Chapter 49
Chapter Forty-Nine
Knox
T his is it.
The beginning of the end.
Night one of our two-week run at MSG.
Many of the faces in the crowd are familiar.
Fans that have been to so many shows over the years that I recognize them.
I can only imagine what it cost them for seats so good I can see their faces.
They deserve the show of a lifetime. It’s because of them I’ll get to walk off into the sunset in two weeks’ time, never to work again if I don’t want to.
Before we took our places and the arena went dark, a flurry of bittersweet feelings and memories assaulted me. Flashes of my time with the guys, the journey we’ve been on over the years mixed with the memories of our youth and of the not so distant past where I was at my lowest.
In the end, the feeling that beat out the rest was hope .
Watching Ryan with my band family, the people who mean the most to me, gives me hope that this next journey will be even sweeter. The last few days have shown me that.
Nothing felt more right than being with her when she needed me.
The only thing that would have made it better was to have been standing by her side, holding her hand in that front pew.
But she knew I was there. That was all that mattered.
And then she took care of me when I needed her.
Getting to kiss her before taking the stage tonight was the cherry on top.
Having her by my side brings a freedom I haven’t felt in years, and my performance tonight proves it. I don’t need anyone to tell me we’re killing it. I can feel it. Getting to glance over at Ryan all night pushes me further.
When I get to a line that says, your kiss tastes like my favorite mistake, I look to her only to be taken over by white hot rage to see Rob Braun forcing himself on her.
She’s pushing at him, but he isn’t budging.
Without another thought, I drop my mic and storm stage left.
The band keeps playing and Sean takes over the lyrics from behind his drum kit.
When Rob sees me headed in his direction, he smiles like he’s just won the lottery. I’m giving the fucker exactly what he wants, but I don’t care, because it’s too late now, he’s released the beast.
“Get the fuck off her!” I yell when I’m close enough. Finally, security wakes the hell up and reaches Ryan as I do.
Rob releases her, innocently raising his hands in the air. Security closes in while Trevor snakes an arm around Ryan’s waist .
“She made it fucking clear she wants nothing to do with you.” I get in his face, close enough to hear him chuckle.
“Come on, man. Ryan’s too good between the sheets to walk away from.”
Rearing my head back, I slam it forward head-butting him. Pain erupts and stars dance before my eyes, but the shock written across Rob’s face is worth it.
Blood pours from his nose, but he doesn’t know when to shut up. “It kills you to know I had her before you.”
I draw back my arm to punch him in the face, but Ryan’s voice stops me. “Don’t! Knox, he’s not worth it,” she yells over the music as she tries to wiggle out of Trevor’s arms. “The crowd can see you! You’re being filmed!”
She shakes out of Trevor’s hold as security wrestles with Rob, dragging the bloody piece of shit away.
“Come here.” Ryan takes my face in her hands, our eyes lock and her chest expands with a deep breath, in and out. I follow her lead until I calm the fuck down.
“You okay?” I ask.
“He didn’t hurt me. How’s your head?”
“Fine.”
“Good, because you’re only halfway done. Get your ass back out on that stage.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.” She kisses me quickly, then pushes against my chest. “Go.”
“Where is she?” I ask Trevor, who’s on his laptop in the greenroom when I slam through the door .
She wasn’t waiting for me after the show and I can’t find her anywhere. I’m in a panic.
“Security took her to the hotel. She was pretty upset.”
She seemed okay when she urged me back on stage. What could have happened in the last hour?
“Did that asshole do anything else? Did he force himself on her again?”
“Nope, not that asshole. It was another one that sent her off.”
He slowly spins his computer so it’s facing me. A video plays showing the backstage incident. I watch myself storm off the stage; veins popping in my forehead as I rage at Rob, the head-butt and even the sweet moment with Ryan after.
“It’s everywhere. Fans were live streaming from the show. Others started filming when you dropped your mic. Not to mention the documentary crew, you’ve paid not to miss a moment. Let’s just say she wasn’t happy.”
“That fucker! How does he worm his way into everything?”
“He is a piece of garbage on the bottom of humanity’s shoe, but this is on you, buddy. You gave him what he came here for.”
I turn on my best friend, unable to believe the words coming out of his mouth. “He had his hands all over her. You expected me to just watch as she tried to push him off her?”
“We have security for that.”
“Well, where the fuck were they?”
“You head-butted a record exec in full view of a packed house at Madison Square Garden.”
“Where’s Smith? I need to get to the hotel.”
“Should be right outside the door. ”
Not giving Trevor another chance to piss me off, I find my head of security and leave the building.
It takes fifteen excruciating minutes to get to the hotel, during which, she doesn’t answer any of my calls or reply to my texts.
