Chapter 49
Reign
Ishouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be begging for this, but I can’t stop myself. It’s like my words aren’t my own anymore. Like they belong to someone else. Someone reckless and selfish.
But I need this. Even if it complicates things. Even if it changes everything. I have to know. I have to hear it from him.
He slowly runs his thumb across my jaw before lifting my chin. His eyes fall to my lips and if it weren't for that damn curse, I would think he’s about to claim them with his own. Instead, he stops only an inch from me and it’s like I can feel the hint of his lips against mine. Taunting me.
“Reign Calloway.”
His nose gently brushes against mine and I want so badly to reach for him. To pull him into me and erase all separation.
“I love you.”
I close my eyes, letting the three words seep into me. I hadn’t realized until this moment, just how long and how badly I’ve wanted to hear those words.
One of Ryder’s shadows runs along my bottom lip, and it makes my whole body awaken with electricity.
I need him.
Every sense of reason I had left, seems to evaporate. I push off the wall, expecting to feel his touch, but instead I feel nothing.
He’s gone.
Leaving only the taste of his smoke on my lips behind.
Amaya springs from her bed, not even bothering to hide her excitement.
“I can’t believe it! I’ve been waiting for him to get his shit together.”
“You knew?”
She tilts her head down at me. “Reign… I know you’re a little oblivious when it comes to boys and all but come on…”
“I mean, I knew there was an attraction, but I didn’t know he was—”
“In love.” She sings the last word as she falls back onto her bed. “Girl, that man has been down bad for you for a long time.”
“It’s wrong, though. I love Damien.”
She rolls over on her side, propping herself up on her elbow. “And Ryder? Do you love him?”
I want to say no. I want to deny what my heart has known for so long. But I can’t.
“I do.” I drop my head and Amaya immediately slaps my leg.
“No, we’re not doing that. You don’t get to shame spiral on my watch.”
I pick at the plum-colored sheets, not wanting to make eye contact with my best friend.
“It’s not fair to Damien. I can’t be with him and love Ryder. He deserves better than that.”
“So, what does that mean? You want to be with Ryder now?”
I fall back onto the bed, slapping my hands against the silk sheets. “I don’t know what I want. How can I choose Ryder over Damien when there’s a curse that binds his love? And how am I supposed to choose Damien when I have these feelings for Ryder? Both options feel wrong.”
“Hypothetically speaking, if Ryder’s curse didn’t exist, would he be your answer?”
“Honestly? I don’t know. It’s hard to imagine what being with him would look like. With Ryder it’s complicated. We’re both passionate and stubborn. I’ve never fully allowed myself to imagine a future with him. It just seems pointless.”
“Because of the curse.”
“Yes, but I also don’t think he would ever allow himself to let someone else in. Certainly not while his father is alive and even after that. He’s had over a hundred years to build up his walls.”
Amaya sighs deeply like she’s the one in this mess. “I wish I could solve this for you.”
“I wish you could, too,” I admit.
“How are you going to tell Damien?”
“I have no idea. Just the thought of it makes me sick. It’s going to break his heart. It’s already breaking mine.”
“You have to be selfish, Reign. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but you can’t worry about how they feel. This is something you need to decide for yourself.”
“I didn’t know it was possible to love two people at the same time. It’s like they’re each a part of me. Like blood and oxygen. Both are equally important, and I don’t know how I’ll survive without the other.”
“Let’s just take it one day at a time, okay? Damien is still away meeting with the Southern Territories so maybe use this time to try to figure things out with Ryder.”
“Okay,” I sigh, not completely convinced that’s the right thing to do.
“Wanna stay with me the rest of the night?” She asks, patting the pillow next to her. I crawl over and snuggle in beside her. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
I half expected Amaya to lecture me about avoiding all things Ryder, but she didn’t.
Instead, she spent all day training with me, letting me work out my feelings through kicks and jabs.
Even when Emeric and Zane showed up, she didn’t mention anything about what happened, only the part about the Dread Woods creatures agreeing to join our side.
“Alright. Get showered and put this on. I have something planned for us tonight.” She tosses the dress onto my bed and gives me a look that tells me not to bother asking questions.
I don’t fight her. I know it’s a battle I won’t win and honestly whatever she has planned would be a welcomed distraction from everything going on in my head.
Once I no longer smell like a rotting corpse, I slip on the dress Amaya left for me.
Based on the cream-colored lace, I assume it must be from Nazrelia.
Not sure how she got it, but she has a way about her that makes people want to do things for her.
I swear she’s never met a stranger in her life.
Everyone seems to instantly want to be friends with her and I can’t blame them.
I’m probably the only person who really put up a fight and even then, I eventually gave in.
I take a quick look in the bathroom mirror, admiring the dress.
I’ve spent so much time in training clothes lately, that I forgot what it feels like to wear something so feminine.
The sleeves start just off my shoulders, hugging my arms until they slightly flare around the wrists.
The silk corset is overlaid with lace intricately patterned with images of flowers.
The three layers of skirt that fall around me are deceivingly weightless and sway with every move I make.
Most of the dresses I’ve worn have been elegant or something that resembled art. But this one is romantic. It’s a dress that has a story behind it. What that story is, I’m not sure, but I know it’s a beautiful one.
Amaya lets herself in and immediately goes to work on my hair.
I watch as she pulls the top half back into a ponytail that she flips upside down so that it waterfalls into the rest of my hair.
The two pieces she left in the front, frame my face and somehow, it’s the exact hairstyle to go with this dress.
“Wow, you look incredible!” She takes both of my hands in hers before letting one go to spin me around. The dress follows the movement effortlessly like it was made to be danced in.
