17
THEA
I couldn’t give them an answer. Although, I should have said no right away. My head felt like it was going to explode from the revelation that these guys were asking me to be in a relationship with all of them.
In no way am I prude, however, four men is… a lot. I left without much of a goodbye and they didn’t fight me on it, thankfully. My answer is no. Not only for the fact that it’s messy and complicated, but they all lied. I don’t know if I can forgive them for that. Although I did let Cole kiss me goodbye when he walked me to my truck, mostly because I was afraid that it might be our last one.
That broke me a little.
Sleep came restlessly and only after I shamefully fantasized what it might be like with Sutton, Wesley, Cole, and Damian at the same time. The emptiness that followed my release crashed into me hard.
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t weighed the decision in the back of my mind all day. Imagining a life without Cole, despite him withholding this important part of his life from me, hurts too much to not give it some consideration. Still, it’s a no. It can’t work.
The visit from my parents might be a welcome distraction. That’s something I never thought I’d feel. Willing patience and a forced smile when I hear three raps on my door, I take a deep breath and welcome them in.
“Mom. Dad. Good to see you.”
We exchange superficial pleasantries as I offer them a seat.
Their eyes sweep over the entirety of my home. It’s tiny, so it’s a quick assessment. It feels strange having company over when they can see my bedroom from the living room and my kitchen from my bedroom.
“It’s not much,” I admit. “But the rent is reasonable and my neighbors are quiet, mostly. I’m happy here.” I hope the last part fills them with some sort of satisfaction. The hope is quickly dashed when my mother purses her lips at the word happy. It’s a foreign concept to her.
She drilled into me growing up that money equals happiness. Things satisfy you. And never wanting was the ultimate goal in life. Her vision never sat right with me, even from a young age.
My creative little heart couldn’t care less about things, aside from my camera. They reluctantly bought me my first one after two years of only asking for that on my birthday and at Christmas.
I think they believed I’d get bored with it and find something else to fill my time with, a hobby that could lead to what they considered a successful career. That didn’t happen. It only fueled my passion. I cherished that camera for years, nearly crying when I had to replace it.
When it came time to check out colleges, my mother refused to indulge my desire to get my degree in photography. Instead, she pushed for a business degree. Even going as far as threatening to not pay for school unless I pursued the path she’d laid out.
I couldn’t bring myself to accept what I knew would be wrong for me. So, I applied for countless scholarships, earning just enough to get through the degree program of my choice. The look on her face when I told her I didn’t need her money was priceless.
“Here, dad. Happy belated Father’s Day.” I hand him the wrapped book Sutton helped me pick out. The thought of him makes my heart lurch a little. My father smiles gingerly and thanks me, although he doesn’t open it.
Alan Griffin isn’t nearly as bad as my mother, at least vocally. His scrutiny comes in sighs and stern expressions when he doesn’t approve of my choices. But mostly, he’s checked out these days, letting my mother run wild with her need to control and nitpick everything I do. Having my back has never been important to him.
We sit in an awkward silence for a few moments before my mother speaks again. “When is the last time you had a manicure?” I glance down at my nails and notice the chipped polish. “You should make time to do those small things, you know, keeping a presentable appearance.” My lips press into a tight line as I swallow a harsh reply.
“You look nice, mom.” Every strand of her perfectly styled short, dark hair is in place. My hair is the same color—as dark brown as you can get, yet not quite black. I’m much less concerned with my longer wavy style looking polished. It kind of has a mind of its own, anyway. I have my father’s blue eyes, the ones that are staring off into the distance now. He’s probably wondering how much longer he’ll have to sit through this.
My mother sneers. “It’s not polite to give compliments you don’t mean.” My tongue might behave, although my eyes betray me as they roll at her inability to see some kind words as just that, rather than something backhanded.
The beeping of the oven timer makes me hurry to the kitchen, desperate for a moment of space from tweedle-mean and tweedle-dull in the living room.
I’m not much of a cook, not like Cole. Fuck. Stop that, Thea. The best I could do was to grab some ready-made dishes at the store. I threw them into pans and popped them in the oven. They’d be none the wiser that the BBQ chicken, mashed potatoes, and coleslaw weren’t made with love by me.
Thankfully, my father inhales his food. Not because it”s good by any means. I can tell he’s eager to get back home and eating quickly is his way of speeding this visit up. My mother, on the other hand, keeps pushing the same clump of potatoes around on her plate. I don’t bother asking her if everything tastes alright. I already know there will be a long list of complaints. Not asking is a little win for me since she’ll take any opportunity to criticize.
