Chapter 61
iris
As the dinghy neared the marina, a surge of people moved towards the pier in a wave of desperation. Voices carried to them across the water:
‘Who is it? Is Emma with you?’
‘Have you seen Dale?’
‘Do you know what’s happened to Leah?’
‘—to Shawn?’
‘—to Brendan?’
‘—to Cary?’
Iris huddled against the side of the dinghy.
These people were her friends, her neighbours.
She’d known most of them since that first drop-off at the school gates when Finn started kindergarten; she’d even been at school herself with some of them.
Their sons and daughters had come to her children’s birthday parties; she’d had them over for sleepovers, chaperoned them on school trips, cheered them on from the touch lines, given them candy when they’d come trick or treating.
How could she look these parents in the eye knowing her children had survived, and theirs hadn’t?
‘Mom!’
Iris spun around.
Rose was running down the pier towards her, a crocheted blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Iris could have picked out her red hair at a thousand paces.
The sight of her daughter was enough to snap her out of her catatonic funk. She stood up, making the dinghy rock wildly. ‘Rose! Oh, Rosie!’
Willing hands helped her ashore, and she flung her arms around her daughter, burying her face in her hair, breathing her in. ‘Are you OK?’ she said. ‘Rosie, are you hurt?’
‘I’m fine, Mom,’ Rose said. ‘Uncle Mac looked after me till we were rescued. Mommy, we saw the boat sink right in front of us—’
She broke off.
‘I’m right here, Rosie,’ Iris said, rubbing her back. ‘It’s OK. I’m right here.’
‘Where’s Finn?’
‘He isn’t here?’
Rose shook her head. Iris could see she was on the edge of falling apart, and somehow summoned the strength her daughter needed to see.
‘I’m sure he’s here somewhere,’ she said firmly. ‘You’re here, you’re safe, and Uncle Mac’s safe. We’ll find Finn and Nicky. It’s hard to see where anyone is with all the lights out along the shore. We’ll find them.’
She glanced around the marina. Parents were wandering around as if sleepwalking, some dressed in coats hastily thrown over pyjamas, many of them quietly sobbing. In the uneven illumination of car headlights, the effect was nightmarish, a dystopian hellscape.
Amy clambered out of the dinghy, cradling her injured arm. People surged towards her, bombarding her with questions.
Rescue came from an unexpected quarter as Amy’s secretary, Susan, suddenly appeared, a clipboard in her hand.
‘Please,’ Susan said, putting out an arm to stave off the wave of desperate parents.
‘Ms Gray will help you as soon as she can, but right now she doesn’t know any more than we do.
I have a list of everyone who’s already been brought ashore.
The emergency services are updating me every few minutes.
Rescue helicopters are in the air. I’ll pass on everything I know as soon as I can, I promise. ’
‘Is Nicky on this list?’ Amy asked.
‘No,’ Susan said.
Amy turned to the men in the dinghy. ‘We need to go back out. You promised we could go back if—’
‘If you want to help, Amy,’ Susan said, ‘we need people to search along the shoreline. There are plenty of boats out on the lake now, but we don’t have enough people checking for those who’ve made it ashore by themselves.
Finn and Nicky are strong swimmers. They could have come ashore anywhere around the lake near us.
There’s a box of flashlights at the end of the pier.
If you want to do something useful, that’s what we need you to do. ’
Her tone was brisk, the advice concrete.
Iris knew it was exactly what Amy needed to hear.
Susan didn’t tell her to sit and wait, to get medical attention, to leave it to the professionals.
The woman wasn’t a mother herself, but she understood that when your child was missing, waiting wasn’t an option.
Suddenly there was a shout and Mac was there, engulfing Amy in a bear hug that made her sister cry out in pain.
‘I have to look for your brother,’ Iris told Rose. ‘And I need you to stay here, in case he comes back while I’m gone. Please, Rosie,’ she added, as Rose started to protest. ‘I have to find Finn, and I need to know you’re safe.’
‘Where’s Dad?’
‘I don’t know,’ Iris said.
‘I tried to call him from Miss Pierce’s phone but he didn’t answer,’ Rose said. ‘Why isn’t he here, Mom? He must know what’s happened!’
‘I don’t know, Rosie,’ Iris said again. ‘I promise I’ll be back soon.’
She pushed her way through the throng of parents towards the water’s edge, grabbing a flashlight from the box the ever-efficient Susan had collected.
