know how to feel about it at all.
“It seemed like the planets finally aligned.” Not a lie.
Not completely, at least. It will never be the right time to tell your best friend you’d like to be more, not when everything we’ve built as friends is at risk.
But this way, she can have a taste of it, and later, she might be able to just take the jump with me and give this a try.
The music changes from a merengue to a bachata. A bachata I love. Apparently, a lot of people in the resort love it too, because suddenly, the dance floor is full. It’s the perfect opportunity to get away from this conversation; I don’t know what Livie told Alex, and I want to pick Daisy’s brain.
“I’ll be back,” I tell Alex, standing and walking toward Daisy.
She’s in the middle of a laugh, but when she notices movement, her eyes shift until they find mine.
I smile, and she returns it instantly, mirroring my comfort like she always has.
My entire body feels safe around her—my heart and my soul too.
Do you feel the same, Daisy? Does your heart mirror mine?
The soft guitar strings carry the melody of a sensual song that reverberates across the floor.
Tall chandeliers hang with colorful guirnaldas.
Most people back home relate Christmas with snow, even in Florida, but this place doesn’t.
They’re not taking things that don’t belong on this island and using them for aesthetics.
They use conches and shells to decorate the tree, poinsettias adorning corners and doors, and even sand as filler in a lot of bouquets and centerpieces.
It’s both tropical and Christmasy, a perfect juxtaposition to those who don’t know the cultural meaning but absolutely perfect to those who can appreciate it.
With Daisy’s hand in mine, we walk toward the dance floor silently, joining the couples who follow the perfect rhythm to the dance.
This particular Aventura song is slow, and the closer you are to your person, the better it matches the meaning the song carries.
The whole room oozes passion and intimacy.
I should’ve thought about that before I asked her to dance this particular one with me, but it’s too late now.
She swivels around, following my lead, and lands in my embrace, her hands on my chest. She’s stiff, and I don’t even understand why. “Relax for me, Daze,” I whisper in her ear, making her visibly stiffen more.
“I don’t know how to dance to this one particularly. I didn’t want to say no, but I don’t want to make a fool of myself,” she replies, raising her eyes to meet mine. Those beautiful eyes are full of fear.
“It’s the same as we’ve always danced, just closer.
We’re both adults, right?” She nods. “I’ve got you, remember?
Always, no matter what.” I hold her right hand, lifting it slightly while my other one drags down her back and rests right above the curve of her ass.
I need to keep my half-hard dick as far away as possible, or I will have a lot of explaining to do.
I take a deep breath, filling my lungs with flowers and joy, filling my lungs with her, letting it out and hoping with it, I gain some comfort.
“How was your evening?” I ask. Sometimes, small talk is the best medicine when you have your best friend in your arms and you can’t touch her the way you’ve always wanted. You can’t kiss her the way you’ve dreamed. You can’t tell her all the things you wish you could.
She sighs and smiles. “Actually…I had fun. I love Livie, but I didn’t know your other cousins would be so similar to her. I’m having a really good time, even if that evil witch is around.”
I chuckle. “You’ve got to stop calling her that before someone else hears you.”
“I really don’t care, Teo. She is, and she was acting even more like it all day.
I don’t understand what her issue is.” I spin her around and back into my arms, but she gets lost in the steps.
She looks at me with fear in her eyes, but when I shake my head and smile, she does what she always does and softens in my arms. Why is it this way with the only girl I can’t have?
“She’s just jealous, and there’s nothing you can do to fix it. It’s an insecurity she carries deep within her, and no matter what you may say or do, it won’t change.”
The song makes it to the slowest part, the part when often you pull your partner even closer.
Pelvis with pelvis, torsos flush, hair on my shoulder—sex with clothes on, as my friends describe it.
As close as Daisy is to me, I can’t let her feel what she does to me, so I angle myself away, keeping my hard on hidden from her.
“Jealous of what?”
Her breath catches when my lips get close to her ear, and I whisper, “Of you.” Like every other woman in my life, I want to say, but I don’t. It’s not her fault they can all sense that even if I wanted to give them my heart, it really, truly, only beats for Daisy.
“There’s zero reason for anyone to be jealous of me. You and I are just friends, Mateo.” I know, but I want to change that.
“Besides, she’s about to get married, like in two days.” Her words are anything but steady. Her breath is shallower the longer we stay this close. It’s dizzying having all of her so close. Her hair, her body, her floral scent that accompanies her everywhere, her skin…
“Just trust me on this one,” I say, stepping back and making some space between us. The song changes, and with my eyes closed, I finally breathe easy again.
Daisy yawns.
“Are you ready to go back to the room?”
She nods at my question. I walk back to the table, my hand not leaving her lower back.
“This was fun, but today was a long day for us, so we’re going to bed,” I announce, stepping closer to where my parents sit.
“Okay, sweetheart. See you tomorrow, bright and early, to catch the catamaran to Saona.”
“Yes, ma’am. Good night everyone.”
A mixture of goodnight and buenas noches fills the air.
We smile politely, Daisy grabs her purse, and we walk silently to our room.
Our room with one bed. As soon as I remember that, I continue the mantra I’ve been repeating in my head all day, hoping it will become muscle memory at some point and my heart won’t get any ideas.
It’s just pretend. All of it is just pretend.
We step through the doors, and I finally let go of her hand. Not because I want to, but because there’s nobody here, and I promised her I would make her feel comfortable. Holding hands might be too much when this is just pretend.
Daisy swings her hips side to side, stepping forward with long, confident strides, and I have to remind my dick it’s just pretend again.