Chapter Forty-Five
SUNNY
We both glance at Sam and then back to one another. I can’t even be mad at him, because I’m just as guilty.
Realization dawns in those amber eyes, and I know no amount of lies will fix this one.
“Oh my god.” She blinks between the two of us. “So you two are fucking?”
“What?” Tyler asks, trying to salvage what little privacy we have. Trying to undo what we did in front of everyone. And I know it’s only for me. Hiding us because I asked him to.
“Oh my god.” She brings a hand to her mouth. “So, when did that start? Because that’s more than just a kiss. That’s more than just a physical attraction.”
My chest caves in at the tone. This is what I was afraid of.
I don’t even know what it is, Sam.
“Sam, please.” Tyler dismisses her. “We all know I’m just a fucking good kisser. Shove your assumptions up your ass.”
My mouth drops the same moment I practically see smoke fuming from Sam. By the way Cole is staring at Tyler, it tells me he knows far too much. Did Tyler tell him?
Sam follows my line of sight to Cole, seeing exactly what I see, too. The silence stretches between all of us with every passing second.
“So, you knew, too?” Sam seethes to Cole. “These aren’t just assumptions.” Her eyes narrow on her brother.
“Sam, there are a few things you should know,” Cole says, rolling his lips.
The confusion and hurt in her eyes are prevalent as they dart between Tyler and Cole, then finally on me. But at this point, I’m almost as confused as she is. Anthony practically avoids any eye contact.
Did he just tell all of them?
This whole time I did everything I could to keep this secret and he just fucking told them everything. It explains everything that’s happened that lead up to this point.
I look at Macey who stands wide eyed at Coles side. What are they not telling us?
Cole takes a deep breath. “I should’ve told you this sooner because I honestly just drug it on for too long, and it’s not fair to you. I knew your feelings for me, but I just let you have them instead of telling you the truth.”
How could we have been so blind to it this whole time?
“I didn’t kiss you tonight because of Anthony.
I’m in love with someone. I have been for a while and we have both made it clear we’ll be with one another, we just didn’t know when the right time would be.
But now that it’s all getting put out there.
” He grabs one of Macey’s hands that’s wrapped around her body.
“Macey and I are together,” he finally announces.
Despite the panic that rounds Macey’s eyes, she leans into Cole trustingly. I admire her for it. Clearly I wasn’t the only one trying to hide my secret love affair. But at least they had a valid reason.
Sam takes a faltering step back. “Am I crazy or just blind?” she asks. “Am I the only one who didn’t know?”
“No. I didn’t know,” I say.
Her amber eyes snap to me. “How convenient.” Grabbing her blanket off a chair, she storms back towards the inside of the house.
Anthony follows after her but then she stops in her tracks and turns around where Cole and Macey stand. She isn’t finished with this moment. She’s on a warpath now, trying to hurt the way she’s hurt.
“Well it’s a good thing I fucking miscarried your baby Cole, otherwise you’d be unhappily stuck with me for life.” The look in Cole's eyes tells me he was told an entirely different story.
“What?” Tyler breathes, his whole body stiffening next to me.
“I thought you had an abortion?” Cole asks, confusion evident on his face.
I practically jerk back at the remark. In what world did he get this idea?
Cole’s eyes move back to Macey who pales. Her gray eyes turn wide with guilt. My chest caves in.
Oh no.
“What?” Is all that comes out of Sam’s mouth.
“Fuck,” Tyler mumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“You told me she had an abortion?” Cole snaps at Macey.
“I –” Macey starts to defend herself.
“A fucking abortion?! You took me to the emergency department when I was bleeding everywhere having a miscarriage!” Sam roars, throwing her hands in the air. “I wanted that baby more than anything.”
Tyler winces at his sister's words. “Can someone just tell me what the fuck is going on?”
“Oh sure, hero Tyler is trying to save the day again. Get rid of your savior complex. It’s not going to help anyone right now,” Sam snaps.
“Maybe if you weren’t so goddamn self-destructive I wouldn’t have to have such a fucking complex, Sam.” Tyler sighs.
“Okay everyone take a breath,” Anthony shouts to my surprise.
Everyone turns at that, and I realize Cole is no longer holding Macey's hand. Her arms are wrapped around her body, trying to make herself small among the wreckage she's created.
We all have secrets, and this is proof that one day it’ll all come out.
“Why did you lie?” Cole snaps at Mace.
“Cole, tone it down,” Tyler says.
“No! She made me think this whole time that Sam made a life altering decision without me. And I won’t lie, I’ve had some resentment towards you because of it. Was this your plan, Mace?” Cole swings his head back to her.
