Catharsis
Hannah
I woke up to the soft, gentle breeze of a summer day.
Sunlight kissed my cheeks, warming my body.
I opened my eyes. A bright blue sky stretched out before me.
The air smelled faintly of pine needles and forest flowers.
Tiny, plush-looking clouds drifted by. I was in a clearing, surrounded by colourful flowers—yellow, white, red.
Every colour imaginable adorned a bloom.
Tall grass filled the spaces between. I was nestled in beauty.
Nestled in safety. I lay on top of the soft grass.
Bees and birds flew past. I watched them, following their movements with my gaze. I looked to my right and smiled.
“I have missed you.”
Drokahr lay beside me, smiling back. His face looked content, relaxed, happy.
“I know you have,” he said, voice gentle.
I turned to my side. I wanted to take him in—the little scar on his cheek, his eyes that appeared black but, on closer inspection, held tiny flecks of brown.
They sparkled like amber when the light hit them.
How his right tusk was ever so slightly longer than his left.
I soaked in the sight of him, unwilling to look away.
Reaching out, I cupped his cheek, stroking it with my thumb. I couldn’t help but laugh. His smile widened. He took my hand in his, brought it to his lips, and kissed it—holding on, not letting go. A tear escaped my eye.
“This is all I ever wanted,” I whispered.
He smiled.
“I know. It is a shame, pet. For I don’t want you.”
I halted. Confusion flooded me. My smile faltered.
“Drokahr?”
The sky shifted above me. Day turned to night. Flowers wilted. The scent of decay hung in the air.
He blinked. His eyes turned completely black.
“Are you lost?” His voice cracked—no, doubled—two voices spilling out.
I sat up, yanking my hand away. He held me with an iron grip. Panic seized me.
“Let go!”
“Are you lost?” His face twisted, eyes growing larger and larger.
“No!” I sobbed, trying to get away.
“Are you lost?”
“Are you lost?”
“Are you lost?”
I felt something slide up my spine. A thick, red-orange tail curled around my neck, winding tighter and tighter.
“No!” I gasped, desperately trying to free myself.
It yanked me back, pulling me under.
“No!” I shot up, clawing at my neck, still trying to loosen a tail that wasn’t there. My panic-stricken mind took over.
Run.
I scrambled out of bed.
Hide.
In the darkness, I stumbled over the others. I didn’t notice them.
Flying out of the door, I ran down the cold, dark corridor. Out. Faster.
It will get you.
I could feel it—stretching over floors and walls, consuming everything in its path.
Faster.
I smashed into walls, chest heaving, bile rising in my throat.
I burst through the door that led into the courtyard.
It wasn’t enough. More. Distance.
I ran.
Heavy rain soaked my thin, worn clothes immediately. I barely noticed how cold it was. I needed to get away.
I reached the stairs to the garden. Down. Fast. It’s behind me.
I flew down the stairs, taking two, three at once.
If only my vision hadn’t been so blinded by panic. If only the rain hadn’t obscured it.
I would have seen the slippery moss on the stone stairs—but I hadn’t.
It was too late. I stepped on one. I slipped and fell.
The world spun around me. Pain shot through my body as I tumbled down the stairs, not slowing until I finally reached the bottom. I slammed into the cold, hard ground. Air knocked out of my lungs. I couldn’t breathe. I lay there, staring up at the clouds, trying to suck in a breath.
It had caught up. Claws dug into my chest.
I let out a scream. Every emotion—every feeling I had bottled up, drowned out, or sealed away—came bursting out.
I screamed, unable to stop. It hurt so much.
All that had happened, every memory from the moment I was kidnapped, flashed before my eyes.
Warm blood mixed with cold rain, running down my temple.
I clawed at my arms, my throat, my face—trying to replace emotional pain with physical pain, drawing my mind’s attention away from everything I had endured. But it wouldn’t let go. It dug deeper.
I remembered Drokahr. When we first locked eyes by that cliff.
How he caught me after I had slept in a tree crown.
I remembered the first time he held me in his arms, not knowing where it would lead.
How much I would love being in his arms.
How he always made me feel protected by staying close to me.
I remembered how he pulled me into his lap during the Founding Tale, how secure I felt.
His warmth. His safety. I loved everything about it.
Loved everything about him. I loved him.
The admission sent another wave of pain through my body.
I wailed. I loved him so much. And it hurt.
Knowing I had it all wrong. Knowing he never wanted me that way.
I lived a version of reality that never existed.
Tears streamed down my face, mingling with raindrops.
I would never see Sen again, or Nara, or the twins.
I thought I would see them grow up. I thought Drokahr and I would stay like that forever.
I wanted it back. I had been so happy. Despite it all—the path that led me to him—I had never been happier than by his side.
“Give it back!” I shouted towards the heavens. Another desperate scream tore from my lungs.
Under the heavy, dark, overcast sky, I cried. Let everything out that I had so carefully sealed away. It wouldn’t be ignored any longer. I let it wash over me. Let it consume me. I couldn’t move. Paralyzed, I lay there, howling, wailing until my voice grew hoarse, my throat dry, my tears spent.
Somewhere during the night, the rain had stopped. I continued to stare upward, unmoving, until dawn finally came. Black dots ran through my vision. I let it happen, closed my eyes, and went under.