Chapter 43
Chapter Forty-Three
Mia
A fter we left the bar last night, Angus followed me to pick Sawyer up from the sitter and then all the way home. He walked us to the front door, sweetly kissed Sawyer on the head, and not quite as sweetly placed a kiss on my lips.
It wasn’t long. It wasn’t heated. It was perfect.
Did I ask him if he wanted to come inside? Of course I did. Unfortunately, he declined my offer. He’ll be staying at the loft until we talk to Knox. But we both decided we would brave Sunday dinner. It’s an excuse to see each other and to gauge how Daisy is taking our news. If she isn’t over the two of us being together, she won’t be ready to hear about Knox.
Baby steps.
She’s been quiet all night, not sharing our secret with the rest of the family. But Daisy, being Daisy, doesn't hesitate to let her feelings be known. She may be quiet, but she’s certainly not avoiding us. Her stare downs are unrelenting. When she isn't focused on me, she directs her attention toward her brother.
My best friend says what she thinks. She doesn’t hold back. Not knowing what’s going on in that head of hers is frightening.
Quietly, I wrap my sweater around me and, sneak outside to find the boys. Angus and Sawyer put on their coats and disappeared after sharing a piece of apple pie. I wander off the deck and head toward the pasture. Before long, I spot them in the distance hanging out with Bernadette.
Taking my time, I watch the two of them together. Sawyer is in Angus’s arms as they pet the cow's head and carry on what appears to be a riveting conversation. When I’m about ten feet away, Sawyer spots me.
“Mama, look. Bernie.”
“I see her, buddy.” I walk to the opposite side of the beloved cow and smile at them over her wide body. “You two having fun over here?”
“Moooooo!” Sawyer replies. Angus and I both laugh.
A horse whinnies from the barn and Bernadette’s tail swooshes as we sit in this moment. Angus is beaming at me. After everything we’ve shared, this new smile he shows only to me is new and beautiful, and it makes my cheeks heat.
He is beautiful.
“I love you so fucking much,” he mouths. Then quietly adds, “I can’t wait until this is over and we can end all the charades.”
Angus continuing to so freely share his feelings for me is still new and sends me spinning with giddy, schoolgirl glee. If only there weren’t so many other emotions attached to his declarations.
“Me too, but I’d be lying if I said I’m not scared.”
“What worries you the most?”
“I can take whatever your brother, our families, the people in town dish out, but I will not accept any crap directed at my little boy. And what if Knox tries to take him or asks for split custody at some point? I don’t know what I’d do if either of those things happened.”
“Shit, I didn't even think of that.”
“It’s all I think about. That and what if the world finds out? What if he wants to make it legal and there is a public document out there? Sawyer didn’t ask to be in the public eye, to have to deal with paparazzi. I don't want him bogged down with all the b.s. that comes with being Knox McKinnon’s son.”
He rests his head against Sawyers and takes his little hand in his. “Didn’t think of that either.”
“These thoughts have plagued me since the day I found out I was pregnant.”
“Goof, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. He has the right to know. It was wrong of me not to tell him before.”
“You were protecting yourself and your son. I get it.”
“The whole town is going to know,” I sigh on a heavy breath.
“So?”
“Well, let’s see, I’ll be the slut,” I mouth the last word so Sawyer doesn’t pick up on it, “who got knocked up by one McKinnon brother and then fell in love with another.”
“Anyone who has anything to say about it will have to answer to me,” he says sternly, but quietly so he doesn’t startle Sawyer.
I force a smile but look away. He means well, but he has no clue. “That’s sweet, but as the woman in this situation, everyone will look at me differently. It’s just the way it is. I will forever carry this scandal. Knox will come out unscathed, and as long as I live in this town, I will be the woman with a scarlet letter on her chest.”
The concern in his eyes says it all. The worries that are always in the back of my mind, never even crossed his.
“I’m sorry. I know everything in your world is about to change, but I’ll be by your side every step of the way, if you’ll still have me?”
“Do you think I would go through all of this if it weren’t for a real chance with you?”
“Fancy seeing the three of you out here,” Daisy says, joining us. I’ve been so focused on Angus, I have no idea how long she’s been within earshot, and what she has overheard.
Angus doesn’t seem worried though. He gives her a nod and keeps his attention on me when he acknowledges her. “Hey, sis.”
“Hey, bro. Hey, bestie. What are you two whispering about over here?”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Sawyer bounces with excitement in Angus’s arms. “Daisy! Look! Bernie!”
As if she knows a battle royale is about to go down, Bernadette backs up, like she refused to do when she placed herself in the doorway of Gus’s house the night I told him about Knox. I wish I could do the same when Daisy takes her place, standing between us.
“Say, bye?,” Angus says, waving to the bovine.
“Bye, Bernie!” Sawyer waves. He starts to put his hand in his mouth, but Angus stops him. “We have to wash our hands after petting the animals. No hands in the mouth.”
Daisy watches her brother’s interaction with Sawyer in complete surprise. “When did this happen? When did you become domesticated?”
He looks offended. “What? Didn’t think it was possible?”
“I’m not sure what I think about anything anymore.” The hurt in her tone floods me with guilt.
“Dais, I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner.”
“I’m not. It’s our business,” Angus cuts in. “We’re allowed to keep it to ourselves until we’re ready to share.”
He’s right, but this is Daisy. We need to tread lightly.
“I have one question.” She pauses, staring across the pasture, not looking at either of us until she speaks again. Her eyes on her brother. “Is this it? Are you in this for the long haul? Are you ready to be a daddy?”
