Chapter Ten #2
Harper was silent as they walked into the B&B and up to their room.
She was trying to figure out how to start as he put the bags with their purchases in a corner of the room.
Then he reached for her hand and tugged her over to the small love seat at the foot of the bed and pulled her down next to him.
“I’m here, Harper. I’m listening. I’ll always be open to anything you want to tell me, whenever you want to talk.”
“I’m afraid it’ll change things.”
“Nothing you tell me will change anything. You’ll still have a place in my home with your son.
I’ll still want you as much as I do right this moment.
Will we always be together? I don’t know.
I’m not a fortune teller. But I can tell you that you being honest about whatever is on your mind will never be a reason for me to turn my back on you. On us. On what we could have.”
His words made her feel a little better. Maybe she was being silly. Letting her own insecurities and shame about what happened color her perception of reality. The only way she’d really know was if she opened her mouth and spoke.
Nodding, she took a deep breath. Then told him what she’d never told another soul in the world.
“When I left Rockville to move to New York, I was so full of myself. Thought I was so beautiful that modeling agencies would take one look at me and fall all over themselves to sign me. I honestly didn’t consider that there were thousands of tall redheads out there who looked just like me.
I was a small-town girl completely out of her depths in the big city.
“My dad tried to warn me, tried to get me to go to college instead, but I was having none of his advice. I thought I was smarter than him. More worldly. I was going to be rich, and he’d apologize for every doubt he’d ever had about what I wanted to do.
But I quickly found out how out of my league I was. ”
“Relax, Harper,” Linc said quietly. He squeezed her hands gently. “I don’t think anything you’re saying is too out of the ordinary. Most eighteen-year-olds have no idea about the real world. I know I didn’t.”
“I worked my ass off for seven years. With each new year, I just knew that one was going to be mine.
The year I was discovered. When I finally made my mark.
I worked shitty jobs, mostly waitressing, to be able to afford the tiny apartment I was sharing with three other wannabe models.
We ate a lot of ramen and food we got on the sale racks at the store.
You know, cans of stuff that expired and meat that was a day or two past its sell-by date.
I saved money to constantly update my headshots, and walked my ass off going from agency to agency, trying to find an agent who would finally see my potential.
“When I was twenty-five, I thought I’d finally done it.
There was this guy who seemed blown away by my pictures, by me.
He was employed by one of the more prestigious modeling companies in New York.
An agent he worked with had gotten a hold of my portfolio from another company I’d sent it to, and he’d brought me to the guy’s attention.
He told me I was exactly what he’d been looking for.
That I’d be the next big thing, and he was one hundred percent sure he could get me big parts in TV shows and maybe even a movie.
“I was so beyond excited, I had blinders on. My roommates tried to tell me this guy sounded too good to be true, but I wouldn’t listen. I thought they were just jealous. I was stupid . . . so stupid.”
Harper took a deep breath. She hated to admit how dumb she’d been, especially to this man, but she’d come this far. She had to keep going.
“But there was a caveat. Before he agreed to sign me, he needed to get the approval of three of his fellow agents. Said that’s how they worked.
That there needed to be a consensus that any model they hired was right for the agency.
He explained there was this big shindig his company was throwing, the perfect place to introduce me to coworkers and get the approval we needed.
He also said there’d be film producers and representatives from Hollywood there, a potential springboard to get a jump start on my new career, once I was approved by his colleagues.
“I splurged and bought a skintight black dress and four-inch heels. The material clung to my curves, and I felt so damn good about myself. I remember thinking how lucky I was when I entered the nightclub where the party was taking place. How that night was going to be the beginning of a whole new life. One where I was the talk of the town, with everyone wanting me to star in their projects. How I’d get calls from all the big designers, wanting me to wear their clothes . . .
“It was the start of a new life, all right. Just not the one I’d envisioned.
“The party was weird from the start. There were only a handful of women there. It was mostly men. Older men. Everyone was drinking, and I didn’t really like the look of lust on the men’s faces.
