The Pain We Nurture

As You Are

The next morning, Colin woke up earlier than he expected considering he kept them up most of the night. Feeling oddly refreshed he stretched, trying to stay quiet so he wouldn’t wake the beautiful red head sleeping peacefully next to him.

He peeked over at her side of the bed. The sun was just starting to rise, and the early morning rays were inching their way to the bed, barely making her face visible.

She’s so goddamn perfect, Colin thought softly.

He leaned over and pressed a kiss to Olivia”s temple, stroking a hand lightly over her hair slowly so he wouldn’t wake her. Leaning back onto the pillows for a moment he took a deep breath.

Sex.

Inhaling deeply, he closed his eyes and basked in the intense pleasure of having her in his bed. Her scent on his sheets. Allowing himself to love the smell of them together, to feel peace. Leaning in to her again, he nuzzled against her neck and pressed his lips to the spot where he bit her last night. Licking his lips he smiled, remembering the sound she made when she realized just how hard he was willing to sink his teeth into her.

Colin’s dick stirred and he shook his head.

He wouldn’t be waking her up after last night’s rough introduction to their sex life. However, he wondered how she would take it if he buried his head between her legs and woke her up, kissing and licking the hurt better.

She probably needs it, her pussy took a pounding last night, he thought wryly.

Pulling away he padded to the bathroom where he kept various medicine and grabbed her birth control pill, and two extra strength ibuprofen and put it on her nightstand.

Going downstairs naked, he made a pot of coffee and grabbed a bottle of water for her. Carrying it upstairs he put the water and a cup of coffee next to her, and his own coffee on his nightstand.

He typed out a quick text to Mary, telling her to let Beth know that they could come in a couple hours later than normal.

Feeling his muscles were slightly sore, Colin stepped into an extra hot shower and washed himself methodically. He sighed, hating to take the scent of her off his body. Thinking about how hard she orgasmed last night and wondered if she would remember how she almost tipped the drink cart over. He made a mental note to go to the hardware store to purchase something to lock the cart down.

Colin lowered his head under the hot stream, feeling completely content for what he suspected was the first time in his life. He was grateful that so far, he and Olivia seemed to be compatible lovers. But he feared the deeper he took her down his sadistic path, the compatibility might change.

And he wondered if that was the case, did he have it in him to change himself for her?

***

Olivia woke up to the smell of fresh crisp air. Her body tightened quickly, and she inhaled in shock. She struggled to make sense of the sensations as they all hit at once. Closing her tired eyes and moaning, she turned to her side, feeling weighed down and boneless at the same time.

She opened them quickly, hearing a sound next to her. Her eyes flickered to the side, seeing Colin regarding her over a cup of coffee. He took another deep swallow, groaning appreciatively and placing the cup on his nightstand before turning his eyes back to her.

Ohhhh. My. God, she felt her face heat when his eyes settled onto hers.

“Good morning, beautiful,” a slight smirk graced his face as her green eyes met his before flickering away immediately.

Colin looked refreshed, his brown eyes bright and not so tortured this morning. He was sitting with his back against the headboard, dressed in dark jeans, and a black t-shirt that showcased his muscles, his hair adorably mussed. Content to sit in bed and enjoy a cup of coffee.

Olivia narrowed her eyes enviously at him, seeing he’d had a shower. She scrunched her nose in jealousy.

“How long have you been up?” Olivia said softly, still refusing to meet his gaze. More importantly, how was he already up, showered, and dressed after pile driving into her all night.Sitting there and having the nerve to look refreshed at that.

“Are you ever going to tell me good morning back? What is with you not greeting me?” Colin teased, trying to take some of the tension off her.

It was as if he knew that Olivia was internally battling with herself at what happened last night, how thoroughly he fucked her all over the bedroom. How far she let him go without using a safe word. Though intense, she didn’t feel like she needed one. She’d held her own.

Olivia looked over and saw a bottle of water, her birth control, and some extra strength ibuprofen sitting next to a cup of coffee that was still steaming thanks to being placed on a coffee mug warmer. She glanced at him out of the side of her eye, feeling her face go hot as to why he’d suspect she’d need the ibuprofen.

“Thanks,” she whispered, twisting, and popping the pills in her mouth with some perfectly creamed coffee.

Olivia winced as they went down, scratching against her sore throat. She pulled the covers off and went to get up, wincing again for a different reason. She looked down at her body curiously and her mouth fell open.

Bruises the size of fingertips dotted her, looking stark and bright next to her creamy skin. A smattering of dark spots trailed along the top and sides of her knees, on the sides of her hips, a few shadows on her breasts. Her nipples were redder than normal and they definitely looked swollen.

