Chapter 40
Reign
“Really?” I ask from the doorway of Ryder’s bedroom after finding him missing from the war room.
“I figured I’d save you some time.”
“A shower doesn’t actually clean wounds. I would think someone your age would know that by now.”
I do my best to keep my eyes focused on his face rather than his ridiculously chiseled abs or the deep V that his towel seems to be doing a terrible job of hiding.
“Fine, fine.” He waves his hands in the air and turns around. “Do whatever it is you healers do then.”
I’m far from being able to wear the title of healer, but it makes me smile thinking that maybe someday it could be my future.
As I clean each wound, Ryder doesn’t flinch. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. I know he’s experienced far worse pain. I find myself wondering what scars lie below his snow-white skin. Though the surface leaves no trace, I know there have been hundreds, maybe thousands of wounds over the years.
How many came from his father? How many were from the victims he insists on reminding me of?
“It suits you, you know,” he says, interrupting my thoughts.
“What does?”
“Being a healer. I mean, despite your atrocious bedside manner, I think Agatha would be quite impressed.”
I let out a halfhearted laugh. “I’d hardly call rubbing alcohol on a wound impressive.”
Ryder suddenly spins around and grabs the cotton ball from my hand. “The impressive part is your desire to help those regardless of if they deserve it.”
I shake my head. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Try to convince me that you’re some monster.”
“I don’t do that,” he fires back.
“Yes, you do.” I do my best to keep my voice level and matter of fact. “Not all the time. But you do it. Whether you realize it or not.”
His eyes narrow on me. “I’m not trying to convince you, Reign. I’m trying to warn you.”
I laugh and he instantly looks irritated by it.
“I can handle it, you know?” I break away from his gaze and start collecting the blood-soaked cotton balls. “The truth, that is.”
“I know you can. It’s me who can’t handle it.”
His response takes me by surprise, and I snap my head up to find him pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes tightly shut as if he’s in physical pain admitting it to me.
“What do you mean?”
He looks up and there’s a sense of sadness behind his eyes that makes my heart drop.
“I can’t handle you hating me.”
I want to tell him I wouldn’t. That nothing he could tell me would make me look at him any differently. But I don’t. Not because it’s not true, but because he’s already gone before I can get the words out.
“Not bad, Reign! Not bad at all.” Emeric claps from the edge of the mat, assessing my kicks with Amaya.
“That last one felt a little personal,” Amaya accuses as she rubs the side of her ribs where the last blow landed.
It wasn’t but I can’t deny I’ve had some built up aggression the past few days.
With Damien on a death mission and the royal fuck up I made with the portal, I haven’t been in the best headspace as of late.
Not only did I not get the answers I desperately need about what I am, but we didn’t find the scepter and now have no way of getting back to the lost island.
Even if we could risk using the portals, there are a million and one chances of us ending up there again.
“Let’s see how you do with me as your opponent.” Em steps up to take Amaya’s place and the cocky smirk he’s wearing tells me he doesn’t plan on going easy.
When the top of my foot connects with his chin, he’s just as shocked as I am, only it’s not for the same reason. I instantly turn around to follow Emeric’s gaze and when I see him my entire body stills, including my heartbeat.
“Well, are you going to come hug me or not?”
My mind is still in a daze, but my legs seem to be in working order as they take me to him.
His strong arms wrap around me, squeezing me tightly to his toned body.
The gentle touch of his hand stroking my hair should make this moment feel real, but I’ve imagined it so many times before that it only feels like a dream.
He’s here. He’s safe.
“Let me take a look at you.”
Kane lifts my arms up by my hands, taking in my appearance. His light grey eyes begin to well up as his face falls.
“I’m okay.” I pull his palm to my cheek so he can feel the warmth of my skin. “I’m alive. You didn’t kill me.”
“Well, he kind of did.”
I whirl my head around to glare at Emeric. “Not helping.”
“I’m so sorry, Reign. I didn’t want to—”
“Shh. You have nothing to be sorry for. We’re both here now.
Alive and safe. Nothing else matters.” I pull him into me again and can feel his body shake as he buries his face into my shoulder.
So much pain he’s had to endure all of these years.
So much guilt he’s had to live with. It’s not much, but if I can relieve his guilt for killing me, then that’s what I’ll do.