“That’s three questions.”
Ugh. Why is he messing with her right now? And why am I breaking out into a sweat in anticipation of his answer?
“They should all have the same answer if everything you said last night is true.” She crosses her arms over her chest, waiting.
“Yes. Mia is it for me. There will never be anyone else. I’m in this for as long as she’ll have me, and if given the honor, I will take care of this kid like he’s my own. Till my dying day.”
Daisy looks at me, her eyes glossy. She doesn’t have to say anything. I know what she’s asking? and I nod in reply.
Yes, I feel the same. If we can get through the storm ahead, there will be no one else. Ever.
In an unexpected move, she throws her arms around me. My body sags with relief as her embrace holds me up. “Your place tonight. You put that kid to bed and then you are going to tell me everything.”
“Everything?”
“Okay, maybe not everything , because ew.” She gags. We giggle and hold each other. “I’m happy for you. He’s a pretty great guy.”
“He is,” I say, smiling at him as he watches our friendship mend.
Releasing me, she turns to her brother. “Your only job in life is to make them happy.”
He reaches out to her with his free arm and squeezes her to his side. “That’s the plan.”
“When are you going to tell everyone else?” Her question is more like a demand.
“Soon,” Angus and I say in unison.
“What do you mean, you knew?”
“Sweetheart, Sharon and I have known since he was a baby who Sawyer’s daddy was. Have you not seen Knox’s baby photos? It’s quite clear.”
On my way to work this morning I called Mom. I’d been avoiding her since the incident with Rhen, but I’m spinning and I need her. As happy as I am that Angus and Daisy have my back, there is a firestorm ahead and not having Mom's shoulder to cry on has been hard.
This morning, I practiced what I would say to her when I called, agonizing over exactly how to break the news. I told her about my lifetime of loving Angus, to getting knocked up by his brother and now embarking on a life with Angus. And here she is, showing no signs of surprise whatsoever.
About any of it.
What in the world?
“If you knew about Knox, why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“I asked you who the father was until I was blue in the face. You refused to tell me, so I let it go. Then one Sunday dinner at the McKinnon’s, when Sawyer was about six months old, I was standing by the fireplace, showing him the pictures on the mantel when I saw it. There was a picture of Knox around the same age and for a moment, I thought I was looking at a picture of my grandson. Shocked, I swung around to find you and found Sharon had been watching me with tears in her eyes. We both knew right then and there.”
I blow out a breath. All this time, they both knew.
“But you were so insistent on keeping it to yourself and we wanted to respect your wishes. We put our heads together a hundred times, trying to figure out how in the world it could have happened. Now it all makes sense.”
“And you don’t think less of me for behaving so foolishly?”
“Of course not! There isn’t a single person who hasn’t acted impulsively and done something regrettable. But like you’ve said many times, there is no way anyone can regret the outcome of what might have been your biggest mistake. Because look at that beautiful little boy you get to be a mama to.”
The shame over how I’ve felt about her the last few weeks washes over me. I’ve been casting stones without even knowing if the rumors are true. And she has, unbeknownst to me, known my truth for two years and hasn’t judged me for a second. She loves me unconditionally.
“Thanks, Mom. That means more than you could know.”
Despondent, she replies. “I have no business throwing stones. None of us do.”
My heart plummets as I read between the meaning of her words, but she doesn’t elaborate and because I’m not sure I have the bandwidth for more, I don’t question her.
Pulling into an open parking spot, I shift the car into park and take a peek at Sawyer in the back seat, where he happily plays with a dinosaur. “And Angus. What do you think? Is it too strange to be with the brother of the father of my child?”
“Well, nobody is going to call it typical, but you’ve been in love with that man your whole life. Who cares?”
“What about Sawyer? Is it all too confusing to grow up with that kind of controversy surrounding his existence? If the world finds out he’s Knox McKinnon’s son and his mom is in a relationship with his brother, what could that do to him? It’s like I’m knowingly setting him up for scrutiny and ridicule. Is it worth it?”
“Does Angus love Sawyer?”
“Yes.”
“Well, with your love, Angus’s love, both of your families' love, we will make sure that boy knows his worth. What I hear is you questioning whether your happiness is as important as your child’s. The answer is yes, Mia. Always put on your oxygen mask first so you can help those you love when they’re in need. In this case, I think Angus may be the oxygen in your mask.”
“I miss you so much, Mom.”
“We miss you too, sweetheart.”
“Are you and Dad okay? Are you happy there?”
“It’s a big change, but as long as we’re together, your father and I will be just fine.”
What she’s saying is things aren’t perfect, but they love each other enough to push through the hard times.
“You know, I’m always here for you, too, right? If you ever need to talk. About anything.”
“Oh, my sweet girl. Of course, I do. But you don’t need to worry about little old me. We are living our best life down here in the sunshine.”
“But I do worry.”
“I know you do, but we’re fine, Mia. We’re fine.”
“It’s okay if you aren’t.”
“I know.”
I gasp when I see the time on my dash. “Shoot, I have two minutes to get him checked into day care and get logged in for work. I have to go.”
“Go, honey. We’ll talk soon.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too. Kiss that boy for me.”
Turning off the car and my phone, I grab Sawyer and rush into the clinic.
Half my heart is relieved after hearing Mom’s comforting words, the other half reeling from the insinuation of the other part of our conversation. There has definitely been trouble in paradise, and I have a sinking suspicion my father’s heart may have broken along the way.