Chapter 48
Ariana
“Do you want to change first?” Cole asks.
I look down at the robe I’ve been in since I vomited over my clothes. “This is fine.”
He frowns. “Are you sure? You could wear mine.”
“I’m okay.”
“We didn’t think you would mind if Amy took your room. It’s bigger and she needs the space. Your stuff is still in the closet.”
“It’s fine. She can keep it.”
Nothing in that closet is truly mine. My real nest isn’t here. All I care about from that old one now are the tattered remains of Nico’s jacket.
The only problem is it’s created a dilemma. I refuse to sleep in Amy’s old room or the rooms of any of the alphas. Unlike my pack, Ian’s never cared to make a nesting room.
For the best, because it would have been heartbreaking for Amy to take over. It’s upsetting enough being separated from the one I’ve only recently started inhabiting. I can’t imagine being torn away from one I spent ten years perfecting.
The apple scented alpha looks at me pityingly. Annoyingly, I get the impression he thinks I’m upset over the bedroom. “I’ll check mine. I think I have some of your clothes still in there.”
I nod at him even though I don’t care. As soon as he’s disappeared into the hallway, I walk to the door again. I can’t exactly sprint, but I’m stable enough to investigate an escape route. This time, the lock doesn’t budge. Despite my yanking, the door doesn’t move an inch.
“Enough of that.” Ian chides from behind me.
“It’s basic security to lock the doors at night,” Liam adds. “No one’s getting in or out without a key.”
Turning around to face them, I lean against the door. “Just like old times.”
No one’s smile extends to their eyes, including mine.
Ian’s scent is tinged with displeasure. It’s not a smell I’m unfamiliar with. This time, though, my instincts don’t immediately call for me to please the alpha. Years of festering resentment and the confidence I’ve built as of late have made me able to look him in the eyes.
I’ve never noticed how unpleasant the aromas in his whiskey fragrance could be. Now that I’ve been exposed to smooth and patient scents, his charged one smells faintly like nail polish remover.
“There you are,” Cole joins us, clutching a bundle of clothing. In his other hand, he has a small rectangle he extends out to me. “Look what I found in the back of my closet.”
Peering at it suspiciously, I reach out and grab the photograph by the corner. It’s us, a decade ago, on one of our first dates.
My eighteen year old self is barely recognizable, especially in comparison to who she would later become. I never considered myself particularly pretty when I was younger. It was part of why I was so susceptible to them suggesting I change my appearance so heavily.
Now, looking at the picture, my heart aches. Smiling ear to ear, I’m sandwiched between a similarly younger version of my scent matches. I can’t tear my eyes away from myself.
I was too cruel to my younger self. I was a pretty girl, I see now. My hair may have been completely frizzy and my cheeks chubby, but happiness radiates from the smile on my face. The flesh on my neck was completely smooth too, unmarked.
My heart hurts for the younger me. I should have treated her better. I was so full of life in this picture. The woman in it had no idea what she was in for, that there would be almost a full week she couldn’t get out of bed in her future. Because of the men she’s smiling next to in this very photo.
I trace my fingers over her.
“You can keep it, if you’d like.” Cole offers. I can feel their eyes on me, watching my reaction.
Tearing my own off the photo, I hold it back out to him. “No. It’s yours.”
I’m not sure what his intentions were, showing me this. I’m not the same girl who would have been pleased he saw something and thought of me. If this was meant to be some sort of manipulation tactic, it’s backfired.
No part of me is nostalgic. My eighteen year-old self has long been gone from the bond. I don’t miss or search for what she had with these men anymore. Instead, I mourn the life she could have lived.
This reminder of who they marked without permission only makes me dislike them more. I looked like a teenager. I was a teenager.
“It’s our pack’s,” Cole corrects me softly. “What’s ours is yours.”
An easily verifiable lie. “Then why don’t I have any shares in Viewer?” I ask him in the same soft tone he spoke to me with. I don’t have any money of my own at all.
Cole startles at the unexpected question. “Because you’re an omega, Ari. That’s different.”
“All three of your moms are omegas too, but they do.” I point out. Liam and Ian palpably sour at the observation.
“Enough. Come.” Ian turns around without looking to see if I listen. He doesn’t bark, but it’s not like I have anything else to do.
My feet come to a halt in front of his destination. “I’m not going in there.”
“Where were you planning to sleep?” Ian asks impatiently.
“The couch. Anywhere but there. Please.” My pleading doesn’t make him take pity on me.
He tugs me into the room. “Sit. Let’s talk.”
Hyperventilating, I clutch my wrist. I haven’t slept in Ian’s bedroom since the day I woke up from my heat claimed. Last time I spent the night here, I was bitten. He might devour me entirely today.
Liam shuts the door behind me. Heading to the wall furthest from them, I slide down it to sit on the floor.
Ian settles onto the bed, like he did the day before my birthday. Just as Sebastian did, waiting to make sure I didn’t fall in the bathroom. The same action, but from two different men, the two leaders of different packs, for two different reasons.
I miss them. I’ve thought it before, but I miss them more now that the sun’s set. This is the longest I’ve been apart from all of them since I basically moved in.
I wonder what they’re doing. Do they miss me? Of course they do. Nico must be losing his mind by now.
Then my heart sinks. What if they don’t know I’m here? They might think I’m still in the hospital being treated, for all I know. And I have no way of reaching them. My phone was gone when I woke up on Ian’s couch.
Pulling my knees to my chest, I hug and burrow my face into them. It’s not the same as them holding me, but it’s the next most soothing thing.
“Our pack has changed a lot in the last ten years, hasn’t it? Look at me when I’m speaking to you, Ariana.”
