Chapter 5 #2
His saying he’d see me soon made it clear that my choices in the matter were limited.
Then, he walked away, right out the door.
My heart hammered against my ribs. These people knew everything.
There wasn’t one move I could make without them knowing.
At that point, I felt like my phone conversations were tapped.
Parker nudged me, pulling me out of my head.
“Uhm… he looks just like Azani. Is that his dad?” Parker asked.
“No,” I said and sighed. “It’s his grandfather.
“And I guess you were going to conveniently leave out that you’re having tea with Azani later? That’s a damn shame.” She laughed, shaking her head.
“Yeah, now I don’t know if I’ll even show up.” I wrapped my arms around myself, thinking about how I felt the last time I saw him.
Am I emotionally strong enough to be in his presence?
“Oh, you’re going. Come hell or high water. You need answers, and you’re going to get them. I always told you your family was different—even Nanna. As sweet as she was, that lady could give us one look, and I’d straighten up. There’s more to this story, Dev.”
Parker was right. My family was different.
I wanted to know everything. I wanted to know what this blood oath was about.
How long had Azani known about me? Why would they keep me in the dark my whole life?
Once I had the answers, I’d know exactly how I wanted to move. Until then, everybody was my enemy.
“Order for Devyn,” the lady called from behind the counter.
I stepped up and grabbed my order, then Parker and I were ushered back to my car by security.
If I felt like Azani was lying about anything, I’d never speak to him again.
Next was Nanna. I avoided her the most because her betrayal was different.
The one person who encouraged me to be free put me in a cage.
I was only as free as they allowed me to be, like I had a leash that they would tug on when I went too far.
Whether I felt ready or not, I would get my answers. No matter how much it would hurt me.
Parker had already left my place. We ate pretty much in silence. I knew she could sense the mood I was in. She hugged me for a long time before she left and told me she loved me. I thought the strength behind that hug would carry me through, but I was even more nervous.
I tried to get in my car to drive, but I couldn’t. So, now, I was sitting in the backseat of Vic’s truck as he pulled up to the curb at the tea shop. When he helped me out, I could already see Azani’s truck parked a few spaces ahead.
Of course he’s on time… no time to prepare.
I walked toward the entrance, hands stuffed in the pockets of my coat as the wind whipped around my head. The tea shop was warm and cozy. Low lighting, warm earth tones with pops of muted pink. Low, soft, R he was dressed casually. Black boots, black pants, a black sweater, and a long black coat that was open like it wasn’t ten degrees outside. He said something quick to Vic, then stepped inside, eyes traveling straight to me.
I wanted to shrink in my seat with each step he took. Holding his gaze was out of the question. I had to focus on something else, so I picked up the menu. What I couldn’t ignore was his heavy footsteps or the smell of his cologne when he stepped in front of me.
“Hey, baby,” he said softly.
Absolutely not. He cannot talk to me like this throughout this whole conversation.
My stomach dipped from his voice alone. When I finally looked up, I could tell that he’d just gotten a fresh line-up.
He looked exhausted, but he was still himself.
The same controlled power he always held when we were in public together.
A bulge in his waist from the gun I knew he was carrying.
My eyes moved back up to his face, and my God, the nigga would die fine.
“Hi, Azani,” I said flatly.
He took off his coat, placed it across the back of the chair, and sat down across from me.
Usually, he would sit right next to me, no matter where we went.
But he respected my space, and I was grateful.
He didn’t need to touch me. I didn’t need his body too close to mine.
I had to focus on the information I needed.
“Have you ordered anything yet?” he asked, eyes scanning the menu and then back at me.
“No… I wasn’t sure what I wanted. They have plenty of choices,” I said, eyes glued to the menu because I just couldn’t look at him for too long.
“You like the rose and lavender vanilla blends. They have both. I can order for you,” he said.
He knows me too fuckin’ well. I need the strength of ten infants' fists right now.
“Sure,” I replied, swallowing hard. “I think they also have whipped honey as a sweetener. Can I get that?”
“Yeah, whatever you want,” he said, standing up to order my tea.
I just watched him from across the room. The lady behind the counter smiled at him too hard.
You don’t have no business getting jealous.
But then he pointed toward me, and she smiled even harder. I wasn’t good at reading lips, but I could make out her saying, “She’s beautiful.” He smiled at me softly, then turned back to the lady to finish ordering.
When he sat back down, I closed the menu. We just stared at each other longer than we should have, letting silence speak. I was supposed to have all the questions, and now, sitting across from him, I couldn’t find the words.
“I miss you, Dev…”
Azani wasn’t a man who spoke poetically. He was very straightforward, didn’t dodge hard conversations, and he would always break the ice. His heart was never guarded with me. It was the reason I fell in love with him to begin with. But if this was his opening, I had to find a way to gain control.
“I miss the man I thought I knew,” I replied, heart beating so fast I had to lean back a little.
“Okay. That’s fair,” he said, locking his fingers together. “But I am the man you know, and you know I am. If you felt like I was anybody else, I wouldn’t be here sitting across from you.”
“The man I know and love wasn’t a liar,” I quipped, leaning forward. “He wouldn’t manipulate me and hide things from me. He would be honest, and he wouldn’t have broken my trust or my heart.”
He sighed deeply, eyes softening even more than they already were. Usually, he’d have a quick comeback, but today he chose his words carefully because he knew me. He knew I’d leave the conversation at any moment.
“I’m wrong as fuck, baby,” he said, low and soft. “I can’t change what happened. All I can do is give you the honesty I should have given you before. I’m trying, Dev. I know you see it… I know you feel that shit.”
I looked away from him, trying to gather my emotions because he wasn’t wrong.
He was trying. He didn’t let up. He tried to keep the same routines without overstepping boundaries.
I still got my tea every day, and he’d try to send me lunches he knew I liked.
The flowers never fuckin’ stopped. My cars were still being cleaned on the day he always scheduled them.
He didn’t shut down the account he set up for me either.
But still, he knew too much, and he’d known way longer than I ever had.
“How long have you known about us? What made you choose now?” I said sharply.
“Since my thirteenth birthday. My dad sat me down, showed me your picture, and told me you would be my wife one day. And I didn’t just choose now. You chose me at Pyramid. I just decided to pursue you the way I thought was right. I wanted you to choose me for real… and you did.”
“But how did you know I’d be there? Were you following me? Was it Jamal and Trey? You know them, don’t you?” I said, narrowing my eyes at him.
“Yes, to everything. I wanted to make sure you were safe. It’s been my job for a long time, Dev.”
“So, all this time, you’ve been watching me. Just waiting for the perfect opportunity. Do you know how fucked up that sounds?” I spat.
He shook his head, leaning closer. “No. That’s not it.
Your grandmother didn’t want anyone to tell you.
She wanted you to have freedom, knowing you weren’t free.
So, when you met me at Pyramid and approached me, I took the opportunity.
Not to lie to you, but to give us a fair chance.
I didn’t want you to hate me. I didn’t want them to spring that shit on you right before your thirtieth birthday.
I should have said fuck everybody and told you the truth, and I’m sorry. ”
I took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. I knew I said I wanted the truth, but this was too much.
“Was anything about us ever real?” I asked softly, voice shaking.
“Everything is real. I thought I knew you just by watching you, but once I really knew you, I couldn’t pull away. I can’t fake what I feel for you, and I can’t stop loving you now,” he replied, staring into my eyes.
My throat was so tight. I couldn’t find the words to say. Seeing the lady from behind the counter walking toward us with our drinks was the buffer I needed. She set our drinks down, smiling.
“Is there anything else I can get for you two?”
“No, this is fine. Thank you,” I quickly said.