Chapter 5
DEVYN—
She was keeping up with me until I sent the ball flying back toward her so fast that it barely missed her head.
“Damn it, Dev! Are you trying to kill me?” Parker hissed, throwing her racket down and breathing heavily.
I was going so hard that sweat poured from everywhere. Laser-focused like an opponent was across from me. But it was Parker. She wasn’t my problem. She wasn’t the anger I’d been holding, and she for damn sure wasn’t the pain that I’d been feeling.
“Sorry, P,” I said, wiping the sweat off my forehead. “Maybe we should be done for the day,” I muttered.
“Yeah! We should. You almost took my damn head off,” she shot back, tossing her racket inside her bag.
The squeaking of other players’ shoes echoed loudly in the indoor tennis court.
I wanted to keep going, but I had shit to do today.
I walked toward Parker, where our bags were, picked up my water bottle, and chugged it down.
She walked up beside me, grabbed her water bottle, and sat on the floor with her back against the wall.
“Devyn, sit down,” she said, staring up at me.
That tone meant she spent all morning watching me and reading me. She was about to dig into my brain and pull out the shit I’d been holding in. I sat on the floor beside her, back pressed against the wall, staring straight ahead.
“What’s going on? Don’t lie to me. Don’t try to sugarcoat it either. You just said you were done with everybody, and I let you live. You cried your heart out a week ago, and I haven’t heard anything since. Not about Azani or your family. Spill it!”
I sighed, pulling my knees up to my chest and trying to figure out the best way to tell her what I was feeling without giving her too much.
I didn’t know how serious this was. The whole arrangement was something deeper.
Azani had secrets, and so did my family.
Finding out that a blood oath had been made, binding me to someone, was shocking, to say the least. But it was the betrayal that hit the hardest.
“It’s complicated. There are too many people involved, and I’m trying to get to the bottom of it all.
My family set me up with Azani, and he followed through with their plans.
He never once told me he knew who I was before meeting me.
I caught all of them at my Nanna’s house, and the topic of conversation was me. ”
I shook my head, raking my fingers through my hair. “I don’t trust any of them. My mom, my dad, Nanna, my granddad… Shit, even Azani’s grandfather and dad were there. It’s fucked up, Parker,” I muttered.
“Sooo, like a blind date you knew nothing about? I don’t get it, Dev. There has to be more to this,” she replied.
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out. I don’t know what was real… I’m not even sure if he ever loved me,” I whispered.
Well, that’s not true. I know the lying ass nigga loves me.
“I’ll play devil’s advocate and say he does love you. Are you done? Could you ever forgive him? What about Nanna? Have you talked to her yet?”
“Forgive? Do you really think he should be forgiven? Be so for real, P. That man lied to me every day. Laid beside me, and not once did he tell me the truth. As for Nanna, no! Will I talk to her eventually? Yes, because I want to know why. My mom and dad have only reached out once, which further lets me know how guilty they truly are.”
My throat burned to keep from screaming in frustration. My hands shook thinking about how long they controlled my life. Parker grabbed my hand, making me face her.
“It’s not up to me to determine if he should be forgiven, but I know you, Devyn.
I know you love him. I know you miss Nanna.
I know you miss your mom and dad, too. That doesn’t make you weak.
Why fight it so hard if you two had something real?
Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic, but I loved who you became with him.
The person I’m staring at now is the Devyn who wasn’t truly happy,” she said softly, scooting closer to me.
Tears burned the back of my eyes, but I couldn’t cry. I wouldn’t. Not in front of her or anybody else.
“They took away my choice. They put a man in my space who knew all the right things to say and do. Nobody considered how it would make me feel once I found out. I had rules, boundaries, things I wasn’t willing to compromise on, and they twisted my life around.
No matter how you look at it, they’re wrong.
” My voice cracked, and Parker’s eyes softened as she rubbed my hand.
“They are wrong. They lied to you and betrayed your trust. As for Nanna and your mom and dad, maybe they just wanted to see you truly happy. You’ve been alone for a long time.
Avoiding love like the plague. But damn it, Devyn…
I don’t think Azani could fake loving you as hard as he did.
Have you talked to him? Heard his side?”
