Chapter 43 #4
Rhett and I ended up at my place, siting on the front deck drinking beers.
I had already set into motion opening the place up, and I was going to surprise Hannah with the paperwork before things went south.
I was only following through because it felt like the only thing I could do to stay close to her and Winnie.
“Do you want to talk about—”
“Nope.” I cut him off. “How’s the new book coming along?”
“You know Lauren only has me here tonight to figure out what went down between you and Hannah. Neither of you are talking.”
“She’s going home. What’s there to talk about?”
“She doesn’t want to go back and work for Paul, but it’s kind of out of her hands. She has to figure things out with Ethan and then maybe aft—”
Work for Paul? She’d gone as far as getting a job back in Illinois?
“I heard you and Lauren both were able to sell the film rights to your books.” I sipped my beer. “The Yorks are a good choice.”
The Yorks are an old Hollywood family that have settled over near Lac Dunes in Près du Lac just a couple hours away. They apparently heard about Rhett and Lauren being nearby and were able to pick up the film rights to their books and the number for each is mind boggling.
“You stubborn bastard,” Rhett chuckled.
I knew to brace for Hannah when the wedding processional started.
But nothing could have prepared me for the sight of her in a dress so blue, so pale, that it almost gleamed white as she came floating down the aisle.
The look in her eyes was warm and sad, and I mouthed that she was beautiful.
But it wasn’t enough. No compliment, no words, would ever be enough.
I would spend the rest of my life grappling with how I lost her.
With how I would never see her wear white down an aisle toward me.
The tears didn’t stand a chance as I watched Winnie do a spin and give me a little wave.
I had really lost both of them. I had lost our future family.
I had lost more barefoot kids on our farm.
I had lost movie nights and Uno. I had lost everything.
People probably mistook the tears for happy ones, but my heart was buried back in the woods with the sticks and rocks we cleaned up all summer.
Now, at the reception, I see Hannah across the way, watching everyone else dance as I walk over.
Offering my hand to her is reckless because I know her husband is nearby.
But I’m losing her, and I just need one last chance to hold her.
One last excuse to be in her space, to look at her, to have her body against mine because I know if not her, then it will be nobody for me.
I cling to the strings of the balloons as they are slipping through my white knuckled grip.
Maybe my heart isn’t buried out back. Maybe it’s right here dancing with me.
I see Ethan approach with Winnie and my body stiffens like a cage around Hannah.
I’m ready to deck him and lay him out flat on this damn dance floor which, only moments ago, was the only place I wanted to be. The place in which my heart would be left. A place of remembrance, sacred holy ground where I held Hannah Dorada for the last time.
Now I fucking hate this dance floor, and I want to punch this man in front of his family and my family and my friends. Which I won’t, but goddammit, I want to.
“Mommy,” Winnie laughs. “I’m dancing with Uncle Seb.”
Every muscle in my body pulls taut, and I can’t make my feet move. Or the rest of my body for that matter.
“Seb?” My voice chokes out as I cling to Hannah for dear life.
“Yeah, this is my brother-in-law. Well ex-brother-in-law, I guess. Tanner this is Sebastian. And Sebastian, this is—”
“Our Tanner.” Winnie said.
The words carve what is left of my heart from my chest and I can’t look at anyone other than this little girl who sure as shit became one of the greatest loves of my life. I can’t lose her. I can’t lose her mom.
“The one you were telling me all about? The one your mom kisses? Her boyfriend?” The man before me, offers me his hand. “Nice to meet you man.”
I shake it and mumble the pleasantry back. Winnie drags her uncle back to the dance floor, leaving me with my fingers clutching Hannah’s hips.
“I thought that was Ethan,” I choke out.
“You what?”
My mind spins as I grab her hand and pull her after me to somewhere, anywhere, quieter than this.
If this isn’t Ethan, if the man she was hugging on the balcony wasn’t Ethan, then I don’t know why she’s leaving.
And suddenly it doesn’t matter. If she isn’t going back to Ethan, then there is nothing I won’t try to get her to stay.
If she wanted Winnie to have her parents together, then I could back off.
But if Ethan isn’t in the picture, then I’m ready to lay it all out. To figure this out.
“Tanner wait—” her voice pleads behind me. “What do you mean you thought that was Ethan?”
I tell her. I tell her how I called off work after getting the fish. I tell her how I saw her and him up on the balcony. I tell her everything and pray I didn’t ruin this.
“I thought you chose him. I thought you chose Ethan.”
But she hasn’t. Right? She hasn’t chosen him, and I haven’t lost her. Not yet.
“Stay,” I beg her now, my fingers finding her hips again. “If you’re not going back to him, if you think even for a second you could choose me, then stay. Please”
She’s shaking her head while the tears stream down her cheeks.
“I can’t.”