She hissed as she pressed into the vicious bite mark on her neck, the skin deeply red and turning dark. Her eyes slowly turned to the full-length mirror across the room, and she saw Colin staring at her through it. His hooded eyes riveted to the sight of her body.

Olivia blushed furiously, turning, and making her way into the bathroom, to get away from his assessing stare where she saw a hot vanilla scented bubble bath had already been drawn. Breathing in the heavy humidity in the room, she stepped in, moaning in relief as the hot water penetrated her sore muscles.

“God,”Olivia whined, running her wet hands up and down her arms, soothing herself. She soaked for a long time, appreciating that he let her have her privacy. Feeling uncomfortable with his piercing gaze when she was feeling so vulnerable.

I can’t believe we fucked like that, she thought to herself. Incredibly embarrassed at how vulnerable she was.

She turned the jets on in the tub and attempted to mentally tally up how much time she added to their agreement in just the month she’d been with him. She grimaced and leaned her head back on the rest behind her. Her eyes turned to the big picture window, and she saw a beautiful crisp fall day through the glass pane.

She wondered briefly how she lived so long in that windowless basement apartment for so long.

“A penny for your thoughts, Amor?” Colin rumbled in his deep voice, having joined her in the bathroom. He entered to put away some sort of spray cleaner under the cabinet, collapsing the mop and sliding it next to it under the cabinet. Standing up, he settled himself into that increasingly familiar stance against vanity, his arms and legs crossed as he studied her.

“Were you cleaning? Where’s Beth?” Olivia asked, slightly shocked. Ignoring his question. She tightened her lips as he flashed her that dazzlingly bright smile, feeling this man was miles away from the beast that he’d unleashed on her last night.

Colin rolled his sleeves of his shirt back down, smoothing out the crinkles. He cleared his throat and ended on a slight deep hum in his chest, as if he was remembering something delightful. The words he spoke to her last night echoed in her head and she blushed deeply, grateful the water hid her shaking hands.

God I’m going to enjoy making you into my little slut. It’s going to be my greatest accomplishment ever, his words bounced around her head.

She slid slightly deeper under the water, feeling like it should be boiling around her at this point.

“The floor by the lounge needed to be cleaned, and I moved the drinks cart temporarily. Seems we made quite the mess. I don’t want Beth to clean that sort of thing up, it’s not exactly in her job description. I’ll take care of that for us, usually,” he replied simply. His eyes fell to her lips momentarily, a slight smirk on his face.

Olivia blushed in embarrassment, slipping down further into the tub.

“Olivia, look at me,” he said. Her eyes reluctantly met his before lowering to a spot on his chest. He chuckled. “Are you embarrassed because of last night? Because that’s just the way I fuck, baby,” Colin tilted his head, his eyes not leaving hers.

She made a small, distressed sound and sunk the rest of the way into the water, disappearing temporarily. She held her breath until her lungs burned before popping back to the surface, gasping for air. The burn in her lungs did much to clear her head. She looked over, blinking water out of her eyes, still seeing him there watching her. A look passed over his face that he hid quickly.

Gone so soon, she almost wondered if she imagined it. She ignored his second question, in favor of the first one.

“I was thinking, how I managed to stay in a windowless place for so long. It was miserable, like a prison. And I didn’t even realize,” Olivia said quietly, looking up through her lashes at him. She let out a sigh before flickering her gaze once more to the big window next to them.

Colin pushed off the vanity and walked over to where she was, squatting down and placing his hand on the side of her head. Uncaring of her wet hair, his eyes roamed her face greedily.

“I’m going to pick you out something to wear,” he stated after a few seconds. “We’re going on a field trip.”

Olivia nodded and then watched quietly as he stood back up and walked out of the bathroom. Leaving her alone with her thoughts once more.

Pulling the plug to the tub, Olivia awkwardly clambered out and wrapped a towel around her body, moving slowly. Her body’s soreness mixing with the relaxation of the bath made her feel like she was moving underwater. Taking her time, she blow dried her hair before spraying it and putting it half up and half down. Leaving wispy tendrils to frame her face. Twisting her lips she eyed the dark bruises on her neck and collarbone from Colin”s mouth, contemplating how to cover it.

Dismissing it for a second, she applied a very light makeup to her face, preferring the look that brown mascara afforded her. She carefully gelled her eyebrows, giving her face a very vibrant and fresh look. Miles away from the way she felt from the neck down, and they’d only done missionary.

