Chapter 6
Candace
I’m mid-spiral when the doorbell rings right at seven.
Of course, I couldn’t even invite Natalie to book club without getting in my head.
Looking back, I’m not positive I even invited her.
Who knows, maybe I tried selling her Avon.
I spent my entire afternoon replaying our conversation and worrying whether she’d show up.
She said she’d come, but I remember life in my twenties.
You’re on your way to dinner and the next thing you know you’re hopping a red-eye to Asia to eat your weight in sushi.
“Candace, these curtains are to die for. Did you use Melanie? We loved her. She redid our pool house last summer and did a fabulous job.” Denise and the ladies busy themselves inspecting my newest home upgrades.
“Her taste is impeccable. Did you see the downstairs bathroom? New tiles, and a mirror flown in from Italy,” I brag, confidently.
The tour comes to a halt when the doorbell rings. “Who else is coming?” Betty asks, hurrying to the door and opening it herself.
“Betsy, great to see you,” Natalie scoffs, walking right in.
“For the last time, it’s Betty. Candace never mentioned you’d been invited. It’s probably best if you go home. You do have one, right?”
“No, I don’t. Mainly, I live in whatever pay-by-the-hour motel men offer after I complete my services. It sucks that they demand anal so often, but beggars can’t be choosers, am I right?”
I watch as Betty grips the end of her shirt so tight it looks like it’ll rip off if she’s not careful.
We’re not used to Natalie’s sense of humor.
Her irreverence is going to get me into trouble if I’m caught laughing.
It’s refreshing being around someone so free, who couldn’t care less what people think.
She’s a breath of fresh air, and it's shining a light on the fact that I’ve been suffocating for a while.
“She teaches English, the least we can do is include her. Plus, she’s new in town.” I remind them, firmly grabbing her arm, leading her into the living room where the others are inspecting my fireplace.
“Has she even read the book?” Betty plops down in the armchair.
“Nobody ever taught me to read. My cokehead parents showed me how to cut drugs instead. I begged them to teach me, but they made me sleep outside every time I asked.” My teeth clench together holding in a laugh.
“You might think you're funny, young lady, but I can assure you the rest of us do not appreciate your humor.” Betty scowls towards Natalie.
I stand up, taking her hand in mine, I lead us both to the kitchen and out of the lion's den. “We'll go get dessert. You start without us,” I shout.
“Wipe that smirk off your face, they’re going to run you out of town with pitchforks if you’re not careful.” I give Nat’s upper arm a soft but warning pinch.
“Whatever you say, Princess,” Natalie says to me with a crooked smile.
She’s maddening, the exact opposite of me and the other women.
I’m drawn, like a moth to a flame, to her carefree attitude.
When I was her age, Greg and I were already married and owned this house.
The way she approaches everything with such ease, as if she hasn’t got a fear in the world, is exhilarating to watch. I'm actually envious.
She leans against the counter while I assemble our baked goods.
We had different ideas of what casual meant for tonight.
She showed up in baggy black sweatpants with an oversized band shirt, with a name I couldn’t read if you paid me.
Her hair’s toppled on top of her head, held together with a small clip, creating a fountain.
I took a quick shower and then opted for a dusty rose linen lounge set, and slicked my hair into a high ponytail.
“Why am I a Princess?” I ask, glancing back at her.
“Uh, have you seen this house? I got lost trying to find this neighborhood of mega mansions. Was this a castle back in the day?”
Suddenly, I’m aware of the size of my home. Now that we’re a family member short, it feels a lot bigger. “Very funny, I’m sure your house is just as nice.”
“For starters, I don't have a house. I share a two-bedroom apartment with my best friend, and it smells like stale weed and incense.”
“Is your best friend a teacher, too?” I ask, giving her my full attention.
“No way, she’s in grad school studying philosophy with absolutely no idea what she wants to do in life. But to pay the bills, she’s a part-time barista.”
“I remember being fresh out of college, it’s so exciting having the world right in front of you. Endless possibilities, and more freedom than you know what to do with.”
She grabs a handful of chocolate chip cookies, and for a minute, I forget who they’re really for. We’re in a bubble, just the two of us, and somehow time flew by, and I forgot I was hosting.
“So what’d you do with your endless amount of freedom?” she asks, talking through a mouth full of cookies.
I hesitate, fearful of saying the wrong thing. “Right after graduation, I was married and moved into this house. My plans to become a public defender took a back burner so I could focus on my family.”
“Was it worth it?” Those blue eyes have a way of staring into my soul. I swallow hard. Before I can answer, we’re interrupted by a loud, screeching voice.
“Candace, are you or are you not the host of tonight's book club? Should we move this to my house?” Betty asks, walking into the kitchen.
I shake my head and go for the plate of treats, but Natalie grabs it first and drops it back onto the counter with a thud.
Nat waltzes into the living room, and I stay behind, not wanting to get involved or explain why I chose the new girl over them.
“Your taste in literature is atrocious. Go pick up an actual book, and while you’re at it, go fuck around at Betty’s house.” Nat’s voice cuts through the room, low and sharp.
That’s twice now she’s jumped in to defend me—more than anyone else ever has.
Part of me thinks I should go calm them down, but a bigger part hopes Nat stays so we can keep talking.
You know when you meet someone, and there’s an instant connection, where the communication feels so familiar, as if you’ve known them your whole life.
That’s what it’s like with her. For the first time in sixteen years, someone cared enough to ask if sacrificing my dreams was worth it. Was it?
“Candace!” Betty squeals. The hairs on my arm stand straight up. Instead of responding, I crouch down behind the counter, taking a brownie with me.
Shoes shuffle and keys jingle as the women get ushered out the door by a very bossy Nat. “Bye, ladies. Tell your husbands I said hi and enjoy The Duke, I’m sure he has a lot to offer.” She slams the front door and sprints to my side.
“Are you okay?” She scoots her body next to mine until our knees touch. Something about it makes me smile.
“Everything’s fine. I don’t know what came over me.” I take the last bite of my brownie. “Is it bad to admit I kind of wanted them to leave so we could keep hanging out?” I ask, keeping my eyes locked on the floor.
Reaching above her, she grabs the tray of desserts and brings it to the floor, putting it in her lap. “Me too, but don’t sweat it. Those bitches are the worst. I’d much rather chill here with you.”
“Oh, I didn’t even ask. Do you need to head home? Is there a boyfriend you’re meeting up with?” I'm wracked with guilt after inviting her over for a book club and not even delivering a book discussion.
“No way, no boyfriend.” She’s shoveling cookies in her mouth like they’re the only ones left on earth. “Where’s your kids? Do you need me to head out?” Crumbs slip out onto my recently mopped floor.
“They’re upstairs. They handle bedtime alone on book nights. They’re either watching TV or have headphones on pretending I don’t exist.”
She grabs another cookie off the plate, seemingly more relaxed now that everyone’s gone. “So, what you’re saying is, I don't have to leave yet?”
I join her and grab one of my own, excitement fills my chest knowing she’s staying. I try not to think too hard about how much I want her to stay.