She didn’t wait for Amy. She didn’t want to be around her sister right now.
There was no need for Amy to ask her to swear on her daughter’s life not to tell anyone what they’d done.
She would never be able to find the words.
Now that the raw immediacy of survival had faded, the adrenaline that had kept Iris going for the last few hours was ebbing, and with it her ability to hold the horror at bay. What she’d seen tonight would haunt her forever. She’d never be able to scrub the images from her mind.
Lena Grable, her body drifting in slow circles in the water.
The expression in Raylan’s eyes when he realised they weren’t going to open the door.
Iris bent double and vomited onto the sand, her body convulsing so hard it felt as if her spine would snap.
The darkness wasn’t around them.
It was inside them.
She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and stumbled along the narrow lakeshore, terrified of what she might find, of what might have washed up on the beach.
Nothing seemed real. She felt as if she were in one of those nightmares where you were running through quicksand, pursued by nameless, faceless horrors, running and running and yet somehow standing still.
The lake was crowded now with rescue boats as the emergency services finally swung into full gear. Iris could hear the throb of helicopters overhead. She had no idea what’d taken them so long, but the search was ramping up now.
She tripped over a rock, dropping her flashlight, which blinked off as soon as it hit the ground. Dropping to her knees, she scrabbled among the pebbles, groping for it in the dark.
Her hand found something warm.
Something soft.
She located the flashlight and fiddled with the buttons, switching it back on.
‘Nicky!’ she gasped.
Her nephew was sitting on the beach, his arms wrapped around his knees, staring blankly towards the lake.
‘Nicky, are you OK? Are you hurt?’
He didn’t respond. He was still dressed in his tux; he’d lost his bow tie and his shoes, but if not for his wet hair, he looked almost exactly as he had when he was posing for photographs this afternoon.
‘Nicky, it’s OK,’ she said, kneeling next to him. ‘You’re safe now. Your mom’s at the marina. I’ll take you right there. She’s so worried about you—’
‘No,’ he said.
‘What do you mean?’ she said. ‘Come on, let me help you—’
‘No,’ Nicky said.
‘Nicky,’ Iris said, helplessly.
‘You were there,’ he said. ‘You saw what she did.’
‘She saved your life,’ Iris said.
‘She chose Finn first.’
Iris had no answer to that.
‘She should have just let me die,’ Nicky said. ‘At least then I’d be with Maggie.’
‘What happened wasn’t her fault, Nicky—’
‘It’s her fault Maggie died,’ Nicky said harshly. ‘She knew about the deepfake photos, and she did nothing. I hate her! I wish she’d died, instead of Maggie!’
‘So does she,’ Iris said.
Nicky started to sob. ‘She let them all die!’
‘Nicky, if she’d opened that door, it wouldn’t have saved any of them,’ Iris said, unsure if she was trying to convince her nephew or herself. ‘And you would’ve drowned, too, we all would.’
‘It would’ve given them a chance.’
‘It wouldn’t,’ Iris said. ‘Your mom was right. What she did took guts, Nicky. Most people run away from the really hard decisions like that. I don’t think I’d have had the balls to do what she did, even if it was the right thing. And that would’ve got all of us killed.’
‘It wasn’t the right thing,’ Nicky said. ‘It might have been the smart thing, but it wasn’t the right thing, and you know it.’
The world was so black and white when you were young. You didn’t realise how precious life was, however imperfect it seemed.
The compromises you’d make to cling on to it.
‘I should’ve died,’ Nicky said. ‘It’s what I deserve.’
‘Nicky, that’s not true—’
‘You don’t know,’ Nicky said.
Iris stroked the wet hair back from his face. His skin was so pale it was almost grey, and cold to the touch. ‘I do know,’ she said, gently. ‘Finn told me this evening. He told me everything.’
Nicky froze.
‘You’re not to blame,’ Iris said. ‘It’s not your fault. You were just trying to help. I’m going to talk to Finn tomorrow. I’m going to help him fix it.’ She rocked back on her heels. ‘Please, if you won’t come to the marina, let me go and get your mom now—’
‘No! I don’t want to see her,’ Nicky said.
‘I can’t just leave you here,’ Iris said.
‘Find my dad,’ Nicky said. ‘I’ll talk to him.’
There was no point arguing.
‘Take my flashlight,’ she said. ‘I’ll be right back.’
‘You keep it.’
‘Fine. I’ll be as quick as I can. Stay here, OK?’
‘Where would I go?’ Nicky said.