Olivia moved almost in a daze, wondering how was she going to feel when they got to some of the other stuff she read about in the contract? Page three? She felt dizzy when she thought of page three.

Wrapping the towel around her body, she ventured off into the bedroom seeing he laid out a beautiful dark blue La Perla lingerie set. Along with a lengthy soft cashmere white turtleneck, and similar dark blue jeans to what he was wearing. Her’s fit skintight and showcased her legs amazingly. The turtleneck hung slightly long, skimming her hips sexily.

Pensively looking at herself in the mirror, Olivia noticed in surprise that she took on the expensive aura that Colin often possessed, and decided she liked the feeling of the clothes transforming her.

She walked back into the bathroom and applied a very gentle nude pink gloss to her kiss swollen plump lips.

Grabbing her hot coffee, she took it downstairs along with a pair of stylish flats with red bottoms. She padded into the lounge, where Colin was leaning against the arm of the couch and flicking through the channels on the television. Hearing her approach, he spoke over his shoulder, not looking at her.

“There are cream cheese bagels with smoked salmon in the kitchen,” he said, finding the news channel he wanted and concentrating for a second.

Bypassing the kitchen, Olivia ventured onto the terrace and leaned against the iron railing, noticing that at some point a cover had been placed over the pool. She gazed over his yard again, observing the deep mow tracks in the lush grass, letting herself momentarily admire the beautiful landscape that was perfectly maintained.

The colder weather was slowly turning the once white strawberry hydrangeas a deep pink, giving the landscaping a beautiful depth of color against the white house.

Smiling, she pulled her phone out to text her sister, confirming their plans for Sunday. A pang of longing shot through her; she missed Allison so much.

Though they lived closer, she hadn’t been able to do their usual pick up and go to daycare routine. Vanessa had found a better paying job closer to their new home. And under the pressure of Colin, had found a local mother’s group who had children who were also dealing with kid medical issues, and had started to integrate play dates into Allison’s routine.

Though she was so happy for them both, she missed their routine.

Pulling up her photo app, she picked a video of Allison playing, mesmerized by her beautiful hair. She restarted the video, watching it a couple times before she realized Colin had come up behind her silently and had seen her. He placed a hand around her waist comfortingly, his fingers grasping slightly at her ribs, rubbing firmly as he placed his chin on her shoulder.

“You miss her,” Colin said quietly, not wanting to break her peaceful moment. It was an acknowledgment, not a question.

Olivia swallowed past the lump in her throat and turned to him with a small smile, mentally tamping down the melancholy feeling she felt when she thought about her niece.

“Where are we going?” she said brightly, with a feigned excitement. Determined to give the man his money’s worth.

If she was going to sacrifice time with Allison, changing all of their lifestyles, and Colin was going to insist on this agreement and the investment he put into her, then she was damn sure going to make sure it was worth it to the best of her ability. He wouldn’t want her puttering around his house miserably for the next four years.

Colin regarded her quietly. “I thought we’d go to the cathedral you were trying to see yesterday,” he answered her, a slight apology in his eyes at how viciously he knew he’d taken her the night before. His anger and terror had mixed into such a breathtaking inferno that he couldn’t help sucking her into the fires with him. “I wanted to stop at a store and get you a professional camera. It’d be much better than your phone.”

She went to open her mouth, but he just hushed her with a look.

“I won’t put any extra time on. Think about it as an investment into your future business, if that would make you feel better,” he said, conceding slightly. Olivia’s mouth twitched adoringly.

“Okay,” Olivia giggled, her earlier sadness easing as she bumped his shoulder lightly with hers as she walked back into the house. She let out a yelp as he smacked her ass hard with growl, making her break out into genuine peals of laughter.

***

Colin let her take her Porsche this time, wanting to see how her arm fared while she drove. The look she had on her face as she slid behind the wheel for the first time seared into his brain, and he groaned quietly to himself when he became rock hard, watching her stroke the wheel with both hands. Her slender fingers softly caressed the supple leather.

He really regretted not waking her up earlier.

“Wow,” she said almost to herself, a goofy smile plastered on her face as she glanced over at him, breathless with excitement.

Colin showed her how to open the garage doors and only had to reprimand her one time for hitting the gas too hard and almost backing into one of his expensive bikes. His favorite one.

Fucking fuck. Not my shit! he yelled in his head, his eyes almost popping out of his head.

Colin took a deep steadying breath.

With his heart thudding anxiously in his chest, he instructed her to continue. Almost thankful for the distraction as it killed his erection, but only temporarily. It came back when she was crawling and laying all over the cathedral trying to get pictures of every inch of the damn place.

