10. Taran
This feels like the longest work day of my life. Every UPS driver works weekends sometimes and I usually don”t mind it at all. Today however, I can”t focus in the least and I am counting the minutes until I can see Lyra at 7. I”ve been smiling since she playfully told me to fuck off for telling her to bring her dancing shoes. Yes, I know I sound pathetic. I can”t help it though, she fascinates me. I really appreciate that she”s so mature, doesn”t play mind games, and knows what she wants out of life. We may have an 8 year age difference, but I had to grow up fast when my dad died, and I took on a lot of responsibility.
There’s no doubt that I have things to figure out about my life, like whether I”m going to go back to school, but it”s not as if I need to sow my wild oats or whatever that stupid saying is. I know in general how I see my life going, and the direction I want to take it in for me to get there. Lyra definitely threw me for a loop when she said I needed to figure out my stance on fatherhood if I wanted to seriously date her. What I know for sure is that I see a future with her that I want to pursue. We need to lay all of our cards out on the table first, though.
I”m on my lunch break, blasting some salsa music and dancing around in my truck to get warmed up for tonight when my phone beeps with a text from Carlo.
CARLO
What”s up, Tar? Doing anything tonight?
I”m actually going to be meeting Lyra after work. How’s it going with you, man?
I’m good. Hell yea, I’m happy for you brother! How are things going with her?
I”m not going to go into what she and I talked about at the Farmer”s Market with him unless I desperately need his advice. So I just stick to the basics of what has gone on.
We”ve talked a bunch and seen each other once since that night we ran into her, and tonight we”re heading back to El Abrevadero
That”s great, man, have fun and tell me how it goes. Don”t fuck it up either
Your confidence in me is overwhelming, thank you so much
Only the best for you. In all seriousness, enjoy your night
Drinks soon, ok?
Of course. I need to hear all about this woman. So does the family, you”re overdue for family dinner. You should come with mom tomorrow night, we”re all going to be at the parent”s house for pupusas
That sounds great, we”ll be there. I still make curtido as well as any of you
You wish. Be there at 4 and we”ll see if you”ve still got it
Done
The rest of the day crawls along, but eventually I get the last package delivered, drop off my truck, and run home to get ready. Quickly, I check in with my mom to see how her day was and make sure she”s ok before I jump in the shower. Once I put on my favorite dark jeans, a light blue button down, my black lace up shoes, and a hit of cologne, I am out the door. The bar is busy since it”s Saturday, but I could spot those purple curls anywhere. She spots me too and tentatively waves while I make my way over to her near the bar. She looks achingly gorgeous with those curls all wild around her face, her green eyes bright and warm, and a soft smile on her face. She has on a red and black dress with a cardigan thrown over it, and her legs look incredible in strappy type black heels. My heart is absolutely pounding just looking at her. As I get close, her face turns uncertain, and I can actually see her mind trying to figure out whether I want a hug or not. She”s unsure of me until we can talk, but I make the decision by pulling her into me and hugging her hard. Her arms come around my waist, and I breathe in that rose scent of hers as I drop a chaste kiss to the top of her head.
“Hi,” she murmurs simply.
“Hey, Firecracker,” I say into her hair. She pulls back and looks up at me, searching my face, though her hands stay at my waist.
“Thanks for meeting me here. I”m glad you could make it after work.”
“Lyra, there”s no need to thank me. I”ve been wanting to see you and talk more. I just also wanted to respect your need for space and time to think.”
She huffs a laugh at that. “If more men had that level of respect for a woman”s boundaries the world would be a much less scary place.”
“There”s no arguing with that.”
“Honestly, Taran, who even are you?” she blurts, seemingly without thinking because she looks embarrassed she said it the minute it leaves her mouth.
I”m the one huffing a laugh now.
“Just a guy who respects women, Firecracker. My mom would kick my ass if I didn”t. So am I to assume your ex didn”t respect your boundaries?”
“He was generally respectful until that whole pesky cheating part. If I told him I needed space and time to think, he”d get mad and try to force me to talk about things before I could process them, though. He”d say I was overthinking and that things should be talked out right away. I don”t operate well like that. My mouth very much tends to outpace my brain,” she says with a shrug.
I smile because I am enjoying the hell out of how she is being more and more unfiltered with me. This insight into what makes her tick and how she operates is exactly what I was hoping to learn. I motion toward the bar and ask if she wants a drink and some food. She nods and we head over. Gage sees us from his perch on the end and gets the biggest smile on his face. He doesn”t seem shocked, though. Looks like Lyra and Gina were talking about tonight, and they told him we”d be here. That makes me smile even harder. Lyra looks at me with raised eyebrows, silently asking what I”m smiling about.
“I’m smiling because Gage is smiling at us.”
She rolls her eyes. “He and Gina are ridiculous.” There is so much fondness in her voice when she says it that it has zero bite. “He”s also looking out for me, I still don”t know you all that well,” she points out sassily, looking ahead of her as we make our way through the throng of people.
“I’m really hoping to change that,” I tell her quietly.