I laughed once, shaking my head. “If meat to meat was a conversation, yes. And I should have never done that. It fucked my head up even more. You know what else? This man makes me tea every day and has Vic give it to me. Fresh flowers every three days. If he goes out of town for work, guess what? He lets me know like nothing ever changed. He even picked up the damn dry cleaning that I forgot. And whether he gets a response or not, he tells me he loves me every fuckin’ day! That’s the shit I’m dealing with.”
Parker burst out laughing, clapping her hands.
“Dev, you don’t sound like a woman who’s done.
You haven’t blocked him. You still accept the roses and tea every morning.
And I didn’t miss how you didn’t take that bracelet off.
He doesn’t sound like a man who pretended to love you.
He sounds like a man who’s sorry and wants his woman back.
I’m not saying you should ignore what he’s done, but I am saying that maybe you should reevaluate your decisions. ”
My chest tightened, and my heart beat faster because she wasn’t wrong.
I still loved him, no matter how hard I tried not to.
I missed waking up wrapped around him, feeling safe and secure.
Forehead kisses when I got frustrated—getting rubbed to sleep every night.
Not having to use my damn brain sometimes because I knew he’d figure shit out. I missed him.
“The fact remains that everyone lied. I wasn’t worth the truth. They chose this for me. The worst part is that I fell right into their trap… on dick that I think about every day. This shit is pathetic, P!” I said, shaking my head, embarrassed for even thinking about it.
“Well, tell Nanna and them to set me up with a nigga, because the dating pool is trash.” She smacked her lips, smirking at me.
“But, for real… don’t just shut him out.
Ask questions. Drill all their asses. Don’t make it easy for them.
But I do not recommend cutting that man off cold turkey when you still love him.
You’re hurting yourself, trying to hurt him. You can’t hide from me, Devyn Zuri.”
“Ughhh, let’s get outta here before you start digging too deep. I’m starving, and I want some French toast from Honey Buns real bad,” I said, grabbing my bag.
“We can be done for now, but this conversation is far from over. I’m on your ass now, girl,” Parker said, standing up and tossing her bag over her shoulder.
“Whatever,” I sassed, grabbing her hand.
As we walked out, Parker leaned closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder.
“I love you, Dev, and I want you to be happy,” she whispered.
“I love you more… and I’m trying.”
Parker always had a way of making me sit in my feelings. She didn’t let me dodge the truth or give her half answers. She knew me too well, and I knew eventually she’d see just how down bad I was about Azani. I hated how much he had a hold on my heart.
When we pulled up to Honey Buns, I checked my rearview mirror, and Vic was already getting out of his truck. I blinked once, and he was at my door, opening it. Someone else from his team opened Parker’s door, and we stepped out.
Being watched so closely by security every day was nerve-racking.
Even if I wanted to go grocery shopping, they were there.
Someone stayed in the lobby of my building.
Vic usually stayed in the parking garage, and the other two made rounds outside.
The questions I had for Azani were piling up.
I wanted to know who he truly was and why I needed this much protection.
Parker and I stood at the pick-up section, and from the corner of my eye, I saw G and Ibrahim coming toward me.
Is he watching me, too? What the fuck?
When he was finally standing beside me, Parker looked over at me with her eyebrow raised. I gave her a look, and she just chuckled.
“Hello, Devyn,” G said, smiling softly.
He looks just like Azani. Same facial expressions and everything.
“Are you here watching me, too?” I spat, rolling my eyes.
“No, I’m actually here to pick up my order. I came yesterday to grab dinner, and now I want to try their brunch. Azani told me how much you loved this place. Now I see why,” he said.
“Well, enjoy,” I replied sharply, folding my arms across my chest and looking straight ahead.
“I will. I hope you enjoy your tea later. I also hope you listen to understand and not to argue. You are hafidtee (my granddaughter). I don’t want you to be in pain. No matter how you feel about me right now, you are cherished,” he softly said.
How cherished can I be when everyone lied to me?
“Order for Alonzo,” the person behind the counter said.
Ibrahim walked up and grabbed the order. G gently touched my arm, making me turn my head.
“He does love you, Devyn. Give him a chance to explain. I’ll see you soon.”