Chapter 47
I’m grabbing a few things from my stall, and I hear them before I can see them. Jefferson’s loud, cheerful voice comes to an abrupt stop, and I don’t even have to turn around to know that the sight of me is what caused his reaction.
I don’t even bother to look their way. They begin whispering to each other. Mack’s hushed voice whisper-yelling, “You say something,” is what has me turning around.
“Something you guys would like to say?”
Mack and Jefferson look at each other and then back to me. Neither of them say a word, so I turn back to my locker to grab my Kinesio tape. Connor’s voice causes me to drop the roll mid-air.
“You’re a fucking idiot.”
“Excuse me?” I turn my head to see my best friend coming my way. Jefferson and Mack slowly slink backward out of the room but I don’t pay them any attention.
Connor stops inches from my face. “You heard me. What the fuck is wrong with you, man?”
I’m too keyed up to get into this with him right now. Sadie is getting ready to leave for Denver and I don’t know what to fucking do with that. A piece of my soul is walking out of my life, and I’m the one who opened the door for her to go.
“Nothing’s wrong with me. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Connor doesn’t back down. He pokes me in the chest, which is a terrible idea, might I add, and lets me have it.
“You just let the best thing that’s ever happened to you walk away. You fucking told her to go. Are you kidding me right now? You should’ve seen the look on her face when I told her you wanted her to stay.”
I shove my best friend and he stumbles backward. “You fucking told her that?”
“Yeah. Someone had to!”
Anger flares hot in my veins but so does embarrassment. I hate that he’s the one who told her that and not me. I scrub a hand down my face and groan in frustration.
“I couldn’t ask her to stay, man. I couldn’t hold her back from that dream.”
Connor laughs, but there’s no humor to it. “You don’t get it, dude. You didn’t even give her a choice. You made the decision for her.”
His words hit like a ton of bricks. I took the choice away from her and told her to go.
She’s leaving, which means no more Sadie baking in my kitchen.
No more of her out on my back patio doing yoga with Sophia.
No more of her breathtaking smile. I told her to leave multiple times, and now I’m sitting here regretting every fucking word that came out of my mouth.
“Oh my god, Connor. She’s leaving.”
My best friend walks up to me and squeezes the spot between my neck and shoulders. “She’s not gone yet, man.”
My feet are moving in an instant. I barely hear Connor yell as I swing the door of the locker room open. “She just left the rink!”
I sprint out of the locker room and nearly take down Jefferson and Mack and in the process. I catch my footing and run as fast as I can to the exit. If she’s not here maybe there’s still time.
“Go get her, man!” Mack’s voice urges me on faster, and I’m out the door to the parking lot in seconds.
It’s raining so hard I can barely see in front of me. Once I get inside my SUV, I push the button to start it. Clicking my seat belt into place, I peel out of the parking lot and turn onto the road that takes me to my house.
The rain is making it hard to drive, and I have to drive five miles under the speed limit to ensure I make it back home in one piece. It’s taking too fucking long to get home.
I’m already a couple miles out from my house when I realize I probably should’ve headed straight to the airport. Even if she wasn’t there yet, I could’ve waited for her instead of wasting time and checking at home first.
Finally, I turn down my street, the rain picking up so much speed that I can’t see two feet in front of me. Once I make it to the end of my road and turn into my driveway I press the button to open the garage, and relief washes over me.
Sadie’s Subaru is parked in the garage. She’s still here.
I don’t even wait for the garage to finish opening before I put my SUV in park and sprint out into the storm. I’m moving so fast there’s no time to close the car door behind me. The front door is closest at this point so I run as fast as I can and enter the code to unlock it.
I’m screaming her name the moment I make it into the house.
“Sadie! Sadie, are you here?”
Silence.
I check every room on the lower level while still screaming her name. With no luck, I move to the garage and run to check her apartment, which in hindsight, is probably where I should’ve started in the first place.
I bang on her door, and when she doesn’t answer, I use my spare key to enter.
The space is empty—all signs of Sadie are gone.
She’s not here.
Out of breath, I run my fingers through my hair and tug on the ends. “Fuck!”
Of course she’s not here. I told her to fucking go. After everything she’s been through, after everyone in her life has always told her she’s not enough, I let her fucking go. I fucking made her think she wasn’t good enough.
