62. Chapter 56
Chapter 56
Caelan
R aven’s body tightened beneath me. Her breaths were shallow gasps, her moans high-pitched sounds made of half-words. My cock felt like it might explode but I held on to wait for her, distracting myself deliberately with astonished thoughts.
I could not believe this was happening.
I’d wanted this since the moment Raven lay in my arms bleeding in the shattered glass plains. When I felt the spark between us at the River of Madness and she refused to leave, I’d allowed myself to hope. With all that had happened since, I’d hardly dared believe she’d ever truly surrender herself to me.
But there wasn’t a single part of me that doubted that this moment was real. Raven wanted me the way I wanted her. She had a chance to kill me, and instead, she chose to put down her dagger and kiss me. She wanted to belong to me as much as I wanted to own her.
That thought almost made me explode, but I held out. My eyes devoured the sight of her. Her nipples were rosy pink and tight. They reached up towards my chest, gooseflesh all around them. Her fingers grasped at the bedspread, clenching and unclenching. Her eyelids fluttered. Her neck was long and exposed.
I growled and buried my head in it. I bit down, suckling her as I thrust mercilessly hard and deep. Her cries turned to pain and distress. I kept going, because I knew that such pain was exactly what she wanted from me.
“Go on, Raven. Come for me. That’s a good girl,” I whispered in her ear, my voice husky with desire.
And she obeyed. As soon as the words left my mouth, her body shuddered wildly. She gasped; her back arched. Her eyes closed until I growled into her ear: “Don’t you dare. You look at me.”
Her eyes flew back open and stared into mine. They were like twin jewels, molten with desire, vulnerable with astonishment, hazy with the fog that took her mind when she gave herself to me.
I kissed her again, crushing her mouth with my own.
She let out a little moan, eagerly opening to let my tongue inside her. She tilted her hips up, begging for more. The combination undid me.
I thrust into her, hard and fast, desperate and lost. I didn’t even know my own name anymore; I only knew that I was hers, as she was mine. It was all I needed to know.
I froze deep inside her, our bodies entwined, as pleasure roared through me. My cock spasmed and my essence poured into her.
“You’re mine." My seed was inside her and my soul, I admitted to myself, was hers.
"I'm yours," she said, her voice breathy.
I collapsed on top of her, breathing hard. I felt her breathing change as she struggled to draw deep breaths with my weight on her chest. I enjoyed her difficulty for a moment before I rolled off to lay beside her. My breathing was slowing. My fingers traced the line of the scar across her stomach.
We lapsed into silence. Neither of us knew what to say.
“It cost too much?” I finally said.
She rolled onto her side so she could look at me. Her hair was an endearing tangle. She placed her palms below her cheeks as a pillow.
“Yes,” she whispered.
I leaned forward and nudged her nose with my own—a whimsical gesture that made her giggle.
“Good.”
A knock on the door wrenched a deep, disappointed sigh from me and another giggle from Raven. Reluctantly, Raven and I untwined and donned robes.
“Come,” I snapped.
Lord Massriel appeared. He executed a proper bow. “I’m glad to see you up and about again, Prince Caelan.”
“Thank you.” I tried not to sound too stiff. He had given us the safe place we needed in the aftermath and I should be grateful.
“This came for you.” Massriel held out a scroll, the emperor’s seal clearly visible on the wax. Massriel kept his eyes averted from Raven, as always. I regretted having to run to him for help. There was something hidden beneath his mask and I had the uneasy feeling that I did not know what side he was really on.
Then again, what side was I on, anymore?
I broke the seal with dread in my gut. “The emperor summons me back to Havard.”
“You can’t,” Raven said instantly.
“It’s not negotiable.”
Raven’s eyes narrowed.
“He could want me for a thousand reasons. Because I failed. To hear a full report in person. To congratulate me on defeating a cell of rebels and outing Lady Obsan as a traitor. To kill me for defending you. Or for…” I didn’t finish. Massriel was here and I wasn't sure if he knew yet of my demon blood.
