Day 19 of 21
Allie via Milo’s phone: Hello.
Milo via Allie’s phone: Hey!!!
Allie: So sorry if I woke you/you’re busy.
Milo: Already awake!! Just reading and googling the meaning behind my fear of owls. So awake. Not busy. And still with strigiformophobia!! That’s the word for it. Haha.
Allie: Ha. That made me smile. (Because you’re googling words. Not the phobia itself.)
Milo: Good. Wish I could see it. I love your smile.
Allie: ?
Allie: Milo, would you talk to me? Thought I could type this out in my diary, send my thoughts out to the ether, but I think I need to talk to someone. To you.
Milo: Of course. I can call? You can keep us (me and this batshit book I’m reading) company. It’s aliens and bears and also . . . crop circles and this intense love story. I went in hard at the sci-fi section at this weird book shop in Queens. Worried I purchased a curse ??
Allie: I’d love that. But warning, I’m a bit weepy tonight.
Milo: Good. Be weepy with me! And warning, I’m in bed and wearing the most terrible pink shorts. Love pink. Always buy it. Always look like a dick in it!!
Allie: You’d like our B like he traced every inch of me with words or something.
It was unexpected. And . . . sounds dramatic but, probably one of the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced.
I like him.
I really, really do like him. And this is something, isn’t it? This is what people talk about when they meet someone, and it’s like there’s suddenly a tear through normality.
I just never expected it. And I can’t even tell you what I expect next, with Milo.
Milo Ford with his ruffled hair and grey T-shirt and sideways smile and the hand he always places on his heart when he listens.
And I keep thinking about something he asked me. Softly, as I was falling asleep. Something nobody has ever asked me. ‘What is love to you?’
I didn’t think I knew the answer. But then I said, ‘Action.’ Not words, but showing it.
I asked Milo the same thing. He said, ‘To me, it’s a whisper. Like . . . It’s an “I love you” in a silent moment, with nobody else to hear it.’
I started to drift off to sleep after that as desperate as I was to stay awake, in the moment. I keep remembering things he said, like strange, muddled memories. But as I slipped into sleep, all I remember is him saying, ‘I hope I get to hold you, Allie Lake.’