CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
JESSIE
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I saw his face.
Not Jayden’s...Liam’s.
The protectiveness for me, but the loss of my brother.
If we hadn’t been caught red-handed, would he have confessed and told him we were sleeping together?
That he loves me?
Liam would never let anyone hurt me, not even Jayden. But will he choose me over him?
I know the answer.
He won’t.
Not that he has to choose, but Jayden couldn’t even muster any compassion for what happened to me due to his rage.
He’s always been bullheaded like that.
I know he cares about me. I know he loves me. But dealing with the fact I was raped is not really in his emotional toolkit. He would march out of the house and kill the guy. But wrapping me in his arms and telling me he hopes I’m okay? Nah, that’s not who my brother is.
Liam took it harder than me. I saw his expression.
It’s why I had to leave.
The two are going to butt heads, and me being there is only going to make it worse.
Liam and I never stood a chance. I know it. He knows it, and unfortunately, Jayden had to learn about it before we had a chance to face it together.
I’ve shown up in their life and messed everything up. The entire foundation of my life feels like it’s shifting like molten lava under my feet. My career, my mental health, my savings, my relationship with my brother and Liam.
How is my life such a mess?
What a fuckup.
I let Frank hurt me because I believed he was more powerful than me. I’ve spent my life in love with a man who belongs to my brother.
I can’t do this.
I can’t do this anymore.
I want to belong.
I want to be with someone who wants me above anyone else. Who will tear down the city to show me how much I mean to him? Not making me feel guilty because what I want hurts another.
Can’t my brother see he doesn’t lose Liam by allowing him to love me?
Angry tears stream down my face as I turn the water off and rip the towel from the rail. I go through the steps of brushing my teeth, drying my hair, and getting dressed in a pair of leggings and lycra top.
When I step out into Liam’s bedroom, he’s sitting on the bed with his head in his hands.
He’s talked to Jayden.
My heartbeat speeds up, knowing what he’s going to say. I consider waiting for his rejection after last night, I know it would break me.
Liam glances up, and I nod behind me. “Go have a shower.”
“Jess, come here.” Liam reaches out his hand.
I’m tempted.
But I’m not the same person I was yesterday.
Hopeful. Na?ve. Stupid.
“I need to eat. My tummy is funny,” I lie, smiling.
Liam nods, stands and kisses the top of my head, then he makes his way into the bathroom. The moment the door is shut, I fire off a text message, and when I get the reply, I jump into action.
Ten minutes later, I’m outside, climbing into an Uber. Thankfully, Jayden was in his shower as I grabbed my things from his room.
Hugging the stuffed elephant Liam got me at the zoo, I feel sick as we pull away from the curb.
By the time I reach Melanie and Sarah’s place, my phone is blowing up with messages from both Jayden and Liam. Putting it on silent, I climb out of the Uber and smile at the two happy faces meeting me on the sidewalk.
“Honey, what happened last night? Savannah was in the group asking all sorts of questions?” Melanie asks.
I gather my bags and wave her off. “A misunderstanding.”
“Well, come on in, and we’ll show you your room.”
I need to give my statement to the police today. I’ll tell Mom and Naomi, in time, but nobody else needs to know.
I don’t want it to define me.
There is a lot of healing to be done along with losing Liam and the damage now done to Jayden and my relationship. We used to be close, but I think he knew there was something between Liam and I all these years and hated us both for it.
I never wanted to steal him.
I just wanted to love him, too.
Melanie and Sarah’s house is pretty terrible compared to Liam’s, but it’s clean and the room has a comfy-looking bed, set of drawers, and its own bathroom.
This will do while I figure out my life.
“We’re headed out for lunch, want to come?” Sarah asks from my doorway as I unpack.
“No, I’m going to get sorted here, and then I have some things to do. See you guys later.”
After they leave, I wander around the house, pop my nose outside and check out the neighborhood—it’s a little on the dodgy side—and then head back in and call Naomi.
“Jessie, what the hell?” she cries. “Do you need me to come to LA?”
Yes.
“No. I’ll be okay. Jayden and Liam are here. I have met some new friends. Got a room with them.”
“I think you should come home.”
“Maybe. I’ll think about it,” I tell her.
“Love you, babe,” she says, and I can hear the tears in her voice. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”
I should have stayed in Texas. I should have told Mom and Naomi and got the help I needed.
Then I never would have been with Liam.
Yeah, but then I wouldn’t have potentially destroyed their friendship. Or mine with them.
When I hang up there’s an urgent call from Mom.
Goddamn you, Jayden.
I know he’s told her.
“Jessie, my god. Are you all right?” she cries.
