72. Sydney
seventy-two
sydney
“How did it go?” Perri asks when I slip into her car.
“Pretty miserably. Dylan tried to help, but I don’t think I really grasped it as much as I would’ve…” I shrug. “Ah, well. Hopefully I did enough to pass the class.”
“That’s the spirit.” She pats my leg. “Are you hungry? Or shall we go straight to pick out a tree? Your father is going to meet us there, but we can easily divert him to that diner across from the lake.”
“I can wait. I had a sandwich before the exam.”
As in, Carter appeared at my library table with food an hour and a half earlier, saving the day because I hadn’t made time to get myself food. Very thoughtful of him.
She smiles and nods, and we head to the tree farm on the edge of town. I haven’t been to it—I just remember some kids at SJU talking about it last year. The ones who lived here full time or commuted from home. But apparently it also did a walk-through with lights and decorations, and that was a popular winter activity.
I don’t know. I haven’t heard of it, didn’t bother looking into it. My holiday cheer is much lower this year than previous—for good reason. There’s been a lot of shit going on.
But… I can do this. We’ll go pick out a tree, take it back to Dad’s house, decorate it.
Easy.
The farther out of town we get, the more pretty it gets. The snow clings to every tree branch, transforming the woods around us into a world of glistening ice.
Perri pulls into the tree farm. It’s busy, even for the middle of the day, and she squeezes into a spot between two cars. There’s a building with a low porch just in front of us, and a woodchip path to the left that goes under an arched fence opening. Through there are the trees.
“I got tickets online for if we want to do the walking portion after finding the tree.” She shoots off a text. “And your dad is here, too. Perfect timing.”
I bundle up and climb out of the car. Dad approaches from a few cars down, and he hugs me first, then kisses Perri. He shows us a hand saw and grins.
“Who’s ready to cut down the perfect tree?” he asks.
I smile.
We enter and wind our way through the rows of trees. The ones up front have already been cut, but Dad just shakes his head and moves farther into the thick of it. Perri drops back, but Dad loops his arm through mine and leads me along.
“How’re things with your boyfriends?” he asks.
I choke. “What?”
He side-eyes me. “Oliver, obviously. Penn… And Carter.”
My stomach flips. “I don’t know how to answer that.”
He lifts a shoulder. “Convince Masters to transfer to FSU, sweetheart, and I’d be fine with you dating all three. If they make you happy. If not, we know where they’ll end up.”
On the ice, skating for their lives.
Dad being accepting of three… not something I ever could’ve predicted.
“Ah.” He points. “What do you think about this one?”
We stop in front of a medium-sized tree. It seems full, with only a few extra long branches that could easily be trimmed. Good height… Who am I kidding? I have no idea how to pick out a tree.
“It looks perfect,” I say.
He grins.
“Per!” He cranes around. “Can you go find her? I’ll get to work cutting this down.”
I leave him there and cut through the rows, but there’s no sign of her. Her footprints are in the snow, though, clear as day. I’m assuming they’re hers, anyway, so I keep going, glancing around. There are string lights wound around a cluster of trees ahead.
I hit a patch of woodchips without snow, losing her trail.
Brows furrowed, I head in the direction of the lights.
It forms a framed-in pathway of sorts.
Intrigued—and more than a little suspicious—I head down it. The path curves. I should call out her name, but something stops me.
When I round the corner, I almost think I’m intruding on something. Like a proposal in progress, or…
“Oliver?”
He’s all dressed up. A light-gray peacoat covers a dress shirt and slacks, and his dark hair is combed out of his face.
And he smiles when he sees me.
“What are you doing here?” I blurt out.
He motions me closer, offering his hands to me. I take them and squeeze, appreciating the warmth and steadiness he brings.
“Sydney Windsor,” he says softly. “I’ve never felt this way for anyone. You have such power over me… you rip my heart out with a single look. You put me back together with a touch.”
The backs of my eyes burn.
“I’ve been cruel and you’ve been patient,” he continues. “I was judgmental, where you were understanding. I told you a month ago that I wanted to be the only one on your mind when I give you my heart.”
My breath catches.
“So…” He clears his throat. “I hope you forgive me for the delay, mi nena . Every day since then, I’ve forced myself to stay away. But I wasn’t just hurting you, though. I was killing myself to prove a point—and I failed miserably.”
He tilts his head. “Will you come with me?”
I find myself nodding. I take his hand, and he leads me farther down the path. The lights steer us off course at one point, and we cut between trees. Flickering lights catch my eye, and my brows raised. There’s a blanket on the ground surrounded by candles. Pillows. Two more folded blankets and a Thermos nestled amongst them.
“Did you set this all up?”
