Chapter eighteen
The wind flew through the strands of hair that parted from my linen-wrapped head.
The wind spoke louder this morning, and my ears perked to listen for any hidden messages.
I still wasn’t used to the amount of greenery and color that filled these foreign lands.
After being here for a few months, I thought my eyes would grow bored of the winter-blue or the pink and yellow flowers that now poured from the path I took every morning.
Or that I wouldn’t care about the long, green grass that flooded the weaving planes with the forest surrounding the valley.
It was so bright here.
I thought the smell of the fresh crisp air would eventually disappear, but it was as clear as the first day I stepped foot in this land. It felt clean, fresh, unlike the village I lived in. There was a sense of regrowth—a newness here, that I hadn’t experienced before.
I never thought the village I lived in was dirty or gloomy, but I hadn’t ever traveled outside of it.
It was all I had ever known.
And this land—Siniya was not what I expected.
I walked along the narrow dirt path, my sandals crushing the soft pebbles, following a few servants that led the way towards one of the palace’s many vast and luscious gardens.
My fingers brushed the tops of the long grass that crowded its way towards the center of the path.
My other hand carried a woven basket ready for its fill with fresh herbs and vegetables that we would be picking this morning.
The weather was perfect today.
It was getting more and more perfect with each day we got closer to summer.
I wished I could get used to it—so that I could hate it.
The servants and I crossed a small wooden bridge that went over a sparkling, green stream of water.
The peach-colored flowers welcomed us at the end, reminding me that spring was in full blossom.
It almost took my breath away as my fingers brushed against the creaking rail.
I wanted to hate it, I really did but it was becoming difficult to. The rocks scattered on the bank of the stream were filled with live moss. I wondered how sweet it might feel to lay atop the cool stream, eyes closed, facing the sky and letting all the sounds disappear around me.
Particularly the sounds of the servants speaking about the palace’s court drama.
When I arrived at the palace grounds with Maeri and Nirelle, it was obvious the palace keeper didn’t want me to make a frequent appearance and kept me hidden in the back of the grounds on kitchen duties with the upkeep of the gardens and animals.
Regardless of her intention, I preferred it.
I wouldn’t want to be a chambermaid in the main palace like Nirelle and Maeri were, even if they had more freedom in the afternoon to do as they pleased.
Though I was content, they looked at me with pity.
The thought of running into the emperor made my heart skip a few beats.
I was perfectly happy, whatever that meant these days, with planning my potential nonexistent escape from the back of the palace’s buildings and knowing for the rest of my life I would never see him again.
No matter how hard I tried to focus on more important things during these slow and quiet moments, flashbacks of the morning I had with Aris poured into my mind.
“Snap out of it, girl!”
one of the servants, Yari, shouted ahead of me. “Focus.”
She pointed at the unwanted plants that invaded the large garden boxes.
Massive trees shaded some parts, the gardens filled with large boxes embedded in the ground containing plant species that even I had never heard of.
Herbs that I never tasted until I arrived.
This was one of my favorite gardens because of how alive it felt.
Even the invasive species loved this atmosphere. Ivy spread on the trees, on the wooden boxes and every inch of this place was covered by greenery. I often caught myself frozen, in absolute awe at all of the beauty.
With clenched teeth, I obeyed her ambiguous order and plunged to my knees.
I wanted to snap something smart back, but I kept quiet.
She didn’t deserve my words.
Today was going to be one of those days.
Some days when there weren’t enough hands, I would be able to pick herbs and vegetables from the gardens, which put me in a calm, relaxed state because it was familiar to me.
Most days when there were plenty of hands, like today, I was ordered to clean the gardens.
My hands were sore from the latest strike of the palace keeper’s correction stick.
I tried not to think of the fact that at that time, I was thinking about how it felt to be in the emperor’s arms, and how disgusted I was with myself—repulsed even.
Those thoughts made me work a moment too slow and that moment got me bruised hands.
My fingers pulled the invasive species one by one, dirt filling under my fingernails and spilling over my brown apron.
The feelings from the memory returned.
Still to this day, my stomach had churned from the amount of embarrassment I felt in those moments.
I had managed my entire life to live without shame from that sort of humiliation until then.
Because I would never do what they thought I did.
And worse—it was with the emperor, the merciless man who led armies that pillaged my village.
I would never think to do something like that with anyone, let alone him.
I ripped roots from the ground as the memory replayed over and over in my head.
Maybe if I continued digging through this dirt, I’d reach the other side of the world and be able to escape this dreadful feeling.
Yari walked over to where my knees were plunged into dirt.
“Faster, girl.
These plants don’t pull themselves.”
My fingers tightened on the plant I was about to pull.
“It doesn’t matter if she finishes in time for the Tigress Festival,”
another servant, Rayne, said for me.