“Put it on speaker, Patricia.” I hear Dad demand.
Great.
“What’s going on?” I ask, hoping I’m wrong.
“Your brother phoned us,” Dad says, sounding disappointed in me.
I tuck my legs up to my chest and wish Liam were here. Doing this alone is so much harder.
“Darling?” Mom says.
“He had no right to do that!” I feel anger simmering inside me. “I’m fine. I am staying in LA and will work this out on my own.”
Dad starts going on, but Mom talks over him. “You don’t need to do it on your own, sweetheart. Come home. We can support you as you heal.”
So, they do know.
“There’s nothing you can do. I need to work this out. On my own. Without you. Without Jayden. Without...”
Liam.
“Your brother said something about Liam. I can’t believe it; he’s been like a brother to you. Did he take advantage of you?”
I lean my head back against the sofa and sigh.
“She’s been in love with him since she was five. Don’t be stupid, Donald,” Mom snaps at him.
Five?
Was I five?
“He didn’t do anything I wasn’t okay with. It’s none of your business. Not anyone’s,” I say with little emotion.
I’m tired.
Dead tired.
Now I understand the saying, dead to your bones. That’s exactly how I feel.
“Well, he’s Jayden’s best friend,” Dad points out. “You need to remember that.”
Oh, my god. I can’t deal with this.
I don’t want to hear how Liam isn’t mine, that I can’t ever have him. That his friendship with Jayden is far more important. That it wouldn’t work, that it’s simply lust and an infatuation.
I’ve heard it before.
I KNOW!
“Whatever, it was a mistake,” I mumble. “I have to go to the police station and make my statement. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“You shouldn’t be there on your own,” Mom says. “I’m going to fly in. I’ll bring Naomi.”
“No. I am hanging up now. Stop talking to Jayden. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”
“Jessica Rogers, we are your parents. You were raped. Your mother is flying to LA. When she calls, pick up.”
“Dad, I’m twenty-four. It’s time this family realized I’m a grown woman. I’m hanging up now. Goodbye.”
I end the call and see three more calls from Liam.
Well, I might as well make it a trimester and get it all over with. I dial his number.
“Jess. Fuck. Where are you?” he growls.
Tears pour down my face when I hear his voice. I love this man so damn much.
I fucking love you.
He might love me, but he loves Jayden more. Perhaps that’s how it should be. I’m not going to make him choose.
I’m not going to tell him he can’t be with me.
I won’t survive hearing those words.
“I’ve got a new home. I’m fine, Liam. You work things out with my big mouth brother. Tell him thanks very much for ringing Mom and Dad.”
I hate him right now.
He took my choice away from me.
He’s taken Liam.
“I asked where you are? I’m coming over,” Liam growls again.
I hear him grab his keys.
“No,” I sniff, wiping my eyes. “No, I don’t want you to.”
Silence.
“The past ten days...it was amazing. More than I ever dreamed. But it’s over. I need you to let me go. Let me get on with my life.”
“Jess. Fuck that. Come on. I know you’re upset. Forget all of that. I want to be there for you. All of us will talk about this another time.”
When you think I am okay enough to reject me?
“No,” I reply.
“Jess.”
God, he’s making it so hard.
We never even got the chance to make love one last night. To say goodbye as we should have.
The pull to run back into his arms, to curl up in his bed is almost impossible to resist. All it would do is delay the inevitable.
“You’ve always belonged to Jayden. I just borrowed you for a short time. Thank you. Thank you for letting me have these few days.”
I sob, letting the tears flow.
I hear Liam growl.
“I fucking told you I love you, Jess. Do you think I said that to fill the silence? To blow smoke up your sexy ass? Tell me where you are!”
“I love you, too,” I whisper, then hang up.
––––––––
IT TAKES ME almost two hours to pull myself together and get to the police station. I sobbed my heart out after hanging up the phone, then had another shower and finished setting up my new home.
Nothing feels right.
My body aches.
My heart feels like it’s been torn apart.
My phone is silent, like everyone is sick of my shit. I kind of get it; I’m sick of it, too.
When I walk into the station, nausea curdles inside my tummy. The officers are patient, trained in how to treat a victim, but it’s still horrible revisiting it step by step.
I’m advised I have to file a different report in Texas, as the first offense happened there.
As I’m about to finish up, Sarah and Melanie message saying we’re having a party tonight. About thirty people are coming and giving me a list of things to buy.
Great.
It’s the last thing I feel like.
I just stare at the wall, wondering how I will ever feel normal again. I don’t know how to do that.
Or where I belong.
Yes, you do.
In Liam’s arms.