“How has everything been with you guys? Work good? Anything new and exciting going on?” I don’t expect much. Their responses are usually short and clipped. Why did she insist on visiting if she was going to spend the evening being miserable?Nosiness, I answer my question.
She shrugs. “Same as usual, I suppose.” I’m pushing a forkful of coleslaw into my mouth when she casually adds, “We ran into Gavin a few weeks ago. He’s looking great.” I nearly choke.
The food barely clears my throat. “What?”
“We saw Gavin. He’s doing very well for himself. Right, Alan?” I stare at my father, who nods as if he hasn’t heard a word my mother’s said. “You know, you might want to give it another go. I even suggested he come up here and try to talk some sense into you. Have you heard from him?”
My nails dig into the wood of the table as she speaks. She’s the reason Gavin’s in Willow Hill. She’s the reason I’m sporting this bruised wrist. While my mother doesn’t know about his tendency to get physical, she absolutely knew I had no interest in getting back together with him from the many conversations we’ve had about it.
“Why would you do that?” The words squeeze through my gritted teeth.
She ignores my anger.
Setting her fork down, she answers calmly. “Let’s face it Thea, this is not the life we imagined for you. Living in a dingy little apartment,” she pauses to glance around in disgust before continuing, “barely scraping by, single, childless. It’s hardly a life at all. You spent so many years with Gavin. It seems like a waste to let that go down the drain for some silly differences of opinion.”
I let out a huff of annoyance as I push my plate away—my appetite suddenly gone. “You had no right sending him here. Do you not see how inappropriate that is? He showed up and won’t leave me alone. And we didn’t break up over silly differences of opinion.” I didn’t go into all the sordid details of why I left Gavin when the breakup was fresh. However, it shouldn’t matter. They’re my parents and should support me if I no longer want to be in a relationship with someone. “Gavin cheated on me. That was the tipping point. Aside from that, he was demeaning, controlling, degrading, and if you give me two minutes, I can easily come up with a list of fifty other derogatory things to say about him.”
Part of me is happy the truth is out. At least they’ll know my reason for breaking up with him is valid. Except my mother defends him. “Oh Thea, all men have their little indiscretions. They’re visual creatures. If even one tramp shows them any kind of attention, they are foaming at the mouth.” This sounds like a personal confession and I can’t bear to look at my father, knowing she’s probably referring to him.
“Mom, that’s not normal. Commitment, trust, support, and love aren’t frivolous things I’m willing to sacrifice because of your need for me to settle down. If people get into a relationship on those terms, they should be honored.”
She waves her hand in the air as if what I’m saying is meaningless.
My own words sink in.
All the things I want in a relationship settle over me. Commitment. Trust. Support. Love. I know Cole can give them to me. I feel it. And while I’ve had a rocky start with Damian and Wesley, something deep inside tells me they’re capable of providing those things as well. Sutton is a given.
They lied. Okay, so maybe the trust aspect isn’t completely there. Although, I have secrets that I haven’t been honest about—some they now know about and some they don’t. I’m no better than them, yet they still want to take a chance on me.
I’m barely listening as my mother rambles on.
Can I do it? Can I let these four men give me everything I’ve been searching for? What’s the worst that’ll happen if I tried? We breakup—that would be the worst thing. But the best thing… I could be unbelievably happy, even if it’s in an unconventional way.
My mother’s voice pushes through my thoughts. “Listen, at the end of the day, your clock is ticking. I’m sure if you and Gavin get back together, he’ll pop the question in no time. A couple of years from now, you could have a baby or two and be living the dream.”
I stand, practically unable to control my outrage. “Who’s dream? Not mine! I don’t want a ring to say I have one. I’m not an incubator for some asshole’s kids. You would have your daughter in a relationship that makes her unhappy, where her husband cheats, and does this?” My hand is tearing back the sleeve of my shirt before I realize how stupid it is. All this time hiding my secret shame and here I am, showing it to the people who don’t deserve my vulnerability.
The bruise screams angrily against my skin. I see the slightest reaction in her eyes, yet her face remains flat. “He puts his hands on me. This is from a week ago, after you sent him here. This wasn’t the first time. If I were to take him back, it wouldn’t be the last.”
My father’s eyes lazily examine my wrist as he lets out a sigh and rubs his temples. He’s annoyed this might extend their visit. I shake my head. My disappointment in him doesn’t surprise me anymore. My father doesn’t even have the urge to protect me. He’s failed at his one crucial task as a parent. Fuck him. Fuck both of them.
