Chapter 9
HEKLA
Belenus placed his consoling hands on my shoulders, and the sound of his deep inhale filled my ears. “I’ll make sure the doctors know where you are. I’m also going to check and see if I still have privileges to assign your maids and your guards back to you. I’m not sure what orders the queen has placed regarding that.”
My sorrowful heart could only think of one question. “If she ordered me to hold my breath until I died, would you let her, Belenus?”
“I’d never let anyone hurt you like that,” he protested, his voice thick with pain.
My breath caught when he slid his arms under mine, hugging me just beneath my breasts, and rested his chin on my head. We just stood like that for a while, listening to each other’s heartbeat, his novel embrace filling me with want. This was new, but I wanted more—so much more.
“Belenus… you tell me to be strong, but all that does is allow her to abuse me. This place… declaws me. I don’t understand it. I don’t know what to do. I know how to submit to an alpha, but to her… she’s… not the same at all. It’s like everything is a game. It’s cruel.”
“It’s because everything here is a game, Hekla,” he murmured. “Court life is not simple, it’s not clean, and it’s not honest.”
“What scares me the most, other than losing you, is losing who I am,” I replied. “I was confident and secure in my decisions before coming here. Now… maybe the false heat is making it worse, but I feel like such a scared little pup. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in my life. I don’t feel like a wolf. I don’t recognize myself.”
While removing the mac-talla’s leather perch from my shoulder, he said, “This is what it feels like to go to war, Hekla. I’ve seen the bravest of souls petrify under the pressure of battle. The court… it’s none of the gore but all of the mental scarring. This war is going to hurt, and we’re both going to receive injuries, but we can’t give up.” He further loosened my dress and slid his large, rough palms down my neck to slowly sweep the straps off my shoulders. His stronger intake of breath brushed down my neck when my dress fell to the floor, but he simply collected the clothing to hang in the closet.
Belenus averted his gaze, as I wore only a bra and a pair of panties, and I couldn’t ignore it. “Still can’t look at me?” I asked, as much longing as hurt in my heart.
“You know why, dear Hekla.” His voice softened as he removed his jacket. “I’ll lose control and bed you. It worsens by the day. That’s how much power you have over me.”
I knew that already… I supposed I just needed to hear his want too. Then he took off his shirt, exposing a part of him I hadn’t seen before now—a view of rippling muscles.
Now I truly knew what he meant by control; I held back a whimper as my underwear dampened, my own restraint flickering like a faint star. I forced the extra saliva down my throat but couldn’t pry my eyes off his hard chest and the enticing, beautiful carvings down his golden abdomen. I wanted to touch them, mold my hands around them, but I could not.
He handed me his white dinner shirt while I stared. “Something for you to sleep in for now. I’ll bring you clothes tomorrow.”
“Thank you…” I said quietly and slipped it over my head. It hung just beneath my bottom, and that worked just fine for me.
Belenus pulled back the sheets and gestured for me to sit on the bed where he proceeded to remove all my jewelry. He was especially careful with the ornaments in my hair, trying not to snag any strands that had become entangled. His fingers ran through my locks to loosen them, and I closed my eyes in bliss, pretending for a moment that we were already mated.
“Lie down, my female,” he urged quietly, lifting the sheets so I could slide under them. He tucked me in and stroked my hair, staring at me in silence. Though I closed my eyes, he remained by my side, comforting me until I fell asleep.
·
I sorely wanted to sleep through the next day, but a key jiggling into the lock told me that I had a visitor. From the scent leaking around the loose door, I could tell it was Bidelia instead of Belenus. She padded in but stopped tiptoeing once she saw my open eyes. Still moving quietly, she placed food and water down for the mac-talla and climbed on the bed to snuggle against me.
I swung an arm over her and closed my eyes, grateful for the extra warmth. Whenever my false heat had subsided last night, I realized that the room was quite cold. Even though wolves ran a little hotter than some other species, it was uncomfortable without a fireplace, and I’d shifted into Eventide to stay warm. Even the mac-talla had given up his aloofness to curl against my wolf.
Speaking of the mac-talla, I realized I’d forgotten something important and felt quite guilty about it. “What’s your name?” I asked the creature, who was gorging himself on fruit and… grubs. I made a face.
Ah dinna huv a name, but ah huv mony names, he answered grumpily.
“He doesn’t have a name,” I shared with Bidelia.
“What do ye want to be called?” she asked curiously. The mac-talla froze for a moment, and his wings twitched. I doubted he had been asked that by previous owners.
Erse, he answered darkly.
“Erse? Ok…” I said, looking over at a giggling Bidelia. “Looks like he wants to be called Erse.”
