4. Rinse and Repeat
Rinse and Repeat
Despite getting home about thirty minutes later than normal, Nadine was able to get home in time to read EJ his bedtime story, eat dinner, and pamper herself with a hot bath.
She sat in the great room, soft music playing through the Sonos and candles lit, wearing her finest silk backless Natori nightgown.
Nadine waited patiently, sipping on a gin and tonic for Eddie to come home.
It was forty-five minutes past the time he normally got there.
She tried to shake off a yawn that was coming down.
She had a plan and dammit, she was going to execute it. Sleep be damned.
The alert for the garage door chimed as Nadine fluffed her hair, pushed her titties up, and crossed her legs, showing as much thigh as possible as she waited on her husband.
“Deanie, where you at, babe?” Eddie called out.
“In here. In the great room.”
Nadine watched as Eddie rounded the corner. He paused, looking around the room, confused.
“What’s this all about?” Eddie looked at his watch. “Shit, I know it’s not our anniversary. It isn’t, right?”
“No babe,” Nadine chuckled, patting the empty space next to her. “Come here.”
Eddie put down his LV messenger bag and came over to the massive couch where Nadine sat. After letting him kiss her forehead, she eased closer to him, running a hand over his smooth, ebony waves. She loved waves. The way they felt under her fingers always turned her on.
“EJ go down easy?” asked Eddie. “How many stories did you have to read tonight?”
“Just two stories. Thankfully.”
“So,” Eddie looked around the room. “What’s all this for?”
“I just wanted to do something special for you. I missed you, that’s all.”
Eddie gave a slight smile. “I’ve missed you too, boo.” He put the edge of her nightgown between his fingers. “You look good. Is this new?”
“I’ve had it a while.”
“Well, it’s nice. Blue is definitely your color”
“Now, do you want to take it off me?” Nadine smiled seductively as her other hand found its way to Eddie’s crotch. No use in beating around the bush. He wasn’t hard, but she could definitely get him there. She hoped.
“Uhm,” Eddie stilled, his body going rigid. “Deanie, as much as I’d love to take this off you, I’m kinda beat. I was going to head downstairs to the man cave, watch a little more scouting footage, and smoke a cigar before bed to decompress. If that’s cool with you.”
“No, it’s not cool with me!” Nadine rolled her eyes. “Eddie, I am trying to fuck you. Can’t you see that?”
“I can see that,” he responded flatly.
“But you’d rather go smoke a cigar?”
“I mean, you can join me, I guess.” He shrugged.
“Wow! Seriously, Eddie!” Nadine was flabbergasted. Here she was, oiled up, dressed in silk, smelling good with a wet pussy, courtesy of a lube suppository she had inserted half an hour ago. She was desperate to connect with her husband. Instead, he wanted to smoke a Cohiba Behike.
“Babe, c’mon. Let’s not do this.”
Nadine stood and began pacing the floor. “We haven’t had sex in six months, Eddie. Six months! I know we are busy, but what’s the deal? Do you not want me anymore?”
“I’m just tired, that’s all.” His eyes didn’t meet hers at all.
“Eddie, stop lying. Be honest for fucking once.”
“Fine, you want me to be honest? Why does it matter if we haven’t had sex in six months? I don’t want to have sex. And it’s clear neither do you.”
“No, it’s not!” huffed Nadine.
“Deanie, c’mon now. You know it’s true. Why have sex? What’s the point? Because when we do have sex, it’s not like you’re enthusiastic about it.”
Nadine’s eyes widened. “What are you talking about?”
Eddie leaned back on the sofa. “Be real, Nadine. You treat sex like it’s a task to check off. A fucking chore. My dick is on your checklist like one of your board meetings. I bet it says, “Give Eddie a couple of twirls on his dick, five to be precise, and that’ll shut him up.”
“Wha…no, I don’t!” Nadine scoffed, a little resentful that he was calling her on her shit.
“Yes, you do. And it’s the same thing over and over. It’s not exciting anymore. Honestly, it’s never been exciting, and I get why. But damn, it’s been years of the same shit, Deanie.”
“Oh, so let me guess. You want me to tie you up and you watch me fuck someone else to get you off?”
Eddie blinked. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t play dumb with me. I saw you! In your office.
Jerking off and watching cuckold threesomes.
That’s all that’s in your damn search history!
” This wasn’t how Nadine wanted to talk to Eddie about the porn.
She was hoping she could fuck him out his misery before she brought it up. But rage had other plans.
A vein pulsed in Eddie’s temple, his jaw ticking at the same rate. “You went through my laptop? Why are you violating my privacy? You don’t trust me, Nadine?”
“I thought we didn’t have secrets, Edward!” Nadine watched as Eddie put his head in his hands, shaking it back and forth. “Say something! Is that what you want? For me to be used like that?”
