Chapter 24 Maya
Maya
Ten days to the match
‘Wow, you guys are really good,’ Nadine comments, as the two of us watch the latest match between Westbrook and St Totnes.
She texted me a few days ago, saying she’d be in the neighbourhood, but the only time we could make work was during the match.
Surprisingly, Nadine actually seemed excited about it.
‘We’ve been practising a lot,’ I say. And we have been.
Ever since we agreed to the match with Dina and her team, the girls have stepped up their game.
Their focus has been razor sharp and they are playing better than ever.
Even Laila is doing better, especially now that she and Jade are hanging out.
We had two matches lined up before this one, and Westbrook won both with ease.
Instead of making me happy, the whole thing makes my stomach clench with worry.
I have been trying to keep Dina out of my mind after the fundraiser, if only because thinking about her constantly is driving me a little mad. But it’s proving to be increasingly difficult, especially with our match on the horizon.
‘Why do you look so down?’ Nadine frowns at me. It’s weird how the two of us have barely talked in the past nine years but now that we’re back in contact, it feels like nothing at all has changed. Like she can still pick up on my little ticks, and almost read my mind.
‘I’m not down.’
Nadine just raises an eyebrow at me, and I sigh.
‘It’s … a long story.’
Nadine nods at the time on the scoreboard. We haven’t even hit half-time yet. ‘We’ve got a lot of time.’
So, in-between watching the match, I end up filling Nadine in on everything. The match with Dina, the fundraiser and everything else.
‘I can’t believe Dina is back in the picture.
’ Nadine shakes her head in disbelief. She was my confidante during our break-up.
When I was heartbroken and devastated, with no Dina to speak to anymore, I turned to Nadine.
And as any good best friend would, she told me about all of Dina’s faults and all of the reasons why I was far better off without her.
I knew she was just saying it because she was my friend.
Of course, she liked Dina, the way everyone liked Dina.
‘I know, I know.’ I sigh. ‘I shouldn’t even be thinking about her after everything. I just feel weird about the match. I mean, our team has so many advantages compared to hers. It doesn’t feel totally fair.’
Nadine frowns, considering my words. ‘Dina’s the one who proposed the match.’
‘Because she’s headstrong, not because she thought it through,’ I point out. ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s regretting the whole thing. I mean, I’ve seen them play. They aren’t … I don’t know.’
‘Dina isn’t your responsibility,’ Nadine says, drawing my gaze away from Laila and back towards her. ‘Neither is her team. You shouldn’t worry so much about her, and you shouldn’t get too bogged down by her either. You … already got hurt once.’
I sigh. Nadine is right, but that doesn’t stop me from worrying.
When our match finally wraps up and I’ve said goodbye to Nadine with promises to see each other again soon, I pack up and start heading out of the park.
Of course, that’s when I spot Dina. I’ve been hoping to run into her since the fundraiser, but it’s today of all days that I see her. When I look totally dishevelled, and when Nadine has already warned me about being careful.
Dina’s sitting on a bench, her legs pulled up and crossed beneath her, and there’s a woman sitting right next to her. The two of them are so engaged in conversation that they don’t even notice me.
I could probably hurry along and avoid Dina altogether, and the speed at which my heart is beating makes me think that I should.
But there’s a voice in my head that reminds me of the way Dina looked at me at the fundraiser.
That moment when our hands touched. It reminds me of how she stayed with me through my panic attack, that she listened to me, was there for me, when she definitely didn’t have to.
I don’t get the chance to decide what to do because – as if they can sense me watching – Dina and the woman look over to me.
Automatically, I paste on a smile and raise my hand to wave.
For an excruciating moment, Dina just stares and I wonder if this is going to be another incident like outside the park, where she rode off on her bike at the speed of light.
Instead, Dina raises her arm reluctantly.
Just that simple action makes my stomach do a somersault.
Nadine would be so disappointed in me right now.
I approach Dina, trying not to sound too eager as I greet her. ‘Hey,’ I say.
‘Hi.’ Dina doesn’t exactly smile, but she doesn’t glare either so that seems like a win.
For a moment, we just look at each other in awkward silence. Then, I hear the sound of someone clearing their throat, and I remember the woman that Dina is with.
