Chapter 23 Milton
Milton
“THANK YOU, AMSTERDAM!” Liam shouted into the microphone as Danny dropped onto his knees at the front of the stage.
His guitar distortion rang through the speakers.
“WE ARE A QUIET PERIL!” Liam continued, throwing his arm over Lexie’s shoulders. “WE LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH! WE’LL SEE YOU AGAIN TOMORROW NIGHT!”
I ran through my kit over and over in a pattern, crashing the cymbals and hitting the kick drum hard as the lights went out. The sound faded into the darkness, and I panted, letting the last wave of screams from our fans soak in before I left the stage.
One more show, and our tour was over. One more show, and I could go home to Hazel and Sweets.
When we wrapped up in the greenroom, Danny, Liam, Lexie, and I went out for drinks, soaking in another city we’d never been to before.
Danny boy ditched us first to get back to his sleeping family—Logan, Violet, and Bowie. It’d been fun, having them with us the last several weeks and getting to see little Violet experience the world right alongside her parents.
Lexie made some friends, like she always did, and took a boat ride with them to God knew where. I made sure she took one of the bodyguards with her on the way out, but she had this nasty habit of evading them every chance she got. She was such a brat, but I worried about her sometimes.
Liam and I ordered a couple more rounds before heading back to our hotel.
We parted ways at the elevator—him going to his room, where Avery was waiting, and me going to mine alone.
It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for me, but this trip made it feel so much lonelier, knowing I had someone waiting halfway across the world for me.
I pulled out my phone, smiling to see my latest text from her. She’d sent me a picture with her hair wrapped in a bath towel, holding a cup of coffee and posing next to a sleeping Sweets on her bed.
Doing the math on the time difference between Hazel and wherever I was in the world was a headache to keep up with while on tour sometimes, even though it pretty much remained a consistent nine hours. Math was difficult after a long night and a slight buzz.
Before I shut my eyes, I texted Hazel a good night and told her I missed her. Then I fell asleep, hugging my pillow to my chest, wishing it were her.
An incessant knocking woke me up the next morning. I squinted at the clock on my nightstand, knowing in my bones it wasn’t time for me to get up.
“Who is it?” I croaked.
A light, muffled voice replied, but it wasn’t loud enough to hear. Smiling and clearing my throat, I went and opened the door, finding Violet waiting on the other side. Logan winced as she glanced up at me from her daughter’s side.
“Sorry, she was insistent that we bring you some cookies from the bakery we had eaten breakfast at,” Logan explained.
I offered a sleepy smile and yawned. “That’s awfully thoughtful of you, Vi. Thanks. What did ya bring me?”
Violet reached up and handed me the white paper bag. “I need to know if they’re better than mine!” Her face pinched with worry.
I raised a brow. “They were that good, huh?”
She nodded, pouting.
Logan shook her head, amused.
I pulled one of the cookies from that sack, inspected it carefully, and took a bite.
Violet watched me as I chewed.
I hummed with indecision, dragging it out just to tease her a little, and then finally shook my head. “Not. A. Chance.”
Her eyes lit up. “Really?”
My lip lifted with feigned disgust. “Yours are way better! Are you kidding?”
“Okay, good! That’s what I thought!”
I poked her on the nose. “Don’t doubt yourself, sweetheart. You’re still the greatest in my book.”
“Thanks, Uncle Milton.” She hugged me and ran down the hall toward their room, shouting her victory to Danny before she even opened the door.
Logan gave me a grateful smile, apologizing again, and waved goodbye.
Yawning, I grabbed my phone as I slid back into bed. There were no new texts from Hazel, so I mindlessly pulled up the cameras to see if she had gotten home okay and froze.
There she was, in her green dress, on the floor in the kitchen. Her knees were folded into her chest, her back leaning against the cupboard. A lazy hand lifted a beer bottle up as she took a sip. A long sip. And then she wiped the back of her hand along her lips.
