Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
Sophia
I guess today is the day after all.
I can’t explain how I know that he knows, but I do. I just fucking know it.
I’m not stupid, I knew it had to happen sometime, but as Josh strides towards the front door, a murderous look in his eye, I wish today wasn’t the day.
He’s not meant to be here, it’s not his day with Aria, but I don’t think he’s here for her at all. Not this time. He’s here for me right now, and I’m about to get put through the wringer.
“Toby, take Aria out the back gate and for a walk to the playground,” I say quickly.
My brother looks confused .
“ Now ,” I say, my voice calm, the opposite of the way I feel.
“What’s going on?” He’s on his feet, looking ready to throw hands.
“Josh is walking towards the front door right now like he wants to burn down the world, and I need her to not be here when the shit hits the fan.”
“Fuck that, I’ll show that dickhead what’s up.”
“Toby.” Bryson’s voice is firm and dominating. It leaves no room for discussion. It’s all authority.
Toby looks between the two of us, nods, and grabs Aria up off the floor. He knows damn well that Bryson won’t let anything happen to me, and I know that’s the only reason he’s willing to do what he’s been asked. He trusts him implicitly – we all do.
They disappear into the kitchen and I hear them leave through the back door just before Josh starts smashing his fist against the front one.
“Open up, Sophia, we need to talk.” His voice booms.
I’m terrified. As much as I hate that truth, I am. I fear him still, especially when he’s mad.
“Open the fucking door, Sophia!”
“Breathe,” Bryson says softly, appearing at my side. “This isn’t like any time before, because I’m here now. Okay?”
“I know, but –”
Josh continues to try and bash the door in, but Bryson is so cool and relaxed, I’m starting to question his hearing.
“But nothing . Do you think I’d let him hurt you?” He holds my face in his hands and looks intensely into the depths of my eyes.
I shake my head quickly.
“Exactly. I’m going to answer the door now, okay? And when I do, I need you to be strong.”
He’s given me so much, I can give him this. He needs me to be strong so he can put all of his energy into the man who’s certainly come looking for trouble. He needs me to be strong so he doesn’t have to split his focus.
“I can be strong.”
He smiles softly and presses a quick kiss to my lips. “That’s my girl,” he whispers. “Stand just over there for now, okay?”
I do what he says and as soon as I’m standing where he told me to, he turns and flings the door open, and Josh nearly falls into the entryway.
He rights himself, and the shocked expression on his face quickly turns into one of disgust when he realises who he’s looking at.
“You’ve got some fucking nerve, Decker,” Josh growls at Bryson.
Bryson leans against the door frame, the picture of relaxation, but I see what he’s doing, he’s putting his body between Josh and I. If he’s going to get to me, he’s going to have to go through Bryson, and I don’t like the chances of that happening .
“That’s rich coming from the man trying to smash my door down with his knuckles.”
“ Your door down?”
“This is where I live, Tonksy,” he drawls. “My house, my door.” He points at it.
Sweet Jesus.
I guess we’re airing it all out today. All the cards are on the table.
I can see Josh’s face from where I’m tucked away – he hasn’t seen me here, not yet anyway, but I don’t need to see his face to picture the seething rage he’ll have written all over it.
“Where’s the bitch? We need to talk. Privately.”
I take a step forward, but Bryson must sense it, because he stretches his arm out behind the door, where Josh can’t see, and halts me.
“You won’t ever speak to her if you talk about her like that again.”
“We have a kid together, dipshit. We have to talk.”
“Not like that you don’t,” Bryson responds, his tone taking no prisoners. “If you want to talk to her, you can be fucking nice about it.”
“Sophia!” Josh yells, trying to bypass Bryson and his boundaries.
Bryson holds his palm up to me again, trying to make sure I stay where I am.
I know he just wants to protect me, but Josh is right, we have a kid together, we’re going to have to talk and be in one another’s lives, as much as it might pain me, I can’t just hide behind the door every time he comes over.
I’m going to have to face him some time, I may as well get it over and done with.
I move forward until I can touch Bryson’s outstretched hand, and take it in mine. I give it what I hope is a reassuring squeeze to let him know that it’s okay, that I’m okay before stepping into the space next to him, and into Josh’s line of sight.
Josh is all red faced and angry looking, his fists are at his sides and he’s squeezing them so hard I bet he’s got those little half-moon shapes indented in his palms from his fingernails.
He looks at me with disgust, his gaze traveling from my face, down to mine and Bryson’s joined hands.
“I fucking knew it, you know. I always knew there was something going on. You try to act like some innocent little bitch, but I was right about you and him. You deserved what you got, you stupid slut.”
There’s foam collecting in the corners of his mouth from the extra spit he’s got in his mouth. It’s nasty.
He’s acting crazy. Maybe he is crazy. And I know that he’s wrong, that I never did anything when we were in a relationship. I was loyal, even if he didn’t deserve it, but I still feel like a little girl being scolded. It makes me want to cry .
