Chapter Forty-Four
SUNNY
Fireworks cascade the sky despite the fact we still have a few minutes until the new year. I look at Tyler, and see he is staring at me. A softness takes over his normally lethal eyes and I wonder why it’s me that has somehow delivered this part of him.
It's at this moment I realize, being loved isn’t the same as being seen. And Tyler, he sees me. No matter how much I try to hide myself from him.
Something about being able to kiss him in front of all our friends feels absolutely freeing. It’s my fault that we have to hide behind closed doors, I know that. But it isn’t fair to make something more than what it is, what it should be when I have plans on leaving in a few short months.
I turn to him, bringing a hand to his face where my thumb traces the lazy smile that curves his lips. He leans into my touch, closing his eyes as a hand of his covers my own.
And I’m smiling.
Not like the half smiles I’ve had. It is a too wide grin that pulls my lips so desperately that it hurts my cheeks.
And it’s because of him.
Them.
My family.
It’s because of these small, wonderful moments I’ve spent my life chasing. Moments surrounded by people I love and who love me. And here it is. It exists. I have it.
Being with Ryan was isolating and lonely.
I not only lost a part of myself but a lot of friends, too.
In a world where it seemed like he lost everything, I tried to replicate that in myself.
And he let me. He let me be his everything in such a deep, profound way that became harmful.
In becoming his everything, I lost everything.
“Beautiful,” Tyler whispers. “I have spent so long trying to get a smile like that on your face.” His thumb traces my lips, memorizing their curve.
Fireworks continue to grow more and more by the second, leading up to the final moments of the year. The year that has caused so much pain, yet so much happiness, all in one.
“Do it again,” he says. “I’ll do anything, anything to keep that smile.” He kisses my palm.
So I smile, because I am so goddamn tired of the frowns my sadness has caused.
“Five, four, three, two, one!” I hear our family countdown.
Each second he gets an inch closer, until his lips are a whisper against my own. His fingers wrap around the back of my neck, his thumb stroking my cheek. And I feel that tether, stronger than ever as I look into his emeralds.
“Happy New Year!” they all chant at once.
“Happy New Year, Sunny darling,” he whispers against my lips.
We kiss and it feels like... finally.
His lips press into mine, using his tongue to write all the silent, lost words that I won’t allow him to speak. They melt on my tongue and flood my system, coursing through my veins as they fill the cracks in my heart I thought were irreparable.
I feel it between us, stronger than ever, as my broken heart tries to run from a glimpse of being loved properly, regardless of that thread slowly suturing my broken pieces.
But maybe my tired heart will finally relinquish to the chase. For once, I’ll allow myself this, because it’s at this moment I know he will never stop. He will never stop chasing until my heart finally screams I’m yours.
And it's there. I know it is. The words echo in my mind and beat with each thump of my heart despite the denial of it all.
Yours. Yours. Yours.
The day that I met him was the day my heart started beating differently. I’d chalked it up to being broken, but Tyler somehow went through the rubble, found the wires and rewired it all to love him.
I don’t care if they know.
I want to kiss him.
We deserve it.
We are well past the mark of a New Years kiss, but we don’t stop. His hands trace all my broken parts, not caring if it makes them bleed.
I didn’t realize this is something I’d been craving for far too long. The freedom of kissing him without barriers, without worrying. With just simply allowing myself something after so long of denying it.
It’s when we finally pull away, the words of the outside world interfere with our silence.
“Um, is there something I need to be made aware of?” Sam asks.