Eddie lifted his head to face his wife. “Used? Of course, not. I wouldn’t want you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with or consent to doing.”
“Good,” Nadine huffed.
“But,” Eddie began. “What would be so bad about that?”
“Eddie! There is no way…”
“I am bored, Nadine!” Eddie interrupted with a shout. “Just fucking bored.”
“Bored?!” Nadine held on to the column near the hallway. “You’re jacking off to porn because you’re bored? Bored with me?”
“It isn’t all about you. The truth is that I have fantasies, Nadine. Just like every normal human being. Mine happen to be very specific ones that I am too afraid to even talk about with you.”
“Fine. Talk to me. Tell me why you like watching that kind of porn? Cuckhold porn?”
Eddie sighed. “It’s complicated. But to put it simply, all day I am in charge. In control. Making major decisions. Just like you. Sometimes, you want to relinquish that control. Revel in someone else’s pleasure, which would give me pleasure. It turns me on. Does that make sense?”
Nadine squinted as if she was pondering Eddie’s words. “But you didn’t have to keep it from me. Jerking off in the dark like a pervert.”
“Pervert?” Eddie rolled his eyes. “This is exactly what I’m saying. Deanie, I’d love it if we could create a safe space for each other where we can explore things. No judgment. Just freedom. But it’s damn near impossible for you to not be judgmental. I forgot who I was talking to.”
Nadine rolled her eyes. “That’s not true.”
Eddie chuckled dryly. “You know it’s true, Deanie.
When I try and get you to talk to me about what you want, hell, about anything sexual, you shut down.
You put this wall up. I know you grew up religious but, you are over forty and married.
Been married a long damn time. You can’t use being sheltered as an excuse no more.
It’s like you’re turning into your mother. ”
Nadine winced. That last part stung. “But…I…”
“And don’t even bring up, Drew,” Eddie warned. “That’s the other excuse. Drew did this. Drew did that. It’s been years, Deanie. Stop that shit. I don’t know how long I have to prove to you that I’m not that sorry motherfucker. And I never will be.”
Nadine tucked in her lips, embarrassed. He wasn’t lying.
Eddie, despite being in her life the last sixteen years, still lived in Drew’s shadow at times.
And yeah, despite her best efforts, maybe she was becoming more like Grace Davis.
She didn’t mean for that to happen, but trauma reared its ugly head sometimes.
Eddie, noticing her change in demeanor, softened his tone. “Baby, there has to be a compromise. I’m open to anything. Let’s just talk about it.”
“Anything?”
“Yes, anything.”
“Ok. What if I wanted to peg you?” Damn Alisa and all her pegging talk! Nadine wasn’t serious. She just wanted to see what he’d say.
Eddie shrugged. “I’d try it. Is that something you want to try?”
“No!” she squealed.
“Be serious, Deanie. What do you want? Do you want things to stay the same?”
Nadine waited for a beat. She thought about it, but…no…she could never say what she was really thinking. Instead, she shrugged. “Why can’t we just be happy with the way things are?”
Eddie rose from the sofa and stood in front of Nadine.
He gently lifted her chin with his finger.
Her soft, hazel eyes met his deep brown ones.
“Because it’s not working, love. And we aren’t happy.
And I want to be happy. Your cousin Tate is happy.
Alisa is surprisingly, crazy happy. Now, they’re happy. I’m trying to be on that level…again.”
Nadine bit her lip. She teased Alisa and Tatum about their poly situations, but the truth was she did admire their relentless pursuit of happiness, sexual and otherwise.
It had paid off for Tatum and Alisa in major ways.
She’d never seen the two of them so completely blissful and satisfied.
She could admit that maybe she was a little jealous.
But Nadine wasn’t sure she could be so bold.
“You want me to bring another man in the mix?” asked Nadine, confused.
“I didn’t say that. But we need to figure out what will work for us. We have to ask ourselves what happiness looks like for us?”
Nadine’s eyes filled with tears. “And if we don’t? If I don’t? Will you leave me?”
“Never, love.” Eddie bent down, kissing the top of Nadine’s head. “I have faith we will figure out what works best for us. Whatever that looks like. This is our marriage. We make the rules. No one else. But we’ve got to talk. And be honest, ok?”
“Ok,” Nadine said softly.
“You’ve got to talk to me Nadine. Please. I am begging you. You say I have secrets, but I feel like it's something you aren’t telling me, either. But I’m here, ok? I’d never judge you.”
Eddie kissed Nadine softly on the lips, then picked up his bag and headed downstairs to the basement.
Slowly, Nadine walked around the room blowing out the flames of the candles, which had melted down significantly.
She stared at the last candle, flickering in the near darkness, and watched as it eventually burned out.