I guess that’s on trauma.
I don’t even register that anyone has moved until I hear the thud of Josh’s body hitting the wall next to the front door. I look down and Bryson’s hand isn’t in mine anymore. Instead, he has Josh by the neck of his hoody, and he’s managed to get him off his feet so he’s virtually dangling there.
“You’re lucky I don’t snap your neck, you worthless piece of shit.”
I cover my gasp with my hands, as I watch on in horror.
Josh tries to laugh in his face, but I don’t think he’s getting enough air to really pull it off.
I’d have thought that Josh would be a fairly heavy guy, but Bryson doesn’t seem to be having any problems holding him up there. He thrusts him back against the wall again, the sound not so loud this time.
“I’m going to tell you how the fuck this is going to go. Her and I… we’re together now, and nothing about that is ever going to change. So you’ve got two choices, Tonksy, you can either pull your head out of your ass and get over it, or you can make life hard and keep being a cunt.”
Josh tries to speak but Bryson cuts him off.
“Just so we’re clear, I don’t give a fuck what you choose, you slimy fuck, but I’ll warn you now; you’re not going to win anything either way. She’s mine, I’m hers, and nothing that you say or do is going to make a difference to me loving her , do you understand me?”
Bryson lets go of him and shoves him backwards. He stumbles to regain his balance, before rolling his shoulders out.
“And you call her a slut again and you’ll have teeth to put under your pillow for the tooth fairy.”
I see a smug, sneering grin on Josh’s face before he steps back out of my view, and I assume, heads back down the path to our front gate.
“You know what, Bryson, I think being a cunt just suits me better,” I hear him call out.
“Can’t argue with that,” Bryson mutters before stepping back and slamming the door closed.
I hear Josh yell something at the house that I can’t make out, and I’m in Bryson’s arms before I hear the roar of the engine of that stupid fucking car Josh has been getting around in.
He kisses the top of my hair over and over and gently strokes my back.
“I think that went pretty well.”
“Pretty well? Are you serious?”
Bryson shrugs. “No one threw any punches.”
“I don’t think that needs to be the yardstick we measure good or bad with.”
He kisses my forehead. “I think in this situation, it deserves at least a mention.”
I melt into him, and blink back the tears pooling in my eyes .
“And Aria wasn’t here to see any of it either, so that’s another win.”
Thank god for that. As much as I fear her father, I never want to put her in a situation where she needs to. If he’s not safe for her to be around, then I will make sure she’s not – I’ll do everything in my power to ensure that she doesn’t find out why, first hand.
He continues to rubs my back in soothing, rhythmic circles and holds me tight against him. I’m so grateful for this man. None of this bullshit drama is his, but he takes every last bit of it on the chin and somehow manages to stay calm while doing it. The only time he even so much as raises his voice is when Josh says something horrible to or about me.
He’s got the patience of a saint. Sure, he grabbed Josh, but he didn’t hit him, and I doubt the other men in my life would have been able to show the same restraint.
“I’m not letting you take Aria when you’re like this.”
“You can’t stop me from seeing my kid.”
“Actually I can, Joshua, I have custody of her and the power to decide what’s best for her. I’m going to file for supervised visits for you. I don’t trust you with her alone anymore, not when you’re like this.”
He’s looking at me with so much hatred. If he thought he could get away with it, I’m certain he’d drop kick me across the room, or strangle me to death before shoving my lifeless head through the wall.
“You’re awfully fucking brave for a bitch whose guard dog isn’t around.”
I gape at him. I should be used to it by now – the way he speaks to me, but it still never fails to shock me. I guess that’s a good thing, I’d hate to become desensitised to such vile things.
My uncle clears this throat from his spot on the couch. Josh’s eyes dart over to him and then widen in surprise.
Bryson had to go and do a few hours of work on a job site, and with Josh’s erratic behaviour, the only way I could get him to agree to leave was if my dad came and hung out over here with me and Aria. When he couldn’t make it, my uncle Cole volunteered.
I love Bryson, I really do, but I think we both needed a break and a few hours to breathe. It worries me constantly that this is all going to get too much for him, and then he’ll leave. He deserves so much more than a few hours of freedom.
“Mr. Davids,” Josh stutters.
“Joshua,” Uncle Cole replies lazily.
“It’s been a while, good to see you, sir .
“Shame I can’t say the same in return.”
Josh doesn’t like that, I can tell. Uncle Cole is one of the few men that Josh actually respects in life, and more than that, I think he has a healthy fear of him too. It’s stupid on his behalf, high school ball was a long time ago, and it’s not as though Josh is ever going to make it onto another team again, so super star Cole David’s opinion of him shouldn’t matter, but it clearly does matter. Judging by the look on his face, it matters a whole lot.
“You can’t keep showing up here whenever you feel like it. You keep doing this and I’ll call the police,” Cole says from the couch without even bothering to turn his head.
I love him for this.
Maybe this will finally be enough to get him to stop.
