Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
Angus
I t’s moving day.
The past forty-eight hours have gone by in a blur. I may have gotten eight hours’ sleep total over the last couple of days, but it will all be worth it to see Sawyer’s reaction. I’ve spent day and night preparing the house and cleaning out my clothes and essentials. Since the loft is fully furnished, and half my things are there anyway, all my stuff fit in the cab of my truck yesterday when I moved everything. The house is ready for them, but I can’t shake the nervous energy I woke up with. It probably didn’t help that I downed several much-needed cups of coffee before heading out to pick Mia and Sawyer up.
Mia is putting what little furniture she has in storage for now. I think she’s bringing more kitchen supplies than anything. Between Daisy’s car, Callen’s truck, and my truck, one trip is all we need.
As soon as our caravan pulls up to the house, I get out of the truck like my ass is on fire, throwing open the back door to get Sawyer out of his car seat. I feel the smile I can’t suppress stretching across my face when he grins at me. This kid in his car seat in the back seat of my truck is better than any aftermarket accessory I could have paid for.
“I have a little surprise for you,” I say, ruffling his blond hair before freeing him from the straps of his seat.
When I come around the truck with Sawyer in my arms, Mia is waiting on the other side, arms open to take him from me. The tears she was silently crying when we drove away from her parents' place are gone, replaced by a lightheartedness I know she’s faking.
“What kind of surprise?” She’s trying her best to seem wary, but her eyes are full of trust and excitement.
“Come on, I’ll show you.”
I hand her boy over and her ocean eyes look up at me. The world around us ceases to exist. She holds her son, while I gently rub his back, and our gazes lock as something passes between us. I’m not searching for anything, and I don’t think she is either. This is different. I see her. Her heart hurts, and she fears what the future holds for her and her little boy. I see exactly how hard she’s trying to hold herself together and I appreciate the hell out of her strength. My rambunctious nerves relax. The only thing I hear is my heartbeat's slow thud in my ears. Sawyer breaks the spell we were under, trying to wiggle out of Mia’s arms.
Clearing my throat, I step away from them and walk toward the front porch. They follow, leaving my siblings to start the unloading process. They’re adults, they don’t need me to tell them what to do next. And I’d like the next minute or two to ourselves.
When we step into the family room, Mia gasps. “Angus, it’s beautiful.” Her hand covers her mouth for a beat, before worry takes over her face. “I can’t believe you are letting us hijack your Christmas. Look at your tree. It’s huge.”
My face burns, and for the first time in years, I feel myself blushing. Damn, this is unexpected. So, I did something nice for them. It’s no big deal. There’s no need to be embarrassed, but I am. It may just be a tree, albeit a big ten-foot tree that draws your attention to the wood beams that run along the vaulted ceiling, but it feels like my holiday gesture is much more than that. It’s like I’m telling her how I feel about her without really saying a thing.
“It’s yours. You're moving in on Christmas Eve. Santa comes tonight. We had to make sure there was a tree for him to leave gifts under.”
She moves to the fireplace. “And stockings. With our names on them. Angus, you’ve done way too much.”
“No... um... I... Well...” Pull yourself together, McKinnon! “I just wasn’t sure if you’d have time to unpack all your Christmas gear. Figured better safe than sorry. Besides, the tree only has lights and the star on it. I didn’t have time to decorate it, but feel free to add whatever you want to it. It’s yours.”
She faces me again. “Angus, I don’t?—”
I cut her off, knowing the others will walk through the door with boxes any second. “Look at him.” My gaze drops to a beaming Sawyer who is leaning to get out of her arms as he reaches for the lights on the tree that sparkle in his eye. “This is why I did it.” I didn’t mean to say that last part out loud, but Sawyer’s joy is fucking contagious. He deserves a good Christmas. So does she.
Her mouth snaps closed. She turns back to the tree and her eyes turn a little watery. “Thank you. It’s beautiful.”
Time to change the subject. “So, I figured you want him to have the room closest to yours. I hope that’s okay?”
