5. Vent Session
Vent Session
“He said he was bored! Can you believe that! Bored? With me!”
Nadine hadn’t sat still since she walked into her therapist's office. She paced up and down the shag carpet, her heels snagging occasionally. She tried her best to keep upright. Falling on her face would probably be less embarrassing.
Dr. Flournoy held up her hands, pleading. “Nadine, I need you to take a breath, like we’ve practiced. Then let’s slow down, and together we’ll try to understand what happened.”
Eventually, Nadine relented, easing herself down on the leather couch. “Sorry. I am just…angry.”
“There’s no need to apologize…it’s okay to be angry. But let’s talk about why Eddie’s statement made you so angry.”
“Because,” Nadine’s voice cracked on each syllable. “That means he’s not happy. And he made it seem like it was all my fault. His rejecting me is my fault!”
“Is that what he said or how you interpreted it?”
Nadine blinked. “I…I mean…maybe.”
“Maybe?” Dr Flournoy pursed her lips. “Maybe isn’t definitely, Nadine. What I’m hearing is that Eddie is tired of routine. He is looking for excitement. Adventure. Sexual exploration. He wants you to be open to that as well.”
“We’ve been together for sixteen years. Why all of a sudden?”
“Is it possible he was afraid that you’d judge him?”
Nadine winced. Called out on her bullshit yet again. “Yeah. He did say that.”
“Once he expressed his sexual desires, about cuckold porn, what did you say to him?”
Nadine looked down at her hands, twirling her wedding ring around her finger. “I…called him a pervert.”
Dr. Flournoy let out a deep breath. “Nadine, why do you think your first reaction was to call your husband a pervert?” she asked gently.
Nadine stilled, her throat feeling as if it was closing in on her. “Because…what I saw didn’t seem…normal.”
“Tell me more about that.”
“It just isn’t…something married people should be doing.”
“Says who?”
“Says…I don’t know…everybody.”
Dr. Flournoy nodded, tapping her pen against her hand.
“Nadine, sex isn’t just heteronormative, missionary-positions.
Between consenting adults, even married people, sex and sexuality isn’t just one thing or another.
You’ve been told your entire life that sex should be one way.
That anything outside that dichotomy is wrong. Including how you felt about Allison.”
“How many times do I have to tell you that the thing with Allison was just some childish thing?” Nadine sighed. “Just kids being kids!”
“I’m not sure that it was, Nadine. That moment in your childhood seems to have shaped how you feel about sexuality and morality today.
It’s possibly why you believe anything outside of heterosexuality is unacceptable, deviant even.
And it’s led you to suppress parts of yourself - because now your faith and your desires are at war. And they have been for a long time.”
Nadine couldn’t respond. She kept staring at her hands, willing her eyes to look up, but she couldn’t. Dr. Flournoy went on.
“And now this inner conflict is resurfacing in your marriage today, influencing the way you perceive your husband and your shared intimacy. You think a good, Christian marriage shouldn’t include fetishes or even bisexuality, or…
“Hold on,” Nadine frowned. “Who said anything about being gay? I didn’t say that about Eddie. Eddie isn’t gay.”
Dr. Flournoy gave Nadine a soft, gentle smile. “I didn’t say gay, Nadine. I said bisexual. There’s a difference. And I am talking about you, not Eddie.”
Nadine scoffed. “Bisexual? I…over one kiss? Over thirty years ago?”
“It’s not just about the kiss, Nadine. It’s about all the things after it.
” Dr. Flournoy ran a finger through her locs.
“It’s about the crushes you had on your friends in high school that you dismissed as “fleeting.” It’s about you “experimenting” in college but brushing it off.
It’s about you rushing into your first marriage because you felt you had to do the expected.
It’s about you judging your friends and their polyamorous sexual choices.
