16
THEA
When Cole asked me to come over because he had something to give me, I didn’t tell him I also had something for him. It’s a small project I’ve been working on for a couple of weeks. The weight of the gift in the bag I’m carrying feels so much heavier than it should.
I should put it back in my truck. It feels too personal. But the decision is made for me when Cole opens the door before I knock. He must have heard me pull up.
No turning back now.
“You’re looking much better,” he observes.
I took a long shower, styled my hair, and even put on some mascara and gloss. It’s not much, yet when my go to makeup look is bare minimum, this could be considered done up. Cole’s eyes rake over my body.
I’ve opted for another long sleeve, not wanting to draw any more attention to my wrist than necessary. It’s white and thin, so at least I’m not too hot. It’s tucked into my nude corduroy high waisted mini skirt that hugs my hips. Beneath, I’m wearing black sheer tights.
Cassie’s comments about the guys staring at my body comes to mind. Maybe I should have worn something else. If what she said is true, I don’t want to encourage them.
I lean in, giving Cole a quick kiss, but he pulls me in close. The press of his muscled chest and his hands on my waist makes my skin heat. It’s been a long week a part, I need this closeness. He doesn’t free me until we’re inside. “Well, hello to you too.” I giggle at his enthusiasm.
“What’s that?” He’s inspecting the bag in my hand. I hide it behind my back.
Giving him a coy smile, I tease, “A little gift for you.”
“Oh really? You didn’t have to get me anything.”
Resting my palm on his chest, I assure him this isn’t a reciprocal gift. “Cole, this is something I’ve been working on for a while. I didn’t randomly grab it on the way here.” His dark brows pop up. I’ve piqued his interest.
“Well, in that case, hurry and open yours. I want to see what’s in that bag.” Cole hasn’t given me the impression that he’s the impatient type. However, I can feel his energy thrumming with anticipation right now.
He leads me to the living room and sits me down on the sofa facing the fireplace. Reaching behind it, he pulls out a large black box with silver lettering stamped on top. I run my fingers over the word ETERNA.
“Open it,” he urges.
My fingers find the lip of the lid and lift. Inside, I peel away the delicate layers of tissue paper until I see it.
I run my hand over the rich, reddish, buttery soft leather, admiring the craftsmanship of the satchel. Stamped on the front are the letters TG. Words escape me. I want to thank him. I also want to tell him I can’t accept this gift. It looks expensive.
“Cole… this is too much. I—” He puts a hand up to stop any protests that might spill from my mouth.
“You can and will accept it. See…” He points to the letters. “It already has your initials, so I can’t return it.” He smiles at me warmly. Those damn dimples make it impossible to argue with him. “Go on, take it out, open it up. I hope it’ll fit everything. Yours is a little bigger, although I think this will still work.”
Before I do as he says, my hand cups his cheek. I look at him earnestly. “Thank you so much. This is beautiful. I”ll use it every day.” Leaning in, I kiss him slowly and meaningfully. I want him to feel just how much I appreciate the thought behind this gift.
I take the satchel from the box, open the flap, and peek inside. It’s gorgeous. I can’t wait to put all of my things in it. Placing it back into the box, I set it on the coffee table and hold up the bag I brought.
“My turn!”
“Oh, you can be impatient, huh? You’ve hidden that flaw so well.” I laugh as I say it, and he gives me a sheepish grin. “Maybe… I should hold on to this a little longer.” I dangle the gift out of reach. Cole easily reaches across me, pressing his chest into mine as he swipes the bag from my hand, giving me a peck on the lips before sitting back down.
He tests the weight of it with a perplexed face. “Is it a… French press? No, too heavy. A cookbook?”
“Now that would be insulting. A cookbook for a culinary mastermind?”
“Careful, you wouldn’t want to make my ego too big. Then, I’d be impatient and insufferable. That might be what drives you away.” We both laugh and I brace myself as he pulls out the thick bound album. Nervousness courses through me and knots my stomach. It’s too personal of a gift to give this early. I should’ve left it at home.
