EPILOGUE #2
Her expression remained unchanged, one hand stashed on her hip. Fuck him for trying to get anything past her. She knew him too well. So he sank onto the toilet and ran a hand through his hair, drawing up all his courage to just say it.
“I’m pregnant.”
His mother’s mouth fell open, but she said nothing for a good five seconds. It didn’t bode well for the upcoming conversation.
“You’re what? Is that even possible?”
“Obviously.”
“I thought those drugs you take made you infertile.”
“Not really. I think it’s a myth. Or at least that’s what I’ve read. I didn’t know much about any of this until a few weeks ago.”
“Is that when you noticed?”
“It’s when I took a test.”
His mother stared at him for a moment, biting her lip. To his surprise, she stepped into the bathroom and then sank to a knee in front of him, drawing him into a tight and emphatic hug. Victor sagged into it, digging his face into the gap between her neck and shoulder.
“Oh honey,” his mother said softly. “I love you so much, and whatever help you need, I’m going to be here.”
Victor clung to her tighter, fighting a sudden onset of tears. He’d been crying a lot lately, something he blamed on his hormones being completely fucked. “I don’t know what to do.”
“I’m guessing it’s unplanned?” his mother asked, pulling away but keeping both hands on his shoulders.
“Yeah.” Victor sniffed, wiping at his eyes.
“It’s my fault. I was having a really hard time getting my T prescription because I had to switch doctors, which was a total pain in the ass, and then the online pharmacy I used was out of stock, and then I had to have a big fight with my insurance company over it.
So I ended up skipping a bunch of shots.
And, uh, maybe I was getting a little sloppy with birth control because I didn’t think…
well.” Victor sucked in a deep breath. “I thought my chances were really low, after a decade of using T.”
His mother pushed some of his hair off his forehead like she did when he was a child at home with a fever. “Does Johnny know?”
Victor nodded.
“And how’d he take it?”
“Surprisingly well. I dunno, he seemed into the idea.” Victor laughed weakly.
“I think I am, too. Like, I know it’s going to be absolutely awful to go through but at the end of the day, I’ve always really really wanted to be a dad.
And it’s been great to have Taylor around but she’s not mine, as much as I wish she were.
Her mother still gets to decide what she does. ”
“If you’re happy about it, then so am I.” Indeed, the smile on his mother’s face looked genuine. “But I am worried about you, living where you are. Is it safe?”
“To be a man who is visibly pregnant? Definitely not. So, uh, I don’t know what to do about that.
I was thinking maybe I could live with you or Oscar for the last five months.
I’ve already been researching trans doulas and midwives in southern California—I’d like to avoid hospitals if at all possible. ”
“What about the farm?”
“I think Jade could handle it, if I asked her to. And maybe Johnny. We’re fighting about that a little bit.
He wants to stay with me, but he has his job and I don’t want him to quit when we need the money for all the bills we’ll be getting.
I don’t know what people might think about me acquiring a mysterious baby after a five-month absence, but that’s better than them actually seeing me pregnant. ”
“You’re of course welcome to live here as long as you need. I don’t think there will be much in the way of healthcare for you out here, but in Los Angeles there will be something.”
“And Oscar would be there, if I needed a place to crash for a few nights.”
“You know his wife is pregnant, too,” his mother said.
“Yeah, it’s a competition between us, true sibling rivalry.”
His mother laughed before grasping his hand in hers. “Honey, I’m so happy for you. And I’m glad Johnny is on board with it. That definitely makes it all easier. He seems good for you.”
Victor nodded, feeling too emotional to speak.
He’d planned this trip to see his mother before he’d even known he was pregnant.
He’d been dreading telling her, but now that she knew, he was so relieved to have her support.
As scared and clueless as he was, it felt good to know he wasn’t going to suffer through it alone.
His mother drew him into another fierce hug, kissing the side of his face a few times. “I love you. We’re gonna get you through this.”
“Thanks, Mom. I love you, too,” Victor choked out around a sob.
* * *
After dinner the next day, Victor’s mother offered up three horses, her truck, her trailer, and a slew of camping supplies so that he and Johnny could make the twenty mile trip to the trailhead in the San Bernardino mountains.
They intended to camp overnight, which made Victor’s mother a little nervous, but Victor didn’t see the difference between vomiting into a toilet or throwing up on the side of the mountain.
Both were equally unpleasant. Thankfully his stomach was feeling better, so he felt well enough to help Johnny tack up the riding horses and organize supplies in the panniers of their pack horse.
Because it was a weekday, the trails were pretty empty, which made for a peaceful and quiet ascent.
Johnny usually hated to let silence stretch on for too long, but he was too wrapped in the views to say much.
They stopped every fifteen minutes so that Johnny could swivel around in his saddle and snap pictures on his phone, muttering to himself about how beautiful the mountains were.
Victor had grown up with them, but he could see how someone who had grown up in flat Oklahoma might be impressed. Victor certainly missed them.
They stopped at a stream to let the horses drink, and Johnny threw off his boots to wade in.
He didn’t last long; snowpack made the streams much colder than one would expect in this weather.
Victor laughed from his seated position on a nearby boulder as Johnny hopped back to shore swearing under his breath.
They barely made it to the campgrounds by dusk.
There were a few pens provided for horses, as well a couple firepits and bathrooms down a long winding trail through the pines.
No one else was camping out tonight, which gave them free reign of the space.
Victor helped Johnny erect the tent, and once it became too dark to do much else, they started a fire and cooked some marshmallows over the flame.
“Would you believe I’ve never been camping before?
” Johnny said as he peeled a marshmallow gingerly off his stick.
It wasn’t going well; he struggled to get more than a few strings into his mouth.
“Daisy took me with her to some thing near a lake, but we were in her parents’ RV. Didn’t feel much like campin’.”
“Didn’t you say your dad took you hunting?”
“Huntin’, sure. Not much campin’ though.”
“My dad and I used to come up here a few times a year. We brought Oscar with us a few times but all he did was complain.” Victor snorted, remembering Oscar’s belly aching that even tested his father’s patience.
He was not a kid built for the wilderness.
He was much happier now in his modern apartment in Pasadena, and Victor couldn’t help but feel grateful for it.
Because of him, he’d had many years of priceless moments with his dad for himself.
“Do you get along with your brother at all?” Johnny asked.
“We can tolerate each other. He’s not an asshole, he’s just… frustrating at times. He’s in his own universe, and he likes it that way. Even if I invited him to the farm, I don’t think he’d come. My lifestyle holds no draw for him.”
“Can’t wait to meet him,” Johnny muttered, and Victor laughed.
“We’ll see how it goes.” They’d planned on meeting up with Oscar on their last night in California.
They’d stay overnight at his place before going to the airport the next morning.
Victor had no clue how Oscar would take to Johnny.
They were very different people with very different interests.
“We have to get along if I plan on staying here through my…” Victor had to force himself to say, “pregnancy.”
“Maybe you could just rent a place somewhere instead.”
“Do you have any idea what rent in LA costs?”
“I just sold the land my house was on. Maybe we could use that—”
“I can tolerate Oscar for a few months. I’d rather save that money for bills or whatever else.
” Johnny often assumed Victor was flush with cash, but beyond the value of his property, Victor was living on the margins.
There wasn’t much money in horses, which was why only rich people stayed in it for long.
“If you insist. I just don’t want you stressed out all the time.”
“I will be stressed whether or not I’m living with Oscar. This whole situation has me stressed.”
Johnny reached out and rubbed Victor’s forearm. “I know, sweetheart.”
Victor melted a bit at sweetheart because he was such a sucker for pet names, and Johnny had been more freely using them, at least in private.