Colin found she was quite chaotic and beautiful in her element and he took great enjoyment observing her as she worked.

He took her for a nice lunch afterwards at a Spanish restaurant. They ate their food and shared a quiet laugh at a boisterous family of tourists that came in, dressed inappropriately for the climate. They both watched in amusement as the tourists fought over the breadsticks and members of the family teased two teenagers at another table who couldn’t keep their lips away from each other.

But he couldn’t keep his eyes off her for longer than a minute at a time. Colin thought she was that fascinating.

Olivia caught Colin watching her, and he gave her a wink as he sipped from his glass of wine. She looked down blushing, before quickly snatching the bill that the server placed down. Sticking her tongue out at Colin, she hurriedly placed her debit card in the sleeve and gave it back to the server.

“Gotta be a little faster than that, sir,” she whispered with glee, blowing him a kiss and giving him a little wink of her own before finishing off her own wine.

Olivia purposefully kept her eyes off Colin as he thrummed his fingers against the table in a slightly agitated move. She noticed his fingers twitched a lot, or he tapped them, or flicked things when he was upset, like he needed the feeling of hitting something to soothe him. Her eyebrow raised with the sudden awareness he’d been holding back on her.

Olivia’s breath hitched and she found herself getting excited again as Colin got up quietly, rounding the table to her. Clearing his throat gently, he pulled out the seat next to her and slid in smoothly. Stretching out his arm, he placed it alongside the back of her chair, scooting her closer to him with a smile.

However, his eyes told a different story.

Olivia’s cheeks stained pink as Colin leaned into her ear, speaking to her quietly. His deep voice rumbling, scratching across her nerve endings.

“Bad girl,” Colin”s elegant voice washed over her senses. Making her shiver. ”You’re going to get it for that, you know that, don’t you?” he said softly, placing a kiss on the shell of her ear, his teeth scraping her earring and making a little clanking noise.

Olivia’s breath froze in her lungs and he knew his words aroused her. Leaning back, he took his wallet out and thumbed out three-hundred-dollar bills. Giving it to the waiter as he came back with the receipt for Olivia to sign.

“Thank you, sir,” the waiter said as he stared at the cash in surprise.

“Don’t mention it, man,” Colin took the little black wallet from Olivia and grabbed the pen. He scratched out the tip section and signed his name on the signature line.

Olivia blushed furiously, pouting.

“Let’s go,” he ordered, getting up and pulling out her chair. Giving the tourists a little wave as they stared unashamedly at them. It seems like they had put on quite a show of their own.

Colin wrapped his arm around Olivia’s waist and walked her to the Porsche. Holding the passenger door open for her, he took the time to adjust himself discreetly. They were quiet on the way home, both simmering, feeling the sexual tension building between them.

***

“Siirrrr,” Olivia”s eyes rolled into the back of her head as she arched hard. Her moan rose to a sharp scream of pleasure as she felt Colin”s teeth latch onto the sensitive flesh of her calf and bite down sharply. His hips slapped rhythmically against hers, her new Porsche rocking hard with their movements.

Whimpering and shuddering, her breath froze in her lungs as she bit her lip to stop another cry from escaping. They were back at the house, in the garage.

Letting go of her calf, Colin groaned and pressed his forehead into Olivia’s, panting heavily. Trying to still his racing heartbeat. He unwrapped his hand from the door where he’d gripped it hard, still thrusting and circling between her legs. He worked her hard, rubbing out every inch of pleasure.

“God, it feels so good,” she sobbed, her pussy clenched down on him hard.

“I know it does baby, you feel like heaven,” he mumbled against her neck.

Colin listened, enraptured, to her whimpers. Knowing her pussy was sore. Knowing he should have eaten her out instead of taking her like a damn animal in the back of her car because he couldn’t even wait for them to get into the house.

When they pulled into the garage, he rounded her car after Olivia parked carefully and snatched her up.

He threw her into the back seat before ripping her shoes and jeans off roughly, impatient. Desperate, he crawled between her legs, shoved up her sweater and ripped her new lace bra in his haste to get to her naked skin. She hissed as he latched on tightly to her nipple and didn’t let go the entire time he was beating into her flesh.

He’d been spurred on by the wet suctioning sounds of her pussy gripping him, and the slapping sounds of his hips meeting hers repeatedly. Not able to be gentle, even after last night.

Especially after last night.

Consumed by lust, he hooked one of her legs around the passenger seat and her other foot around the backseat headrest, and then yanked her hips down. Making her spread impossibly wide for him. Ignoring her wild screaming that echoed throughout his garage as he fucked her harder than he did the night before, taking full advantage of her splayed body. He pressed deep, circling and gyrating his hips.