Dina seems to remember her too because she quickly turns towards her and says, ‘Uh, this is Thea. Thea … you know Maya.’
My heart almost stops at Dina’s words: ‘You know Maya,’ as if she’s been talking about me.
I try not to read into it too much. It could just be because I used to play football professionally.
Maybe Thea knows me from that. Or maybe Dina has been talking shit about me for so long and to so many people that anybody in her life would know me as that girl who killed her chances at football.
Knowing Dina, it’s probably that last one.
‘Hey.’ Thea smiles at me.
I study this girl, Thea. She’s tall and lean, with chestnut-brown hair that falls around her shoulders in curls.
I try to gauge if that’s Dina’s type, but it’s difficult to say.
For all the time I’ve known Dina, I’ve been her type.
But the way the two of them were sitting, close together, face to face, doesn’t dissuade me from thinking that maybe she’s Dina’s girlfriend.
‘It’s nice to meet you.’ My voice comes out sounding a little more clipped than I want it to. It’s none of my business if Thea is Dina’s girlfriend, but I feel a tug of envy in my chest, hot and uncomfortable.
‘You were at football practice?’ Dina asks, though it feels like a taboo question.
‘We had a match. I was just … heading off,’ I say.
To my surprise, Dina stands up, giving Thea a cursory glance.
‘I’ll walk with you. Thea has to get back to her studies,’ Dina says.
Thea scrunches up her face. ‘Never get into law.’ She shoves a few heavy books into her backpack and then, with a wave, hurries towards the other side of the park. Leaving me and Dina all alone.
There’s a lump in my throat that I try to swallow as the two of us fall into step. We’re not exactly brushing up against each other, but I’m all too aware of the heat of Dina’s body next to mine; the soft sound of her breathing, the sharp scent of her.
‘So, how’s your player doing? Laila?’ Dina asks.
‘Better, I think. Jade helped. I don’t know what advice she gave her, and Laila isn’t back on social media or anything, but … she seems more focused,’ I say. I wish Jade would give me advice, because clearly she’s cracked something that I didn’t when it came to being in the public eye.
‘And … how have you been?’
I feel myself flush at the question. She’s clearly thinking about the breakdown I had at the fundraiser.
‘OK. It’s weird. I’m getting all of these interview requests now to talk about the racism I faced while I was a player.
But the same journalists were all OK spreading lies about me just days ago.
’ I sigh. When I told Isabel about everything that had happened, she suggested I talk to some of them, but I’m still not sure.
It finally felt like some of the media attention had been dying down, and the fundraiser has just put me back in the public eye.
‘Hypocrites.’ Dina shakes her head. ‘But … maybe you should talk to them. I mean, this time you can control the narrative, right?’
‘I wouldn’t be the one writing the articles, so … not exactly.’
‘Right.’ Dina frowns and there’s a beat of silence, only broken by the sound of our walking. ‘You could find a way to control it, though, couldn’t you? You could write your own article? Or you could give an interview or something? Then it would be you speaking, not someone speaking for you.’
It isn’t a terrible idea. Erica Hadley’s card is somewhere in the bottom of my purse and The Warm Up is a big show. Maybe if I reached out to her, I could control the narrative.
‘Maybe. I’ll think about it.’
The two of us descend into silence again. The entrance to the park appears in sight, and I know that in just a few minutes, we’ll be going our separate ways.
‘You didn’t have practice today?’ I ask, wanting to spend more time with Dina. I look to her, expecting her to bristle at the question, but she doesn’t.
‘Not today. I had to give them a break. I feel like … I don’t know, they’ve been working so hard over the past few weeks. Ever since …’ She glances at me hesitantly, leaving the sentence hanging there.
Ever since we set up this competition between our teams. I wonder if she has the same worries as I do.
‘Yeah, it’s the same with my team.’ I sigh. ‘Honestly, they’re so dedicated to football, and even more so now that they have something to work towards. I don’t remember being like that when we were on the school team.’
Dina raises an eyebrow. ‘Really? Because we didn’t practise day and night when we had a match coming up?’
‘That was different,’ I insist.
We pause by the entrance to the park, turning towards each other now, neither of us making a move to end the conversation or go our separate ways.
Dina chuckles. ‘In what way, exactly?’
‘That wasn’t about football. It was about …
I don’t know.’ Spending time with you, I want to say.
