Chapter sixteen
Iwoke up with a start, the sensation of droplets trickling onto my face.
I sat up, only to be met with biting cold because the fire had diminished.
Shivers ran through me as the relentless rain drummed through the dark woods.
How long had I been out here in this storm?
I couldn’t see anything but the embers of the fire that were fading by the second.
I hadn’t realized how cold the nights were when I had Nirelle and Maeri with me.
It might have been genuine or a survival strategy, but they had found a place to lay other than our usual sleeping arrangements.
Maeri had paired with Beshien—I could still hear their giggling in my mind—and Nirelle joined Justir. He was twice the size of Nirelle, but something about him seemed calm, genuine, and less threatening than Aris. Although I was worried about Maeri and Nirelle, I was thankful that they would have more warmth tonight than the last few weeks. I wasn’t so sure about their safety. Unlike them, something in my blood told me not to trust these men.
At first, Maeri and Nirelle had seen to me having a fire nearby before they went on with their evening, which I was not going to be a part of no matter how much begging Maeri performed.
They gave up only after I refused them ten times.
With the little sight the dwindling cinders gave me, I walked over to the trees that surrounded me, hoping to find coverage from their low-hanging branches and leaves.
The rain had completely soaked through my linen dress, leaving my body shaking uncontrollably and my teeth rattling in my mouth.
A crashing thunder echoed in the woods.
I felt the earth shake.
Pressing my hand on tree trunks to stabilize my steps, I found one that seemed large enough to have branches and leaves to cover most of the rain.
I slid down to the bottom of the trunk and brought my legs to my chest.
How was I going to sleep through the night with this icy rain and wind? I closed my eyes and focused on my breath.
For a moment, I wondered if I should go find Maeri and Nirelle.
Maybe they had some coverage they’d be able to offer me.
That moment fled as quickly as it came to mind.
I realized then, I felt safer alone, and I knew this would be a short storm. This was just the peak.
But no matter how much I told my body that I was fine, it continued to shake violently against the bark of the tree.
The storm had picked up, raging through the woods.
I could hear the wind howling whispers of death.
My teeth chattered like never before. I rubbed my arms and legs aggressively to bring back the warmth to the surface of my skin. At this point, I felt my bones were just as cold as my exterior.
Streaking blasts of lightning passed through the woods, and I could make out the wall of rain pouring through.
I wasn’t going to make it through the night in these conditions.
My body at this point was less than ideal to handle anything other than sunny with a gentle breeze.
I felt my body freeze and empty, and my mind wondered where in the ground my brother was.
I wondered if he felt just as alone and cold buried in a place where there was no love, no warmth.
Was he alone and cold? Yes, he was in a place where there was no laughter to be heard, no arms that I could hold.
There would never be a day where I’d see him grow old, and somehow they told me it’d all be okay. But now, would I be meeting him soon in the afterlife?
No, but he couldn’t be gone.
He was coming back for me.
I knew he was, even after ten years.
He’d find me and take me home.
The rain splattering on my face masked the tears that rolled down.
I didn’t know how much time passed, but I thought it seemed strange I couldn’t think straight anymore.
At some point, I fell from my seated position and was soaking up the earth’s puddles.
I couldn’t hold the weight of my body.
I propped myself up against the tree, but it would just shake itself back to the ground.
Boots appeared before me, and hands slid under my body.
“Come here,”
I heard a voice say.
“I had noticed the clouds before.
It’s a good thing I got some hides in time.”
Who was this?
Everything seemed disoriented, and the rain pounded around us.
The man grabbed ahold of my body and lifted it from the earth.
He was taking me.
Oh my Erus.
It was Kallen.
The last time I was by myself in the woods, he had found me.
Here he was again.
No.
Danger, my mind pressed.
A flash of lightning illuminated Kallen’s face.
Only it wasn’t Kallen.
It was Aris.
“N-n-n-n-no,”
I tried to object, but my rattling teeth made it difficult.
What was I saying? I was literally going to die here.
“Yes, you will, or else you’ll die.”
He read my thoughts and carried me through the woods.
I lifted my eyes, but he was blurry to me.
The earth shook again, causing Aris to increase his pace.
After some time, we entered a small opening into a space that was large enough for a few Arises to fit.
The rain stopped pouring on my skin and head.
There were animal hides pitched over some branches on the ground that covered us from the storm and wind.
He laid me on the hides that protected me against the cold earth. There was only the sound of rain against the makeshift tent and the wind howling. I closed my eyes, curled myself in a fetal position, and focused on breathing the shivers out of my body.
