Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
Gray sunlight drips into the room far earlier than I would prefer. Jun is trying to torture me, isn’t he? He doesn’t pay me any mind as he shuffles around the room, as obnoxious as he’s ever been.
I drape an arm over my face and groan. “What time is it?”
“Nine. I let you sleep in. Don’t tell anyone I’m not generous.”
“Nine isn’t generous.”
While I’m not as sensitive to sunlight as a turned vampire, I’m still not the biggest fan of the morning.
Tobey understands this, and they spend so much time out and about during the day that they never bother me like this.
Jun is making me miss them, even though we’ve only been apart for an evening.
He sets a plate on the bedside table, and the clatter of glass makes me cringe. I sit up swiftly, fixing him with a sharp glare.
Jun holds up his hands in surrender. “I thought vampires hating the day was a myth—or at least exaggerated. My bad.” He points to the plate. “I brought you breakfast. You’re fucking welcome.”
I narrow my eyes on the plate next to me. English muffin, butter, and jam. It’s not my usual breakfast, and it isn’t what I need, but it will do for now.
Now that I’m not dating, my blood supply is low. I’m forced to do the most dreaded thing imaginable—drink from the bottled supply Strode offers. It’s nowhere near as satisfying, and my hunger grows by the day.
I pick up the plate, taking a tentative bite of the muffin. “Thank you.”
“Finally, some fucking manners.” He plops onto the couch, running his fingers through his long, dark hair.
“I’ve always had good manners.”
“Not with me, you haven’t.”
That’s true, and I should probably be kinder to him. He let me use his room as a sanctuary and sleep in his gigantic bed. I would show gratitude to anyone else in this situation, but I fear lathering Jun in praise will make me ill.
A playful smile curls on my lips. “You’re the exception.”
He shakes his head. “Well, I have to leave soon, and you’re not staying here alone.”
“Where, exactly, do you have to go?”
“I’m meeting up with Charlotte. We’re running lines.”
Right. Charlotte. My stomach sinks. I stare at my plate in complete silence.
“You could run lines with me instead.” My voice is weaker than I would like, and then—
He laughs. Jerk. “Why would I do that? Come on. Be so fucking real.”
I set the plate down, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. “You would be lucky to practice with me. I’m going to be Charlotte’s understudy, so…”
“Do I look like I give a shit?” He flashes a smile. “We’re already spending too much time together these days. Don’t you think?”
He’s right. I’m being ridiculous. Why, on earth, am I begging for more of Jun’s time?
“How right you are.” I slip on my shoes. “Hopefully, I won’t be seeing you again anytime soon.”
“Margaux…” A heavy sigh accompanies my name in his growling, infuriating voice.
“Don’t bother.” I open the door. “The damage has already been done.”
“Hey!”
I turn to look at him and find he’s on his feet as well.
“Yes?” I cross my arms, my hip popping out.
“Sit down and finish your breakfast.”
Butterflies. The stomachache he’s been giving me is butterflies. Damn it all.
“No. I don’t think I will.” I slam the door shut, and the paintings rattle as I take my leave.
For the first time in my life, I wish I had signed up for morning classes.
It would be wonderful to continue avoiding Tobey in our dormitory—and I try my hardest to.
While I yearn for a nice, soft bed, I drag my feet to the dining hall instead.
Without looking to see whether my friend is there, whether any of my friends are, I sit at my usual table and fill a goblet with my preferred drink.
The bottled blood is cold and stale, but it will keep me alive. I don’t bother with the bounty of food spread across the table, focusing instead on my liquid diet. My eyes close as I lift the glass to my mouth. Once the first drop hits my tongue, I’m alert and energized.
How long has it been since I had a proper drink?
I swiftly finish the rest of the glass, not bothered with looking polite and pretty. By the time it’s gone, the room stops spinning. The headache from the sun fades, and I recognize the person sitting before me.
Tobey. Of course.
I dab a napkin against my lips. “How long have you been there?”
“Just a few seconds.” They lean in, frowning. “Are you all right?”
“Mhm. Never been better.” I take a generous gulp of water, swishing it around my mouth.
“I’ve been worried about you. Caldwell and I went looking for you last night.”
“Bit dramatic of you, don’t you think?”
“Margaux. Seriously? I could hardly sleep when you were missing. Why didn’t you reply to me?”
“My phone died.” A lie—probably. I haven’t stopped to look at it. “But worry not. I found somewhere else to sleep last night. I could tell my presence was unwanted.”
“You know that’s not true.”
