Chapter 5 #3
She smiled, nodded, then walked off. Azani’s eyes hadn’t left me since he said what he said.
I picked up my drink, blew into the cup to cool my tea, and sipped it slowly.
He sipped his drink, waiting patiently for me to respond.
I set my cup down, more nervous than I was when I arrived.
How could I move forward, knowing everything I now knew?
“If you could, would you keep the lie going? Would you still hope I never found out the truth?” I asked, fidgeting in my seat.
His jaw clenched, eyes locked on mine. “If it meant you wouldn’t feel like this… yes. If that makes me selfish, then that’s what it is. But I never wanted to break your heart. I never wanted you to look at me the way you are now.”
The truth tasted bitter going down. I didn’t know whether I should hate him or love him. Was he protecting my heart or protecting himself? He was too honest to lie to me right now. I had common sense, but my heart still felt betrayed.
“Even now? You see what this has done to me, and you’d still lie? I don’t understand you, Azani,” I muttered.
He licked his lips nervously, but he didn’t look away.
“You asked for the truth, Devyn, and I’m giving it to you.
I didn’t plan to break your heart. This whole situation is fucked up, but I wanted you to be happy.
If I had told you the truth, you would have left.
I kept it from you, and you still left me. What do you want me to say?”
I picked up my tea, hands shaking as I sipped it slowly. Azani’s hands moved closer to me from across the table, but he didn’t touch me. My whole body tensed, and he pulled his hands back.
“All the security…. Why? Who are our families? What’s really going on?” I asked.
“Security is for your protection. Jamal and Trey have been with you for maybe five years. I chose them because I trust them. Vic is there because of who I am and who our families are.” He looked off for a second, then back at me.
“Both sides are five generations into some shit that’s bigger than us.
Our parents, our grandparents, they were arranged to be married. It’s just not like ours.”
I shifted in my seat. Now, we were getting somewhere. If Nanna’s story didn’t match what he was telling me, I’d be able to see the truth through inconsistencies.
“So, why the blood oath?” I whispered, leaning forward. “What happened between our families?”
He sighed, raking his hands through his hair. “Your grandfather… Something he created became too big for him to handle alone. It was outside the system that’s already in place. My grandmother and my uncle died as a result. Your grandfather’s brother, too. It’s not just cut and dry.”
System? What fuckin’ system? This is too much.
“Explain the system, Azani. What is it?” All of a sudden, I felt uncomfortable. Like the air around us got thicker.
He sat up straight, shoulders tense, hands clasped together. “You are a civilian. I don’t feel right telling you this shit… The less you know, the better.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to figure out what the fuck that meant.
“Civilian? The same system I’m a part of, and I can’t know anything? So, who the fuck are you? You say you’re an architect, but now I don’t know,” I snapped, rolling my eyes.
“Yes, a civilian. You are a part of the system, but you’re not in the system. And I am an architect, among other things,” he said plainly.
I scoffed, leaning back against the seat. “Other things, huh? I guess you can’t elaborate on that. So, your work trips, those were other things? You lied about that, too?” I shook my head, mad at myself. I was so na?ve.
“Sometimes… I do take on projects. I have two that I’m currently working on.
But my other responsibilities require my attention.
I could be gone for a few days… sometimes weeks.
But I still took care of you, Devyn. I still showed up in every way you needed me.
My work won’t make me disappear. Not even now. ”
“This… this is a lot. What is your job within this system? How long have you been doing it?”
The way he looked at me sent chills up my spine. He leaned forward, eyes locked on mine.
“Enforcement, strategy, controlled operations, intelligence, and a list of things I’m not discussing with you, Dev.
It’s for your safety. You say you want the truth when it comes to who I am inside that shit, but you don’t.
I ain’t tryna scare you. I want you to know the severity of the knowledge you want. ”
Still, I pushed, needing to know more. “Your gun… That’s a part of that life? You don’t just carry it for protection.”