I heard Aris pulling more hides over the opening and bringing a thin linen quilt over my body.
“Take your dress off.”
Did I hear that correctly? There was no way.
Even if I were to freeze to death.
“N-n-no.
I-I’m f-f-f-fine.”
“It’s soaked from the puddle you were lying in.
You’ll catch a fever and die.”
Why was he so pessimistic?
Even though I hardly had control over it, my body tensed.
“I c-c-c-can’t.”
“If you can’t, then I will.”
My world stopped turning.
“N-n-no! I c-can.
I w-w-w-will.”
With the linen over my body, I could manage to change out of this soaking dress.
Unfortunately, he was right.
I could become extremely ill from the cold seeping through my bones.
I hesitated for a moment before my trembling, wrinkled fingers worked on removing my sleeves from my shoulders and scooted the dress below my frozen chest and hips, ensuring the quilt remained covering my bare body.
I was able to get the dress completely off my shivering body and placed it to the side.
Aris crawled over to me and tucked the sides of the fine quilt beneath me.
My mind went blank from the gentleness he was providing.
He placed another large sheepskin above me and lay down under it near me.
I couldn’t think of anything else besides the cold.
I’d never lain with a man in my life like this, but the thought barely stuck in my mind as my brain refocused on surviving.
After some time, Aris spoke.
“I won’t be able to sleep with all your chattering over there.”
“I-I-I-c-can-can’t-s-st-st-stop,”
I managed to get out.
Aris brought his hand around the quilt over my waist and pulled me to his body.
It was rock-solid but warm.
Too warm.
Even though that was exactly what I needed.
My stomach fluttered from being so close to him. “N-n-no.”
I fought to get away.
This could easily end up being my worst nightmare.
“I won’t touch you.
Trust me, I don’t want to.”
He pulled me even closer, not allowing me any room to wriggle out.
His warmth seeped through the quilt that covered me.
My racing heart and trembling body stabilized for a moment.
I hated how my body responded so well to him.
Damn you, I said to myself.
“W-why are y-you h-helping me?”
“If I recall correctly, you helped me when I once needed it, didn’t you?”
The night he got injured.
I had a choice, and almost regretted it, but for some reason I didn’t.
A few moments went by, and Aris continued.
“I knew someone—a friend—who was important to me, but he was a prisoner of war.
I did everything I could to help him, but in the end, I was too late.”
“In S-Stroka?”
“Yes…he was one of the reasons I wanted to offer my newfound country something different.”
His voice was soothing and melted my ear and my neck.
I didn’t want to admit it, but his arms around me felt nice and warm.
I could feel my muscles slowly relaxing and fading deeper into his body.
My breathing slowed, and my jaw eventually softened after several heartbeats.
His face was near my wet hair and ear, warming my cheeks and neck. It was dangerous. To be this close to him, especially after all that I had witnessed him do. I focused on my breath once more and tried not to think about his body pressed against mine.
I didn’t like it.
I didn’t like how I felt.
I didn’t like how much it made me feel safe.
And for a moment I forgot he was the emperor and I his captive—or prisoner.
Whatever I was.
This is purely about survival, I told myself.
I wondered if he felt the same way.
“Your heart is beating fast,”
Aris whispered in my ear.
His arm tightened around my waist.
“It t-tends to do that,”
I whispered back.
It was so quiet now.
Was it still raining? I couldn’t even hear anything besides the pounding beat of my heart.
My shivering slowed down as the warmth of his breath trickled above my skin.
“What are you afraid of?”
My eyes fluttered open.
I stared at the hides in front of me and didn’t answer.
Oddly, I wasn’t afraid in this moment.
I wasn’t thinking clearly, obviously.
Maybe the extreme cold was damaging my brain cells.
“Have you never lain with a man before?”
Heat flushed my body.
I swallowed.
Oh, he was good.
How could he notice that? I attempted to hide my astonishment.
It was becoming frustrating what an open book I was and how he could see through me.
Or he was exceptionally observant. Either way, this made me want to crawl away from his warmth and hide underneath the skins.
“Ah, it all makes sense.”
He chuckled when I didn’t answer, and his body vibrated against my back.
“I have to say I’m surprised I didn’t see it until now, quiet one.
You’re an innocent.
Don’t worry, your secret’s safe.
You’re protected with me.”
My teeth clenched shut.
The feverish warmth I was able to produce from my own embarrassment slammed and suffocated every shiver.
“I’ve managed.”
I twisted a bit further from him.
Aris pulled me closer. “Barely.”