I sit back down, pushing all the hate and anger back inside. I want them to leave, so I vow to keep my mouth shut for the rest of their visit. It’s easy because neither of them has much to say after my outburst. At least they drop talking about Gavin.
I take their dinner plates without asking if they’re done. Faking a yawn, I tell them I’ve had a long week and usher them out the door. Relief floods over me with their absence, but agony also hits hard.
The tears hit me as soon as the door closes and my back slides down it. I hug my knees to my chest, letting it all out. No one deserves this. No one deserves this. No one deserves this. No one deserves this.
I’ll never have parents who care about my wellbeing. I’ll never have a mom that hugs me and validates my feelings. I’ll never have a dad that protects me at all costs or cherishes me.
I can have the things I deserve. Maybe not from my parents, although I can have it with them. Cole, Sutton, Damian, and Wesley can give me everything I’ve been missing. And I can give them the same in return. Trust can be earned back, right?
I eventually make it to my bed and cry until my body gives in to sleep.
COLE
I didn’t hear from Thea last night. I knew her parents’ visit was going to be tough for her. Putting this decision on her at the same time is cruel. I should’ve told Damian I’d do it after this weekend.
But we were hardly speaking before all of this, so that wouldn’t have gone over well. Now, well, we haven’t talked since Thea left the house two days ago. We’re both upset about the same thing—keeping secrets. I didn’t tell him about Thea’s bruise, although it really had only been hours since I’d found out myself. He’d kept the news of Gavin being in town from me for over a week. If he would have said something, Thea might not have gotten hurt at all.
Giving her space after telling her about the pact is hard for me. She didn’t say yes or no the last time I saw her, however, each day that passes makes me think she’s leaning towards no. I’m weak and want to call her, go to her apartment, hold her. I want to tell her to say yes, that I will make her so happy—we all will. Thea can’t see that yet.
I stop myself, mostly. She needs to come to this decision on her own because if I push her too much, I’ll always wonder if she truly wanted it.
Me: Good morning. I hope you’re good after yesterday.
I don’t expect much back. My check-in texts with her have been met with polite, but curt replies. It’s hard to tell if she’s giving herself time to work through it all or if she’s already decided that this isn’t for her.
This has happened before. Over the last ten years, we’ve each gone through this once or twice. Well, all of us except Damian. He’s the only one who hasn’t brought a woman home.
It’s the same each time. One of us will connect with someone and date them for a few weeks to see if there is real potential there. It’s tough. I wish we could be upfront in the beginning. Deceiving the women is the hardest part. The look in their eyes is always the same. It’s the same one I saw in Thea’s on Saturday when she found out about the pact. Hurt. Betrayal. Sadness.
However, being so forthright hasn’t worked well the couple of times that we’ve tried. It’s a delicate dance. We need to see if the connection is genuine, if she’s a good person, if she’d fit into our lives well, and if there is potential for her to date all of us.
We all have very different personalities and tastes, so that’s usually the hardest piece to fit into this twisted puzzle.
Almost always, one of us can’t bond with whoever’s checked all the other boxes. A little friction in personalities is one thing, but outright disdain is an automatic disqualification. Thea’s smart. She picked up on that and pointed out that Wesley and Damian wouldn’t be on board.
Little does she know they want her. They want her badly, even if they’re dicks. I’ve seen Damian softening towards her. Wesley, on the other hand, has his walls up, although those are because of his own demons he’s fighting. If she only knew the way my two distant brothers look at her, she’d see they want this as much as Sutton and I do.
I’ve watched how Wes bites his lip when her back is turned and he’s appreciating the curves of her body. He wants to dig his claws in, even if he doesn’t show her that. I have to stop myself from laughing every time he sulks off, when he can’t take being around her any longer. He’s afraid those walls are going to drop and she’ll see him.
Damian’s been a little more overt with his interest. I’ve never seen him smirk and wink so much at someone. It makes me roll my eyes. He shifts between coldness and flirting so quickly that she likely thinks he’s psychotic.
I’ve caught him staring at her mouth and I know exactly what he wants to do with it. I’ve seen what he can do. Her neck is another fixation for him. I wonder if she’ll be able to handle what he has in store for her if she says yes.
She’s a sweet girl, I shouldn’t want her to say yes. Wes and Damian might ruin her. That’s the last thing I want. Yet, I can’t stay away. I’m too fucking selfish to break this off so that her goodness is preserved.
Maybe I can have her and still protect that part of her. I’ll find a way to make sure she stays my sweet girl.