She looks up at me again quickly, then stays quiet as we find somewhere to sit, all sorts of thoughts and emotions clearly playing across her expressive face. We get to a high top table at the bar and order a round of drinks with some arepas. The live band doesn”t start for another hour, so it”s relatively quiet even with the crowds. Once we”re settled, she breaks the heavy silence between us.
“That”s what I don”t understand, Taran. I don”t get why you hope to change that. I”m an older, soon to be divorced woman, who can”t offer you a family. It defies logic that you keep trying with me.”
The words come out soft and disbelieving. She”s looking at me like I have to have ulterior motives, as if she”s not inherently someone people could want. Time to get that out of her head quickly.
“What does logic have to do with it? You spark something in me, Lyra. Age and previous situations don”t mean a whole lot to me compared to that. The more I spend time with you, the more I like you. My gut says this could be something fantastic. I”ve thought a lot about what you said at the farmer”s market. More than anything I”m mad that your ex made you feel bad about yourself because you don”t want kids. I love my niece and nephew a whole lot, but I don”t need kids to have a fulfilling life. I”m the baby of my family, I wouldn”t know the first thing about raising them.”
“You don”t think you”ll feel differently in a few years? This is something non-negotiable for me, Taran. I can”t let you crush me down the road if we get serious, and then you decide to change your mind. Been there, done that, burned the t-shirt.” Her face is scrunched in suspicion, eyes narrowed.
“Honestly, no, my feelings won”t change. I may be younger than you, but my dad passing made me grow up quickly, and figure out what was important. I like my quiet life, just like you said you do. My work hours are long, I want to go back to school soon, and I’d like my free time to be spent how I want it to be spent. Being an uncle to Seth and Sienna”s kids, maybe having a couple of dogs is just fine with me. I”ve missed out on a whole lot since my Dad passed away. I want to travel, and do spontaneous things. Preferably with someone special. I know exactly what I want.” I give her a pointed glance when I tack on the last part.
She nods thoughtfully, obviously working through the absolute clusterfuck of emotion I just threw at her. Hey, in for a penny, in for a pound as they say. I am not going to hold back in trying to win this woman over. It”s my turn for a question now. I ask it carefully and gently, trying to not make the question sound like an accusation.
“I’ve been curious since you said it at the Farmer”s Market. You said you can”t have children and never wanted them, anyway. Did something happen to make you find out you couldn”t have them, even though you”ve never wanted to try?”
She sucks in a breath, and for a second it looks like she might avoid answering or shut down. Then she closes her eyes for just a moment before she starts to talk.
“I’ve known since I was 8 that I couldn”t have kids. I was born with several problems and physical differences like a cleft palate, crossed eyes, and malformed ears that made me essentially deaf. I”ve had over a dozen corrective surgeries, seven of them before I was a toddler, and that was supposed to be the end of it. Then I stopped growing. It took a while to figure it all out, but I was finally diagnosed with Turner Syndrome. I”ve spent a lot of time in Philly at CHOP getting tested, participating in a brand new growth hormone study, and just generally being poked and prodded since it”s such a rare disorder. The testing showed that I have nothing to make babies with. My reproductive system is barely present and does not really function. Much like the rest of me, I guess.” That last part I can tell she added for some dark humor, to deflect from the rest of what she said, but I”m not laughing. This woman. This brave, strong, beautiful woman.
“Lyra,” I almost growl. “Please don’t ever talk about a wonderful woman that I really like that way. I”ve heard of Turner Syndrome. When my sister-in-law Sienna was pregnant with my niece Addy, genetic testing showed Addy had a 50% chance of being born with it. We all did a ton of reading about it.”
Her lips part in surprise, another array of different emotions flitting through her striking features more quickly than I can catch them. “Was she born with it?”
“No, unsurprisingly. I know the numbers. We were even mentally preparing for Sienna to lose the baby. My brother Seth was a wreck through the whole pregnancy. She was born with no issues.”
“I’m so glad she”s ok. I’m honestly shook that you know what Turner Syndrome is, in a good way. It makes talking about it much easier,” she says sincerely.
My mind is racing with questions, but I don”t want to interrogate her. Our drinks and arepas arrive then, so for a couple of minutes we eat and sip our drinks in easy silence. Then I decide to get the conversation going again.
”Tell me more about what you had to go through, if you don”t mind. I want to understand,” I say instead of asking one of my million questions. She looks at me like she doesn”t believe I want to talk about this, but I raise my eyebrows back, asking for her to go on. She sits back and crosses her arms after taking a long sip of her margarita.
”Well, I was extremely lucky. A lot of the girls have heart and kidney issues, learning difficulties, coordination issues, webbing in the neck, hands, and feet, it can be hard for a lot of them to function. My heart and kidneys are fine, I was always a straight A student, I”ve danced for most of my life pretty successfully, and no webbing. My issues were mostly growth, my eyes, mouth, and ears. In the study I was in, I had to take an injection of growth hormone every day for well over a decade. I still to this day struggle with social anxiety too, I”m very introverted. That”s a very common thing among Turner girls because the differences can make us feel isolated. There”s a big mental health aspect to growing up with so many medical problems. I was bullied mercilessly because of it. The kids beat me up, mocked me for not being able to talk clearly after I had a palate expansion surgery, for not developing like the other girls my age, you name it. That was worse than any of the physical differences.” There’s a bitterness to her tone that I have never heard before, and it speaks to how hard it was for her to relive those memories. She seems surprised that all of those thoughts rushed out of her mouth.