“Right back at you!” I compliment, taking in her sleeveless, deep mauve dress with a high collar neckline that makes her appear even taller than she already is.
“Thank you,” she says with a curtsey. “Once we get to where we’re going, you’ll understand why I chose these dresses.”
“Will the others be meeting us?” I ask as we head out into the hall.
“Nope. Just us.”
“Well, it’s a date then.” I grab her hand and swing it between us as we walk.
Since I wasn’t sure where we were going, I decided to wear a pair of flats that I had gotten awhile back for the nights I didn’t want to go stumbling around in heels. By the time we reach the lowest level of the Heart, I’m thanking myself for it.
“Wow, I’ve never ventured down this far.”
Amaya turns back as she takes the lead down one of the illuminated halls lined with grey limestone. “It’s mostly just for the witches.”
“Oh.”
Hearing her say that shouldn’t hurt but it does.
Not because I haven’t come to terms with the fact that I’m not a witch, but because I miss being a part of a group of people who share the same gift as me.
Even if my time with the witches was just an illusion, it still felt right at the time.
I haven’t had that sense of belonging since finding out I’m a phoenix and I miss it.
“We’re here!” Amaya startles me when she jumps around to face me. “You have to cover your eyes, though. No peeking.”
“Happy?” I ask, pointing to my tightly closed eyes.
“Perfect!”
She takes ahold of my right hand and carefully leads me into whatever room we stopped in front of.
I expect her to tell me to open my eyes once we’re a few steps inside, but she just keeps walking.
Occasionally, I feel us veer left and right, but she easily guides me through whatever maze we’ve walked into.
“Is that water I hear?”
“You’ll see, you’ll see.” She slows down a moment later. “Okay, you can open.”
I’m not sure what I had expected, but it certainly wasn’t this. Somehow, I can’t figure out how I went the whole way without noticing the floral scents. Every color of flower I could possibly imagine paint the room around us.
“Isn’t it pretty?” Amaya motions to the fountain in the middle that has a statue of the five elemental symbols spewing water from the top.
“It’s incredible,” I admit, spinning in a circle so I can take in the whole garden.
“The earth and water witches tend to it, mostly. It’s one of the ways they practice nurturing the earth. The magic above is meant to mimic the natural sky.”
“Like in the Heart.”
“Exactly!” she beams. “When it becomes night, like right now, the lamps automatically turn on. It’s pretty during the day, too, but something about the garden at night just feels transcendent.”
“Transcendent, huh?”
Amaya waves her hand at me. “Okay, so that was Cora’s word for it. But she’s not wrong.”
I laugh. “No, she’s not.”
She holds up one finger while she looks around the room.
“There’s just one thing missing. I’ll be right back. I’m going to go get it!”
“You’re just going to leave me here?”
“I’ll be quick!” she yells back. “Just take a look around while I’m gone.”
I turn back and make my way over to the fountain. The water is a clear blue, not at all like the glowing aqua Damien warned me about in the Sector. Still, I hesitate for a moment before sticking my hand in. My mind is already a mess, I don’t need some mystical water making it worse.
The ripples grow as I move my hand around the surface. Funny that someone made of fire would be so drawn to water. I guess the saying opposites attract is true.
“REIGN!”
I whirl around to see who is calling out my name, but Ryder is already holding my face in his hands.
“What are you doing?”
“You’re, okay?” His eyes frantically run down my body. “Amaya said you were hurt.”
I grab onto his wrists, trying to pull his focus.
“I’m fine. Look.” I take a small step back but don’t let go of him. “I’m okay.”
He exhales a weighted breath, and his entire body instantly relaxes.
“Why would she say that?”
I take a look around the garden and down at my dress. “I think we’ve been set up.”
Confusion is quickly replaced with understanding, and he tosses his head back. “Remind me to kick her ass next time we spar.”
“Gladly.” When he looks back down at me, his eyes narrow on the dress, and he runs his hand along his jaw. “What?”
“You’re making it impossible for me to behave.”
“Then don’t.” I’m surprised by my words just as much as he seems to be, but he shakes his head.
“You know I can’t.”
I’m not sure what comes over me, but I storm off in the direction Amaya and I entered from.
This was a terrible idea and so was last night.
“Not so fast.”
His voice is low and rough, stopping me in my tracks. Before I can turn around, I feel him close in behind me. Neither of us say anything. We just stand there, pressed up against one another, both unable to leave.
After a long moment passes, I feel his hand gently move my hair to one side. His breath tickles my skin as he slowly runs his thumb down the side of my neck and bare shoulder. I shudder and he releases a satisfied purr into my ear.
I want so badly for him to follow the trail with his mouth, but he doesn’t and I’m not sure he can. What are the rules of the unbreakable curse that keep him from me? Where is the line that neither of us can cross?
The thumb he was previously using has now been replaced by his index finger as it traces the curve of my breasts that are on full display in the dress that leaves little to the imagination. He stops in the middle and so does my heart.
Why is he stopping? I don’t want him to.
As if he heard my thoughts, he continues, slipping his fingers just underneath the lace fabric. I lean my head to the side and fall back into him, giving him more access to me. Access that he doesn’t take because his fingers are already making their way back up.
His thumb rubs circles over the star-filled pendant.
“What are you thinking?” I ask as I turn around to face him.
His eyes stay fixed on the necklace. “Besides all of the things I wish I could do right now?” His eyes meet mine. “I’m wondering how long I have until you push me away again.”
“Is that what you want? Me to push you away, so you don’t have to?”
He slips the pendant back underneath my corset and brushes one of the loose pieces of hair from my face.
“I don’t have the strength to push you away anymore.”