Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
When night falls, the four of us meet in the dormitory again. It’s a small enough space that Jun has to put his wings away before coming in, but it’s the most private place on campus.
Knowing the Order is real makes everything difficult to navigate. There’s a chance the Order doesn’t have to do with the murders, but I’m beginning to believe it may after all.
Anyone on campus can be a part of it, and if they know we’re trying to take it down from the inside, our quest is over before it’s begun.
The only reason it’s so easy for me to get in is my tie to my father, but he’s a wise man.
If I step one toe out of line, if he suspects I’m not there for the immortality or that I’m not ready… it’s over.
How am I supposed to pretend I want this? Immortality without the people you love is my idea of hell.
My gaze falls to Tobey, where they’re perched on their bed, their legs crisscrossed, wearing a serious expression. Someday, somehow, I could lose them.
The best-case scenario is losing them to old age, but even that will be a tragedy. Accepting their death is one thing, but knowing I will soon have an elixir of eternal life in my fangs… that I could turn them…
I shake my head. No. I would never.
Caldwell sits next to them on their bed, and Jun perches on the only chair in the room, a wooden seat near our shared desk.
The silence stretches between us. No one has spoken since Jun and I relayed the information from the meeting. Tobey’s lips press into a tight line, and they’ve been like that for nearly a minute.
“Caldwell can join too,” I say, trying to offer something like an olive branch. My voice is upbeat, and I fix them both with a polite smile.
Caldwell glares.
Tobey shakes their head vigorously. “Absolutely not! We shouldn’t mess around with this. It’s bad enough that the two of you are signing up for it so easily.”
“We aren’t ‘signing up’ for anything,” Jun drawls. “It’s not so simple. We’re there to gather information, and if we find nothing, it’s over. Easy.”
Tobey knows a thing or two about collecting intel in dangerous ways, but that doesn’t stop the frown taking her face.
“I doubt it will be so easy,” Caldwell says, pushing his glasses up his straight nose. “This sounds dangerous. You must understand why we’re reluctant.”
“I do.” I nod. “And that’s fine. I’ve been reluctant about your plans. If you don’t wish to join us, we have no intention of forcing you. Jun and I will be fine on our own. We have the witch weapon, and we can take care of anything else that comes our way.”
“I hope you’re right,” Tobey says.
“No. You’ll not make me out to be the reckless one.” I roll my eyes. “Are we going to forget all the things you did? Dating the murderer? Snooping alone? You’re still here, at Strode—that’s careless.”
“I’m not a murderer,” Caldwell mumbles.
“Oh, but I can keep going. Running off to vampire clubs—alone—with the murderer? I’m not trying to make you feel bad, Tobey. I’m trying to make a point. The risks you took were worth it. They’re the reason we’re alive. Now, it’s my turn to take a risk or two.”
Caldwell lets out a slow sigh. His pocket watch ticks.
“You’re right,” they say. “And I guess it’s my turn to worry about you.”
“I guess it is.”
After a moment of silence, Jun says, “You dated a murderer?”
“It’s a long story,” I say.
“I’ll fill you in another time.” Tobey smiles politely. “But the short answer is… no. I didn’t. Not really.”
All Tobey and Jun had in common was Amelia—their mutual friend, the actual murderer—and it’s funny to see them make attempts at amiability now that she’s gone.
“I’m happy to have moved on from it,” I say. “And now, I’m going to be the one to avenge Poppy—and your mother.”
It feels like the right thing to say… until I realize how Tobey and Caldwell are looking at me.
Tobey’s expression goes flat, and hurt flashes behind Caldwell’s eyes.
“I’m not doing this for revenge anymore,” Tobey says.
“Sure. Of course, you’re not.” I chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. “Saint Tobey. Whatever you’re doing it for, I’m going to solve it. That’s all.”
“Maybe you will,” Tobey says. “But your father is the one behind this. So why should we trust you to do it?”
It’s my turn to be hurt—taken aback—a hand flying to my chest.
“I thought we were done with blaming each other. That’s so last month. You should know you can trust me.”
Tobey says nothing, their jaw flexing.
Caldwell won’t even meet my eye.
In a huff, I stand and head for the door.
“You know what?” I say, without looking back at them. “Come find me when you’re ready to get serious about solving this murder.”
“Margaux!” Tobey calls.
I ignore them, leaving the room with slow movements—slow enough for Tobey to follow if they want to.
They don’t.
Jun does. A quick turn of my head shows it’s the demon himself, with a scowl on his face.
He follows as I leave the building without saying a word. The wind blows through my hair as I step outside, and a shiver runs up my spine.
What I need is a moment alone. Bloody tears prick at my eyes, and I want to let them out in private.
I know I haven’t always been the best friend to Tobey. I was forced to keep secrets from a young age, and worse than that, I put them in danger. How could I have let them go off on their own so often?
So many mistakes. They’re supposed to have forgiven me, but now…
I don’t know if they did. Maybe they never will. What can I do to make up for the millions of tiny mistakes I made, and the one big secret that tore us apart in the first place?
Perhaps I’m done caring. Tobey took it too far, blaming me for whatever my father is doing.
Jun won’t give me any time alone. He stands behind me, close enough for me to feel demonic heat radiating from him.
“Margaux.” His voice is as rough as ever, yet somehow, it’s softer. Quiet. Tender. “They didn’t mean that. It was out of line, but it was just—”
The air is moist, sticking to my skin even though it’s not quite raining. Misting, maybe.
I inhale deeply, finding comfort in the cool scent in the air. “A misunderstanding. I know, and I don’t care. I just wanted to make them feel bad.”
“You care. You’re not fooling anyone… or at least, you’re not fooling me.”
