The Player I Love to Hate (Elite Players #1)

Chapter 1

Ethan

By the time I pull into my driveway, it’s dark outside. My parents didn’t even bother to leave the light on. And why would they? It’s not like they care if I come home anymore, not after what I did.

My body hurts from training too hard, the ache burrowing deep inside my bones. Every time the phantom pain from my past comes calling, I try to ignore the throbbing sensation spreading down my thigh. But when that happens, the darkness always wins out.

I never fight it.

Because I love chasing the next high and the sweet rush of adrenaline as it courses through my veins. I need the reminder that I’m still alive, even though I feel like I died a long time ago.

I should have died.

It should have been me.

Now, I’m left with the guilt, pain, and a constant reminder of how much I fucked up, the scar above my left eyebrow—another reminder. Whenever I look in the mirror, I confront my past. If only I could embrace it before it eats me alive from the inside out.

I blink a few times to clear my vision and get out of the Mustang, a late sixties Fastback my grandfather had left to me in his will.

I was born into a family with old money, the car being one of the many toys I’d inherited from Grandpa Joe with a sizable trust fund.

They say money can’t buy happiness. I know that more than anyone.

Because nothing can erase the parts of my life I wish I could forget.

Leaning against the door, I stare at the old colonial I moved into last year with my parents. After what had happened back in Boston, they forced me to leave my friends and move to Lower Merion, an upscale suburban town on the outskirts of Philadelphia.

For once, the light isn’t on in my father’s office, yet he’s home.

That’s a first. He must have drunk himself to sleep.

I can only hope. I like to sneak in through the back door to avoid my dad.

He hates me for all the trouble I have caused.

Even though he won’t say it, I know he wishes I’d taken my brother’s place.

I have trouble keeping my eyes open, the weight of my day and everything that came with it hitting me all at once.

After I cut through the hole in the tall hedges surrounding my property and step into my backyard, I glance over at the Roman’s house.

It has the same brick front and painted shutters as mine, though the chips in their blue paint show years of wear and neglect my father would never tolerate.

Out of the corner of my eye, I catch something moving.

I look at the top floor to find Mia pushing open the curtains to her bedroom window.

She can hear the purr of the Mustang’s engine from around the corner.

My best friend’s little sister always waits for me when I get home.

And despite the shame I feel about keeping our nights together a secret, I don’t regret spending a second with Mia Roman.

Sitting on her windowsill, Mia smiles down at me. She’s the one good thing in my life. I often think of what it would be like to kiss Mia. Then, I remind myself that Will would kill me for even thinking about her. A girl this sweet should stay far away from a monster like me.

But I’m a goner once I stare into her pretty blue eyes that light up whenever she sees me. I have trouble staying away from my precious little lamb. She’s the one girl who sees all the darkness in me and welcomes it. Mia never judges me, and I never have to hide from her.

My vision blurs slightly as I look up at her, my balance a little unsteady. Damn, how much shit did I take? I don’t care on nights like these as long as the pain goes away.

Mia raises her hand to give me a tiny wave, which I return before she tilts her head toward the shed in the backyard. What started as us talking to each other from our sides of the fence turned into spending most nights together.

We meet at the swing set on the opposite side of her parents’ old shed. It’s our retreat from the world. If only I had the nerve to tell her everything. But I fear she will grow to hate me, like everyone else who knows the truth about my past.

And I can’t have that.

I give her a quick nod to acknowledge I’ll meet her later.

She has to wait until Will passes out before she can sneak out of the house.

Using the light from my cell phone screen, I jam my key inside the lock and push my shoulder into the door.

The damn thing sticks when it’s hot outside, making it harder to avoid my parents.

Luckily, the lights are off in the kitchen, so I creep through the darkness and head toward the stairs. The house is eerily silent. Drawing unwanted attention to myself in this house will only get me into trouble. My dad is mostly harmless. He yells and curses, taking out his frustration on me.