“His accent is thicker than mine! Why does he wanna be called Arse? That means ‘butt.’” She continued giggling, and I looked over at the mac-talla with a raised eyebrow. I wondered if he could feel my stare on his back because he shifted uncomfortably. He also didn’t answer Bidelia’s question.
“I think he’s waiting for me to get fed up with him and return him to the pet shop,” I said with a yawn. “It’s not going to work, Arse.” Bidelia broke into another bout of giggles.
“That sounds so stupid. I like it!” She laughed manically, rolling about a bit in her mirth. Then, she howled in pain and sat up, quickly reaching back to adjust something under her servant’s uniform.
“What happened, Bidelia?” I asked, crawling around to see what was wrong with her back. She shook her head and shifted away from me.
“Bideliaaa,” I growled a warning and exerted whatever dominance I had into my voice. I was no alpha, but I could sound strong.
“My binding shifted,” she whimpered in defeat and pulled her dress over her head. “Can ye fix it? The other maids usually help.”
I couldn’t help the angry growl that rose in my chest when I saw her back. She scented like a bug because she had beautiful gold, emerald, and sky-blue butterfly wings. I growled because they were crinkled from being bound by a gauzy tape. The skin around the base of her wings was slightly inflamed, and tears immediately flooded my eyes.
“Why?” I gasped, tensing in outrage .
“The queen doesn’t like to look at folk fae parts if it can be helped. They demand winged to be bound while on floor duty,” she said simply, like it was a completely acceptable reality.
“Can… you still fly?” I rubbed angry tears from my chin before they could drip.
“I’m not sure. I haven’t tried.”
My hands shook with sadness and fury as I touched the strap that’d become cockeyed. “Bidelia, I don’t want to fix this! I want to take it off!” I confessed, trying to make it sound like I wasn’t crying.
“Ye have to! I’ll get in trouble!” Her fearful answer cracked my heart, and I carefully moved the band back to where it used to be, trying not to further damage her wings. “Thank ye. I’m sorry ye won’t be queen anymore. I feel like ye would have been a good one.”
Not even Bidelia thought I had a chance? The crack in my heart splintered from growing doubt, and being unable to cope with that, I forced a change in topic. “Best get to your duties, Bidelia.”
She crawled off the bed but froze upon standing. “Oh! There was a human guarding yer door last night! Black hair, blue eyes? Do ye know him? Never saw a human before. At least I don’t think I have.”
Was that Koray? Oh, thank the Moon Goddess! Someone sane to talk to! “Do you know where the training yard is for the warriors?”
She nodded, staring blankly at my tear-stained face.
“Can you take me there?” I asked while taking off the shirt to throw on the fancy gown. It was all I had. She nodded once more, tightened my dress for me, and watched me race to freshen up.
I followed her out of my room and out of the castle where we took a right turn leading to an expansive training yard. It contained a massive number of sections for different specialties, even including an area for fae to fight on horseback. I’d never seen anything like this in my life, not even at Zorian and Ragna’s castle; though to be fair, horses didn’t like shifters riding them.
Bidelia ran off to fulfill her duties, and I searched the crowd of fae for Koray’s familiar face. I scrambled through the yard past yelling trainers and found Koray getting… well… getting his butt handed to him by an older fae man. I waited anxiously until Koray was allowed a break and ran up to him. Thank the gods he saw me coming because I would have tackled him whether he noticed me or not.
Oh, thank the gods! Thank the Sun God, and the Sky Gods, and the Earth Gods, and the Moon Goddess that someone from our realm is here! Eventide sobbed. I can’t believe I missed the smell of a human!
“Hekla!” Koray shouted as I embraced him, stunned. He hugged me in return and stepped back to study me. “You’re out of bed! Thought you’d be resting after everything Belenus told me last night.”
“No… no… a little fae girl gave me a wake-up call,” I replied breathlessly, waving away his idea. “It’s so good to see someone from my realm.” I choked up and fanned my face. “Sorry, I’m just emotional right now. Oh gods!”
Koray gestured to a bench, and we sat while I gathered myself. With a sympathetic look, he said, “I’m truly sorry to hear about the engagement. I was planning on writing a letter to the Lunar Coven to ask if they had any ideas.”
Touched by such thoughtfulness, I nearly burst into tears. What was wrong with me today? This was so much worse than the false heat.
This would be a really bad time for our real heat, Eventide bemoaned.
“That is… so… I’m so grateful for that!” I hesitated for a moment when I thought of something. “I just realized… do you think it’d be worth taking a trip to see the Moon Goddess?” I asked, then added hastily, “I don’t want you to think I’m taking advant age of you! In fact, I could maybe ask Zorian if he could escort me.”
