Chapter 19
Candace
I’m dialing my sister’s number and demanding she come over, before Nat’s car has even left the driveway.
I may have fibbed and said it was a level-twenty emergency, and she should get here as fast as humanly possible.
It’s the kind of crisis that requires all hands on deck.
In the span of two hours, I had my first kiss with a woman, followed by an orgasm so strong I saw stars.
We were in bed, kissing and touching each other.
My body was so worked up and needy for her it felt like my vagina had a heartbeat.
I’ve never wanted anything more than her fingers touching and gliding through my lips, seeping inside my desperate body.
Although my sex life with Greg was nothing to write home about, I’ve had plenty of orgasms. Mostly self-induced, thanks to the trusty bullet vibrator I keep in my nightstand.
No self-care Sunday activity could’ve prepared me for the orgasm brought on by another woman.
“I’m here, drama queen, what’s the big emergency?” Court shouts, slamming my front door.
“Upstairs,” I call out, jittery with anticipation.
“Whoa, what happened to you?” Her brows raise as she inspects my unmade bed and my hair that’s in complete disarray.
“You were right, and now I don’t know what to do or think.
Maybe I’m gay, or maybe this is a mid-life crisis, either way my lady doctor didn’t mention this symptom when going over perimenopause.
She really should’ve, you know. In between hot flashes and irritability, you may develop a taste for women with piercings and tattoos. ”
“Of course I was right. I’m always right.” She falls onto my bed, bundling up in my oversized comforter. I purse my lips, knowing what just went down on that bed. “I assume this is about the emo chick who refuses to take her Hot Topic boots off when she comes inside?”
I unleash everything: all the times I convinced myself we were just friends, and how that couldn't be further from the truth.
The stolen glances, hand-holding, and dry humping that turned into a full-blown make-out session this morning.
Court lies motionless, staring at me, even as I confess to going commando at the dance.
“Damn girl, you’re a little freak.” Her eyebrows wiggle, and she blows me kisses. “No panties at the dance? Did Nat spank you with a ruler when you got home?”
“Please take this seriously.” I rub my forehead, feeling a headache coming on. “There’s been no spanking. How did we get here? How am I suddenly gay after thirty-seven years?”
Court sits up from her cozy spot on the bed and comes towards me, wrapping me in a warm embrace.
“Take a deep breath. One thing at a time. Nothing needs to be decided right now. There’s no rule about sexuality.
” She steps aside, but keeps a hand on my back.
“You don’t have to declare yourself anything.
Your sudden attraction to Nat is not a sign of perimenopause.
You’re just taking off your blinders and choosing your fate.
Please remember this is your life, you’re in charge. We’ll figure this all out.”
“I just wish I had more answers. I hate being in the dark.” My shoulders sag, and I lean my face onto her shoulder.
“Bet you don’t hate being in the dark with your new toy?” I laugh in complete agreement.
“Nothing has to be decided?” I straighten, eyes widening as I search her face for reassurance.
“Nope, take your time. Have fun with Nat, explore whatever new life you’re living.
Gay, straight, potato, tomato, they’re just words.
You had one intimate experience with a woman.
We don’t need to run out and alert the neighborhood that you bat for the other team.
Take a beat and try talking it over with her.
The sex must’ve been quite the experience for it to cause such a freak-out.
Am I missing out on something?” She nudges my shoulder, teasing me.
“Stop.” I laugh, pushing her away. “But to answer your question. Yes, you’re totally missing out.”
“I'm gonna go raid your pantry, I’m starving. You interrupted my breakfast with your post coital freak-out.”
When she leaves the room, I head to the bathroom to start the shower, deciding it’s probably time to get ready for the day. As I’m taking my shirt off, my cell phone buzzes. There’s only one other person besides Court who texts me, my heart is pounding, hoping it’s from Nat.
Nat: Are you done freaking out? I miss you
Candace: Feeling better now. About to hop in the shower.
Nat: Are you gonna think about me while you're there?
Candace: I was planning on washing my hair ;)
Nat: Sexy…I like it. Soap up that hair you dirty girl
This is so goofy, I’ve never acted like this before. She’s woken something inside me that’s been dead or sleeping a long time. Perhaps it’s a hopelessly romantic gay woman ready for action, and I think I’m okay with that.
Candace: Do you have plans this weekend?
Nat: Not yet…what are you thinking?
Candace: Court and I had plans to go to karaoke on Friday, you should come.
Nat: YOU DO KARAOKE????
Candace: Occasionally
Nat: Sign me the fuck up! I’ve gotta witness this
After I ignored the water and texted Nat, my bathroom completely steamed up.
The hot water pounding into my back is exactly what I needed to unwind and distract myself from spiraling.
Everything that Court said made sense. It’s all a label, and nothing has to be decided right now.
I’ve lived life by the book for so long, and colored within the lines for most of my adult life, though, I wouldn’t know how to make a decision without knowing the outcome if I got paid to do it.
My girls and Nat are instant besties, and their connection is so unexpected.
What would they think if I started dating her?
Would they even understand their mom dating another woman?
There’s no telling what my parents or their dad would say if they were to find out.
Taking a deep breath, I let the water cascade over my face and repeat what Court said this morning. It’s my life, I’m in charge of it.