I climb the steps, thankful to make it to the third floor without getting hassled.

But my small victory is short-lived. When I push open my bedroom door, my dad sits on my bed with a wooden box.

Carved by hand, from the bark my grandfather had at his cabin, the box holds all my secrets—memories of Grandpa Joe and Erik, old family photos of happier times, and the one thing I never wanted him to find.

Hidden deep beneath the velvet lining is my biggest secret, one that my father now knows. Why else would he be here?

My dad sighs when he hears my footsteps, slowly glancing up at me with tears in his eyes. His face looks puffy, as if he’s been crying.

“So, this is the reason?” He holds the box out for me to take, and I do, stealing it from him in a hurry.

Hands trembling, I flip open the top and sift through the contents.

He shakes his head. “You’re leaving. I want you out of my house and out of my life.”

Reeking of bourbon and cigars, he gets up from the mattress and stands before me. Even with my height and build, he still has age and power over me. Sometimes, I let him take out his aggression on me.

I deserve it.

All of it.

My lip trembles along with the rest of my body. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yes, you are, Ethan. I don’t want to hear another word. Your grandmother is expecting you. So is Whitmore.”

The mention of Whitmore makes me cringe. I’m not fucking going there.

“I’m eighteen now. You can’t make me go.”

He tilts his head back and laughs. “Oh, yes, I can. Your grandfather put a provision in your trust. I’m in charge of it until you’re twenty-five. I’d like to see how far you get without a cent from me.”

I roll my shoulders, unaffected by his threat. “Then, I’ll ask Grams.”

He uses my grandparents’ money against me all the time. We’ve had this fight more times than I can count, and I’m sick of it.

“Think again.” He smirks. “She won’t budge, and neither will I.”

“Then, I’ll get a job.” I come face-to-face with him, so close that our noses are almost touching. “I don’t need you or your money.”

“Maybe not, but you need my connections. It would take one phone call to ruin your professional hockey career. Do you want that? Because I can take away everything you’ve ever wanted in the blink of an eye.”

He doesn’t need to say it aloud because I know what he’s thinking.

I took everything from him.

“No,” I mutter, the word a whisper on my lips.

No matter how smart I think I am, he’s always one step ahead of me.

“I’m supposed to go to Strick U with Will in the fall. Coach is expecting us.”

He shoves his hands into his pockets and steps back so he can look into my eyes. “Not anymore. I called the school and declined your acceptance. The coach was disappointed you’re not joining Will, but you have more important things to worry about. Get some help, Ethan. You need it.”

I need help, and I hate admitting my father is right.

For once, he’s calm instead of the usual belligerent mess I have grown accustomed to over the last two years.

All of my bad qualities I get from him. We’re alike in many ways, yet we act as though we have nothing in common.

I’m not Erik. I never will be. That’s all that matters to him.

He shakes his head at me one last time, disappointment and disgust registering most when he looks at the box in my hands. “You are going. End of discussion. Have your bags packed and ready. You leave after graduation.”

I consider running away. But how far would I get without money?

My car would run out of gas before I made it one state over.

I’m dependent on him, and that’s no one’s fault but my own.

With my only real friends next door, I could live with the Romans.

But I don’t want them to know about my old life.

I keep that shit locked away, along with the secrets I bury in this box.

Maybe one day, I will tell Will—he should know the person he calls his best friend.

But Mia? I can’t stand the thought of her looking at me differently.

Even if what she feels for me is just a childhood crush, I don’t care.

The hour each night we spend together instantly repairs all the shitty parts of my days.

After my dad leaves my bedroom, I sit on the mattress and glance out the window. Mia’s room faces mine. I remember the first time I saw her as if it were yesterday. She was singing into a hairbrush, wearing a yellow bikini with white polka dots.

She’s so innocent and pure, with her pale skin and blonde hair that’s almost white, hence why she’s my little lamb. Now, I have to break her heart along with mine.

I have to say goodbye.