All those practice sessions right here in this park, or in our back gardens.
I wonder if I would have been so intense about things if Dina wasn’t around.
It wasn’t that I didn’t – don’t – love football.
Of course I do. But with Dina there, my love for it felt even more real, more palpable.
Because Dina and I understood each other, we shared the same dreams, the same goals.
It was like football and Dina went hand in hand. I guess, in some ways, they still do.
‘I’m just saying, we were pretty obsessive about football back then,’ Dina says after a beat. ‘Besides, you should be happy that your team are so intense about it. It took me a while to get my girls to even care about football.’
That surprises me. When Dina had marched up to us in the park, it definitely felt like they’d all cared. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean … they didn’t really join the team because they watch football matches in their spare time. I’m pretty sure some of them had never watched a match before, or even kicked a ball. They signed up because they needed to sign up to something.’
‘So … how did you get them so invested?’
Dina shrugs, and there’s a blush creeping up her cheeks, tinging her skin with the slightest hint of pink. ‘I barely did anything.’
‘You must have done something.’
‘It’s … kind of silly.’ Dina actually sounds embarrassed as she speaks. ‘I made them watch Bend It Like Beckham.’
A laugh bursts out of me.
‘I told you it was silly,’ Dina mumbles, her blush even more evident now.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to – it’s not silly. It’s just so you.’
Dina almost looks offended. ‘So me?’
‘You were obsessed with that movie. We used to watch it like every single week. You could quote the whole thing.’
‘Yeah, because you never wanted to watch it, right?’ Dina asks sarcastically, rolling her eyes.
‘Only because you did!’
‘I wasn’t the one who had the poster in my room because I had a huge crush on Parminder Nagra. I bet you even took that thing to America with you,’ Dina retorts.
Now my face heats up with a blush because I did take that poster with me, carried it around from state to state.
I was too embarrassed to put it up anywhere, but I kept it.
It wasn’t because of Parminder Nagra, but because it reminded me of the good times with Dina.
We had both felt so seen by that movie. Even if it hadn’t been about football, I think we would have watched it obsessively.
We shipped Jess and Jules like nobody’s business, and it was one of the rare things that felt perfectly made for just the two of us.
‘Shut up,’ I say to Dina now, at a loss for anything to say.
Dina grins, clearly knowing she’s got the best of me. I don’t even feel annoyed about it like I might have at one time. Because this feels like going back in time, to before I went away, before everything went wrong with us.
‘You were always so sensitive about that crush,’ Dina teases, poking me lightly in the ribs.
‘At least I could admit it, unlike you reading your smutty fan fiction of Jess and Jules in secret,’ I say accusingly.
‘I have no idea what you’re talking about. And if I did, I would say that you didn’t have a problem with fan fiction when you were asking me for recommendations.’
I’m suddenly aware of the fact that the two of us have moved dangerously close to each other in the midst of all of our teasing.
That the rest of the world has somehow faded away into nothing.
It’s just me and Dina, her dark brown eyes boring into mine.
And I’m sure that she can hear the thud of my heart thumping in my chest.
Dina inches an arm forward, her finger grazing my cheek as she brushes a strand of hair away from my face. Just that one single touch sends a tingle down my spine.
And even though this is the last thing I should be thinking of, my eyes automatically travel down from the dark depths of Dina’s eyes to her lips.
The ones that I have kissed a hundred times, the ones that I haven’t kissed in many, many years.
I wonder what it would be like to kiss Dina now.
If I just stepped forward and closed the gap between us …
When my eyes flicker up to Dina’s once more, I realise she must be thinking the same thing. She takes a step towards me.
I lean forward, my breath caught in my throat.
And then a ringing sound pierces the space between us.
Dina steps back immediately, the spell between us broken too fast. Even though she’s still just there, the distance between us already feels monumental as she digs a phone out from the pocket of her jeans.
‘This is Jen. I should take it,’ she says, her voice soft.
‘Yeah, you should. And I should probably get going.’ I try to meet her gaze again, but Dina is looking away, down at her phone. Anywhere but at me. ‘See you around.’
‘Yeah, see you,’ Dina says.
I take a deep breath, trying to get my heart beat back to normal. Then, with one last, fleeting glance at Dina, I head off.