He frowned and brought a fist to his mouth in thought. “I don’t know if She’d be of any help. She just assigns the mates, but I can’t imagine a trip doing any harm. I’m not keen on going back for any old reason, but I think this is important enough to try,” he said, nodding slowly as he worked out his thoughts. “I couldn’t imagine losing Soley like this. I think I’d go mad too.”
“Um, just think on it. You don’t have to decide right away, and I know you’re busy… getting your butt kicked.” I gave him a feral grin and pointed to his trainer, making him laugh. He glanced back to where he’d been practicing and wiped some sweat from his forehead.
“Yeah… it’s a start. I’ll get better I’m sure.” He then moved his gaze to the castle and added longingly, “Though I’d love to talk to some of the magic trainers here. I know I’m just a human, but I can’t help but be curious. I wonder how different it is from witchwork.”
“Oooh, you should ask Belenus to introduce you to them!” I said excitedly.
He looked shyly at his hands. “I don’t know… he’s already given me a lot…” he replied in a quieter voice and nervously licked his lips.
“Um, excuuuse me, Koray, but you were trapped in another realm for years. I’m preeetty sure you could ask him for a lot more!” I lectured, poking his insecure shoulder. He nodded but remained visibly uncertain. “Well, if you won’t, I will!” I stood and grinned. Before he could protest, I turned on a heel and strode off.
It felt so good to have a couple things on my agenda! Aside from my symptoms, I was starting to feel a little like myself again. I fanned my face and prayed that my real heat wasn’t coming. I had things to do !
BELENUS
The morning was a nightmare. Not only did I receive last-minute notification that Princess Eislyn had arrived, I also hadn’t quite found where they’d moved Hekla’s clothes yet. Certainly, all that finery wouldn’t have been thrown into the trash. It had to be in a storage closet somewhere. I grunted in anger as I returned to my room, changed into my formal attire, then left to meet the princess.
She was waiting by the main entrance with the queen, who forced a broad, loving smile onto her face when she spotted me. “Ah! There is my handsome son. Belenus, come meet your bride-to-be! Doesn’t Eislyn look simply ravishing this morning?” the queen said with a glint of warning in her eyes.
I regarded the princess. Dressed in a wispy pink dress, she curtseyed demurely and shyly fluttered her eyelashes. She was a fair fae from the Spring Court, pearlescent in skin and hair. Most would likely call her the fairest of the seelie territory, but I felt nothing. I would have felt nothing had I never met Hekla. This woman had never been rude to me, but I saw how she acted when she thought no one was looking, and she was a horror. The thought of a lifetime with her almost sent me retching to the nearest bucket.
And yet, I was forced to be civil. “Looking radiant as ever, Princess Eislyn,” I greeted, then clenched my teeth when she held her hand up to be kissed. She blushed and waited for me to cave. Damn you.
I took her hand and lightly kissed the back of it, thankful for the silk glove that kept my lips from her skin. I stood up straight, placed my hands behind my back, and waited for the queen to speak. I wasn’t volunteering any friendly discourse.
The queen beamed and clapped excitedly. “Don’t you both make the fairest couple in all the courts! I simply cannot wait for the wedding. Oh, I do wish it could be sooner than two weeks, don’t you?” She smiled at Eislyn who nodded enthusiastically. “Maybe we can discuss it with the court and seelie!”
“Mother,” I said, choking out the word, “we should abide by the courtship rules. You made it very clear the other day how important they were.”
She ignored my steeliness and dismissed me with a wave of her hand. “He’s just nervous! He’s been raving about what a beauty you are!”
After a lifetime of tolerating her cold disposition, it was surreal to see her acting like this—jovial in her lies and manipulation. I stood between two very skilled actors, and I couldn’t say a blisterin’ thing. And of all the acts she could have chosen, the princess had picked the most annoying personality to play. Eislyn tittered idiotically over the lie and stared up at me through her lashes.
The queen placed a guiding hand on her shoulder and said to me, “Do show her around, my son! Let her see her future kingdom. Make sure she knows where the servants’ quarters are too.”
I shot her a nasty look, but her gaze conveniently averted. That was way too far. I’d not allow her to target Hekla any further. I’d have to speak to her later about that.
Eislyn gave me an expectant look, and I lifted my elbow to escort her, forcing a smile on my face. Movement outside the castle caught my attention, and it turned out to be Hekla watching from a distance. My smile faltered and cold horror filled my stomach. I hoped she hadn’t seen the entire encounter, including my own acting, but her shocked expression told me otherwise, and she backed out of sight.