I”m just staring at her, absorbing everything she”s been through. I think she interprets it as being bored stupid or something because she looks away, embarrassed.
“I’m sorry, aren”t you tired of my medical nonsense now? I keep blabbing, I don”t know how you get me talking so much. Talk about you a little. Tell me more about your family.” Then she mimes zipping her mouth and throwing away the key, which is pretty adorable.
“Stop it, you”re not blabbing. I want to know these things, because I want to know you,” I tell her gently as I reach for her hand to squeeze it. “Anyway, there”s not too much to know about my family. We”re close, especially me and my mom. Seth, Sienna, Addy, and my nephew Mason live near Silicon Valley and he”s my only sibling. My mom is much better now, but she had a stroke a few months back, so that”s been a lot. I told you about my dad already.” I shrug a little. “That”s really it about my family.”
“You said you might go back to school? What do you want to study?” She doesn’t remove her hand from mine.
“Before my Dad passed, I wanted to go to school to become an architect. I”m trying to figure out if that”s what I still want. A lot changes from 18 to 28, you know?”
She nods thoughtfully. “I love the idea of architecture, but what are some other things you might want to go for?”
I take a little breath. “It might be silly, but I”m looking into how much schooling it would take to maybe become a nursing assistant or an occupational therapy assistant. I wish I had been able to do more to make my dad comfortable, and helping my mom through her stroke has inspired me. I love watching her home health aid work with her.”
Her face completely softens. “That”s a passion for you right there, it”s not silly at all. I see it when you talk. That personal experience would fire you up. I think it”s a great idea.”
Who knew that getting an endorsement like that from her would feel like winning the lottery? “Yeah? I”ve never done anything but what I”m doing now, I don”t even know if I”d be any good at being a healthcare professional.”
“If it”s something you”re passionate about, that”s half of it already. I think you”d be great at it, Taran.”
“That means a lot,” I tell her, my throat a little thick. “It”s so stupid, I”ve delivered your work to you several times now, but I don”t even know what company you work for, or what you do with it? I know you said you review marketing materials.”
She chuckles, and unfortunately takes back her hand to tuck a few stray curls behind her ear. The clink of glasses, boisterous conversations, and music around us are all faded to the background as we talk in our own little bubble. “It”s nothing too exciting. I work for a small, local pharmaceutical company called Kirotech. Anytime our marketing team wants to promote a drug, I”m in the department that has to make sure they don”t say anything in the promotions that are against FDA regulations. It gets especially busy when there is a convention with booth setups, or the launch of a new drug with completely new ad campaigns. Basically, we”re the ones that make sure the ads list all of those lovely side affects that sometimes sound as bad as the disease it”s treating,” she jokes.
“Do you like it?” I ask on a laugh
She tilts her head as she considers the question. “I don”t love the corporate aspect of it, and I don”t always love the meetings where we have to tell the marketing department that their new ad violates a lot of regulations. That”s not fun. Working from home has made the corporate aspect much better though, and I love helping get life saving drugs on the market. I think it”s similar to you having personal experience making you want to go into healthcare. My hormone therapy changed my life, so I enjoy the idea of getting needed therapies like that out to others. The company is a good company to work for, they treat us workers well, and there are fantastic perks and benefits. The way drugs are priced is a whole other discussion, though.”
“How did you end up getting into it?”
“I needed to support myself after college and get out of the house. I had a random job at an insurance brokerage right out of college that was fine, but it was definitely time to leave after 4 years and nothing to really show for it. I applied at this place, started at the bottom and worked my way up. I”ve been there for just over 10 years now. I sort of stupidly fell into it, and it stuck. It”s steady, the science behind the drugs is really interesting, and my other reviewers that I work with are all great.”
“Nothing wrong with that!”
She nods in agreement. “So, um, would you potentially be going away for school, or would you be staying around here?”
I kind of love how aloof she is trying to be, even though I see through it. A completely smug grin overtakes my face before I can even think. “Would you miss me if I left, Firecracker?”
She glares daggers at me as she does that gloriously defiant chin lift. “Just asking if this dude who keeps trying to date me is going to up and leave. Long distance sucks.”
I can”t help but chuckle. “I’m not going anywhere, my whole life is here. I”ll still need my job during the day and will probably take classes at night.”
She tries to mask it, but I see the relief in her shoulders relaxing. “Good,” she says simply. The live band has been warming up for the past few minutes, and now they”re starting. We”ve finished our drinks and arepas. So I get up and offer her my hand.
“Let”s go celebrate new beginnings, Lyra. We”re both working toward fresh starts after some pretty hard times.”
Her smile at that is the one I”ve wanted so badly. It”s that completely soft one that is lit up from the inside. The way her dimple pops and those green eyes sparkle is so breathtaking it makes my heart nearly stop. I am such a fucking goner for this woman, is all I can think as she puts her warm hand in mine.