Chapter 29 Hazel
Hazel
Sweets wagged his tail as I set his food down in front of him, giving me a big, slobbery kiss on my cheek before he dived in.
Milton had left this afternoon to go record some drums at the studio with the band. They’d just gotten done with the tour a couple of weeks ago, and they were already back at it. But I knew that was just how the creative process worked. It didn’t rest, even when you earned a day off.
I pushed open the sliding door, the linen curtains danced in the breeze, and I breathed in the fresh air.
The sunset was a swirl of bright pink and vivid orange, making my own desire to create come alive.
It was the perfect subject to paint. Sure, I’d painted dozens of sunsets in my life and this very one on the wall of the entryway, but this one was different.
Different colors, different clouds, different feel.
And, with every piece I made, I always approached it with a different eye.
I hurried upstairs to gather everything I needed before I lost my muse. Balancing some paint colors in one hand, paintbrushes in the other, and my sketch pad under my arm, I carefully turned to head out of the studio, only to find my exit blocked.
A spine-tingling terror ripped through me, and everything stood still for a moment.
There were strange moments in life where your body could alert you to danger before you saw it coming. Instincts that set your hair on end and your nerves on fire, stopping you in your tracks to save you. Warn you.
Today, I hadn’t seen it coming. My gut didn’t warn me of what I was facing. Even if it had, I wasn’t sure what I would’ve done.
“Hey, Jelly Bean,” Devan greeted me, as if standing in Milton’s hallway was as normal as letting me know he was home from work when we had been married.
It was the most vivid nightmare—him standing in the doorframe, tainting my sanctuary. His nose had mostly healed from Lexie’s fist, but there were still light shadows under his eyes and across his nose.
He cocked his head a fraction, and I swore I saw a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. Like the fear in my eyes was satisfying to him.
Coldness wrapped around me, shaking me as the blood slowly drained from my face and fingertips. I dropped my supplies, freeing my hands.
His eyes followed the mess before lifting back up to mine, and he raised an unamused brow at me.
“What, you scared?” he asked.
I swallowed, but didn’t reply.
“Don’t get upset. I just came here to talk. Seeing as how you won’t answer any of my calls or texts.” He leveled his gaze. “What, did you block my number?”
He knew the answer to that, so giving him confirmation felt like a trap.
“What are you doing here?” I managed to ask instead.
His forehead creased with a scowl. “I just told you that. To. Talk.”
“How did you get in here?”
He hooked a thumb over his shoulder. “Well, you left the door wide open.”
“The back door …” I stated, frowning.
“Yeah, Hazel. Look, it’s not like I broke into your rich boyfriend’s house, okay? I had a job a few houses down. I took a walk to see if you were here, and I let myself in. You wouldn’t be able to hear the fucking doorbell if I rang it.”
My stomach churned. “How did you know—”
“How did I know where his house was?” he prompted before I could finish. “Well, it wasn’t that hard, Jelly Bean. I dropped by your work to see if you got a new ride or fixed the old one and caught you on your way out.”
My mind scattered, searching for a moment I could’ve seen him, but hadn’t.
“That’s a nice car he’s got you driving. A fucking ’70 Chevelle SS?” He laughed once, then whistled through his teeth.
I shuddered.
“Anyway, I followed you to that fancy gate out there.” He pointed behind me at the window that looked out at the neighborhood. “Nice touch, by the way. And I came back today with my truck loaded up like I was working a job up here. That young man working security was kind enough to let me in.”
My eyes widened at his confession and how casual he could make lying and stalking sound.
“I honestly was a little impressed with myself. Maybe landscaping wasn’t my true calling, huh?”
Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself, fixing on a stern expression. “You shouldn’t be here, Devan.”
“Don’t tell me that. Don’t tell me what to do.”
I backed away a half step.
“What, you think because you found someone rich and famous to fuck you that you can just erase me?” The vein in his forehead appeared.
“I’ve had you since fucking senior year of high school, when you were invisible.
I made you someone. I took care of you for eight years.
You can’t just decide one day that didn’t happen. That you’re not mine.”
My nostrils flared with impatience. I needed to stay calm and silent. “I think you should leave.”
His expression fell cold again. “Like you left me?”
My brows tugged inward. “That doesn’t even make sense, Devan.”
