Chapter 9
Nine
Scarlett
18 Years Old
Colin was wringing his hands together as he made his way toward the bed. When he slotted himself directly beside her, goosebumps broke out on Scarlett’s skin, and her thoughts started to war with one another. She had only kissed a few people, but the idea of kissing Colin made her even more anxious than usual. He was so proper and precise that she had to wonder if she had done everything the wrong way before him. Colin seemed like the type to get it right the first time, whereas she could now see all of her possible failings like they were laid out on a table to choose from. Unlike their new arrangement, she didn’t have a chance to ask any of the two guys she had kissed if she was terrible at it.
“I’m worried I’m going to do it wrong,” Scarlett blurted.
“Just follow me,” Colin said.
“You haven’t kissed anyone. I know I haven’t gone all the way, but I have kissed before, so aren’t I supposed to be the one teaching you this?”
He shrugged. “I’ve practiced it. I’m a quick study.”
Her brow furrowed in confusion. “You’ve practiced? How?”
Colin raised one hand into the air. “The back of my hand.” Scarlett couldn’t help but break into a smile. The thought was so innocent and wholesome that a giggle escaped her lips. “Are you laughing because that’s not going to help?”
“No, I—” She pressed her palm over her mouth to stop herself from laughing more. “I do think it might help. That’s just not something people normally admit to.”
“Oh.” Colin looked down at the floor and rocked back on the bed a little, his face falling. “Is it bad that I did?”
Scarlett leaned toward him and touched his arm. “No. I swear, I’m not laughing at you. I was just surprised by how honest you are. I’ve done that, too. I think most people have. And I like that you say whatever you’re thinking. It’s nice to not have to guess.”
“Okay.” He sighed and briefly made eye contact before he looked away again. “Then maybe I should tell you that I get a little confused when you don’t say the actual word for things. I assume ‘going all the way’ means sex, but maybe it doesn’t. And I think if our goal is to have sex, shouldn’t we be able to say the word? I don’t want any confusion about what we’re doing, and I think I need you to explicitly tell me when you don’t want to.”
Scarlett swallowed and straightened her spine. He was right. It might be uncomfortable to start using the actual words instead of dancing around the subject, but she was an adult now. Sex was a part of life, and she needed to be able to talk openly about it. “That makes a lot of sense, and I agree. I’ll say ‘sex’ in the future.” Her mouth tightened around the word, but when she finally said it, it wasn’t as bad as she originally thought it would be.
“Great.” Colin let out a sigh of relief. “Can you tell me what exactly we’re doing right this second?”
“I’m a little too nervous to have sex.”
He gave a concise nod of his head. “So, we just kiss, then.”
“Yes,” she agreed.
“Okay…” Colin trailed off and looked around the room. “Right this second?”
Scarlett blushed and turned toward him. The round, wire-rimmed glasses that made him look like he had fallen out of the fifties or an academic brochure slid down his nose, and he quickly pushed them back up the bridge. He was classically handsome, but his glasses were her favorite part about him. They made his eyes look even bigger, and they softened all his features until he looked boyish and curious.
“Before we start…” Scarlett wiped her clammy palms on her thighs. “You know that you could probably have your pick of anyone at our school, right?”
“Pick?” he questioned.
“Like, the experiment doesn’t have to be with me. If you’re interested in someone else or something, I could set you up.”
He looked genuinely dumbfounded. “Why would I want someone else?”
“I-I don’t know.” Her insides were roiling. This was why she didn’t do shit like this. Everyone assumed she had dated frivolously, but she had never made it far enough to be worth talking about. No one really made her feel so out of control with lust that she wanted to have sex with them.
“Maybe I’ll want to kiss other people at some point,” Colin said slowly. “But right now it’s just you.” The breath whooshed out of her lungs, and she scanned his body quickly to take stock of him. Was this really happening? She was really about to kiss Colin Hartrick? And even more than that, she was sitting on his bed, and he wanted to kiss her . The direct way he spoke always caught her off guard in the best way. There was no question about what Colin wanted because he would just say it outright. He wanted to. “And,” Colin looked away and started to rock in his seat, “at some point, I’d like to see you naked.”
If Scarlett had any oxygen left, it was gone now. Her body felt hot, and after he had been so open, she figured she should do the same. “I think I’d like that, too. I-I mean, I’d like to see you , too. But, kiss me first?” She twisted her torso to fully face him, trying to find some semblance of bravery.
“Okay.” Colin bobbed his head, still rocking back and forth in his seat, almost as though he were on a boat. She thought he must have been nervous, but before she even knew what was happening, on a rock forward, his face was an inch from hers, then a centimeter, then… warmth. His lips were pillowy, the bottom one plump and soft. It was just one careful press of his lips before he pulled away, his eyes darting from her face. “Thank you.”
Thank you?
She could feel her cheeks go red with embarrassment. Was she really that bad that he had to go so soon? “Um, you’re welcome. You can keep kissing me if you want to.”
As if that were all the permission he had needed, Colin turned toward her again, reaching out to cup the back of her arm to pull her in. When his lips descended, they weren’t soft this time. They were firm. Demanding. Like he had gotten just one taste and could barely stop before he needed more. Her mouth slanted over his, and she found herself leaning into each touch with an almost desperate longing she couldn’t quite place. His hand slid up to her shoulder blade, pressing into her. Her limbs were stiff originally, but she finally relaxed, taking his suggestion to follow his lead and copying his movements with her own hands. The heat was spreading through her body, and she couldn’t pinpoint one location she needed him most. She wanted him touching her everywhere. All at once.