Shit.
My heart hung angry and dark in my chest as I strolled down the halls with Eislyn. I didn’t say much as she chatted, and I hid my scowls whenever she’d make camouflaged, disparaging remarks about the folk fae servants who crossed paths with us.
“I’m surprised to see some horns and antlers not thoroughly covered,” she rambled innocently. “We make them wear the same hoods or bonnets, but we’re quite strict. It’s important to display a consistent uniform.”
I gritted my teeth and hummed a noncommittal response. She continued to babble about other ‘important’ things and the changes she’d make here and there.
Genuinely wanting to know if she could even answer the question, I asked, “What do you think about some of our laws that are a bit outdated and problematic to visitors? We could increase tourism if we removed the ‘thank you’ bait and other entrapments. Perhaps we could work to build trust with our neighbors in the other realm that way?”
“Oh, I think that’s a horrid idea, if you’d forgive me for saying as much, Your Highnes—I mean, my husband-to-be,” she replied with a simper. “If we remove all traditions, we’d lose our identity as a people, don’t you think?”
“If our identity relies upon trapping others for selfish reasons, then we’re doomed as a species, Eislyn,” I replied sternly, refusing to call her anything but her given name.
“Hmm.” She pouted and put her other finger to her lips. “I don’t think so, but that’s why you’ll have me! I’ll make sure we make the right decisions, my beloved.”
Just kill me, I thought miserably. Someone just come along and put a sword through me.
HEKLA
Seeing Belenus kiss that fae woman’s hand felt like someone had put a sword through me. When my mate’s gaze fell on mine, I staggered backwards and retreated to release my emotions elsewhere. As I searched for a private corner, I placed a hand to my heart and labored for breath, suffering a surge of panic. The stress ravaged me inside and out, clawing like a shift gone horribly wrong. Though embarrassment burned and shock froze, neither worked to soothe the other.
He’s just acting. That’s how they do things here. It’s all a game ,I reminded myself as my vision blurred from tears. I rubbed the water away with a scowl, my emotions running as hot and cold as my body.
It still hurt, Eventide said. Her aggrieved voice twisted the sword that had not yet been pulled from me. I want to rip her apart!
Eventide’s jealousy brought out mine, and I grew angrier. I hated feeling like this! This wasn’t me! I knew better! My face and body flushed, and I sank to the dirt to lean against the cool stone wall and fan my chest. I was becoming more miserable by the second. My sex throbbed, needing to know that Belenus still wanted me. My brain knew better, but my body didn’t seem to be on the same page, and I felt lost again.
I need to find the doctors… I said, the fever crawling deeper. Maybe they can help.
A fae soldier passed by and froze. He turned his head around like he was looking for something, then his eyes fell on me. “A-are you ok, miss?” he asked nervously.
“Do you know where the doctor is?” I asked, just cutting to the chase. I could have said I was fine, but I honestly wasn’t.
“I know where the castle medical ward is, miss. Would you like an escort?” he asked, taking his helmet off and straightening his hair. I glanced at his dilated eyes and noticed the state of his pants. He seemed… affected.
Is this our real heat? Oh, please no! Now is NOT THE TIME! Eventide howled.
There was no helping it, though, and I answered his question. “Please.” I gave my bleary eyes a rub and stood carefully, not wanting to display any more vulnerability than I already had. He politely offered an arm, but I declined, disappointing him a great deal. I followed him into the castle and down several halls, where he finally opened a door for me .
“Than—” I began, then froze. I’d almost thanked him. Oh, that could have been bad! “I hope you have a good day,” I stated to his extra-disappointed face.
“My name’s Ferchar, if you’re ever… lonely,” he replied, shifting anxiously. Realizing I wasn’t going to encourage him, he hastily bowed, licked his lips, and rushed back down the hall.
No thanks again, Eventide moaned.
I approached the ward’s front desk to greet an aquatic-looking fae organizing some documents. She noticed me through her pile of work and smiled hesitantly. “Can I help ye?” she inquired, moving the documents to the side. I had to wonder if she knew who I was. Did anyone?
Nearly begging, I inquired, “Is Doctor Egres or Elisedd in? I’m not feeling well, and they’d want me to see them…”
“Let me see if they’re with a patient,” she replied kindly and shuffled out of the room. I didn’t have to wait long before she came back, blushing and flustered. “They’re, um, on a break. I’d say to give them fifteen minutes… maybe?” she squeaked out and went back to her desk. “Just, um, take a seat. I’ll check to see if they’re don— I mean ready! In a minute!”
