24. Generational Curses
Generational Curses
Nadine stood in the hallway of the Alex’s college apartment. The smell of weed and God-knows-what-else filled the hallway air. She coughed and rang the doorbell. Again. The music was blasting so loudly she wasn’t sure if they’d heard her at all.
Just as she was about the ring the bell for a third time, the door flew open.
“Oh! Hey Mrs. Moody,” said Britt, one of Alex’s suite mates. “Sorry. I didn’t hear the bell at first. Please tell me that is one of your world-famous cakes in that container you’re holding. My period synched with Raina’s this month and my hormones are raging!”
“Indeed. It’s Death by Chocolate, y’all’s favorite.
” Nadine smiled, shaking her head. Britt reminded her of so much Alisa, down to the ever-changing hairstyles.
The girl had zero filter. She could see why she and Alex got along so well.
Their other suite mate, Raina, reminded Nadine of a mix of Tatum and herself.
It was crazy how Alex had carbon copies of her aunties as her own friend group.
Nadine walked into the apartment. “You know, I’m forgetting my manners. I didn’t even ask if Alex was home.”
Britt was already cutting a large slice of cake. “Oh yeah, she’s here. She’s been holed up in her room studying for mid-terms for hours. Won’t even take a break.”
“With this loud music going on?” Nadine motioned to the thumping sounds coming from the Bluetooth speakers.
“Please,” snorted Britt as she licked icing off her finger. “Alex can study during a hurricane. This noise is nothing to her. I think she’s used to it by now.”
Nadine shook her head with understanding. As a kid, Alex could read a book during one of Eddie’s loud and raucous playoff games. It didn’t even phase her. Seems like that hadn’t changed.
Nadine made her way down the hallway toward Alex’s room door, which was decorated in their shared sorority letters and photos on a cork and whiteboard.
Nadine stared at the photo where she got to pin Alex at the induction ceremony.
They both looked so happy. The whiteboard read, “Studying so DND”.
Nadine knocked hard, hoping Alex could hear over the music.
Alex’s face when she opened the door was annoyed until she realized it was her mother standing there. A soft smile graced her face. “Oh! Hey Mom! Sorry, I thought you were Britt or Raina trying to get me to do...well…who knows what.” She moved to the side, inviting her mother in.
Nadine sat at the desk. She watched Alex reposition herself on the twin XL bed strewn with papers and open textbooks. It was like looking in a mirror. Other than being a few inches taller, Alex was her mother’s twin- same hazel eyes, light brown skin, and sandy-brown curly mane. Except…
“Is that a tattoo, Alex?” Nadine raised a brow. It seemed to be some sort of shield or something.
Alex tried to cover her ankle. “Yeah. It’s a Supergirl symbol. We all dared each other to get tattoos one night. Long story. So what’s up, mom? What brings you by?
“Can’t I just come and check on my daughter? I mean, it’s not like I know how you are. My text go unanswered, and you blocked me from your social media.”
“My phone is almost always on DND, but I blocked you on socials because you make weird comments like “Why are you wearing that?” or “Is this what you really want to post?”
Nadine winced. Jesus Christ, she was more like her mother than she realized. “If I promise to stop doing that, will you unblock me? I really want to be part of your life. Don’t shut me out, Lex.”
Alex shrugged. “Sure. I guess.”
“Thank you,” Nadine smiled, then took a deep breath. “But this isn’t about being blocked. I came by because I have something important to talk to you about.”
Alex went wide-eyed. “Oh God! Don’t tell me you and Daddy Ed are getting a divorce!”
“No Lex…”
“Oh, my God! Is something wrong with EJ?”
“No, he’s fine. They’re all fine, baby. It’s about me.”
Alex grabbed a pillow and clutched it to her chest. She sniffed. “Ma, please don’t tell me you’re sick! I don’t know if I can handle that. Shit, I’m sorry for blocking you, if that’s the case. I was being a brat, I know…”
Nadine held up her hands. “No, I am fine, sweetie. Just let me talk, Alexandria. Please, baby.”
Alex sat up straight. The use of her full first name always did that to her.
Nadine let out a breath. “There are things about me, about who I am, that I’ve hidden from you. Mostly out of shame. Mostly because I didn't have the vocabulary for it.”
“Things like what?” Alex’s brows were knit tightly, confusion in her eyes.
“I've been going to therapy lately,” Nadine began. She felt her phone vibrate and saw it was Alisa. She quickly silenced the call. She’d call her back. She had to get through this. “And I’ve been learning things about myself. And about my…sexuality.”
Alex looked bewildered. “Your sexuality?”
“Yes. I’m bisexual, Alex.”
Alex blinked a few times as if she was pondering the word over in her head. “Say what now?”