“Well, I wouldn’t do that. It’s not in me to just give up like that.” He poked a finger into his own chest, his face changing color. “I wanted to fight for us! For you! And you turned your back on me!”
I nodded quickly in agreement, softening my face to try to keep him calm. “Can we try talking about this outside? Maybe get some fresh air out back? What do you say?” I braved a step toward him.
“Why didn’t you put up a fight, Hazel? Why didn’t you care?” The muscles in his neck strained with his words as he stepped farther into the studio. “Why?”
His words penetrated me like tiny daggers, even after all this time. How could he ask that? How couldn’t he see that I had fought for us every goddamn day I stayed?
“I did.” I knew I shouldn’t argue with him, but I didn’t listen to my instincts.
“Bullshit!” He swatted the air between us. “You walked away over a bad day! A stupid fight that I apologized for! You gave up! Just like that!”
I scoffed in disbelief, shaking my head at the ground.
He took a threatening step forward to gain my gaze back. “Do you have something to say?”
My eyes darted around the room, looking for anything I could defend myself with, which seemed drastic, given he hadn’t touched me yet.
He was suddenly silent. Calm. But the threat was in the way he moved, positioning himself between me and the door.
The way he looked at me, cold and calculated.
The clipped words he was using, void of emotion as he spoke them.
All I saw in front of me was danger—what came before. Before the real threat. The fight.
“You know it was more than that, Devan,” I stated simply, trying to reason with him. “I was unhappy. You hurt me. And I couldn’t do it anymore.”
“And you don’t think you hurt me?” His face twisted as he shouted. “You think it was only you having your fucking heart broken?”
Saying anything now would be pointless, and yet the anger and resentment rose to the surface.
I let out an exasperated sigh, then calmly said, “My heart was breaking for years of our marriage, and I kept trying to sew it shut by forgiving you. Your heart only broke because I stopped threading the needle. There’s a difference.”
The bravery in my words shook me. I liked it, but it also scared me. I was so used to keeping my mouth shut and trying to calm the situation. But now I could see from the look in Devan’s eyes that all I was doing was pouring gasoline on the fire.
He worked his jaw and smiled a menacing smile.
Every muscle in my body was charged, ready. Like the live end of a wire. Waiting. But I was also highly aware of my disadvantages. Aside from my size being vastly smaller than his, I wasn’t particularly fast, and I’d have to be if I were to flee around him.
Time slowed, but my heart raced. I could feel it hammering against my chest like it was giving me a warning. I needed to get him out. I needed to get away.
I took a quick, small breath before he finally lunged for me. Sidestepping, I dodged his first attempt to grab me, but his next one caught me by the throat, pushing me backward.
My lower back hit the table from his force, and my hands scrambled behind me, looking for something to use to my advantage.
I gasped for air as his hold tightened, my eyes wide.
He spoke through clenched teeth, seething, but I couldn’t make it out. It didn’t matter anyway. Nothing he had to say at this point was worth acknowledging.
Paint tubes and brushes scattered around me, none of them large enough in size or useful, but I gripped on to the one that felt like metal, feeling for the end of it to find the sharp edge I knew was there, then plunged my precision knife into the side of his arm.
Devan reared back to look at the damage, wincing and shocked, making him release the hold he had around my neck.
The moment I was free, I pushed off the table and ran for it, making it out into the hall before I felt his boots hitting the floor close behind me.
Heart racing, I gripped the railing of the stairway and bolted down the steps, taking two at a time.
My socks slid on the hardwood landing as I jumped down the final step.
The angle into the kitchen was sharp, so I lost some momentum, but I quickly gained my footing again, running toward the back door.
The door was shut with Sweets waiting patiently on the other side of it. I cried out, feeling Devan closer behind me.
I was able to snatch my phone off the counter, gripping it to my chest before I pushed the sliding door open.
Devan’s body collided with my back before I could take a controlled step out to brace myself.
His hand landed on the back of my head, gripping a handful of my hair.
My phone skidded across the ground as I fell forward, knees scraping as they crashed to the ground.
My hands covered his at my scalp before he pulled, stretching my head back to look at him.
Sweets was suddenly in front of me. The big lover boy shocked me as he puffed his cheeks out, barking and approaching Devan from my side with an aggressive stance.