“Of course.”
“Okay, well, you also said you were going to move him to a toddler bed and, well, it is Christmas Eve.”
“Angus, what did you do?”
“Well... I sort of...” Opening the door so they can see for themselves, I step out of the way. “Merry Christmas, Sawyer.”
“Vroom truck! Vroom Truck!” Sawyer yells with excitement, squirming to get out of his mom’s arms.
She takes a couple of steps into the room, then sets him down, keeping her back to me. I can’t read her expression, but when her hands go to her face, I worry I may have overstepped.
In addition to a fire truck toddler bed, I’ve decked the room out with everything trucks and dinosaurs that I could find in two days’ time. There is a rug in the center of the room that looks like a small town with roads he can drive his trucks and cars on. A big stuffed dinosaur takes up one corner next to a little table and chair. A small dresser and a toy storage bin set that may or may not already be filled with toys.
“Listen, if you don’t like it, just let me know. It’s no problem. I can return whatever you don’t like.”
With her back still to me, her head slowly moves back and forth.
I start to panic. “If he isn’t ready for the big boy bed just yet, there is still plenty of room for his crib.”
“Vroom,” Sawyer says from the floor, still in his winter coat, where he’s playing with the fire truck he found next to the dinosaur.
His mom still hasn’t said a word.
“Hey,” I say, taking a step into the room behind her, doing my best to ignore the awkward tension. “Did I mess up?”
She finally turns in my direction and there are tears streaming down her face. “No.”
“Why…” My gaze drops to her wet cheeks. I shove my hands in my pockets to quell the urge to wipe the tears from her face. I’m already pushing the limits of our friendship, and I don’t want to fuck this up. “What’s wrong, then?”
“Angus, you didn’t have to do this. First, the tree and the stockings. Now this. It’s too much.”
“It’s not. Look at him.” I point to the floor where he’s playing, having the time of his life. “Besides, it’s Christmas.”
“You’ve already moved out of your house. I’d say you’ve already done plenty. This must have cost you a fortune. How much do I owe you?”
The mere idea of her thinking she has to pay me back pisses me off.
Sawyer climbs into his fire truck bed and makes his version of a siren sound. “That right there is all I want in return. Seeing him happy.”
“Thank you, Angus. Thank you so much.”
Unexpectedly, she throws her arms around my middle and rests her cheek against my chest. My arms naturally wrap around her, my chin resting on her head. Even though this isn’t an intimate moment for her, like it is for me, I do my best to imprint it on my soul. The feel of her body pressed against mine, the dampness of her tears on my T-shirt. The smell of her fruity shampoo and her signature vanilla. I’m taking it all in while I can. The house is quiet except for the sound of Sawyer playing and Mia’s sniffles. Nothing else matters.
I pat her back, not knowing what else to do. “No thanks needed. It was fun.”
To my disappointment, she releases me and wipes her face dry with her hands. Even with a red nose and bloodshot eyes, she is breathtaking.
“How did you do this so fast?”
“Monday morning after I dropped you off, I took a trip to Portland. Hit a specialty shop for the bed and then Ikea. Built everything yesterday. I swear I could have built it from scratch faster. You may need to smudge this room after all the cursing I did putting that Swedish stuff together. But it was fun at the same time.”
“Whoa. What do we have here?” my brother asks from the doorway.
“Isn’t it great?” Mia says, her smile big and her hands clamped together in front of her chest in excitement. “Did you see the tree?”
Yep. It was worth every hour of missed sleep.
I’ll be damned if today doesn’t feel better than I know it should. I love knowing they’re living in my space. Even if it’s only temporary. Even if I won’t be living here with them, I know I’ve made the right decision.
“Uh, the tree was hard to miss,” Cal says, but I don’t look in his direction. “You did good, little brother.”
“Oh, my goodness!” Daisy exclaims, bursting into the room. “Gus, did you do all this?”