Tyler closes his eyes, slowly letting out a breath. “This is something you two should talk about in private, Cole.”
Regret fills Macey’s wide eyes, and I can tell remorse is already weighing her heart. We all have secrets. It’s just a matter of whether they become uncovered or not.
“I was selfish,” she finally admits. “I…I had an abortion with my ex. I was already too far into us, and I couldn’t imagine going through with the pregnancy.
I thought I was seeking your best interest when I lied because I knew a miscarriage would hurt you more than Sam making a choice.
” Her voice is small. “We had such good momentum, I didn’t want anything to ruin it.
And you kept asking me what was wrong and…
that came out instead of the truth. I thought putting my truth as a lie in Sam would give me a glimpse of what your reaction would’ve been to me. ”
Sam huffs a laugh. “Yes, let me not tell him the truth and instead just tell him a downright lie so that he’ll be angry at Sam and love me more. Smooth, Macey.”
“Hey!” Cole snaps.
“Oh please.” Sam waives. “The fact you’re still taking her side tells me everything.” She rolls her eyes and turns where Tyler and I stand, her amber eyes ablaze with an anger so hot I’m worried we will physically be burned.
“It’s one thing to have a crush, but it’s another to have a full blown whatever the fuck you guys are and hide it from only me.” Sam huffs. “Clearly, I am not let in on a lot of things in this group and it shows.” With that, Sam leaves the rooftop and Anthony follows after her.
I shift on my feet, unsure of what to do. Give her space or go after her. This somehow ended up as an involuntary attack on her.
“Thanks for deflecting,” Tyler grumbles to Cole.
“It needed to be done, anyways. It hasn’t been fair to Macey having to watch Sam’s continuous flirtation with me.
And clearly there were some things that needed to be aired out.
” He puts an arm around Macey, who again melts in his embrace.
Thankful this didn’t end what they had going for so long.
“We have a lot we need to go talk about,” he says to Macey, guiding her away from the mess.
I feel a hollowness in me, a longing to finally be able to give into something like that with Tyler. I wish that it could be as simple as that for us, but it isn’t.
Not with all the dark and broken parts of me.
“Oh god.” I place my face in my hands.
How much longer can I do this? Being a girl on the run means no roots, and this is proof of the pain that it’ll cause when they are pulled.
My best friend is hurt. Tyler is going to be hurt. Cole and Macey are fighting for a relationship that just barely became public.
I didn’t fucking think.
Tyler sighs, wrapping an arm around me. “Talk about ringing in the new year with a fucking bang.”
After much deliberation, we decided to give Sam the time she needed. In our wait, Tyler and I sit by the fire while Cole and Macey hash things out. From a distance, their words are muffled but their reactions are not.
I’m not aware of what was said, but a lot of hand slashing, tears, raised voices and laughs are shared all to be sealed with a kiss that made things look up for the new couple.
We sit quietly by the fire as they approach holding hands, and make themselves comfortable.
With Tyler’s chest to my back and my head in the crook of his neck, the anger my heart once felt has calmed to a quiet.
He is warmth, salt and citrus and everything I want to belong to me that I’ll never allow myself to fully have.
His laughter rumbles through me, the vibrations of it running along my skin and rattling my bones as I sit here casually with him.
I hate that I like this with you, Tyler.
A conversation is held between Tyler and Cole, as if nothing happened just thirty minutes prior. As if nothing in this moment matters right now except this small, safe space where the four of us no longer have to hide.
Without second thought, his callused hands gently caress my bare skin. A gentle kiss is pressed to the top of my head with a subtle inhale, no doubt his memorization of what I smell like so intimately close.
And for now, I don’t want to leave this spot, this moment, and that scares me shitless because I have to. I have to leave, and he has to stay. That’s our reality.
I can’t keep doing this.
Standing to my feet, I immediately feel the void of where he was. The lack of him.
“What’s wrong?” He asks, his arms still open as if I were there. Is that what it’ll be like when I leave? A void nothing can replace left inside him?
“I need to go talk to Sam,” I say, still standing with the blanket wrapped around myself.
“Do you want me to come?” Tyler offers, standing up.
“No,” I immediately say with a hand up. “I need to do this alone.”
“Okay.” He nods. I wasn’t Switzerland per say, but I’m closer to it than Tyler is.
“I’ll come back up once I’m done,” I say. “And Mace, you need to, also. Okay? You’re sisters. You need to figure this out.”
“Good luck,” Cole wishes.
“Oh, it’s not me I’m worried about.”