Chapter 20
INVISIBLE
JAHLANI
Ms. J
Harrison
Sent from my iPhone
“Ithink you broke my wrist, Teryn.”
Jahlani cradles her left arm to her chest, laying it on thick, as she uses her chopsticks to grab her California roll.
They’re sitting outside a restaurant two blocks away from the self-defense class that Teryn had invited her to.
The air smells of ginger and soy sauce, and the dark wooden tables hold empty bottles of soju, sauce, and plates of sushi.
Teryn laughs, her eyes crinkling in the corners as she chews her own spicy tuna roll. “You’re so dramatic.”
The sounds of the plaza mix around them.
The laughter as kids spill out from their afternoon karate class, the faint grumble of a truck’s muffler as it drives past, and the occasional scraping of chairs and tables being pushed around the restaurant as people come and go.
The chill of the wind helps cool down Jahlani’s body as they sit outside.
Teryn finishes her food, leaning back with a satisfied look. “Hey, can I ask you something?”
Jahlani nods, trying to maneuver another roll into the chopsticks.
“I know you said we didn’t do anything when you left all those years ago for school, but you never really told me what happened,” she says, her finger tracing the edge of her glass.
Jahlani sighs, shrugging, discarding the chopsticks, and settling for her fingers. As she chews, she contemplates how to respond.
Teryn shoves her straw into her glass, using it to make her ice rattle. “It’s fine, Jahlani. You don’t have to tell me—”
“When my dad left, my mom was different,” she starts, wiping her fingers against her napkin.
“I mean, you expect that. Your husband just left you and your kid. Things aren’t supposed to stay the same.
But he left, and it was like I was invisible.
” She wraps her arms around herself as the wind from outside bites her flesh, no longer providing relief.
“She started dating, and at first, I was happy. She was moving on, but I think in the process, she left me without realizing it.”
“Shit, I’m sorry,” Teryn says, looking down.
Jahlani shakes her head. “Don’t be. It was years ago.
I’m a big girl now,” she says through a strained chuckle.
“I swore I wouldn’t be like her, so I didn’t date for a few years.
And then I met Micah, and I don’t know, I wasn’t invisible anymore.
And it just didn’t seem worth it to come back, especially when I got into the program for my master’s and he asked me to move in. ”
Teryn nods, toying with her lips. “What’s the story there?”
Jahlani exhales, recalling their last conversation. “Apparently … I’m emotionally unavailable.”
Teryn kisses her teeth. “What a twat.”
Jahlani snorts. “I’m sorry, ‘twat’?”
Teryn shrugs, laughing. “What? I watch a lot of British television in my downtime.”
Jahlani clears her throat and sips her water when her phone vibrates.
Most of the notifications inform her that students have taken the quiz for this week, there’s a Duolingo notification, and a message that makes her blood warm and stomach flutter.
Her fingers are quick to tap the screen, and her face flushes.
Roman
Any chance I can take you up on that offer tonight?
Jahlani reads the message once. Twice. A third time, making sure that her eyes aren’t deceiving her, because the past week, he’s been distant.
He barely looks at her during the lectures, and he hasn’t shown up for any office hours.
She chews on her fingernail, typing four different responses before finally hitting send.
Jahlani
Sure.
Jahlani clicks the phone shut, setting it down on the table, feeling like a schoolgirl passing notes to her crush.
“What was that?” Teryn asks, raising a perfectly arched brow at her.
“What was what?”
Teryn points an accusing finger at her phone. “That.”
“Nothing. It was just a few messages from students.”
Teryn folds her arms across her chest. “Girl, puh-lease. You can’t fool me.” She leans forward, folding her palms on the table. “It’s a guy, isn’t it?”
Jahlani withers under her gaze but forces out a snort. “No.”
Her eyes widen, and she gasps. “It’s the guy from the bar, isn’t it?”
Jahlani shakes her head, trying to stave off the heat. “It’s not like that … I’m just helping him out a little.”
“Teryn,” Jahlani says, giving her a droll stare. “Nothing is happening. Nothing can happen. It’s against university policy, and I would very much like not to get kicked out.”
Teryn shrugs, grinning. “Okay.”
“What?” Jahlani snaps.
“Nothing. Just sounds like you’ve given this some thought.”
“I—what? No … That’s not true,” she says weakly, not even sounding convincing to herself.
Teryn laughs again, wiping under her eyes. “Look, all I’m saying is … you clearly find him attractive, why not have some fun?”
“Fun?”