It’s about your ambivalence towards sex with your husband. It’s about…”
“Just stop,” Nadine’s lip trembled. “Please. Please, stop.” Tears welled up in Nadine’s eyes, rolling down her cheeks like a river. Every word Dr. Flournoy said stabbed at some part of her. The tender, hidden part of her.
“Okay.” Dr. Flournoy moved over to the sofa, handing Nadine a tissue. “I am not trying to trigger you. I just want you to realize that this isn’t about your husband. This is about you, Nadine.”
Nadine nodded, wiping her eyes. “Maybe it is. I just…”
“Nadine, your belief system…these judgments you’ve placed on yourself…
I want to explore with you whether they truly align with the fullness of who you are and the love you share with your husband.
Let’s unpack this together and work toward understanding how your faith and your authentic self can coexist in a way that feels healthy and fulfilling. ”
Nadine listened quietly.
“How would you feel about Eddie maybe coming to a session with you?”
Nadine’s eyes widened. “I am not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Nadine, keeping this inside is only going to hurt you and Eddie even more. I think having Eddie here could help you open up more. Think about it, alright?”
“I will.”
Dr. Flournoy patted her knee. “Good.”
“I think once we have a thorough review of their profit sharing margins, our partnership with DigiCo can be sewn up within the month.”
Nadine looked around the boardroom at the room full of nodding, white male heads.
Her vice president, Mitchell Kersey, was the only one who had a slight scowl on his face.
As her right hand, he should have been supporting her.
Instead, he questioned her, undermining every decision every chance he got.
Nadine braced herself. Here comes the bullshit.
“And what if DigiCo counters? Are we prepared for that?” asked Mitchell.
Nadine inhaled a breath. What a dick. She gave a well-rehearsed smile. “Absolutely. Aren’t I always prepared, Mitchell?”
Mitchell gave a curt nod. That garnered a few chuckles from people in the room. She loved sticking it to his privileged ass. Nadine was always going to be two steps ahead of that jerk.
“I think we’re done here,” said Nadine as she gathered her things. “I’ll be expecting a report from analytics on my desk by Monday.”
As everyone filed out, Nadine felt her phone buzz in her blazer pocket. She opened it and read the message.
Eddie: I need you to be home early. Before 6.
Before 6? For what? Nadine frowned as she texted Eddie back.
Nadine: What’s wrong? Is it EJ? Alex?
After a few moments, a message appeared.
Eddie: Just be home before 6. It’s a surprise :)
Surprise? Eddie wasn’t one for surprises.
But Nadine wouldn’t question it. After her last therapy session, they had a long talk.
He was adamant that they needed to make changes to prevent their relationship from getting stale.
Routine was getting the best of them. Eddie pledged to be bolder and take more initiative to bring the sexy and fun back to their relationships. Maybe this was it.
Nadine: Uhm. Ok. I’ll try and make it there by 6.
Eddie: All I ask is that you try. Love you.
Nadine went back to her office and pulled up her calendar.
It was a little after 4 pm. She had a Zoom call with the South American team and another meeting with R&D.
She pulled up TEAMS and sent her assistant Devi a message to move things to Monday.
It was Friday, anyway. After that long ass board meeting, maybe she deserved to knock off a little early.
She just hated giving Mitchell any kind of ammunition to use later.
As she shut down her computer for the day, her phone buzzed again. This time, it was an email from Dr. Flournoy.
To: Nadine Davis Moody
From:. Dr. Rina Flournoy, PhD
Subject: Homework
Nadine,
I am attaching a few exercises for our next session. I hope these will help you to open up more. Please give it a try.
Dr. F.
PS: And please, think about what I asked regarding a session with Eddie
Nadine pulled up the two PDF attachments and scanned them.
The first one was about “Unpacking Childhood Trauma: A Journaling Exercise” and the other was about “Deconstructing Faith and Sexuality.” Nope.
Not today. That was entirely too heavy to get into on a Friday afternoon.
Nadine closed the email and shoved her phone into her purse.