“Being a halfling,” Massriel supplied.
I narrowed my eyes on him and Massriel smiled apologetically.
“Soldiers gossip worse than washer women. I already suspected, of course.”
Yes, Massriel had given me the books and the portrait of me as a child. He must’ve tried to deduce what his father knew that made him so obsessed with looking at it. Perhaps his own ancient demon blood had made it easier for him to guess.
“My father must know. If he wanted to kill his half-demon son, he would’ve done it a long time ago,” I said.
“But you’ve been outed now. Soldiers saw you burn at the Battle of the Corpse. Some refused to serve you and Baris and I killed them. Others saw and remained loyal…or at least, loyal enough to transport us here,” Raven said.
“Where are they now?” I asked, sorry I hadn’t asked before. There were so many things to discuss, so many questions.
“In a comfortable dungeon cell,” Lord Massriel said.
I rounded on him. “You imprisoned loyal men who could have died in my service?”
“You’re welcome,” Massriel said levelly. “They are being treated as befits a prince’s entourage. You need time to determine who is truly loyal to you. Some of them will have only agreed to help you to save their own lives.”
I called Baris to me and gave him orders to interview the men and give me his assessment of each man’s loyalty. He offered a curt nod and went to the dungeon.
“You can’t go back,” Raven insisted. “He’ll kill you. Or if he doesn’t, Amon will.”
“If I stay away, I declare myself a traitor to the crown. I might as well join the rebel cause right now.”
“Maybe you should,” Raven said firmly.
“Leave us,” I snapped to Massriel.
The door had hardly closed behind him when Raven went on. “Caelan, I know you see your family for what they are. Nahome may be a religious zealot and my father’s true reason for rebelling—”
“Was to kill me! You think I should join people who are so determined to kill me that they’ll topple an empire to do it?”
“No. I think there are other, better reasons to rebel. These are the reasons the people care about. They want to have enough to eat. They want not to have their homes burned to the ground by their own army. They want justice rather than cruelty and selfishness. More than any of that, they want to live. ” Her voice quieted. “The Ravager has risen, Caelan. The best weapon we have against him is Asherah. The more of the dragon-gods that are reborn now, the better. But using them means an alliance with Los. Can you honestly say your father would consider such a thing? Would your brother?”
I breathed deeply, counting through the red haze that rose at her words. After a lifetime of loyalty to my family, I felt rage automatically as the words poured from her mouth. But the time had come to stop reacting as I'd been trained to and consider if she was actually right.
“It’s not treason for you to take the throne, Caelan. You’re an Havardian prince. You could go about it in a way that didn’t result in full-blown rebellion, if you wanted to.” These words were delivered quietly, as if she were a little afraid to say them. As she should be.
I laughed and the sound was ice cold but I was hot, so hot. Burning up with fever. I needed some Father-damned fresh air.
“Is it even possible for you to contemplate loyalty, Lady Rosa ?" The words flowed out crueler than I intended. I wasn't angry at her—not really. But I was furious at the choice she made me face. "You haven’t changed sides at all, have you? You just think you can turn me. I’m your new best hope to fulfill your father’s dreams.” I laughed again at the irony.
“Of course,” Raven snapped, her anger rising to match mine. “I will hate your father in the marrow of my bones until the day I die. Your brother is abhorrent. I think they should be replaced, and I hope whoever does it makes it hurt. None of that will ever change, Caelan. But don’t you dare stand there and tell me that nothing has changed.
“You have changed. And I see you. The men in your army respect you because you treat them fairly. You share the watch even though you don’t have to. You see through the lies that built this empire and you’re willing to look for a better way. You want loyalty? Fine.”
Raven sank gracefully to one knee and bowed her head.
My heart skipped a beat. What was she doing?
“The Havards can die for all I care, Caelan—all except for you. To you, I swear my loyalty. Not just my body and my heart, but my blade and my soul. I will follow wherever you lead. Even if that’s back to your father’s side, I will follow you, Caelan. I am yours.”