Turning around, I leave Sadie’s apartment and head back into my house. I’m on my way to my fully stocked bar when something catches my eye on the kitchen island. I change directions and grab the paper off the counter.
It’s a note from Sadie. My breath catches in my chest and tears well in my eyes as I read her words.
Niko,
I wish I was there with you saying this to your face, but I don’t think I could’ve gotten through it without breaking down. So this note will have to do.
Thank you for embracing every single part of me and seeing me for who I really am.
I think you told me to go because you don’t want to hold me back from everything I’ve ever wanted.
It’s just like you to put everyone else’s needs before your own.
I just wish you realized that you and Sophia are the things I’ve wanted my whole life.
But I don’t want to be somewhere I’m not wanted.
I know I’ve never said these words out loud but I need you to know.
..I love you. With every single piece of my heart.
Please give Sophia another kiss goodbye for me.
Xoxo,
Sadie
PS. I would’ve stayed if you asked me to.
Tears are streaming down my face as I read the last line of her letter.
What the fuck was I thinking?
I look over at the oven. It’s only seven o’clock. It’ll be close, especially in this fucking weather, but I might be able to catch her before her flight takes off.
Taking the note with me, I run as fast as my feet will go to the front door. My adrenaline is pumping and as soon as I throw the door open, my heart stops.
Sadie is standing in the pouring rain on my walkway.
I don’t think, I just move. She starts to say something but I don’t let her. My mouth is on hers before she can speak, and I’m pouring every ounce of love and remorse into this kiss. I pull back and drop to my knees in front of her.
It’s fucking pouring, the rain so loud I’m nearly screaming out my apology to her.
“Kulta. I am so fucking sorry. I should’ve never told you to go.
You belong here. With me. With Sophia. I’ll build you your own yoga retreat here.
I’ll follow you to Denver. I’ll do whatever it takes.
I will spend every day of the rest of my life proving to you just how much I love you.
Because I do, Sadie. I love you so fucking much. Please, forgive me.”
I bow my head and grovel at her feet, repeating, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” over and over and over again. I’ll stay like this for as long as it takes.
Sadie drops to her knees in front of me and grabs my face with her hands. I rest my hands over hers, afraid she’ll remove them at any moment.
“Ask me to stay, Niko.”
A choked sob escapes my mouth and my tears mix with the rain streaming down my face.
“Will you stay, Sadie?”
And then her lips are on mine.
I go to stand and pick Sadie up in the process. She wraps her legs around me and brings her lips back to mine. I turn with her in my arms, rain pelting us like bricks as I walk as fast as I can back to the house.
The door is still open and as soon as we’re inside, I kick it closed behind me. Not wanting to let her go, I push Sadie up against the wall in the entryway.
She whimpers into my mouth. I pull back and search her eyes.
“Are you okay? Is this okay?”
Her hands grip the back of my head and she pulls my mouth back to hers. We kiss with no end in sight.
I grind myself into her and the movement causes my soaking wet clothing to pull at my skin. Sadie pulls back and looks at me. “We need to get out of these clothes.”
She gently nudges my shoulders so I set her down on the floor. Her shirt is over her head in an instant. Sadie reaches over to lift mine next but I grab her hand to stop her.
“Sadie, we don’t have to do this. There’s a lot I want to say. Need to say.”
Her opposite hand covers mine and she peers up into my eyes. “I know, me too. But I thought first, maybe we could let our bodies do the talking.”
If she wants me to show her just how much I love her, then that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
My hands move to my shirt and I lift it over my head. Sadie is already pushing my shorts and boxer briefs down, laughing as they get stuck because of how drenched they are.
I look down at her and step out of my shorts once they are near my ankles. She tosses them across the room and looks up at me. The smile she wears brings me back to life. Ten minutes ago, I thought I lost—no, thought I pushed—my favorite person out of my life.
She’s still on her knees and she looks at my hard shaft before looking back up at me. I reach down and pull her up to stand.
“As beautiful as you are with my cock in your mouth, I have other plans to show you just how much I love you.”
Sadie’s eyes blink a few times, tears forming at the corners. “Say it again.”
“I love you, Kulta.”