Chapter 11 #2
‘It’s fine, but I should be getting back. I need to call Jake soon, let him know how I’m doing.’
‘Jake.’ Lucas nodded; his face had gone back to the moody, dark mode. ‘Yeah, of course.’
‘Thank you for being kind and everything just now, but I am alright. Honestly.’
Lucas’s hands were back in his pockets. ‘If you say so.’
‘I do.’ She forced a grin. ‘And now I better go. I have so much to do.’
She left Lucas standing there, feeling his burning stare on her back with every step.
On the way back to Jenn’s cabin, Willow’s phone rang. She was surprised to see it was Jake. He didn’t usually call her at this time. He was normally far too busy.
‘Hey,’ she said brightly.
‘Hey babe.’ His voice was reassuringly deep but slightly detached. It was like she could picture him doing something else as he spoke to her.
‘I wasn’t expecting you to call so early; aren’t you still at work?’
‘I took a late lunch today. It’s been hectic. I was helping out with a road traffic collision. It was pretty nasty. A big pileup and loads of injuries. I thought I’d better call you now, as I might be out later.’
‘Oh OK. With colleagues?’
‘What, oh … yeah … It’s nothing much really.’
Willow frowned as her feelings of unease grew. Jake sounded so distracted, like he was barely there at all. She tried to shake off the resentment that was daring to settle. After all, she had no right to judge Jake.
Especially with what had just happened with Lucas. What had that even been about?
‘You have to remember, I’m going through a lot of stuff at the moment. I’m literally witnessing trauma before my eyes.’
‘You poor thing,’ she said softly. ‘That sounds horrible.’
Jake tutted lightly. ‘It’s part of my job, babe.
You get used to it. I’ve already made my “day in the life” vlog – this one is especially hard-hitting, really emotional.
I’ll send you the link in a minute. You can tell me if I’m going to pull at the heartstrings enough.
I want to make sure I make the right impact. ’
‘Jake, I’m not sure I would be any good—’
‘Of course, you will. You’ve been working in marketing for years. My followers have stalled a little and I need something enticing to pull them back in.’
Any feeling of pride melted away. Willow frowned down the phone. She couldn’t believe Jake was using something as awful as a huge car accident to win likes and followers. This was leaving a bad taste in her mouth.
She was about to say something when she heard someone talking in the background. It sounded like they were saying Jake’s name and then laughing.
And they sounded familiar.
‘Jake. Is Alex Rose there?’
Willow tried to bite back her anger. Why would Alex be at his work? Was Jake lying to her? Or was she mistaken?
But then she heard the laugh again. Sharp and brittle like it was in all her videos.
It was Alex Rose.
Why was she there?
‘Will. It’s nothing. Alex is just having lunch with me, that’s all.’
‘That’s all?’
‘Sure.’ His confident swagger was back with a vengeance. ‘I’m sending my video over now. Have a watch and let me know your thoughts.’
‘OK.’ She was feeling a bit defeated. ‘I guess I could take a look. But Jake, why are you having lunch together?’
It wasn’t that she was jealous; Willow wouldn’t have minded at all if he had told her. It was just that something felt odd, as if the final parts of their relationship were breaking apart.
He didn’t reply. She swore she heard him suck in his breath.
‘Jake …’ She kept her tone light. ‘Is everything alright with us?’
‘Yeah, of course it is.’ He chuckled. ‘Why wouldn’t it be?’
‘I dunno. You just sound a bit odd.’
‘I’m not being odd. I’m just tired.’ He sighed, as if to make a point. ‘I’m going to go now, Will. I don’t think we’re getting anywhere here. Watch my video for me, yeah?’
‘Yeah,’ she muttered. ‘OK.’
What else could she say? Her mouth felt numb.
It was only as she ended the call that Willow realized that he hadn’t once asked her how she was.
Or even sounded that interested that she was there.
She thought back to the way Lucas had held her only moments before and a deep ache opened inside her. It was a desire that had been missing for so long.
Did Jake even love her?
Did she love him?
What did she even want now?
Back at the cabin, Willow watched the video that Jake had sent while eating some noodle dish that Jenn had prepared earlier and left in the fridge for her. She wasn’t feeling that hungry, but Jenn had made it so Willow didn’t have to cook on her first night alone in the cabin.
So, to please her friend, Willow was doing her best to eat. She wasn’t sure why her appetite was so suppressed. Her stomach felt like a small, tight, heavy ball. Maybe it was seeing her grandma’s house again.
Or maybe it was this video? There was certainly something about it that made her uneasy.
Although she had already sent Jake a message telling him it was fine that wasn’t really what Willow thought.
She figured it would be better to tell Jake what he wanted to hear.
After all, knowing him, he would post it anyway.
He very rarely took her advice, even when he asked for it.
Willow sometimes wondered why he bothered to ask.
It wasn’t a bad video, not really. It just irritated her somehow.
She pressed play again. And tried not to flinch as Jake’s handsome face burst into life on the screen.
She could see why viewers engaged with him.
He had such bright eyes, and a cheeky smile that seemed to encourage people to trust him, to listen to him.
Grandma used to say that he could ‘steal candy from babies’ and they wouldn’t cry.
Willow had no idea if this was meant to be a good thing or not.
Jake’s deep, rich voice filled the room.
‘… so yeah, this was a particularly hard day, and I would be lying if I didn’t stop for a moment and wonder if I could even do this anymore.
I’m so tired, you know? So goddamn tired – and I was tired before I started and then I rock up at the emergency site and it’s just chaos everywhere.
Torn-up vehicles, bodies strewn – I won’t go into the details, but it was grim.
I couldn’t walk away though. I had to take a breath and step in, even though every muscle in my body was fighting against it – because this is the thing they don’t tell you about being a first responder, or anyone that is plunged into crisis – you don’t always have your shit together.
I’m human. I have my own struggles. I feel so worn out and broken – but I can’t show that, I just have to get my act together and get on with it.
I slip my mask back on. I tell everyone (including myself) that I’m here and I’m ready. I have to save lives; that’s what I do.
‘So, please don’t call me a hero. I’m not.
I’m just a guy, trying his best here and I’m struggling too – honestly, I am.
I’m struggling, but I will keep going. You guys make it better.
Your messages, your love. It makes everything better.
So, thank you – thank you so much. You are the heroes. Not me …’
‘Yep, that’s my man,’ Willow muttered stiffly, forcing a grin. Watching it again had only increased her uneasy feeling, but now she was also feeling sick.
Willow put her phone aside. Although she missed Jake, she also felt a sense of relief that she wasn’t there right now. He had now posted the video and already his likes were through the roof. People loved this raw, vulnerable side of him.
The problem was, Willow knew him better than anyone and she knew when he was putting on an act for the camera. Maybe she should have told him that the wink at the end was a bit too much.
Jake wasn’t being vulnerable. He was being what he needed to be successful. He was acting in order to gain more likes and follows. He was lying.
And in his annoying way, he was winning at it.
The problem was, Jake had been putting on an act for far too long.