Colin leaned down to her nipple once more, giving it a rather harsh nibble before tugging it away from her body, letting it pop out of his mouth. He met Olivia’s eyes while he roughly licked the tip of her nipple with long slow laps, waiting for her to relax before he let them up. He grabbed her new camera bag and purse as she started pulling her clothes back on.

“Leave them off,” Colin ordered, closing the door and giving her a hard look as they walked into the house.

He set the bags down in the kitchen before picking her up and depositing her on the island, ripping off her sweater and bra and pushing his jeans down below his hips. Picking her up with his arms under her legs, he reveled in her excited shout as he firmly jammed her back onto his erection. He gritted his teeth as he had to work hard to push through her swollen and abused muscles.

”Goddamn it, baby,” he hissed as her heat seared him.

His own muscles bunched and contracted as his arms lifted and dropped her fluidly, roughly onto him.

“God, your cunt is so sweet, amor,” Colin praised her as he gripped her hips. He stared into her face, drinking in her look of pure bliss.

God you’re so fucking beautiful, so precious, he thought to himself.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Beth come around the corner to see what the noise was before her eyes widened and she did a smooth pivot. Quietly retreating back the way she came.

He made a mental note to give her a little bonus on her next check.

He smiled wickedly and chuckled when Olivia suddenly jerked in his arms, trying to recoil away from him as he mercilessly fucked her through the shock of what sounded to be a rather hard orgasm.

”Colin-” she gasped, her fingers dug hard into his biceps.

He leaned forward into her face.

”I know you can”t think I”m letting you go so soon after depriving myself your body, your taste, your cunt, amor,” his words were harsh as he didn”t let up on the pace.

Olivia was throbbing around him, and he became drunk with the feel of it, his body burning with the need to make up for the weeks of denying himself. Unwilling to let go of the lush confines of this woman once he had her.

Colin fucked her a while more there in the kitchen silently, continuing to hold himself back from his own release. Waiting until she succumbed to another orgasm before walking them to the elevator. He whisked her upstairs and to their bedroom, where he spent most of the afternoon pleasuring her in one way or another.

She started begging for him to cease, her face pink, and her hair sticking to her face. He finally let himself orgasm before letting her up.

“You’re not going to let an old man outlast you, are you?” Colin said to her teasingly. He was relaxing on his back in the bed, one of his arms bent behind his head as he lounged there with her. He reached over, checking his phone to see that Mary had texted him that she had made dinner and had left a bit early.

‘Enjoy’, she said with a cheeky wink face emoji.

“Whatever. I guess it’s true you’ve had years of practice. Many, in fact,” Olivia replied, slithering off the bed slowly.

Colin chuckled as he watched her wobble her way to the closet, her hair wet and stringy in places against her head from him having fucked her yet again for a couple hours straight.

“Mary’s gone. Put a nightgown on so we can go downstairs and eat dinner,” he called out after her, replacing his phone on the nightstand before getting up himself.

He padded to the bathroom on bare feet, feeling a slight burn in his abdomen and lower back, making another mental note to add more back exercises to his workout routine. Snagging a brush, he made his way to her in the closet, finding her pawing through the nightgowns.

“They’re all mostly see through,” Olivia muttered.

Her head was lowered as she was pawing through them again until she realized no cotton nightgowns were going to appear. She stilled and winced slightly as Colin began brushing out her hair softly, feeling the coolness of her sweat on the strands. She stood there jarred, her eyes suddenly pricked with hot unshed tears. Her shoulders hunched before she recoiled away from him.

“Stop. Colin, s-stop it!” Olivia whispered, her heart constricting. She reached her hand back and grabbed the brush, surprising him as she whipped around suddenly with tears in her eyes.

“Please don’t do that,” Olivia gasped, the tears falling down her cheeks.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Colin asked, his brow furrowing in concern. They stared at each other for a tense minute while she wrestled internally. She was torn, not sure how much of herself she wanted to reveal to him. The more she revealed, the more attached she was going to get. And she wanted to make it out of the agreement in one piece.

Closing her eyes briefly against the sudden sickening realization that she probably wasn’t going to.

For the first time, she regretted signing the agreement. This man was getting too close to her heart. Her breath hitched as another tear dripped down her face. She inwardly crawled inside her head, bowing her body over that box she kept so neatly tucked away. A pained whimper escaped her throat, her lips quivered with unexpressed emotion.

“Hey, hey, hey! What’s happened?” Colin asked. Though confused, he kept his voice calm.

