Chapter 80 Hawk
Hawk
Ifound solace in the tower. From here, I could see every part of the island, from the thick forest surrounding the manor down to the length of beach currently being swallowed by the raging ocean.
It was almost tempting to let my wings out and take to the skies, feel that raging wind between my feathers. It’d been too long since I’d properly let them out.
Shoving my hands into my pockets, I wandered around the length of the tower. The spiral staircase in the centre was rickety, and the floorboards creaked with every step. The shell of the room held promise, with the walls already panelled and shelves lying in a corner.
I saw the vision.
It was going to be a library of sorts for Ivy.
I shouldn’t remember that detail about her, the love of books and writing, but somehow, I did.
It was a fleeting kind of thing, the type of memory that appeared without a second thought or much prodding.
Something you just knew about a person without even realising it.
My hands itched to do something more than just stalk the dark tower because I didn’t quite feel welcome downstairs. It wasn’t like they were openly hostile around me, but they definitely didn’t like me.
Even without my memories, I understood why. I didn’t need it to be spelled out that I’d been a total jackass.
And hiding yourself away won’t help you gain their trust or respect, either.
Releasing a breath, I made it to the iron stairs and started down them, the railing shifting beneath my hands. Not a fucking chance my mate would be coming up here until it was stable, either.
I shook my head, leaving the tower room.
It, too, looked like it was going to be set up for something.
The floor was finished, and it looked like Black had put some effort into finishing it.
But the window that looked over the meadow and forest was completely covered and based on the cool air coming into the room, broken.
The manor wasn’t silent, but it wasn’t lively, either. There was a perpetual blanket of quiet that seemed to mute the noise of the place, especially when you expected it to echo.
Like most afternoons, the team were split between different areas of the house; Archer and Kingsley, along with the demon king, were in their office hunting down the runes they would need to free Ivy from her collar, finally studying the images sent in from the Underworld.
Grey was likely with Beckham, planning their defence should Dante find the island.
And my mate was probably with the others, being cared for.
I could go and help Grey and Beckham. Just because I didn’t have my most recent memories didn’t mean I couldn’t offer them help. I’d been with Phoenix longer than Beckham, had more experience. There were things I could help them with, like a plan of attack should we be found.
Yet, I passed them, keeping my head down and entered the kitchen. I could hear her in the greenhouse, laughing at something one of the other males said.
If I were honest with myself, I didn’t care all that much about being accepted by her other mates. I knew I needed it, but my main priority—as it always should have been—was her.
From the kitchen, I stepped into the large butler’s pantry, finding the greenhouse door open.
Within, Ivy was checking the plants, picking curiously at the different fruits and herbs growing within.
There was a bit of everything, from berries to root vegetables, and the baskets held by Thor and Xerxes were a mixture of all her finds.
To my surprise, the Luna prince wasn’t here. Since waking, he’d been like the bear shifter—constantly following her around, her shadowy protector. But his missing presence also shouldn’t surprise me.
“Hawk.” Ivy looked up from a bush, eyes wide. “Is something wrong?”
Her dark eyes on me had my heart racing, magic roaring awake in my veins. The stolen power was gone, disappeared days ago. I couldn’t feed off pain anymore, couldn’t heal, and I couldn’t read thoughts. If I did, it would be easier to understand the thoughts running through her head.
I cleared my throat, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans. “Nothing,” I replied carefully. “I was just…” She cocked her head, but I wasn’t sure what to say. “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting.”
“You aren’t,” she said before I could turn away. “I’m just picking what’s ready. This garden is…insanely fast.”
“That’s witch magic for you,” I murmured, glancing down at the ripe berries. “Found anything interesting?”
Ivy shrugged as she took her handful of berries to the basket held by the bear shifter.
“I mean, I’m not the best at identifying plants.
Or vegetables. There are some I don’t know the name of.
But there’s another garden on the island, and apparently it has mushrooms.” A flush darkened her cheeks as she pressed her lips together.
“Sorry, you probably don’t care about the random produce I find. ”
I quickly shook my head. “That’s not—”
“Fated, would you like these in the kitchen?” Xerxes asked, eyeing me warily before holding up his overfilled basket of potatoes.
“Oh,” she muttered. “Pour them into the sink.”
Thor touched her hand lightly, brows furrowed. “Because they need to be washed off,” she replied to his silent question. “Then peeled, boiled, and mashed. God, I miss mashed potatoes.” Her hands went to her stomach almost absentmindedly, sadness filling her eyes.
For a moment, I thought she might add something else, but she quietly shook her head and picked up a basket sitting beside the males.
“Let me take that,” I said, stepping forward.
Ivy just shook her head. “It’s not heavy.” Heaving it, I could tell that it was. It looked like she’d filled it with fruits. “I’m still capable of doing things.”
Taking another step towards her, I rested a hand on the woven handle of the basket. “I’ve got it.”
She blinked hard, meeting my stare. For a moment, she searched my eyes, like she was looking for some sort of confirmation. Some sort of assurance.