Besides the candles, the little clearing is surrounded by those string lights that led me to Oliver. They give a warmth to the moodiness of the day, the clouds overhead storm gray and threatening to snow.
He squeezes my hand. “Sit with me?”
A lump forms in my throat, and I nod. I sit, and he arranges blankets on my lap. He sits close enough to scoot under them, too, and picks up the Thermos.
“You liked my hot chocolate, but I rushed you through the last cup.”
“You did. I do.” I laugh, my nerves making me uneasy.
He produces a mug and pours the spiced, Mexican hot chocolate into it. I cup my hands around the mug and lean over it, inhaling. The scents that mix with the chocolate are godly. Steam comes off the liquid, but I take a sip anyway.
I could easily drink it every day for the rest of my life.
I try not to audibly groan, but he nudges my side anyway. Grinning.
“You heard that?” My face is practically in the mug. There’s no way he missed it.
He chuckles, and I lower the drink to my lap. I face him.
“I don’t have any grand proclamation,” I say. “I didn’t plan anything?—”
“You’re not the one who has to,” he says. “This… I just… it’s not enough, is it? To make up for everything I’ve done.”
I take his hands. “It doesn’t matter. I mean—” I sigh. “It does matter. What you did to me in the past. But you’ve done more than enough to make up for it. And I realized along the way that I love you. We overcame it.”
He leans in and kisses me. It’s quick, just a brush of his lips on mine, but my heart skips all the same.
“Love doesn’t cover it,” he says without pulling away. “I want you to crawl under my skin just as surely as I want to be under yours. You live in my thoughts without fail. I truly think I carved out my heart and gave it to you, and you’ve been holding it safe ever since. It’s the only way to explain how I feel with you and without you. That’s to say, complete with you. And achingly empty without.”
He touches my cheek.
“And,” he continues, “I understand how interwoven your relationships are with Penn and Carter. I’m not asking you to choose. I’m just asking if you’ll accept me, too.”
Tears fill my eyes. “Of course I will.”
“I have something for you.” His voice comes out nearly hoarse, and he pulls something from his pocket.
A box.
Oh my God, is he going to propose?
I bite the inside of my cheek, fighting my emotions. We’re still in college?—
“It’s not a ring,” he says under his breath.
I exhale. “Not that I-I mean, one day?—”
“Sydney.”
I go still and take the box from his hands. Unlike a ring box, it’s a bit flatter and bigger. I crack it open, catch a glimpse of gold, and immediately shut it again.
“You didn’t.”
He smiles. “Look.”
I crack it open again. Slower.
My grandmother’s bracelet sits nestled in black velvet, the inscription on the underside gleaming up at me.
It’s better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.
Tears fill my eyes, and my hands tremble. “You took this from your mom?”
He chuckles. “I explained how I got it, but also where it came from. And she was more than happy to give it to me… for you.”
He takes the box from me and lifts out the familiar bracelet. It’s been cleaned, the gold shining in the string lights around us. I hold out my wrist and let him clasp it on. The metal is cold against my skin. The bruises and marks from the chains only recently completely faded, and I rotate my wrist to admire the bracelet.
“I love you,” he says quietly.
I lean in toward Oliver and kiss him.
Cheers go up around us, and suddenly Penn and Carter burst out from behind two fuller trees. They dive on us—well, mostly on Oliver—and ruffle his hair. Penn smacks a kiss to his cheek.
Oliver groans and shoves them off us.
Carter crawls back up on my other side, lifting the blanket and sliding under it. “How was his grand gesture, Syd?”
I snicker. “Pretty good. How much did you hear?”
“All of it,” Penn says. He sits across from us, leaning back on the blanket. “We’re excellent eavesdroppers, but Ollie knows how to project.”
“I was trying to be quiet,” Oliver grumbles.
“A loud whisper,” I allow, my smile widening. “It’s okay. It happens.”
Carter snorts. “Yeah, like premature ejaculation.”
Oliver reaches over me and punches his arm. “Get fucking lost.”
I lean against Oliver, resting my head on his chest. “Was Perri part of this? She disappeared…”
“Yeah, she’s circled back to your dad by now. Nice of them to play along, huh, princess?” Penn grins. “Ollie’s idea, of course. He went to your dad and made some dramatic speech about loving you.”
I tilt my head back and stare. “Seriously?”
He shifts, his arm coming around me automatically. “Well, yeah. That was fun.”
“I recorded it,” Penn says. “Just, uh, for the record. We’ll play it for you later.”
“Can’t wait,” I whisper.
Because I can’t.
In a way, this just feels… unreal. Insane. And a little bit like the happily ever after I never thought I’d get, with three guys I know I can’t live without.