“Come with me. I want to show you something.”
When we get far enough out to the Shadow Lands where it’s safe for me to transform, Kane’s eyes go wide, and his jaw falls open.
“How?”
“The Mother.” My wings shimmy out behind me, showing off their full length. “This is who I am. Who I’ve always been.” Kane shakes his head in disbelief before a wide grin spreads across his handsome face. “What?”
“Oh, I just can’t wait to see the look on the king’s face when he realizes not only are you still alive, but you’re…this.”
“I only wish I knew what this was. We haven’t been able to find any information about phoenixes and I’m starting to lose hope that we will.”
Kane approaches me, unflinching at the intense heat coming off of me.
“You are one of the most resilient people I have ever met, Reign. What you are is not what is important. Who you are is.” He stops just in front of me.
“And who you are is a fiercely determined individual. You don’t need others to tell you what you are.
You just need to trust yourself to figure it out as you go. ”
He’s right.
I need to let go of the idea that I’ll never know what I am if someone doesn’t tell me.
Instead, I need to learn to embrace the fact that being a phoenix is my destiny and The Mother wouldn’t have sent me here if she didn’t think I’d be able to find my way.
Just like learning how to fly, I need to lean into what feels natural, trusting that the rest will work itself out in time.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too. Now, how about you show me what those wings of yours can do.” He tosses me a cocky grin before taking off in a sprint and shifting. I quickly shoot into the sky, following his lead.
It’s hard to image that we’ve only known each other for a short amount of time.
I suppose being held captive together has a way of bonding people.
With him, there’s a sort of comfort in being able to share the horrific experience.
Amaya and the others have heard what it was like, but they don’t know.
They never truly will. But he does. More than anyone else, Kane knows what I went through.
We spend the rest of the afternoon soaring through the skies together.
He shows off his flight maneuvers, taking time to teach me a few that I can modify for myself.
It’s nice. We never got to be like this when we were locked behind bars.
It feels freeing and right. We’re survivors.
Proof of what one can become when no longer held down by the king’s sharp talons.
“How did you guys even make it here alive?” I ask once we start to make our way back through the Shadow Lands.
I’m sure Damien will give me the detailed version when I see him, but I’ve been wondering how they were able to get back so fast. Even with Damien’s plan to get into the realms, there’s no way he just waltzed into the dungeons, freed Kane, and waltzed out that easily.
“I’d like to say it was from our impressive stealth-like abilities, but the truth is we got lucky.” Kane shrugs. “Someone must’ve set off the alarms which allowed us to get out of the palace without getting caught by guards.”
“Alarms?”
“Yeah, they’re set to go off anytime someone portals into the realms. Someone must’ve triggered them in Strellesia.”
“No way.” I stop walking and he turns to me.
“What?”
“That was me. Well, me and Ryder.” Kane looks confused so I elaborate, still trying to process the information for myself.
“We tried to portal to the Divinity Oracle and well, long story short, I accidentally portaled us to the palace. If it weren’t for Ryder getting us out before the guards got there, I’d probably be back in my cell, sitting across from you right now. ”
“Well hell, Reign!” He throws his arm over my shoulder as we continue strolling through the ashy terrain.
“Thanks for the backup. There’s no way we would’ve made it back here without the head start we got from the distraction of the alarms. That little accident of yours is what gave us the extra time we needed to get out. ”
Suddenly, the guilt I’ve been feeling since my screw up with the portal seems to disappear. Even if we lost our chance at searching the island for the scepter, we got Kane and Damien back safely and that win is enough for me.
“Thought I might find you two out here.” The two of us whirl around to find Ryder standing with his hands in his pockets. “I’ve called for a council meeting, and I’d like for you both to be there.”
“Of course,” Kane says with a slight bow that reminds me of Ryder’s prestige.
A moment later, I feel the invisible weight lift when I see Damien standing in the hallway. Even though I knew he made it back safely, it’s like I couldn’t fully relax until I saw him for myself.
I can tell just by the tension in his shoulder blades that he’s wearing his Head Officer demeanor. When he turns around though, it immediately falls away. I waste no time running up to him. His lips crash into mine and it feels like I can finally breathe again.
“We’re ready,” Ryder interrupts from the doorway.