Sweets, being the good boy he was, lay at her side. She patted his belly and then wiped beneath her eyes.
She was crying.
I quickly sent her a text, needing to know what was wrong and how to fix it.
Me: What’s the matter, Sunshine?
Her phone lit up beside her, illuminating her face in the mostly dark room. There was a pause before she tilted her head up to the camera, looking at me for a moment with sad eyes. Then she dropped her head.
I didn’t understand. She’d looked so beautiful and happy in the picture she sent while getting ready for her friend’s wedding. What had happened between then and now to have her looking so defeated and upset?
Me: I wish I could be there with you and make those tears go away.
She smiled faintly at that, but didn’t reply.
Me: Did something happen today? At the wedding?
She read my next text, pinched her eyes shut, and nodded. Then she immediately shook her head, crying.
Fuck, which was it? What did that mean?
Me: Are you okay? Oh, Hazel, baby, please be okay.
It was torturous, watching her fall apart, and it seemed like every message I sent made it worse. So, I let her cry. It destroyed me, but I let her cry.
I fucking watched. Each tear she shed split me in half. But I waited until her breathing evened out and she leaned her head back to rest behind her.
The screen finally lit up as Hazel opened our texts. Her thumbs floated over the keys. Text bubbles popped up and disappeared several times before she stopped. Her eyes flitted up to the camera, and she chewed on her thumbnail before I could visibly see her exhale.
Me: Talk to me.
I wanted to say so much more, but I didn’t want to overwhelm her.
She wiped her face, softly at first and then quickly with annoyance.
I pulled the phone closer, watching her stand and pace. She threaded her hands through her hair, but they got stuck in a hair clip of some kind, and she tore it out, slamming it on the counter.
If her phone wasn’t face down on the ground, I’d text her again, but I took that as a sign to keep waiting.
The pacing stopped, and she stilled, shoulders falling back.
“I don’t know where to start,” she signed, staring at the camera.
My heart sprang to life in my chest.
I understood her.
She was signing, and I fucking understood her.
“There’s so much to say. But I’m scared to say it,” she said, glancing at the camera with unease. “So, I’ll say it like this.”
I took a sharp breath in and held it.
“I can’t pretend it didn’t matter,” she began. “My divorce was finalized today, and I can’t pretend like it didn’t wreck me a little bit inside. I spent all day doing it, smiling and laughing and dancing because I wanted to. I wanted to forget, but I couldn’t, so I pretended.”
A lump formed in my throat.
She ran a hand over her face before she continued, “I think I may always grieve for her, the girl I left behind. The girl who let a man destroy her and called it love. The girl who thought if she held on tighter, if she loved harder, that he’d stop hurting her.
” She nodded softly. “She deserved better. She wasn’t perfect, but she deserved the kind of love she gave. ”
“Keep going, baby,” I muttered under my breath, taken aback by her bravery.
“I was finally strong enough to realize that and walk away. I just never thought …” She paused. “I never thought any of this would lead me right to you.”
I exhaled, smiling.
“I wasn’t searching for this. For you.” She laughed once. “I actually think I tried my best to look the other way when I landed in your arms. Denying every wonderful thing I felt when I was with you.”
I laughed too.
“I was scared. And I still am.” She cracked her fingers nervously.
“I’m scared of choosing the wrong man again.
I’m scared of being betrayed and hurt when I least expect it, living in a constant state of uncertainty.
I’m scared of losing myself again because I may never get her back.
” Her face crumpled. “I’m scared there will always be a part of me that is a little bit broken because of him, and I don’t want you to realize that I can’t love you right because of it. ”
My face was wet. I’d never even felt the tears fall.
“Because …”
She took a moment to look up into the camera again—really look at it. My breath shook as I waited.
“I think you might be it for me, Milton. Despite all my fears, all my scars, I think it’s you in the end. And it will kill me if I fail to keep you.”