“All are invited.”
I was tempted to roll my eyes.
“She is not one of us.
Plus, her people are in Stroka, where they have a special day to celebrate prisoners of war.”
Rayne clipped herbs nearby, though her wary eyes flew in my direction.
The black line that marked the top of her eye almost reached her temple.
It was fascinating to look at, but I focused my attention back on the plants before me.
Before I arrived here, I had never heard or seen anything like it. They created it from near-black minerals, crushed into a paste, and placed it on their eyelids.
Yari laughed in agreement and faced me.
“You’re really in the wrong place, girl.
They have a special day just for people like you in Stroka.
How thoughtful.”
She took a pause as she placed her hands on her hips and continued.
“Though, you wouldn’t enjoy being in those cages.
Unless you got purchased by a handsome lord, the majority of you would be auctioned off for work in the fields.
It’s called the Day of the Hand.”
I swallowed.
I took a deep breath but tried hard to make it not too noticeable.
I didn’t want them thinking they affected me with their words.
“You would have most likely been snatched up quickly for your pretty little face by a sadistic person who liked to play with the she-devil, because no one, and I mean no one, would ever want anything to do with someone like you.”
My fingers froze.
It went quiet.
Even the birds singing in the air stopped.
The wind flowing through the gardens stilled.
I forced my fingers to move.
To work through this.
I ignored their remarks that were meant to hurt me.
I focused on yanking the roots from the dirt. I was used to Yari and Rayne’s empty words and hateful glances.
Most days, they ignored me as much as I ignored them, but today wasn’t like other days.
Today was the Tigress Festival, a celebration of honor for the middle and lower class, which included the servants in the palace.
It was a celebration of all humans and animals alike.
We had been preparing the last two weeks for this day. I worked longer hours in the garden and in the kitchen helping the cooks with their preparations.
It was ironic the festival was to celebrat.
“all humans and animals alike”
yet I remained unwelcomed by them.
Yari and Rayne were the kind of people Justir had warned about.
“Beats me why she’s here.
Probably because she’s secretly sleeping with Emperor Aris.”
How Rayne didn’t address me directly was comical, but it was probably because they thought me mute.
I chose to ignore the fact that she and almost everyone at this palace had suspected me as Aris’ mistress since the moment Camilla and those warriors saw me step out of his tent that morning.
That rumor spread like wildfire following that day even though I hadn’t encountered him since then.
It was more of a jest rumor than what people actually believed, but it was still frustrating, nevertheless.
“Emperor Aris would never stoop so low, Rayne,”
Yari muttered in a skeptical tone.
Regardless of what Rayne said, I knew I could go to the Tigress Festival, if I cared to, as it was for everyone.
The only difference between me and servants like Rayne and Yari was that I was treated differently because I was working for freedom instead of money.
It was hard to see a future for myself without freedom.
Despite the papers I did not possess, I had been learning the lay of the land the last few months, searching for opportunities, like a possible escape route.
I didn’t know where I was in the world or how far I was from home, but I always kept an eye out for something that would bring me to my freedom faster.
Even though I contemplated my escape and freedom, my friends were becoming quite comfortable here—maybe too comfortable.
Maeri and Nirelle came to my quarters the other evening and begged me to join them today.
I told them I would, but I lied.
I had no intention of going to the festival.
Even if the festival was for all, I was the lowest kind of human.
Rayne was right.
I did not belong here, and I never would.
Since there weren’t many of us, it didn’t feel like a safe option to go especially during the little free time I did have.
The winds picked up and howled at us in the late morning.
I cleaned the gardens in silence as the sun behind the clouds moved above me, signaling that we had been out here for hours.
My hands became raw from the constant tugging and pulling of the weeds.
After noon had passed and the rest of the women left for the festival, I continued working through the gardens until the sun lowered and became soft.
It was peaceful without their chaotic energy.
I was able to breathe fully and deeply.
I felt a pull in my eyes, and I looked up.
Over the rolling hillside, I saw a figure walking towards me.
Directly to me.
Who was he? I squinted.
He was wearing a white tunic and white linen pants.
He was practically glowing in the sunlight as he glided down the hillside.
Then I saw his face—
My breath caught in my throat.
My world stopped spinning.
It stopped and started and then stopped again.
It was my brother.
He came back for me.
He found me.
I blinked.
And he was gone.
Gone.
My eyes stung, and my chin trembled.
I begged and searched my mind to play tricks with me once more.
Just once more, I begged my mind.
Please let me see him again.
Where is he? Where is he?
My eyes searched the edge of the woods.
Through the tall grass.
Searched the skies.
I swallowed the pressure that rose in my throat.
I was tired.
That was all it was.
I was so tired.