Raising my head slowly, I lift my head to look at Ian. I didn’t have to, I realize belatedly. He didn’t bark at me. Stressed in his room, my body naturally regressed to following his commands.
When he has my attention, he continues. “I know I’ve been harsh with you. You’re still our scent match. No matter what, you’re part of this pack.”
“As leader of the pack, everyone and everything in it is my responsibility. I have to make sure everyone conducts themselves properly. All of us.”
His pale eyes bore into mine. So used to the vivid blue of Evan and Nico’s, his seem completely devoid of color. “Instinct makes us protective of her. Because she’s pregnant with our baby. We’re planning on bonding her in.”
The three of them stare at me, waiting for my reaction. I wait alongside them, expecting for my omega instincts to at least be disappointed or the bond to ache. To even my own surprise, I feel nothing at all.
“Okay. You do that.” I tell him dryly. No going back for Amy, then. She should have let me help her when I could have.
It makes sense too. Not even a scent match can compete with a pregnant omega. No wonder they favored her so much.
Cole frowns. “You’re not angry?” He probes.
“Why would I be? And what if I was? Would you not mark her?”
“You could at least say congratulations.”
“Huh?” I look at Liam blankly.
He stares back at me like I’m dense. “For the baby.”
“Congratulations,” I echo flatly. Turning away from Liam, I look at Ian again. “You have what you want, then. A baby and an omega that will do whatever you say. You don’t need me anymore. Break my bond and let me go.”
“Of course we need you, Ariana. You’re our scent match,” Cole coos.
“It looks like you did just fine without me. We both did better apart. Let’s end this farce,” I continue, directing my words to Ian still.
“I’m not interested in hearing anymore of that nonsense, Ariana.” Ian warns me, scent beginning to grow sharp with his impatience.
I study him, more curious than particularly interested. “How far along is she?”
Ian was smoking with her sitting on his lap earlier. She should replace the coffee mugs we broke before with a Father of the Year one.
“Sixteen weeks.” Liam answers quickly.
I’m not amazing at math, but this doesn’t take a genius to solve. “So she was pregnant when she moved in?”
“Yes, Ariana.” Ian and I have matching dry tones. “She was.”
Nodding, I continue. “All that bullshit about bringing her in because you were trying to get her pregnant was an excuse, then. You cheated, got her pregnant, and wanted to mate her. Yes or no?”
“She was already pregnant, Ariana. What did you want us to do?” Liam answers my question with one of his own.
“So how’d she have her heat?”
Liam shakes his head. “It can happen during the early stages. That’s why we were so different after. We weren’t choosing her over you. It was a combination of rut and concern for the baby.”
“We thought doing things this way would spare your feelings,” Cole explains.
I snort in disbelief. “Sure, because you guys care about my feelings so much.”
“Come here.” Ian says suddenly. I don’t move. He sighs. “Why do you have to make things so difficult for yourself? Come here!” He uses his alpha bark, making me clamor to my feet. “Stop. Don’t walk. Crawl.” That derisive smile from when he pushed me into the elevator is on his feet.
Ian’s power play doesn’t even feel humiliating to me. It’s pathetic. An alpha asking a sick omega to crawl to him just to exert his control, two others standing and watching it happen.
On my hands and feet, I stop in front of him. He pulls me up, making my body turn rigid as he sets me on the bed next to him. He cages his arms around me, locking me in place.
“It’s instinct that makes us protective of a pregnant omega.”
“Okay. Was it instinct that made you cheat too or did you trip and fall inside her?” She had to get pregnant somehow. Oddly, I get the sense Evan would be proud of the energy I’ve been channeling.
“We’re still men with needs, Ariana.” Liam states. “Did you expect us to wait for you every business trip? And Amy was so young and fun. She was the way you used to be, enthusiastic. You became so quiet.”
Because they told me to be. They’ve been looking at each other every time I’ve spoken back to them today. I realize, just like I loved and hated them, they were the other side of the same coin.
They had affection for me as their scent match, just as I did. But they also resented me for taking what they had given me, for bowing my head and listening to what they said.
Perhaps they don’t even realize it. I can’t pinpoint when my own love became laced with resentment. But somewhere in the last nine years, bitterness has slithered its way into the threads of our bond.
Did it start with them? Or did it come from me? Does it matter?
We’re all pathetic, the four of us. Maybe that’s why we’re matches.
“How many were there? After ten years, you owe me honesty.” I just want to know.
It’s not the affairs that disgust me, we’re beyond that point. It’s the fact that I would stay up waiting for whichever alpha was on a trip and fling myself into their arms. They would kiss and be inside me like there weren’t any health risks.
And they called me a whore for having another alpha’s jacket.
“Yes, we cheated, Ariana.” Ian reiterates impatiently. “You did the same with the Coates pack. We’re fair now.”
Aghast, I try to pull back in his arms to look at him. He keeps me caged.
“You mean when they took care of me after you abandoned me? You said yourself I was packless. Which part was cheating?”
“I rushed to protect Amy.” Ian states coldly. “Why didn’t you think instead of overreacting?”
All I can do is stare. To think this hypocrite was once my entire world.
“Just give her a chance,” Liam says dismissively. “She and the baby are as much part of the pack as you are. You may love them.”
“I won’t.” I refute immediately. I don’t even want to be part of this pack.
“Give it time.” Ian demands.
I don’t need time to know, but I don’t have a choice to get away from it. Ian’s arms constrict around me tighter like a viper. They’re suffocating.
He pulls me to the bed next to him. Cole settles in next to me, caging me in on both sides. My heart hammers in my chest, remembering the events of last time I laid in this bed.