The front of the building is climbing with paparazzi, so Smith takes me around back.
We sprint to the employee only elevator, my mind racing with everything she might be thinking or feeling and how to combat it all.
I’m grateful she opens the door when I knock, even though she barely acknowledges me, as she turns, and walks into the bedroom the two of us are supposed to share for the next two weeks. Her luggage is open and waiting on the bed.
My heart sinks, and a new wave of panic washes over me. “Why are you packing?”
“I’m going back to my apartment.”
“Why?”
“Did you see the paps out there? I left before the show was over and they were already here. It doesn’t feel safe.”
“We’ll get extra security and keep them at the door around the clock.”
“I use a pen name for a reason. I don’t want people to know who I am.” She shoves clothes in her suitcase. “My face is everywhere, Knox!”
“It’ll be old news in a day or two.”
I’m doing my best to keep my voice low, but when I feel like I’m losing her, it’s hard to keep my emotions in check.
She sits on the bed, defeated. “You may be used to this, but I’m not. I don’t want to be news even for a day or two. I can’t do this.”
“Fuck!” I run my hands through my still damp, sweaty hair .
“You know that asshole is going to sue you, right?”
“Let him.”
“Knox, seriously.”
“You think this’ll be the first time I get sued?”
“Listen, I have to go home.”
“Okay, we’ll go to your place.”
“Not we. I am going to my place.”
The panic and anxiety at her insinuation cuts off my air. Suffocation seems inevitable.
“Ry, you had to know the world would find out about us eventually.”
“Yes, but not until we figure out what this is between us. We should be able to announce it on our terms. Not like this.”
“What do you mean when we figure out what this is between us? Everything, Ry. That’s what this fucking is.”
“You shouldn’t have attacked him like that!”
“You’re mad I hit that piece of shit?” The question comes out too loud, but she’s ripping my heart out and stomping on it. “You think I’d let him talk about you like that? Touch you against your will?”
“There were other ways to handle the situation. Especially while the whole world was watching.”
“I won’t apologize for defending your honor.”
Her head whips back and she gapes at me. “What century are you living in?”
Unable to take the distance between us, I join her on the bed, sliding my fingers through hers. “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to protect you.”
She sighs. “I know.”
“Ry, you said once we figure out what this is between us...” I repeat since she ignored my question the first time.
She doesn’t reply.
“Do you mean that? Because if you do, let me say it again. You are my everything and I am yours.”
Three not so little words are screaming inside my head, begging to be spoken, but I won’t say them in a moment of desperation. Not during a crisis. I refuse to leave any room for doubt.
“Your life is a lot.”
“It is. But it’s also about to change.”
“You’ll always be you, though. No matter where you go.”
“I will. But before long, I’ll be an afterthought.”
“I need to think.”
“Okay.”
Standing, she closes her suitcase, and I set it on the floor for her. She slings a bag over her shoulder, and I follow her to the door. Smith and now Reeves are waiting for us, ready to take us out the way we came in.
She doesn’t speak on the way to her apartment. Instead, she doom scrolls on her phone, watching the different videos posted by fans. The worst part is she’s reading the comments. I tell her not to, but she ignores me, continuing her downward spiral into social media scrutiny.
When we pull up to her building, there are close to ten paps waiting for her arrival.
Ryan hisses out a curse. “How do they know where I live?”
Smith chimes in from the front seat. “Ma’am, Mr. Braun gave your legal name to the press. He’s already issued a statement.”
“Come on, I’ll walk you in,” I offer.
“No.” She holds her hand up in protest. “Please don’t.”
“Whatever you want.” I kiss her forehead. “Reeves will walk you in.”
“Okay.”
“Call me day or night, baby. I’ll answer any questions you have about my life or what’s to come. When you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here waiting. I’m not going anywhere.”
She nods.
Reeves opens her door with her suitcase in his hand. She slips out without a word.
Smith pulls away from the curb, saying he’ll circle the block while we wait for Reeves.
I dial Max Hopper, the owner of Lotus Protection Services, and add two men to my detail.
Well, to Ryan’s detail. They need to be out of sight for now, but if Ryan decides she wants them closer, then they will be.
Whatever she wants.
After we pick up Reeves, Smith drives me to my apartment, but it’s swarming with buzzards, also known as the paparazzi. It’s easier to go back to the hotel where security is already in place. I need to talk to the guys, anyway.
On the way back, the hope that had propelled me earlier in the evening is barely holding on by a thread. She’s experiencing the bullshit that comes along with being with me and now she has to decide if I’m worth it, which, of course, I’m not.
I should have known better.
There’s a reason Nietzsche said hope is the worst of all evils. He’s right, it only prolongs a man’s torment.
Truer words have never been spoken.