Teryn rolls her eyes. “Yeah. Fun. Ever heard of it? It’s when you do something that you want. Crazy concept, right?”
Jahlani looks down at the table, sighing. “No. It’s not part of the plan.”
“Plan?”
Jahlani nods, twisting to sit on her hands. “Yes. I finish my internship hours, get my degree, get a decent-paying job, and pay back my debt.”
Teryn raises an eyebrow. “And then …?
Jahlani shrugs. “Then maybe I’ll start dating again.”
Teryn kisses her teeth, giving her a you can’t be serious look. “That’s a shitty plan.”
“Hey.”
Teryn raises her hands. “I’m just saying, it sounds like you’ve been running past some pretty nice doors.”
“Not all doors are meant to be opened.”
“They’re not all meant to stay shut either.”
This one is, she thinks. It has too.
Jahlani drags the tablet closer to pay the bill, but Teryn beats her, tapping the screen with her card.
“Thanks,” she murmurs, thinking about how she just finished paying for her credit card bill. “Look, all I’m saying is that plans increase the likelihood of success.”
“Oh yeah?” Teryn says, smoothing out a few dollar bills and placing them under the saltshaker. “How’s that plan working out for you so far?”
Jahlani’s mind drifts to the past few days—her increasing desire to be near him.
During the day, when the sun is the brightest, when her head is the clearest, she catches herself wondering about him.
About how he’s doing and if there’s anything else she can do for him.
Is what she’s doing enough? She wonders how she can ease his burdens.
When she catches herself wondering, she convinces herself it’s out of guilt for the things she did and said.
It has absolutely nothing to do with wanting to know more about him and his world.
Or with the way he looks at her when she’s talking.
Or the way his lips felt against her cheek.
“It’s working out fine.”
As Jahlani pulls into the paved driveway, she releases a shaky exhale.
She takes in the bungalow, the front porch swing, and the patch of lilies on the manicured lawn.
She was hoping for a bachelor pad. Something impractical for her to criticize him on.
Something to smother the good guy image she had clearly missed. To change his flag back to red.
Agonizingly, the flag is getting greener by the second.
Smoothing down her hair, she shakes out her hands as she makes her way to the door.
She knocks, and it swings open almost immediately.
She gives Roman a tight smile as she takes in his ruffled hair and bare feet.
Her eyes stretch past him in an attempt to look down the hallway because her curiosity is growing by the second and he’s not moving.
He stands in some sort of trance-like state, staring. He’s in loose shorts and a white cotton T-shirt. His eyes sweep over her before moving back to her face. He exhales, blinking.
Her smile grows slightly, and she clears her throat. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think this is the part where you invite me in.”
He stuffs a hand into his pocket, stepping back to open the door wider.
“Jesus, yeah. Sorry. Come in.”
She brushes past him, wagging her index finger.
“You’d be dead if I were a vampire, Hayes,” she says over her shoulder as she takes a few cautious steps into his hallway.
As she takes in the console table overflowing with unopened mail and the vintage mirror hanging on the wall, his palms move to her shoulders, easing her out of her jacket, his fingertips cool against the length of her arms.
What a gentleman.
Too quickly, they’re gone, and she finds herself wanting to chase the sensation. To get it back.
Roman Hayes is husband material (clearly), and she wonders to herself why no one has snatched him up.
Her head suddenly revolts at the idea of him taking someone else’s coat for them and pushes the thought from her mind.
“Oh yeah?” he asks, his voice a low murmur as he folds the jacket over his arm, staring at her pointedly.
“Yeah,” she says, stepping forward to run her fingertips along his neck. She doesn’t miss the way he leans forward slightly, or the way his pulse seems to ricochet.
“I wouldn’t go for the carotid artery. You’re too tall,” she says, sighing. “I’d have to settle for the radial artery,” she adds, tapping his wrist. He’s staring at her finger, then meets her eyes with a quirked eyebrow.
“Thought about that a lot, have you?” he asks, tilting his head with a carefree smile that seems to think he’s caught her.
You know nothing, Roman Hayes.
“Of killing you? Plenty of times,” she says through a murmur before pressing her lips together to keep from smiling.
He smiles, shifting closer. “Plenty, huh?”
She squints up at him, exhaling through her nose before turning away and stepping back.
She clears her throat, crossing her arms over her chest as she watches him place her jacket delicately on the hook and takes in her surroundings.
It’s all so … cozy. Where she expected black and white IKEA furniture, she finds natural oak, rounded bookshelves, and scenic paintings.