Concerned, he placed his hand against the side of her face and wiped her tears away with his thumb. She jerked back, slapping her hands across her face, roughly scrubbing the tears off. His own eyes narrowed in displeasure and confusion at her harsh response. “Olivia?”

She threw the hairbrush suddenly on the island and turned, ripping a sweater dress off a hanger and yanking it on, not bothering with putting a bra or underwear on.

“I need some air,” she snapped.

“Can you please just tell me what happened?” Colin snapped back, running his hand through his hair. “Olivia? Please don’t run,” he pleaded, placing an arm on her chest of drawers.

She turned back to face him, with an obstinate expression on her face, her green eyes narrowing. He raised a haughty eyebrow at her as she walked the two feet to get into his face. His eyes turned stormy as he regarded her.

“I signed that agreement in exchange for a kinky sexual relationship with you...in exchange for money, because my niece and sister desperately needed it. Not to spill every damn emotion and secret I have. Leave me alone, I said no,” she hissed at him.

Bending to grab a pair of sandals, she shoved her feet in them.

“I’m going on a walk in these fucking ridiculous sandals. Wasteful. You can adopt nine freaking children with how much money is in this room! All your fucking money and I haven”t seen you volunteer not one time since I”ve been here!” she nastily threw the words over her shoulder as she stomped out of the door.

“You don’t have any underwear on!” Colin yelled, pissed at how she so easily closed herself off from him. Shutting him out. He glanced at the brush, his eyes closing as he heard their bedroom door slam rather roughly. He cursed, going after her, wrenching the door open and seeing an empty hallway.

Olivia was already gone.

Colin clenched his jaw. What the fuck happened?

He went to the spare bedroom and looked out the window where she appeared, walking towards the long drive. She was curled in on herself, head bowed, hair whipping in the chilly wind. He closed his eyes, gripping the back of his neck hard. Struggling as to what to do with this woman who seemed to be just as hurt and damaged as he was. Her mouth was nasty.

Apparently, she bit hard when she felt cornered.

Can I blame her for wanting to hold on to pain when I haven’t let my own go? Talk about being a hypocrite, Colin reprimanded himself. He walked back to the closet and roughly pulled his clothes back on.

Concerned with Olivia’s reaction, Colin mentally replayed what could have possibly gone wrong when he went to brush her hair.

I’ve ran my fingers through it, blow dried it, touch it. I don’t understand what happened, He replayed the small exchange of time over and over, trying to see it from every angle.

He went downstairs into his study and grabbed his laptop and slid on his glasses. Walking into the formal dining room he placed it on the table and sat facing the window, groaning as he rubbed a rough hand down his face. Feeling pissed that she’d walk out on him after he was worried about her for hours yesterday but understanding that something triggered her and he needed to allow her space.

Even if he didn’t want to.

Forcing himself to be patient he turned his attention to the upcoming holidays. He contacted a lighting company and scheduled work for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

Colin loved the holidays despite not having any family to celebrate with, and he found solace in decorating. He got a natural high when pulling up to his home and seeing everything that he’d accomplished with his life, knowing how hard he worked to redeem himself from the accident that changed his life when he was sixteen years old.

It wasn’t always this way; it took years of therapy to settle him enough to be able to be normal.

Colin used to sit at home, numbing his pain until Johnathan found out and threatened to pull him from their business deal if he didn’t enroll himself into a mental health program. He even had to sign a release of information so Johnathan could occasionally check in to make sure he was following through with what he said he’d do.

Colin was proud of his growth but hated that he still suffered from occasional nightmares that were debilitating. His mind traveled back to the day he was diagnosed with PTSD, caused by the accident that left a family of five dead, and him alive. His eyes flickered briefly from the screen to the window, seeing the sun almost finished setting.

Where the hell is she?

His anger flared up, and he truly debated grabbing his bike and going out and looking for Olivia when he saw her petite form walking up the long drive. The white sweater dress molded to her perfect legs as the wind whipped it against her body.

Sitting still, he observed her movements carefully.

When Olivia got closer to the house, she saw Colin at the table and paused, just staring at him. The glow of his laptop reflecting in the window betrayed his presence.

Olivia met Colin”s eyes through the window, and he could tell she’d been crying hard as her eyelashes were wet and her nose was red. His heart pulled, but still he made himself sit, needing her to come to him. Needing to feel that trust between them that only she could reveal. He wasn’t going to make her, even though he was within his rights to do so technically if he wanted.

He wasn’t going to push in that way.

If she allowed him to do what he wanted with her body, he could at least give her the safe space for her emotional autonomy.