But honestly, I’d gotten pretty used to that.
You can’t be a woman in the fashion industry and not learn to recognize when someone thinks you’re hot.
“And I felt safe enough, because my new agent hung on to me all night, walking me around and introducing me to people. I was flattered, and I did what I could to impress everyone so they’d agree I’d be perfect for their agency.
I was happy to smile at those strangers, drink the drinks that were pushed into my hand, and bask in the glow that came with being the center of attention. ”
She felt Linc stiffen next to her but forced herself to continue. To finish what she’d started.
“I don’t remember the rest of the night. My next memory is waking up the next morning in an alley. A fucking alley. My dress was on inside out, I had no underwear and no shoes. And I hurt. All over. Inside and out.
“I knew what happened—of course I did. How could I not? But I was in denial. I somehow made it home, and the looks of pity from my roommates were almost more than I could bear. I took a long hot shower, and I cried the entire time. When I finally dragged myself out, I immediately called my alleged agent. He’d blocked my number.
And when I did an internet search to find out more about him, I realized he’d given me a fake name.
He apparently didn’t exist in the industry.
I didn’t even know if he had an actual office, because we’d always met in a park, or a diner, or a coffee shop.
“I’d fallen for his lies, hook, line, and sinker. I have no idea how he actually found my headshots. But he used me, and probably sold me and all those other women to the highest bidders that night. Hauling me around to meet everyone like he was parading a prize steer in front of potential buyers.
“I found out I was pregnant two months later. I’d immediately gotten an STD test done, but I hadn’t even thought about asking for emergency contraception.
I was too freaked out about having a potential disease, too traumatized about what had happened to me, and too upset about being so stupid to believe that asshole’s lies about being an agent and wanting to sign me.
“I have no idea who Kash’s father is. Don’t want to know.
Don’t ever want Kash to know. I thought about an abortion at the time, even made an appointment to do it, but in the end .
. . I couldn’t. I wanted the baby. That baby inside me was innocent, regardless of how he was created.
I wouldn’t let him suffer for my stupidity of not doing more research on the sleazeball who’d pretended to be an agent.
“Despite the circumstances of his conception, I wanted my baby. It was probably selfish of me, but for the first time in a long time, I was looking forward to my future. To being a mom.
“I had Kash alone in the hospital, no friends, no family, no one there to hold my hand, to tell me it would be all right. I was terrified about what was to come, but the second they put Kash in my arms, everything else seemed to fade away. He was definitely my kid. He had a head full of red hair from the moment he came out. And my green eyes. And my dad’s chin.
I looked into his eyes and swore I’d always put him first. That I’d do whatever it took to be the best mom possible.
“Nothing else I’ve ever done compares to him. He’s my entire life. While I hate the circumstances that brought him into the world, I don’t regret making the decision to keep him. I’ve struggled almost every day to make sure he has food and shelter, but it’s never been difficult to give him love.
“When I finally realized I was hurting him by continuing to try to make a life in New York, I called Dad. Begged him to let us come home. I put aside my pride, something I should’ve done years ago, and crawled back to Rockville feeling like a failure.
“But because of you and your family, I finally feel as if I’m getting some of my dignity back. I can’t change the past, the decisions I made, the things I’ve said and done, but I’m trying to do my best to be a different person today. A better one.”
She paused, taking several deep breaths.
“I just wanted you to know the whole sordid tale. Of where I’ve been, what I’ve done, and how Kash was conceived.
Again, I don’t know who his father is, I didn’t even try to find out.
No good could ever come of it. And I never pressed charges because I didn’t even know the name of the man who sold me out, literally.
I’m sure the men at that party all had fake names too.
For years, I lived in fear I’d come face-to-face with one of them in the city, but I never did. At least, I don’t think I did.
“And . . . that’s my story. I wanted to be completely honest with you before . . . before we go any further down the road we’re traveling.”