It’s black, discreet, because I don’t know if he’ll be embarrassed by it. I’ve made it so it won’t stand out. He can keep it tucked away from prying eyes. I hold my breath as he opens the cover to the first page.
Cole’s quiet. He thumbs through the album, nearly expressionless. My heart pounds hard against my ribs and it’s taking all of my self control not to rip it from his hands.
This was a bad idea. He flips some more, his eyes scanning over each image, until he reaches the end and closes the book. Cole stares at the front of the album, unwilling to meet my gaze.
“I’m sorry if that’s too weird.” I fidget with my hands, fixing my eyes on my lap.
“Love…this is the nicest thing I’ve ever been given.” My eyes meet his—they’re watery. I reach for this hand. “You took all of these? These moments… I mean, I knew you were taking pictures sometimes, but these are amazing.”
He opens it back to the beginning. A photo of him wiping down a counter at the bakery, looking focused, yet calm. Another of him standing with his brothers in front of the grill the day they caught us in the pool. A selfie of him and me kissing as we stood outside my studio. One of him chopping an onion the night we had Cass and Anthony over. His face concentrated on what he loves most.
Dozens of mostly candid photos fill the pages.
“What can I say? I’m just that good.” My attempt to lighten the mood goes unnoticed.
“This is incredible. You’re so talented. You capture what no one else notices… the things we can’t see because we’re too wrapped up in the moment.” Cole’s fingers brush over a picture of him and Damian sharing a smile, cards in hand, during game night.
I give his hand a squeeze. “I notice you.” I think of the story he told me about his parents not realizing that he was missing. He shouldn’t walk around in life believing that no one sees him. I see him, all of him. Taking the photos hadn’t started that way, however, after that day at the pool, it just sort of came to me.
His reaction makes the tightness in my chest ease. Any other man would have found this strange or obsessive. Cole is touched. He’s different from anyone I’ve ever dated. I’m starting to agree with what he told his brothers. This could be… serious. Thinking the word doesn’t send the shock or fear through me like I thought it would.
He pulls me from my thoughts as he squeezes my hand. He looks concerned, so I smile softly and add, “I designed it so your brothers won’t notice it. I know how guys can be and I don’t want them to talk shit about this.”
He smirks, but tells me, “I don’t mind them seeing this. I think they’d appreciate it as much as I do. All the work and thought you put into it…” Cole trails off, unable to find the words for what he’s feeling.
“You know,” I shift in my seat to fully face him, “It’s okay for you to keep things for yourself. You share everything with them. Is there anything that’s off limits?”
The way his mouth turns down and his brows furrow tells me that there’s something he’s holding back. Or maybe the thought of keeping anything for himself hasn’t occurred to him. Are they all really that selfless?
“Yeah, Cole, is there anything off limits?” I turn my head to find Damian strolling towards us from the kitchen. What a fucking creep. How long has he been here, listening to this private moment?
He stops when he reaches the sofa we’re sitting on, gripping the back of it and staring at his brother, waiting for an answer.
I look at the two men. They’re staring at each other. There is some strange, silent exchange going on between them.
“Damian,” Cole warns.
His brother cocks his head. “You told me to be my usual self. Did you not?”
I’m completely lost and a little annoyed. “What the hell is going on?”
Cole finally looks back at me and places the album into the bag it came in. He takes my hands. Oh no. This is it. The other shoe is dropping and I’ll be shattered. My entire body tenses.
“Thea, the answer is no. Nothing is off limits.”
Shaking my head in confusion, I search his face, trying to understand what he means. Cole gives me nothing. My eyes flick up to Damian’s. He smirks, then winks. Fuck… no. I try to push the thought from my head, but it’s too persistent.
I’m so stupid. They’ve been trying to tell me all along and I’ve been dense. “What’s his is mine and what’s mine is his.” “We share everything.”