My heart raced. She’d agreed to be mine in name at the River of Madness, but the distrust between us left me yearning for what she offered right now.
True loyalty.
Trust.
Love.
Her . All of her. Raven Rosa was finally mine.
Raven raised her head and pierced me with her gaze. It was full of longing, but contained not a hint of a demand. “Caelan, your family will never trust you again. The way forward is to ally yourself with Tanead. He’s your brother. Join him in the fight against the Ravager. Be the leader this world needs.”
The heat had receded, calmed by Raven’s declaration. “Rise,” I said, and as soon as she did, I swept her into my arms, my lips parting hers, tasting her, exploring. My hands cupped her face gently.
Mine.
Reluctantly, I broke away. “I need to go home,” I said. “There’s no other way. I’ll speak to my father…and to Tanead.”
Victory surged in her eyes and I chuckled. “Don’t get too excited. I haven’t decided yet. First, we see if I’m arrested as soon as I enter the city.”
Raven stilled. Her eyes unfocused. I knew that look. She was using her Sight, flying far from here. It unsettled me much more after what I’d seen at the Corpse of the Father and I was relieved when she blinked and re-focused on me after only a few moments. “What if I told you I could get you into the Emperor’s Dungeon in the Palace of the Suns without anybody seeing you?”
My eyes sharpened. “I’d wonder why the rebels didn’t know about it.”
“Eymen used it to get me out. If I told anyone about it, he might have gotten in trouble or killed. He was the Head Guard down there.”
I smiled and ran my thumb along her cheek. “So personal loyalty overrides everything.”
“I’ve already told you it does,” she whispered.
I sighed, my heart breaking at what came next. I devoured the sight of her face, memorizing the pink of her cheeks and the rich black of her lashes. The pucker of her lips and the glorious openness in her eyes as she looked up at me. “Then there’s just one more thing.”
“What?”
“You must make me a promise.” Every word was as heavy as armor soaked in river water.
Raven sensed that something was wrong. She tried to tug out of my arms, but I couldn’t let her go. Not yet.
“After you show me the way into the palace, you leave.”
Her eyes narrowed. "And go where?"
"North, into the Pestern Mountains. Or east, across the Silk Sea.”
“No! I’m coming with you. You need me to find your way to Tanead.”
“You can lead me to the entrance to the dungeon, and then you’re leaving Vaharilar. It’s not up for discussion.”
Raven’s brow furrowed. “I don't like it, but fine. I'll go into Los. Pave the way for your coming.”
“No. You will leave this fight. Take yourself out of it." I shook her a little bit as the words poured out of me. "You have to be safe, Raven. Do you understand? I can't do this if I'm afraid that I might get you killed."
“ What? No!” She tugged harder to get out of my arms. I let her go, mourning the loss of her immediately.
“No matter which side I choose, there will be war. The Ravager will rise. The rebellion will rise. The dragon-gods will rise. Enemies come at us from all sides, and your name makes you a target of them all. I won’t risk you. I need you out of this.”
“Are the words we just spoke meaningless to you?” If Raven could burn, she’d be on fire right now. She paced like a caged lion, her hands rising to rest on her dagger hilts before dropping again.
“Of course not. They’re everything,” I said quietly.
“I’m yours. And this is what you want to do with me? Throw me away?”
“Never,” I snapped. “I am saving you.”
She raised her chin and faced me head-on. “I don’t want to be saved. I can’t be saved.”
“Too bad. These are my wishes. Promise me now you will honor them and obey me or I’m locking you in the dungeon beside Nahome and proceeding to Havard alone.”
Raven’s eyes flashed. Her display of strength only made my love for her surge. It was as attractive as her surrender; one could not exist in her without the other. Kneeling is only a gift from one who can stand.
I waited for her agreement. I’d given her no choice, really.
Finally, Raven bowed her head. “Fine,” she snapped.
“Fine…” I prompted, a little smile playing at my lips.
“My prince.” She forced the stilted words out and still they sounded sultry and suggestive.
I shivered with want, but buried it. It was good practice for the rest of my life.