Come to me baby. It’s ok, I’m safe. I’m here now, I can be your safe space… you don’t have to hold all this shit alone anymore. Just come to me, I don’t need you perfect. You can come to me just as you are, all the words he wanted to say out loud, but wouldn’t dare to.

After what felt like forever, Olivia walked through the front door. Opening it and closing it softly. Her lithe form appeared in the big frame of the dining room, just off the foyer. Steeling himself, he took his glasses off with a deep breath, sliding the chair back to face her, and sank deeper into the seat. Spreading his legs slightly, waiting.

Olivia stared at him with those green eyes, so Colin met her stare calmly. Willing her silently to be the first one to speak.

Come on baby. Please. Give me an inch, something to work with, Colin thought, but he just sat there unmoving. Leaning there relaxed in the chair, the tip of his glasses in his mouth.

Suddenly she bit her lip, a sob breaking through, and she advanced the few feet to him. Closing their distance.

Olivia sank to her knees and placed her head on his thigh, sobbing. The scent of sex mixed with crisp fall air surrounded him, enveloping him in a comforting cloud.

Surprised and delighted at the submissive gesture initiated by her, Colin stayed quiet.

Instinctively Colin knew he didn’t need to talk, just to let her cry. He placed his warm hand on her head, feeling her shiny red hair chilly from the outside air, and stroked her steadily. Lending her his strength as she let it out. Her arms went up and around his waist and she snuggled into him closer, her tears now wetting his t-shirt.

Still, Colin stroked Olivia’s hair, waiting. Unwilling to push this woman, who has been through so much that God only knew what hurt she hid away deep inside. A place he was determined to crawl his way in and share in with her. However, knowing if he exercised his control and forced those secrets from her too soon, she would never forgive him.

Emotionally, this would have to be on her terms. He decided then and there to always be her emotional safe space.

I’ll take your tears, amor.

Colin made a soft sound and his chest tightened painfully as he realized he loved this woman too soon. And that was the true reason he hadn’t wanted to have sex with her right away. He knew this woman was special. Knew it the first time he met her.

He stiffened when his mother’s words suddenly echoed in his brain. “A man always knows when it’s love. It doesn’t take long, mijo,” she’d said, when he asked her about love when he’d had his first date. When he realized he wasn’t normal sexually like the other boys. He was so confused as to why he didn’t just want to kiss the girl he’d been with. He wanted to take control, slap her, make her gasp, make her acknowledge he was undeniably the center of her world in that moment. Craved that startled look in her eye when she realized what he could do to her. How he could make her feel.

Putting that memory away, he concentrated on the woman at his feet.

Olivia sniffled, looking up at him, raw pain etched her features, plain as day for him to read.

“My mom,” she said sadly. He put his glasses down on the table to lean forward and press his lips to her forehead, breathing in her scent.

“She was the last person to brush my hair. Mom did my hair every single morning and at night before bed. She used to put my hair up in pigtails and called me Pippy Long stockings. Sh-she was so proud of my hair. Proud of me. I don’t think anyone’s been proud of me since her,” her voice cracked as her haunted eyes stared up at him, swimming in tears that seemed like they would never end.

He made a soft encouraging sound as he cocked his head at her, nodding slightly, willing her to continue.

“After she died, I never let anyone else brush my hair again. I felt like that was the only thing tying me to her after her death,” Olivia paused, taking a deep breath. Shuddering at the force of the memories. “The night her and my dad were killed by a drunk driver was my homecoming dance for high school. She had done my hair in this elaborate style. Mom and dad decided to go on a rare date when it happened…the accident,” she sniffed again. Her misery was plain as day on her face.

Jesus, he thought.

Colin made another encouraging sound and placed his hand on her cheek, pressing gently, his eyes softening.

“And I kept my hair like that until their funeral, I wanted her to feel like she’d done my hair for such an important ceremony. I looked absolutely horrible, but it was the last gift I could ever give her, her having done her daughter”s hair for her funeral,” Olivia said. Her head once more fell to his lap and went still. Her tears receded, probably because she physically couldn’t cry anymore.

“Come here, baby,” Colin leaned forward, grasping her under her arms and pulling her up to him. Her legs curled under her, and she slumped against him as he held her tight. He took a minute to breathe deeply and settled himself, giving her space and warmth before he spoke.

“I know that was hard to share…I’m so thankful you trusted me enough to tell me. I’m so sorry I triggered you; I never would have done it if I’d known. I hope you know that,” he said in his smooth voice. Pleased when he felt her tiny nod under his chin. He stayed there like that with her, stroking his hand down her back and side, his other hand holding hers.