I had no idea why she was on edge, but I had very little energy to care. I sighed and curled up into a chair, wishing I had a cold cloth for my face. All I could do was sit, wait, and try not to replay the image of Belenus kissing that fae’s hand. My eyes searched desperately for something else to fixate on but found nothing. I should have brought the mac-talla.
Finally, the doctors were available, and I was brought back to an examination room where I was greeted by two very… flushed and visibly pleased doctors. Doctor Egres briskly opened a drawer to collect some tools while I relayed my symptoms to both of them. She took my temperature and nodded.
“Yes, sounds like your real heat is here,” she informed, and Doctor Elisedd continued a normal exam by checking my ears, pulse, and throat.
“Can I take that medicine you made to help with the symptoms?” I asked hopefully. Doctor Elisedd shook his head, and Doctor Egres crossed her arms, her brows furrowed in sympathy.
“I’m afraid not,” Doctor Elisedd answered for them both. “We don’t want to manipulate your natural hormonal cycle, especially now that you’re recovering from being dosed.”
I sighed miserably and buried my face in my hands. “What are my options?” I groaned. “I can’t just writhe around in a room all day!”
“Cold water and masturbation helps,” Doctor Egres said while washing and returning tools to their cabinets and drawers. “If your mate can’t help, you can get some relief that way. It won’t cure it, and it only lasts so long, but it’s better than nothing.”
“He definitely can’t help,” I grumbled nastily. “He’s busy kissing some other fae’s hand.”
The fae doctor sighed regretfully. “Yes. We’ve heard about the engagement,” Doctor Elisedd muttered, peeling off his gloves before washing his hands. “I’m terribly sorry to hear about it.”
My surroundings clouded from a worsening mood, and I barely noticed the lycan clearing her throat. “Back in our realm, at the castle,” Doctor Egres said, “we have counseling should you choose to reject him and look for another mate.”
That was too much to hear. That made failure sound far too close, too real, and I broke down into tears. The doctors patted my back sympathetically and left the room to give me privacy, telling me to come out whenever I was ready.
Eventide tried to pull herself together for both our sakes. I know we’re emotional and this sucks, but we’re getting ahead of things. Focus on the present. Her tone wavered more than usual, and I knew I had to be there for her too.
I rubbed away my tears, straightened my shoulders, and left the medical ward with a body burning up from heat. I wanted to take a walk through the garden, but I didn’t want to run into any men, so I just decided to return to my windowless prison and crawl back into bed. Maybe I could figure out how to sleep forever, because I was getting crankier than… well, there might not be anything crankier than a wolf in heat. I bared my teeth at the empty hall and turned right into the servant’s wing.
My steps faltered when I nearly ran into two fae. Horribly self-conscious, I ducked past them, keeping my gaze to the floor. Before I could get far, one of the two, an angry woman, snapped at me. “Excuse me, servant! Apologize for rushing into us!” Despite what I wore, she sneered the word ‘servant,’ and cold fury flooded my veins. Oh, she had chosen the wrong time of the month to mess with me!
I looked up, and the cold fury momentarily fell to shock. Belenus was telling her something in a stern voice, but I couldn’t hear him. I couldn’t hear anything. All I could see was her arm wrapped around his arm as she raised her chin to glare at me. She seemed to ignore Belenus’s words and snapped, “I’m. Waiting.”
I stared at Belenus, who was sending me an apologetic look and tried to tug away the fae woman. Had he been a wolf-shifter, he would have thrown her against the wall and threatened her with death for speaking to his fated mate like that.
But that wasn’t how they did things here…
“She’s not a servant,” Belenus warned her gruffly. “Please refrain from talking to her like that.”
The woman batted her eyelashes at him. “If you let non-fair fae act like this, they’ll walk all over you,” she replied sweetly. “I’ll help you sort this issue out after we’re wed, my husband-to-be.”
She looked back at me expectantly. I glanced at Belenus one more time, but he only looked angry. He didn’t drag her away, and he wasn’t going to protect me. Was this what he meant when he asked me to be strong? Did he mean for me to accept abuse?
I think not.
I let my canines and claws extend, then showed her exactly what I thought of her expectations by baring my teeth. I marched up to tell her to back off, but Belenus stepped in front of me and grabbed my wrist. I gaped in disbelief. He then shook his head warningly, and my fight utterly evaporated, leaving nothing in my heart but betrayal and heartache. How could he take her side?
He frowned, leaned down the tiniest bit, and his nostrils flared with a sniff.
“Are you in…?” he mouthed at me.
Our heat? Yes. Thank you for only caring about that, Eventide snarled, outraged by this entire scene.
I ripped my hand out of his grip and walked away, not understanding what the… the… fuck just happened.