It’s not even Josh’s day to take Aria, but he’s been doing this constantly, it’s his latest way to try and break me – he’s been showing up here nearly every day since he found out about Bryson and me. Turning up at our door under the pretence of taking Aria for a few hours. The first two times he came, she was sleeping, the next she wasn’t here, and yesterday we were just about to walk out the door to take her to a doctor check-up. Every time he’s showed up uninvited and unwelcome, and every time Bryson has been home.
Every time that Josh leaves without getting what he wants, he’s becoming more and more disgruntled. Which brings us to today, where he’s practically shaking with rage.
Maybe Bryson is right, and it is time for me to reinstate that restraining order. Clearly Josh isn’t coping, and he’s trying to use our daughter to get to me. I don’t believe any of this is about seeing Aria.
There’s no way I’m letting my precious little girl go anywhere with him while he’s in this state, and if anything, he’s getting worse, not better as the days go by.
“Fuck all of you,” Josh mutters under his breath, loud enough that I hear, but not loud enough for his voice to carry over to Cole. “This is the day, Sophia, that one day you’ll beg to go back to and do things differently.” He threatens me in hushed tones before stalking away, across the porch, down the stairs and out of our yard.
God, I’m tired. I’m just so dog tired of all this bullshit. I knew that having a kid so young, with someone like Josh was never going to be easy, but I couldn’t have imagined it would be this hard.
I didn’t think for a second that it would be this much work, and that’s without even taking the actual parenting into consideration.
It's not until after he’s gone that I realise what he said about Bryson not being home.
I don’t know how he knew that. Bryson took his bike today. His truck is parked in the drive, same as it always is when he’s home, but Josh knew he wasn’t here .
I doubt he just happened to see him biking off to work half an hour ago. This town might be small, but it’s not that small.
The fact that he might be watching us sends tingles racing up and down my spine and makes me feel like I might hurl.
I feel suffocated.
I can’t keep being babysat. Bryson can’t keep working from home every day and skipping trainings when he can’t get me a minder. That’s not how life works. He’s making me into a burden and I can’t keep letting him do it.
“You alright, sweetheart?” Uncle Cole asks, his attention on me now.
“I’m fine,” I reply, my automatic response.
His expression makes it clear he doesn’t agree.
I walk around the back of the couch, him watching me the whole way until I sit down next to him. I feel so tired, tired of Josh, of the drama, just of life in general.
“Actually, no, I don’t think I am okay.”
He gives me a knowing look. I guess years of living with Berlin have made him more perceptive than I gave him credit for.
He puts his arm around me and my head finds his shoulder.
“I must have been a horrible bitch in another life. This crap has to be punishment for something.”
He chuckles. “I can’t imagine you being a bitch in any universe or life, Sophia. Sometimes bad things just happen to good people.”
“I’m tired of it all, and he’s never going to stop. He’s just going to keep showing up, keep threatening me, keep making me unsafe. And then on top of that, he’s Aria’s father, what happens when I don’t have all the power anymore? What happens when some judge somewhere decides that he’s got the right to see her, or keep her for a weekend, or gives him fifty-fifty custody?”
I’m borderline hysterical, but surprisingly, I’m not crying this time. I almost feel totally disconnected from my body – from my brain. It’s all foggy up there.
I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep flinching every time a car drives up the street. I can’t keep hiding out when Aria wants to go to the park. She hasn’t been to her music class, or her swimming lessons, or anywhere this week.
It’s no way to live.
Unlike everyone else in my life, Cole doesn’t try to argue with me, or tell me it’s never going to happen, he just sits there with me, in a silent show of support.
“I probably know a guy I could get to take him out.”
I sniff out a laugh. I know he’s likely only half joking, Uncle Cole has lived a few lives, but I don’t think he’d really do that .
“Do we have to tell Bryson that he turned up again?”
I already know the answer to that question. It’s not even a question, really, it’s more a statement of impending dread.
The amount of drama and problems I have brought into that man’s life is inconceivable. He lived a simple existence before I came back into his life with a bang. He doesn’t deserve this.
Uncle Cole’s Spidey senses are seriously on point today, because he kisses the top of my head and surprises me with how in tune he is with my thoughts.
“That boy loves you. Honestly, I thought he might have been trouble, all grumpy and quiet and shit, but he’s a good man, and he loves you and Aria so much.”
“I know he does. That’s why I feel so guilty. He gives so much of himself to me and Aria, and all he gets in return is drama and Josh threatening to kill him.”
“He’s a big boy, he can handle a few death threats. Happens to the best of us.”
I’ll have to come back to that, I’d love to know who threatened my uncle’s life – I can’t imagine it went well for them.
“And what happens when he’s sick of it?”
“He’s not going to leave you because being with you requires work. ”
That makes my lip quiver. That’s my biggest fear. That I’ll become more work than I’m worth.
Uncle Cole rubs my shoulder. “One thing I know for sure about him is that he’s not afraid of a little hard work.”