Olivia eventually stirred, tilting her head up to look at him, resting her head against his shoulder.

“I miss my mom too,” Colin said softly, giving her a reassuring smile. She blinked at him in surprise. Staying quiet, just accepting his admission.

He became quiet himself, not quite believing what he just shared with her.

“Yeah?” she whispered. Her eyes were flickering between his, and he was taken aback once again how startling her eyes were.

“Yeah, so much,” Colin rumbled in his deep voice, lost in her.

Colin placed his hand on Olivia’s neck, his thumb caressing the vein there. Just looking at her, feeling his heart squeeze painfully. Acknowledging that he had the feeling, he just didn’t know if he was ready, despite years of therapy. He barely knew her, but she called to him that night he was out in the storm, ready to end it all over guilt. He’d caught a glimpse of her red hair in the window of the diner, drawing him in.

Is this love? This painful unnerving feeling? he felt like a moth to a flame and Jesus, was he scared of being burned.

“Are we ok, now?” he whispered, not breaking eye contact with her. Olivia nodded slowly and he swallowed before pressing.

“Would you like me to help you with that? With brushing your hair?” Colin asked, his finger still stroking slowly but firmly. “You let me blow dry these gorgeous locks…that’s a little trust between us starting right there, right?” he said softly, his fingers lightly brushing the ends of her hair lightly.

It wasn’t lost on him that she let him touch her hair, blow dry it, thread his fingers through it and even pull it during sex. But the boundary was drawn firmly as to brushing and manipulating the strands. Colin desperately wanted Olivia to know that he recognized the difference. That he paid attention to things like that, and he cared enough about her to consider her in that way.

Colin knew from therapy that triggers really had no definite rhyme or reason, and he stored this away in his brain as he waited for her response. He waited patiently as Olivia held his stare. A heartbeat…ten heart beats…twenty…

“Yes,” Olivia said softly. “I can try, but I won’t promise anything.”

He nodded his head, understanding immediately. She gracefully got off his lap, glancing at him, clearly embarrassed at being vulnerable. He smiled gently up at her before standing up.

“Can I show you something?” she whispered, back to being shy.

Taking her hand firmly he nodded. “Anything.”

Colin followed her upstairs and back into the closet, where she reached into the top drawer in her chest that housed her clothes and pulled out a small bottle of cologne and a handkerchief.

“This was Daddy’s,” she whispered, a sad look passing her face as she pressed the handkerchief to her nose and closed her eyes. “It used to smell like him, before the scent finally faded. Vanessa and I searched everywhere for this cologne, and we could never find it. We gave up looking about three years ago. And the night that man came into the karaoke bar to proposition Vanessa was the first time we’ve smelt him since the scent faded,” her words dissipated as she handed him the piece of cloth.

Moved at her raw display of vulnerability, Colin gripped it between his fingers hard, his eyes suddenly stung with tears as he was bombarded with memories of his own loss.

Madre.

He thought about his mother and how he would give up the entirety of his wealth for the opportunity to smell her one more time. To have one more hug, share one more laugh, hear one more word from her lips.

Aching to voice these thoughts to her, he swallowed back the words.He didn’t have it in him yet to open pandora’s box, and he didn”t want to make this moment about him. It was never about him, he”d always make sure she was the priority.

Colin held the cloth to his nose appreciatively. Vowing to buy her a hundred cologne bottles, so she’d never have to feel like he did. Twenty-three years since he’d last known unconditional love. Twenty-three years since he knew the look of someone who’d cared for him unlike anyone else in the world had the capacity to.

The pain of grief was debilitating sometimes, and he didn”t want her to suffer in this way.

“Your father had good taste,” Colin said, smiling at her. She took the cloth back from him and carefully wrapped it around the cologne bottle and placed it gently amongst her belongings. Unbeknownst to her, inside the recesses of her mind, the lid on her box of hurts tumbled off. Her other secrets demanded to be set free.

“Let’s eat dinner. How’s your arm? Do you think you’re up for playing a little game of pool later?” he asked suddenly, wanting to do something fun with her to break up the tension and put a smile on her face.

“I’m shit at pool,” she giggled., turning and leading the way out of the closet.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Colin teased darkly, giving her a sharp slap on her ass.

The verdict was, in fact, that she was shit at playing pool. And he teased her mercilessly about it, unashamedly.

Happiness tightened his chest as he beat her game after game, seeing her determination and her drive to not give up. The feeling caressed over his skin like a soothing balm. That night, they went to bed, limbs entwined as they whispered to each other in the semi darkness of their room.

Not having sex, but sharing a different kind of intimacy instead.