Chapter 17
Candace
Nat is the ultimate replacement for a sleeping pill.
She’s slept over twice, and both times I fell asleep within seconds and stayed asleep all night.
Her hair covers most of her face, and she’s turned towards me, still sound asleep.
She’s cute like this, relaxing in my bed with her guard down.
Her breaths are quiet and if I lean down just enough, I get a hint of her morning breath.
It smells sweet, different from the overpowering scent of a man.
My heart ached for her after her confession last night.
I've never wanted to hug my girls more. To hear a mother abandon her daughter like that was gut-wrenching.
So many thoughts were running through my brain, and I didn’t know what to say first or what she’d even want to hear.
Naturally, I wanted to take over, fix the situation, and pick up all the broken pieces.
Nat’s not my daughter, though, and clearly doesn’t need fixing.
She’s also not my girlfriend, and a friend wouldn’t jump through heaven and hell to mend her trauma.
We’re in this gray area, swimming in muddy water without a clue where to go.
Her sexuality caught me by surprise, only because it’s been at the forefront of my mind since we met.
This magnetic force that’s pulling us together is so new that there’s no definition for it.
Thoughts like, ‘Am I bisexual?’ or ‘Am I a lesbian?’ flood my brain.
I’m in my late thirties and divorced. Shouldn’t I know more about myself?
Nat seems so sure of herself and has this confidence that I envy.
She didn’t even put a label on her sexuality, so do I have to?
I feel like I’m getting ahead of myself, because we’ve only held hands.
There’s a possibility she’s not even attracted to me like that.
At the dance, her energy felt heavy with lust, and it seemed we were flirting.
This is all so confusing, yet exciting at the same time.
Why can’t I just let loose and choose my path for once?
I don’t need to have everything figured out.
I did that for years, and all it got me was a stack of divorce papers.
I’m a grown woman, and if I’m drawn to this woman in my bed, then so be it.
Her lips open ever so slightly as she turns her body, and they look so inviting.
I bet they’d taste so sweet. My nipples harden at the thought of her tongue tracing circles around my sharp buds, and how soft they’d feel, trailing kisses down my neck.
Slowly, without waking her up, my fingers trace circles through my exposed robe and over my breasts.
They’re heavy in my palms as I squeeze one, rubbing my thumb over a nipple.
Sparks go shooting to my core, and a moan escapes me.
Looking over quickly to make sure she’s still asleep, big dark eyes stare back at me.
“Having fun?” Her morning voice is deep and husky. “I think we should talk a little more this morning before the girls come home.”
I sit up and untie my robe, allowing it to fall open. “I don’t want to talk right now, I’ve been thinking about something all morning, and if I don’t do it now, I’ll chicken out.”
Her pupils dilate as her eyes stay locked on my exposed chest. She grabs my waist tightly, pulling me down towards her until our chests touch.
The fabric of her sweatshirt is like a soft cloud against my bare skin, keeping me warm.
Her face goes straight to my neck, inhaling my scent, and I breathe in deep, letting go of all the nervous energy I’m holding onto.
“You smell so fucking good.” Her mouth brushes my neck. “Please, let go of whatever’s going on in this head of yours and let me kiss you. I promise we don’t have to go further than that, we can make out all day, I’m just dying to taste you.”
“Kiss me.” The urgency in my voice is nothing compared to the desperation I’m feeling, wanting her lips against mine.
“Oh, thank fuck.” Her hands settle on my jaw, holding me there as she kisses me.
Fireworks explode above me, and it’s like nothing I've ever experienced. Her tongue pushes between my lips, demanding entrance. Opening up, I let her in. Our tongues dance together as our lips move in sync. She’s sweet like honey, and it’s a taste I want to remember forever.
Kissing a woman is nothing like kissing a man.
There’s an intimacy that he could never replicate.
Her lips aren’t hard. They’re like delicate pillows.
Our movements aren’t rough or aggressive either.
She pushes our bodies up, straddling me, but never letting go.
Her hips are on mine, grinding into my pelvis while her small hands stroke my hair, my eyes roll back from the pleasure building.
My skin’s on fire as she strokes down the side of my body, slowly moving down my sides. Our kissing turns messy and urgent. I hold onto her, pulling her closer, like I can’t get enough.
“I need more,” I slip out between sloppy kisses.
“I’ll give you whatever you need.”
Her hand moves down my stomach, and there’s no time to process whether I really want this before I feel her fingers on my throbbing clit. Don’t be a coward, don’t be a coward.
“Mmhmm,” an embarrassingly loud moan breaks free from my lips as she plunges two fingers into me. Her fingers slide in easily, maybe a little too easily. My brain might be second-guessing making out with a girl, but my soaking wet sex is one hundred percent on board.
“Goddamn, you’re drenched. Is this all because of me?” She smiles, confident in her skills.
“I think so,” I whisper with a twinkle in my eye.
I watch as she plunges her fingers in and out of me, arousal coating both. “You like watching me finger fuck you, Princess?”
My body goes limp as her fingers go deeper inside me, sending shockwaves through me. Her kisses against my swollen lips turn light, as her fingers pick up speed. My hips lift, and I writhe against her hand like an animal in heat, unable to get enough.
“You make the most delicious sounds, baby. I can’t wait to hear you when I’m eating you out,” she says against my lips.
My breathing is ragged and barely controllable. My walls are closing in on her fingers as my body nears climax.
Jolts of electricity shoot through my spine each time her fingers slide through my sex. It’s as if she knows my body better than I do when she curves her fingers inward, landing on a sensitive spot, sending me over the edge.
“Nat,” I scream into her mouth, my climax running through every nerve in my body.
“That’s right. Be a good girl and come for me,” she demands, keeping her tongue laced with my own.
My toes curl, and my vision goes blurry, all thanks to her magic fingers. Holy cow, I’ve never come so hard in my life. Looking back, I’m unsure I’ve ever had an actual orgasm, because that out-of-body experience was something I’ve never felt before.
A door slams, taking me out of my post-climax high. “Mom, we’re home,” Madison shouts from downstairs.
“Oh, shit,” I squeal. Arousal drips down my legs as I scurry off to my closet, throwing on anything I grab first.
When I’m dressed in a mismatched outfit that's reserved for colder weather, I brush my fingers through my hair. Oh my gosh, my hair! A quick look in the mirror reveals a beet-red face and a rat’s nest of a mane. I resemble a marathon runner, not a responsible mom who just rolled out of bed.
Nat’s casually propped up on a pillow, arms behind her head, smirking while I run around like a madwoman. She’s still dressed, because unlike me, she’s not a floozy who begged to get fingered like a desperate whore.
Running down the stairs, I'm greeted by the two loves of my life. They’re home a lot earlier than I expected, but when I glance at the clock, I see it’s almost noon, and not first thing in the morning like I assumed.
“Whoa, Mom. Are you okay?” Kate asks, giving me a once-over with a judgmental stare fit for a teenager.
“Yeah, of course. I was about to start some laundry.” I lie through my teeth, hoping they can’t smell the scent of sex seeping from my pores.
“Oh my gosh, Nat’s here!” Madison drops her bags and rushes towards the woman whose fingers were just knuckle deep inside me.
Both girls rush to her, embracing her in the biggest hug.
We’ve never discussed dating or what life would look like post-divorce.
I always wondered how the girls would react to a new man in the house, but seeing them with Nat just about puts me on the floor.
Their connection is so loving as they each go through all the terrible music from last night.
There’s more we need to discuss, like what this all means, but for now, my heart has grown at least two sizes, and I can’t help but wonder how much bigger it could get.