My heart sank. I wanted to protect him. He was strong and mighty in his own way, but still small and just a baby to me.
I kicked my feet helplessly and swung my arms at my side, hitting Devan’s legs. The sharp sting at the back of my head stopped as Devan released me and Sweets lunged at him, latching on to his forearm.
Falling forward, I caught myself with the palms of my hands and quickly spun around to look at the fight unfolding behind me.
Devan swatted at Sweets, not managing to land any hits, but Sweets continued barking and dodging him, provoking him even more.
“Just leave! Leave him alone! I’ll do anything you want, just leave him alone!”
Devan didn’t look at me as I pleaded.
Snapping my fingers a few times, I managed to get Sweets to come over and into my arms.
Devan paused, looking down at me, wide-eyed and pissed. He held his arm up, showing me what Sweets had done, as if I’d offer him pity. He reared back with an open hand, but I covered Sweets with my body, taking the blow.
“Stop!” I cried, trying to surrender now that I had him looking at me. “Just let me put him inside. Please!”
I crawled over to the door before Devan could make up his mind or not and pushed Sweets inside, closing the door behind him.
The relief of knowing he was okay was brief because my temple exploded in the next second from a blow I hadn’t anticipated. My shoulder hit the ground as I fell sideways. I heard the sharp thud inside my head as my head bounced off the concrete.
He leaned over me, straining his neck with his arms out wide, screaming words I was too stunned to try to understand.
I managed to push myself back up onto my hands and knees, wobbling to my feet.
He stepped forward, smiling, stalking me, and I backed up, taking methodical steps to place myself in line with the valley behind the pool. I might not be faster than him, but if I got the chance to run, I was going to take it.
My heel hit my phone that had dropped, and I contemplated picking it up. I wondered if I could manage to call for help before he reached me. I wondered if it would even matter if I did, if help would make it here in time to save me.
But it didn’t matter. He tackled me to the ground before I could even bring my screen to life.
All the air left my lungs when he landed on top of me. I coughed, wincing at the pain from bracing myself on my elbows. I could feel the heat of blood coat my skin.
Devan scrambled on top of me, sitting on my hips and trapping me between his legs.
I kicked and raised my arms to shield myself, but he pushed through my defenses and leaned over me, gripping my throat.
More panic flooded my system as I tried to fight him off. My hands swung at his face, his body, and grabbed at his hands, trying to pry them off of me.
His eyes were wide, unblinking. It was terrifying, seeing a man you’d once known and loved looking down at you with eyes you’d never seen before.
Devan had many faces, cold and scary ones that came out when he was angry with me and would scream.
But I’d never seen this one. It was like he wasn’t even there. He’d checked out.
My throat closed, air slipping away from me. I hit at him harder with desperate fists, but he didn’t move.
“I loved you!” he screamed over me, baring teeth.
Tears fell down the sides of my face. The pressure around my throat made it feel like my head was going to burst.
“I loved you, and it still wasn’t good enough!” he shouted again, his hands constricting more.
My vision dimmed.
I reached above and around me, searching blindly for something to grip hold of. My hand hit the loose rocks beside the pathway, and I wiggled my fingers, trying to find one large enough to make enough of an impact. But they were all so small and smooth, falling away from my frantic touch.
I shifted and stretched further, feeling something larger and metal. Maybe one of the solar lights? I couldn’t be sure. It was all I had.
Hooking a finger on it, I tugged, and it lifted.
I tugged again, harder, and it fell into my hand.
I had no time to think, no time to measure how I hit him or how hard.
I just swung.
I swung. And it all stopped.
Devan fell away to the side, releasing my throat from its constraint.
I greedily filled my lungs, touching my hands to my neck to make sure he was really gone and I was free. I didn’t have it in me to run, even if I needed to right now. Conceding, I blinked up at the sky in surrender.
Heaving, I curled over on my side at the edge of the pool, my shirt wet. The top of the water wasn’t still, like it should’ve been; it moved and shifted, like small waves in the middle of the sea.
And that was when I saw him. The outline of Devan sinking to the bottom and a faint red trickle leading away from his head.
My heart sank as I continued to gasp for air.
I knew I had a choice, but there was really only one I could live with.
I just couldn’t figure out why it was so hard for me to make it.