I’m fighting off tears and a choking feeling, a sob threatening to slip past my lips. I can’t let him see me cry, and my voice will break if I speak, so I let a moment of silence settle between us.
“Look,” he says, “if you need a night alone or a place to stay… come hang out at my dorm. It’s a single. No roommates.”
I finally release a sob, but it’s mixed with mangled laughter. “Are you coming on to me right now? You must realize how inappropriate that is.”
He groans, rubbing a hand over his face. “No. I’m trying to be a nice fucking person.”
What I should do is flat-out turn him down, but running away may help Tobey realize how cruel they were. Perhaps it’s petty, but I want to make them suffer in silence. They did the same to me for months.
I bite the inside of my cheek, contemplating my options. Before the situation with Amelia, I would have had someone else to disappear with. I had a whole roster. Cuddling is the best distraction, but my life is different now.
I’m disgustingly single and stuck hanging out with Jun—and I will not be cuddling him.
“Fine.” I march forward, subtly wiping away a stray tear. “Lead the way.”
He grips my elbow gently to guide me in the opposite direction. “You’re fucking hopeless.”
Jun isn’t particularly good at cheering me up, but somehow, that’s more comforting than if he were trying to lift my spirits. Jun pitying me is a low I’m not ready to fall to.
He guides me to his dormitory, and it doesn’t feel much like pity.
It especially doesn’t when he opens the door and reveals his huge, lavishly decorated room.
I’ve never seen a dormitory this beautiful.
The bed has to be king-sized, and red crushed-velvet furniture decorates the room.
It’s fit for a king. The tears pricking at my now eyes are joyful.
Sleeping in this room may be the best thing to come from my newfound alliance with Jun.
This is miles above the typical masculine college student’s dormitory.
It’s tidy, his bed is made, and while the decor is more minimal than I enjoy…
it will do for the night. There are a few personal touches, I would add—a designer rug, vintage knick-knacks, and a few stuffed crows—but Jun surprises me.
I had a nicer room before Tobey came to Strode. Making my way into their room felt like a success. It took some convincing and begging, but my father helped me pull some strings. Protecting Tobey meant leaving behind my coveted single room.
“Oh, how I miss sleeping alone.” I drop my jacket onto the floor and glide through the room.
Jun bends over to pick up my abandoned outerwear, setting it neatly on a cushioned armchair. “You’re not sleeping alone.”
I turn to him with wide eyes. “Well, I am certainly not sleeping with you.”
“Thank fuck for that.” He chuckles, heading to the bed.
I half expect him to flop on it, but he doesn’t. Instead, he grabs a pillow and drops it onto the small couch.
Yes, the room is big enough to fit a couch. I hate him more than ever. Son of Strode, indeed. If I didn’t believe him before, I certainly would now.
“I’ll be over here,” he says, sinking into the couch with a sigh. “And I have a private bathroom too, so… enjoy that.”
“You know what?” I look around, my cheeks hurting from smiling. “I think I will.”
Relishing an evening with Jun as my only companion is unfathomable. No, my joy tonight is not about him—it’s the amenities. A hot shower is soothing and gives me a safe space to cry for a bit. When I crawl into his bed, my body is heavy, begging for relaxation.
My mind won’t give it to me, spinning right back to Tobey. My best friend. The only person I trust.
She still doesn’t trust me.
“Do you think we can trade beds?” I ask, searching for a distraction. “Yours is gorgeous.”
“Even if I would—and I won’t—there’s no room in your shit-hole dormitory for my bed.”
Jun flops one leg off the side of the sofa, with his hands resting behind his head. It doesn’t look comfortable, but I won’t turn down a good night of rest.
He’ll live. And I’ll sleep like a baby for the first time in a month.
“I only live in that ‘shit hole’ because of Tobey.” My eyelids flicker shut. And there I go, thinking about them again. “My last room was more like this. It wasn’t as large, but it was bigger than I have now… and the bed was nicer, too.”
“It sounds like you gave up a lot for them.”
The tightness in my throat returns. For the first time since Tobey arrived at Strode, someone can see how much I’m doing for them.
My grades and performance are deteriorating.
Other friendships have fallen by the wayside.
I let go of my single room, and more importantly, I risked my life more than once.
Now, potentially, I’m throwing away my relationship with my father for her.
Frustratingly, Jun is the only one who can see it.
I don’t expect anything in return, but for her to continue mistrusting me… it hurts.
I nod, even though he likely isn’t looking. “I care about them more than I care about anyone. We’ve been best friends since we were five years old. Do you have any friendships like that?”
“Nope. I got kicked out of too many boarding schools to make real friends.”
“Ah. So, you’ve always been the bad boy type. Color me shocked.”
“I’m not any type.”
“You are. You know, I pegged you as a bad boy the first day we met.”
He sits up, throwing a pillow in my general direction. It misses, and I open my eyes, reaching for it.
“With your aim,” I say, laughing, “I know you’re definitely not the jock type.”
He glares, but there’s less malice than I’m used to. “Give me the pillow.”
“No.” I drop it onto the bed next to me. I don’t need another pillow, but I don’t want to give it to him. “Good night.”
“Margaux.” He laughs, and for once, there’s no bitterness in the sound. “Give me the fucking pillow.”
“Say ‘please.’”
“Now.”
I turn my head to glare at him, but the vision of Jun on his pathetic little couch elicits guilt. There’s a flash of red in his eyes. The stern way he’s looking at me gives me another stomachache.
I sigh and throw the pillow back to him.
“Thank you,” he says, placing it under his head.
This night isn’t so bad. Even with Jun’s annoying, rough voice being the last thing I hear, I sleep like a baby.