Clearing my throat and feeling a little uncomfortable with everyone scrutinizing me in the small space, I say, “Guilty as charged.”
“Aw, aren’t you just a big cinnamon roll of a man?”
“Cinnamon roll?” Cal and I ask at the same time, me rubbing my belly against her possible accusation that it’s suddenly grown big and soft.
“It means tough on the outside, but all soft and sweet on the inside.”
“Whatever,” I huff as everyone else laughs at my expense. “I like fire trucks, and Sawyer and I are buddies. What can I say?” I clap my hands together and take a deep breath. “Now, let’s unload some boxes.”
Scrambling out of the now crowded room, I rush outside to my truck, where the cool December air feels good against my heated skin. The excuse of unloading the truck helps to not only escape everyone in the house, but also the way it felt to hold her in my arms.
For the next thirty minutes, I carry in boxes and help set things up, enjoying every second. Until I tried to help in the kitchen. Mia was already in there, and no matter how big the space might be, we were way too close for comfort, and her proximity was enough to make me lose my mind. Every moment that passed left me feeling more off-balance than the next. When I was unloading a box of Sawyer’s unbreakable cups and plates meant for toddlers her fingers would graze mine when I handed them to her to put in the dishwasher. The same happened when we reorganized the countertop space, so her mixer and blender found homes. There was no escaping Mia. No way not to bump into her as we worked together. When her perfect ass brushed against me, in those tight yoga pants she was wearing, I had to retreat. So, now, here I stand. Outside in the cold, taking a much-needed moment.
The crunch of snow under feet gets my attention a moment before Charlotte sidles up to me. At her request everyone but Callen calls her Charlie, but in my head she’s still Charlotte.
“That’s a pretty cool room.”
“It turned out okay.”
“Lucky kid.”
Is he though? When his father isn’t interested in being a part of his life.
She bumps my shoulder with hers. “You okay?”
“Yep. You? You’re only a week away from the big day.”
“Things are getting crazy, but I’ve never been better. I can’t wait to marry your brother.”
I wrap my arm around her shoulders, pulling her against my side. “We can’t wait to have another sister. Thanks for making Cal so happy.”
“Well, when you find the one, the happy thing is a lovely little side-effect.”
“That’s what I hear.”
“Are you really trying to tell me you haven’t found her yet?”
Sure, I could lie, but it’s not as easy anymore. Because, I do know without a shadow of a doubt, that I have met the one.
“I may have, but it doesn’t mean I’m the one for her.”
“And why is that?”
“The list is long, and it’s Christmas Eve. We don’t have time to get through it before dinner.”
“If it’s meant to be, that list doesn’t mean a thing. There’s no stopping love once you find it.”
“Says the blushing bride. We aren’t all as lucky as you and Cal.”
She opens her mouth to reply but her fiancé interrupts before she gets the chance.
“Hands off,” Callen growls and pushes my arm from Charlotte’s shoulder.
Charlotte and I roll our eyes, but she loves his antics.
“You’re a Neanderthal, you know that?” she says, beaming at him.
“Sure do. Now get that fine ass of yours in the truck. We have some business to take care of before dinner.”
“Gross,” Daisy says, following behind them. “It’s the holidays, for Santa’s sake. Let your gift to us be that you keep your sex life to yourselves for the rest of the Christmas season.”
“You’re the one who went there. If that is what you call business, then that’s on you, little sis. I can neither confirm nor deny what said business is.”
Charlotte mouths, “Sorry,” as they get in the truck.
“Got to go. I’ll see you at Mom's in a couple hours.” Daisy lifts onto her tiptoes to give me a hug. “Thanks again for everything you’re doing for Mia. You're a lifesaver.”
“I’m happy to help.”
As much as this whole thing feels like some sort of self-induced torture, it settles me. I need to know that the two of them are safe and taken care of more than I need my next breath.
Once the holidays and the wedding are over, I’ll need to put some distance between us. I’ll be fresh out of excuses to be around her.
Well, there is that whole fake husband thing.