And then Colin did the hottest thing Scarlett had ever seen anyone do. He pulled back with a gasp for just a second and ripped the glasses off his face, folded them, then threw them on his night stand before his lips crashed against hers again, cupping the back of her head and lacing his fingers into her hair. She scooted even closer and dragged her tongue along his bottom lip, practically begging for more. It was all too much and not enough.
“You,” he gasped against her mouth before cutting himself off with another indulgent kiss. “You have to tell me when you want to stop.”
“ Colin ,” she pulled back, already hating the lack of contact. “Please don’t stop.” She edged as close to him as she could without sitting on his lap.
“Good. Can you hug me?”
“Hug?” Scarlett choked out, suddenly nervous that it was all in her head and that he didn’t like kissing her. If he already wanted to backtrack to something more tame, then that couldn’t be a good sign. While she had felt about ten seconds away from asking him to move his hands all over her body, he must not have felt the same. Despite how much she enjoyed the press of his fingers at the base of her neck, everything had felt wound tight, her breasts heavy and aching for attention.
“Yeah. Is that okay? I like pressure. Maybe we could lie down?” Colin moved to the head of his bed and looked over at her hopefully, not quite meeting her eyes. Her mind whirred with insecurity and confusion until she remembered how direct he normally was. The facts were that he wanted to lie down and that he liked pressure. If this was an experiment like they said it was, then she needed to take what he wanted in stride and use it to be good at sex. So, she boldly moved over to him and lifted her leg to straddle his hips before adjusting her body to be practically lying on top of him. He didn’t say anything for a moment, and she thought she might have severely miscalculated how much pressure he really wanted until his arms wrapped around her, pinning her harder against him. “Perfect. I like this.”
Scarlett liked it, too. Especially now that she could physically feel that he was turned on. The hard ridge of his erection climbed up his stomach in between them, and her body had the urge to rub against it. Even more so when Colin tentatively closed his eyes and craned his neck to kiss her again. She was hanging on by a thread. Colin was right about the pressure. It felt good, but she still needed more. And maybe that was why she didn’t notice she was grinding on him until Colin groaned against her mouth. Normally, she would panic. She would get caught up in the idea of doing it, instead of doing it, but this was a need. It was carnal the way she was desperate for this. The awkward tension they had earlier was no longer, and it was replaced with an aching want between her legs and the need to be touched. What was first a gentle rock of her hips was now a harsh dragging of that spot between her legs over his hard length. She felt so reckless and grounded at the same time. Everything was so naturally good that she couldn’t help herself. Even her nipples were hard, like they were pointed to search for him.
Colin’s head flew back, and his chin tipped up with his eyes firmly shut as he breathed hard, his chest rising and falling in rapid heaves of air. “Scarlett,” he moaned. “This feels so good.”
“We can go further, ” she breathed. “I want more. Do you want to? I—God.” A soft whimper left her lips when the seam of her jeans and Colin’s cock knocked against her clit.
“Yes. Can I touch you here?” He moved his hand near one of her breasts, and she enthusiastically kissed him as her answer before remembering that he had asked for her to be direct.
“Yes. Please touch me. I need you to.” She rolled her hips again, and they both panted as his hand cupped her and squeezed. It still wasn’t enough. There was no relief with any of it. She could almost tell how good it would feel to do this without clothes. To have more pressure.
“Stop me if you don’t want what I’m doing,” Colin murmured. His hand left her breast, instead slipping under her shirt, then over her bra before he burrowed his fingers under the fabric of her cup, grasping her flesh. She didn’t stop him. Didn’t want him to slow down at all. “It’s so warm.” Colin started to massage with his fingertips, and it felt so good that she didn’t care anymore about boundaries. She wanted them shattered. She wanted to feel his silky skin against hers.
“I know we said we were just going to practice kissing, but…” She swiveled her hips, pressing down hard onto his cock to give him a taste of what she hoped it would be like. “We can keep going if you want to.”
To her utter shock, Colin jolted upright, practically catapulting her off him. She had only a moment to contemplate being mortified by his rejection before he was rocking back and forth again in his sitting position. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to toss you around. I just don’t have any condoms in the room, and I need to go grab some. My dad gave me one forever ago, but I’m ninety-nine percent sure that it’s expired at this point.”
“Oh.” Scarlett blinked, coming back into her body a bit. She could see how people had gotten carried away enough to have unprotected sex, because she wasn’t thinking sanely when the persistent ache between her legs was in charge. “Right. Of course.”
“Can you just tell me what you mean exactly? How far is ‘keep going’? Did you mean sex? You did, right?” She leaned toward him and pressed her lips to his in a reassuring kiss. He still looked slightly panicked when she pulled back, so she scooted closer to him, applying pressure to his chest with her palm over his heart so that she could feel it racing.
“Colin,” Scarlett started and then opted to take a page out of his playbook. Absolute honesty. If he thought she was uncool or lame, then they could end this now. “I meant sex. I just keep getting in my head about whether you want that, too.”
He let out a slow breath and nodded. “I want whatever you want. Everything feels so—I don’t know how to explain it. Heightened, maybe? I should have been doing this forever ago. I thought it would feel the same as masturbation, but it’s not even kind of the same.”
Scarlett let out a small giggle. She was obsessed with the way he spoke. His lack of a filter made her less nervous. With Colin, what she saw was what she got, and it was comforting to know that she could trust him. “Okay… then, you have a condom somewhere?”
It only took Colin point two seconds flat to swipe his glasses off the end table and get to his bedroom door, practically sprinting into the hallway. His eagerness made her smile. He clearly wanted this. But while he wasn’t gone long, it was just long enough for some of the heat to die down and her nerves to ramp up to a thousand. How could she not worry about this? First times were supposed to be mind-altering, right? But how did one make it mind-altering when they had never done it before?
What if she was so bad in bed that she ruined Colin’s first time, too?