“Do I?” I lean in. “Because last month, when you were coming up with crazy ideas, I supported all of them. I went along with every single stupid thing you did. I went to vampire clubs and stakeouts and spied on you when you were trying to date an assumed killer. But you can’t support me now that I have an idea or two. ”
“I know. That was wrong of me…” They exhale slowly. “And I do support you.”
“Where’s the but?”
“But I’m afraid of losing you. That’s all. I thought it was obvious.”
Not exactly what I’m expecting. How am I supposed to keep fighting when they clearly still care? And, of course, I still care. I could live a thousand years past Tobey, and they would still be important to me.
My heart sinks, and I look away, pressing my lips together. “Well, it wasn’t. Especially not when you told me… what was it you said? You can’t trust me because of something my father may or may not have done?”
“I do trust you, and I shouldn’t have said that. It wasn’t true—it isn’t—and we don’t need to let things like that get in our way again.”
“I’m afraid too.” The admission comes out small. Weak. “Did you ever consider that?”
“Of course, I did.”
“I need you.” My eyes lock with theirs. “I don’t know what will come from spying on the Order, but you and I must stick together. There are enough enemies on this campus. We don’t know how many people are against us, and we don’t need to make enemies of each other.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
I press my lips together. “I can’t do this without you. All the strength and speed in the world doesn’t mean I can do this alone, and Jun—”
“Right. We need to talk about Jun.”
“Not right now. He doesn’t matter right now. We matter. I need you by my side, and I feel like you’re going to abandon me every time you wear that judgmental look of yours.”
“I don’t have a judgmental look.”
“Yes. You do.”
They press their lips together.
“That!” I point. “That’s exactly the look I’m talking about.”
“Well, I’m sorry.” They wipe a hand across their face. “I want to be here for you and go along with your plans. I know how much you’ve done for me—and for Poppy. For our mission. I’m not taking that for granted. Honest.”
“You’d better not.”
“I wasn’t doing a good job before, but I’m here for you now. I swear. I’m all the way in.”
“And you trust me? Not just when it’s convenient for you. I want you to trust me no matter what.”
This has always been the hard part for Tobey. Trust. Whether it was mistrusting me, Caldwell, or their father, who gambled away what little family money they had and abandoned them. I’m asking a lot of them, but now, they don’t hesitate.
“I do,” they say. “We’re sticking together, and we’re going to do this—for Poppy.”
“No.” I reach across the table and give their hand a firm squeeze. “Not for Poppy. She’s gone. We can’t keep doing everything for her. We’re doing this for us—to keep you safe and to make sure we never find out if what Amelia said is true.”
Her parting words haunt me, though Tobey never brings them up. Amelia said the school has bigger plans for Tobey. A month has passed, and I still wonder if it’s true. My father knows they’re a human. Why hasn’t someone kicked them out yet?
What if the Order is involved?
Tobey squeezes my hand. With their lack of strength, it feels like the slightest pressure, but it grounds me.
“For us then,” they say. “And I mean it—but there’s more I’m worried about.”
“What is it?”
“Your feeding habits.” They eye my empty goblet. “I thought you preferred it fresh…”
“I do. All vampires do.” I lift a shoulder. “But I don’t have a source right now. If you haven’t realized, I’m not dating at the moment.”
Their lips pop open. “I didn’t notice, actually…”
We both know it’s odd for me to be single. Ever since I discovered the wonder of romance, I’ve enjoyed having a partner or even two—but only when they know about one another, of course. I’m alone for the first time, and it isn’t because I want to be.
“I actually tried to get back into dating.”
“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Tobey is usually the first person I tell about my dates, and I probably would have, if it had amounted to anything.
“Because it didn’t go well. I had a… a panic attack, I suppose. At the restaurant. It’s embarrassing.”
If there’s one person who understands, it’s Tobey. I only know what a panic attack is because I’ve seen them have a few—often after a hard test back in high school. Their mental health has improved over the years, but I know I can lean on them.
It’s still mortifying to admit that seeing Amelia die has rattled me this badly. Tobey seems perfectly fine—even Caldwell does. And I, a bloodthirsty vampire… I am the weakest link in our chain.
Their brows furrow. “I didn’t know vampires could do that.”
“Well, we can.” I snort. “I’d never had one before, and it wasn’t her fault, but she reminded me of Amelia. I didn’t realize until we were in the middle of the date. She had red hair, and… it was nothing, no other resemblance, but I freaked out.”
There’s a frown on Tobey’s lips as they listen diligently. “Oh, Margaux…”
“Don’t.” I laugh sadly. “Don’t pity me.”
“I’m not pitying you. You know I’ve been through this before.”
“I do.”