“Oh,” I mumble, my face heating as I look away from them both. “Everything.” There’s a sort of finality to saying it out loud. This is what I’ve been subconsciously waiting for—the thing that ruins my perfect image of what Cole and I have.
I’m going to be sick.
“Thea…” The pleading in Cole’s voice doesn’t escape me. I can’t look at him. I feel betrayed. Lied to. Tricked. Tears prickle my eyes.
I smooth my hands down the front of my skirt, unsure of what to say. Do I ask questions? Should I question why he didn’t tell me sooner? Instead, I say more than I ask, “I guess this is it for us, then?” Because, honestly, what do those other questions matter if it’s all over?
Our eyes meet and the pain on his face is hard to come to terms with. Cole deceived me, although I can tell that there’s something bigger going on here. Something that might be out of his control.
I get the distinct feeling this isn’t the first time this has happened. The realization that this is the moment he loses me is hitting him as hard as it’s hitting me.
Cole tries to take my hands, but I pull away. “We can still be together. I want us to be together.”
“If you share… women,” the word is difficult to push out. “If you share everything, then what?” My brain tries to work through the logistics. “I would also date your brothers?” Brothers sound like a strange thing to call them, now that I know how intimately close they all are.
This conversation is awkward, especially with Damian’s presence hanging over us. How could they share? Wouldn’t someone get jealous? How does one woman split her time between four men? It seems exhausting. Unless… I don’t want to let my mind wander into dangerous territory, although I can’t help it. Unless they share at the same time.
Confusion mixed with a familiar tension low in my belly clouds my head. I shove the strange feeling away. It’s irrelevant.
Cole pushes his hand through his curls. “Yes, you’d date all of us.” His confirmation makes my gaze shift elsewhere, unable to look him in the eyes. “I know it’s a lot to take in. I wanted this to go differently.”
He didn’t want Damian to be the one to bring up this revelation is what he means.
Frustration boils over. “How and when were you planning on telling me? Because we’ve been seeing each other for weeks. God, I’m so fucking stupid.” I point to the box with the satchel sitting on the coffee table. “Was that a gift to ease me into this?” I stand and start pacing, half talking to myself. “I thought you were perfect, too perfect, and I was right. Why don’t I ever listen to myself? How do I go from an abusive ex to polygamy?” I meet Cole’s dejected gaze. “I thought we were heading towards exclusivity, not you passing me around to all your buddies. Fuck m—”
“Abusive?” Damian interjects. I roll my eyes. That’s not something I can get into right now. I didn’t mean for it to slip out. He looks at Cole when I don’t answer. I don’t miss the slip of his gaze to my wrist. Yeah, they might think they share everything. Clearly that’s not the case.
Damian comes to me, grabs my hand, and pulls up my sleeve. He glares at Cole as I pull my arm away. “You didn’t tell me about this,” he growls at his brother, then looks at me. “You said Gavin wouldn’t be a problem, that he was leaving.”
“I—”
“Wait, you knew Gavin was in town?” Cole questions Damian. This is going downhill fast.
Tugging my sleeve back down, I interrupt their spat. “Gavin doesn’t matter. Neither of you need to worry about him. He’s my problem, not yours. And there’s still the matter of…” I wave my hand between them wildly. “This. Whatever this is.”
Cole joins me, placing his hands on my shoulders. “I know this is a lot. There’s nothing more that I want than exclusivity with you. There is no one else for me. But that means I have to bring you into the fold because being exclusive with me is being exclusive with all of us. You wouldn’t see anyone besides the four of us. And we would all commit to just you.”
I let out a rough laugh. “Well, that rules me out. Wesley wants nothing to do with me, so I doubt he’d even agree. And that one over there,” I accuse, pointing to Damian, who’s smirking, “isn’t much better. Why would I want to be in a hate relationship with half of this… this…” I’m finding it hard to come up with a word for whatever this shit show is, “Dynamic?” It’s the kindest way I can put it.
I regret the words as soon as they come out. It sounds like I’m considering this—I’m not.