She was checking to see which version of me she was getting.
Quietly, she handed the basket over, chewing her bottom lip as she did. The others watched silently, neither stepping in. Out of all her mates, they were likely the most…welcoming of me. Understood me a bit better. Though escaping captivity together likely had that effect.
Without another word, we entered the kitchen, closing the greenhouse door behind us. Every second step, Ivy glanced back at me, like she was still trying to get a read on me.
Xerxes emptied his basket of root vegetables into the kitchen sink, while Thor set his on the table. For a moment, he eyed me. Despite how quiet he was, the male was observant. Though I guessed he had to be while in his cage.
And as if understanding something I didn’t, he moved to the sink, touched Xerxes’s hand lightly, and must have said something to him, because they both turned to Ivy.
“We’re stepping out for a moment, fated,” Xerxes murmured, taking her hand. “We’ll be back.”
I wasn’t sure if he was doing this for my benefit, or hers, because the confusion in her eyes shifted to understanding quickly. But they were gone before either of us could respond.
Leaving us alone.
Clearing my throat, I set my basket down and joined her by the sink, rolling up my sleeves as I did. “You want these washed?” I asked, barely looking at her.
“Hawk…” she sighed, running a hand down her face. “I know what they’re doing, but—”
“You don’t want to talk to me.” Disappointment flared in my chest, stomach tightening with an insecurity I’d never felt before. “I get it.”
“No.” She moved so she was in my line of sight, but I kept my eyes on the potatoes, turning the water on and watching the sink fill with muddy water.
“Ivy,” I murmured, “I know I fucked up somewhere. Said something I shouldn’t have.
I don’t remember, but that’s not an excuse.
And I won’t disrespect you by using it as one.
” From the corner of my eye, I watched her press her lips together, but she didn’t respond.
“I can’t remember if what I said had any ounce of truth.
Can’t tell you that I lied, because I don’t know.
What I do know is from what I do remember of my past, I would never, ever disrespect my mate like that. Would never push my mate away.”
Something dark flickered in her eyes, hand trembling as she ran it through her hair. “Then it’s me, isn’t it?” she asked firmly. “The problem isn’t with mates, but with me. You didn’t want me specifically as your mate.”
My stomach sank, heart twisting painfully. “No, that’s not—”
“That’s what you said, Hawk,” she whispered, eyes filling with tears. I turned to her, taking in the closed off stance, the wrong understanding in her eyes. She should be looking at me like she hated me, but she wasn’t. Just hearing those words made me physically ill.
“I offered to break the bond, you know,” she whispered. “And then you kissed me. You told me it wasn’t what you wanted. But then you said you couldn’t do it, and…”
Horror filled me. “That isn’t what I want. Especially not now.”
To that, she rolled her eyes. Eyes that filled with tears. “What if you change your mind again? What if your memories come back? Hawk, I don’t…you can’t really make any informed decisions about what you want without all the facts, and the fact is: you didn’t want me.”
“That’s not how I feel, and I don’t—I don’t think that’s how I felt then, either.” I shook my head, feeling that tickle of a memory again. “Please, believe me when I say that.”
Slowly, she shook her head. “I don’t know if I can.
” Ivy took a step back from me, like being near me physically pained her.
Maybe it did. “I can’t afford to play guessing games with you anymore.
It’s literally life or death for me now.
And I won’t force you into accepting a mate bond you haven’t wanted since the very beginning. ”
If she didn’t want to believe me, then I would have to show her, prove to her that she was wrong—that I had been, too.
“I’ll fight for you, if that’s what you need from me, Ivy. I’ll show you I’m not just fucking around with you.”
“Why?” She shrugged, throwing her hands in the air. “Is it just because you actually feel the pull of the mate bond? What’s changed? Why now and not before? I don’t get it. I don’t understand—”
“You are the only thing my heart remembered when my mind didn’t.
The only thing that stayed with me, even when they tried to erase you,” I said, cutting her off and moving towards her.
“There is no way the old me wasn’t already deeply in love with you, ready to accept the mate bond.
The Hawk that said those words to you had to be lying, because otherwise, how else do you explain you being the only thing to stay with me? ”
She blinked hard, staring up at me with those wide, beautiful eyes. Dark like the ancient wood making up this house. The foundations of every part of my life.
“You want specifics?” I asked, backing her into the counter. “I remember your smile. I remember the way the light changed your eyes. I remember you with your sisters, caring for them. I remembered how soft and gentle you were, but how fiercely protective you were.”
Ivy audibly swallowed, eyes softening. Her lips parted as if she wanted to say something, but no words fell from those plush lips.
My mind might not have remembered the kiss she spoke of, but my body did.
It remembered the way she felt pressed against it, like she was permanently imprinted against my flesh.
I wondered how it would feel again to have her intimately. Not just a kiss, stolen and clearly regretted by her. But to have her in the way we both wanted—needed.
“I remember how deeply you love people,” I murmured quietly. “And maybe I was jealous because I knew for some reason you might never love me like that.”