“I’m bisexual. That means…”
“Ma! I am twenty! I know what that means. I go to college and my roommate is a lesbian! But you? Bisexual?”
Nadine nodded. “Yes.”
“And how do you know this? Did you just wake up one day and realize it?”
“Of course not. I’ve always known. Since I was young, actually.
I just felt like I had to hide it. Your grandmother wasn’t the most tolerant person in the world.
So I just hid it. I hid it so well that I thought marrying your dad would rid myself of the feeling.
Honestly, the only good thing I got out of doing that was you. ”
“Ugh, please don’t mention my father.” Alex made air quotes around the word father. “He’s been trying to get me to meet his latest girlfriend and come down to St. Croix for Christmas. I’m not interested. Not sure why he thinks I’d want to do that.”
Nadine had never interfered with Alex's relationship with her father. It wasn’t until she was well out of high school that she told her the real reason why she divorced Drew.
Her dad had proven years before that he was a deadbeat.
He never showed up for birthdays or holidays.
He’d make elaborate plans and always break them.
When Nadine remarried a wealthy NBA player, Drew felt he was off the hook monetarily and emotionally as a parent.
Nadine was grateful that Alex had Eddie. He’d been the father she never had.
“So you and Daddy Ed are getting a divorce? You’re cheating on him?!” Alex looked at her mother as if she was a common whore. The look of disgust on her face made Nadine wince. She didn’t like being on the receiving end of that vitriol from her child.
“No, we aren't, baby. It’s complicated, but he knows. I just wanted you to know before you heard about it or saw something. I didn’t want you asking questions now that I’m seeing someone…a woman.”
Alex was quiet for quite some time. Nadine nibbled the corners of her lips, worried that this was a mistake and that Dr. Flournoy’s suggestion was foolish.
“So let me get this straight, no pun intended,” Alex began, arms folded.
“You’re bisexual or whatever? With a side chick?
Yet, you’re the same woman who looked down on Auntie Tate and Auntie Alisa’s relationships?
Who kept telling me sex was sacred, between one man and one woman.
Who told me that “good girls” didn’t have multiple partners.
Who told me to wait until I got married. ”
“I know honey, and I am sorry. But…”
“You barely talked to me about sex,” interrupted Alex. “You made it feel so secretive. And now this? Now, overnight, you’ve become this liberal thinking bisexual woman?”
Nadine could feel herself flush with utter shame.
“I know, and that was entirely hypocritical of me. Your grandmother, the way I was raised, it did a number on me and everything. I’m not making an excuse, because that is just wack and doesn’t hold me accountable.
But I know I dumped my trauma on you. And it was totally wrong. ”
“You’re damn right. It was more than wrong.
It was misogynoir. Hypocritical. Patriarchal,” Alex said.
Nadine narrowed her eyes. Alex tucked her lips in.
“Sorry, mom. I am just saying. My whole life you made sex seem kind of dirty and barely talked about it. And it was all because you felt guilty about it?”
“I know. Forgive me for that. Please.”
Alex went silent for several minutes, her arms still folded.
Nadine couldn’t tell if she was pissed or confused. But she pressed on. “Alex, I know this is a lot to process. But…are you ok?”
“I mean, I guess. It’s your life.” Alex scratched her head. “So, you’ve got a girlfriend and Eddie knows. Is she Eddie’s girlfriend too?”
“Yes and no.”
Alex’s full lips turned up into a smirk. “Oh, so you get to have all the fun, and he just sit backs and watches, huh?”
Boy, Alex had no idea how accurate that statement was. Nadine simply sighed. “I don't think getting into the dynamics is…well…it’s between me and your father.”
Alex snickered. “And here you were, calling Auntie Tate a bad influence. My, how the tables have turned.”
Nadine had to laugh. “I know. Trust me, I’ve apologized to them too for how I acted. And your Auntie Alisa won’t let me live it down.” Her eyes softened as she looked at her daughter, nibbling her lip. “Alex, seriously, I know this was a lot. Are you ok with this?”
Alex got off the bed and wrapped her arms around Nadine, taking her by surprise. “Mom, I am glad you’re living in your truth and being happy. You don’t have to hide anymore. I love you.”
Nadine felt tears roll down her cheeks and onto Alex’s ratty college sweatshirt. “Thank you, baby,” she said, her voice breaking like shards like glass.
Nadine’s phone rang again, and she saw Alisa calling. This time on FaceTime. She rolled her eyes. “Let me answer this before your aunt drives me crazy.” She pressed the button.
“Alisa, I am not bringing you any American Deli wings.” Nadine's eyes widened as she saw Alisa on her screen. Her skin looked dull and her eyes watery with tears.
“Alisa? What’s going on?”
“Nadine, it’s the babies. Something’s… wrong.”