Damian exchanges a look with Cole before assuring. “Don’t worry about Wesley. He’s more bark than bite. Him agreeing won’t be an issue. I won’t be an issue either.” His face softens a bit.
Shaking my head, I try fighting against what they’re telling me. “I don’t understand why. Why is sharing necessary for all of you? Why can’t you have something for yourself?” I reach out to touch Cole out of habit, instead I pull my hand back.
I can tell my words hit a sore spot. Maybe he feels the same way. Perhaps he wants something just for himself. And then it clicks. When Sutton told me how the women they’d bring around would try to wedge themselves in between the guys, this is what he was referring to.
Cole looks at Damian, then back at me. “We made a pact a long time ago. This is part of the terms of that agreement.”
I level a gaze at Damian. “What if Cole doesn’t want to share me?” Tension fills the room as if I’ve asked a forbidden question.
“Cole is free to leave the pact anytime he wants.” A wave of hope eases the pain in my chest. “If he does, he won’t benefit from the other aspects of the agreement. Shared finances, assets, support, and other things that make life easier. But he’s free to go.”
Something about those words seems detrimental, like Cole leaving might shatter the life they’ve worked so long to create together.
“So you’d punish him for wanting one thing for himself?” My tone is accusatory. I need to blame someone other than the man that stands in front of me. “You’d never talk to him again?”
Damian’s face hardens. “We could still be friends, however, things would be… different.” I don’t miss that he says friends instead of brothers.
This is so fucked up.
The front door opens and closes.
“Cole?” Sutton calls out. “Is Thea here? I saw her truck out front.” He comes around the fireplace to see us all standing in the living room. “Woah. What’s going on?”
Anger flares, not because of Damian this time. I stomp over to him. “You knew!” I push my finger into his chest. This might hurt more than anything else.
“Oh shit.” Sutton’s amber eyes look beyond me towards his brothers, the realization hitting him. “Thea…”
Tilting my head, I stare up at him and give him a wry smile. “You know, I guess I could have expected lies from them. They don’t owe me anything. But you…” My eyes water as my voice cracks. “I expected honesty from you. Knowing my history, you could have protected me. And you chose not to.” My gaze slips from his as a tear rolls down my cheek. “That hurts the most.” I pat the wetness on my cheek with my sleeve. “I need to go.”
“Thea,” Sutton pleads. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His hands cup my face and as much as I want to tear myself away angrily, I can’t. I know he’s genuinely regretful. It’s clear in his voice. He takes advantage of my weakness and pulls me into his chest. “I should have told you. You don’t deserve this,” he murmurs with his face pressed to my hair. “I didn’t want to let you go again. This was going to be our second chance.”
I’m so fucking weak. Even in the face of the deception, I let myself fall into the arms of the man who hurt me. Because, damn it, a second chance with Sutton momentarily seems worth their lies.
Cole comes up behind me, putting his hand on my back. “Thea, I’m sorry. I wish it hadn’t happened like this. I want you to know, if you decide you can’t do this, that’s okay. But I can’t leave my brothers. Walking away from them isn’t an option. It’s all of us or nothing, and I don’t mean that as an ultimatum.”
There it is. A relationship with just Cole isn’t even on the table. This feels an awful lot like an ultimatum to me. It shouldn’t even matter. It shouldn’t hurt this much. Cole lied to me, or lied by omission at the very least. The perfect man I thought I’d found is gone. I shouldn’t care that this is over. So why do I? Why do I still want him? Why do I also want Sutton, now that he’s an option?
I pull free of Sutton’s embrace. I need air.
Turning, I walk back to the couch and grab my phone. Damian doesn’t miss the opportunity to lock his icy eyes with mine. “Cole can answer any questions you might have. I’m sure you’ll have a few. The only question I need answered, princess, is if you want to be shared.” Princess? What a pig. Unlike his brothers, there’s not an ounce of remorse in his voice—only a challenge.